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cosmicg
ForeverLost



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Nah man stay cool Thanatos.
We all live in our own private hells.
Pretty sure 1 in 5 people have Aperger's Syndrome so there is no shame in that.
And just because you have a condition doesn't give you the right to treat people like shit jokeshopbeard. I am bipolar. Does that mean it's okay for me to act like the crazy manic human being that I can be?
No.
No it does not.
But if a diagnosis helps you sleep at night then good for you 
Sorry about your wife, I am glad she is getting the help that she needs.
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Jokeshopbeard
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Re: Is there a Soul? [Re: cosmicg]
#22180081 - 09/02/15 08:25 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
cosmicg said: And just because you have a condition doesn't give you the right to treat people like shit jokeshopbeard. I am bipolar. Does that mean it's okay for me to act like the crazy manic human being that I can be?
You got it all wrong brother. I wouldn't so much as harm a fly these days. The central tenet of my existence is to strive towards being as kind and compassionate towards every human as I can. I am in no way condoning shit behavior - you've seen me pointing out the OP's and I am very hard on myself about my own.
However, you don't know what it was like growing up as me. The things I did because of my extreme lack of empathy. The people I hurt. I didn't know I was doing it until after the event. I had to learn painfully from each one. That still happens now sometimes, but nowhere near to the same degree it did before I was diagnosed. Being diagnosed made sense of my fucked up life before hand. Now I recognize it and can use my skills and weaknesses because I am aware of them. I can be a better human because of this knowledge.
Do you see what I mean now?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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cosmicg
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I do, and I apologize if it seemed like I just jumped your shit for no reason.
I have only been on these boards for two days so I should probably get a chance to get to know posters before making assumptions.
I too hurt a lot of people in the past, though it was not for lack of empathy, it was out of pure selfishness, which is similar to lacking empathy now that I think about it. I knew what I was doing, knew that it was wrong, knew that I would regret it later, but did it anyway. Again and again and again.
This was years ago, and like you, I am really trying to make up for it by helping people and doing the best I can to understand other people's struggles. Maybe by helping other people I can help myself. Nothing else seems to work.
They say you have to help yourself first before you can help other people. I don't know about all that. Anyway I see where you are coming from and feel you 100%.
Nobody is alone, we are all in this together.
Edited by cosmicg (09/02/15 08:41 PM)
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Jokeshopbeard
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Re: Is there a Soul? [Re: cosmicg]
#22180215 - 09/02/15 08:48 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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It's cool man, thank you for saying so. I think that the 'help yourself first before you can help other people' thing rings pretty true based on my experience; the more I work on myself (I started therapy a couple of months back which has been aaaaamazing) and the more I understand all my human foibles, and the more I connect with my spiritual self, the better placed I am to be kinder to other people IME. It's been fucking night and day the past 5-10 years of my life.
All I've ever wanted to do deep down was help people, and the more self work I do the more that becomes something I'm actually capable of doing.
Anyways man, welcome onboard. I think you've found a nice refuge from the shit here.
Peace brother.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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nuentoter
conduit



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my view point as well as i can explain
The body is a vehicle, a biologically grown mechanical device that exists as the best configuration so far discovered by evolution for perceiving, receiving, and interacting with the physical world using the senses.
The mind is the biological computer which manages this data and organizes it. It sorts the different wavelengths of energy and vibration and chemicals and so on taken i by our senses and converts those inputs into a thought/sensation/memory or whatever the pertinent thing is.
The soul(interchangeable term with spirit, life force, consciousness, mana, chi, energetic light body, ego, psyche and on and on according to your religion/culture)in part is the voice that tells your brain to think about this or that. To focus on this or that. The non-physical (at least undetectable by current technology/methods) part of you that chooses to wake up and get out of bed or to lay there all day. This I believe is not so much a singular "thing" that belongs intrinsically to "you" but is more of a hub that energy passes through, in and around your physical body. Likened to the electricity running through a piece of electronics the electricity is not a part of the electronics. This computer is a computer whether it is plugged in and on or not. The electrical current passing through it and concentrating in well designed important areas and array's is what makes all the difference.
I believe our body acts like an antennae or for this energy to flow through so that this body and mind will function, otherwise you are dead. Different things we do with our mind and body (yoga, meditation, psychedelics, altruism, depression, shame, care, and so on) change the configuration of the antennae and therefore change the souls interaction with the mind and body in return. Things like yoga, meditation, love, and care can seemingly increase or at least uninhibit the flow of this energy. While inversely things like shame, depresion, toxic food, toxic sustances, overindulgence, can inhibit the flow. The resulting flow rate fluctuations can then lead to a supportive or destructive influence on the body and mind.
I think that sounds at least somewhat laid out easily enough to understand.
--------------------
The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: IS THAT IT!?!?!?!?!
They're your cards! Fuck me sideways, you got it nowhere near as bad as I thought you might have.
I recently got diagnosed with an ASD; Aspergers. Welcome to the fucking club man. I've spent the last 15-20 years offending people and causing all kind of shit in my life and never knowing or understanding why I did it. Seriously. I fucked up in so many ways that are all so explainable now I have a diagnosis. For me it was a FUCKING HUGE relief to find out there was a reason for it all. Suddenly I could look back on my life and realise I wasn't just being a cunt; all of those times I had reason!
You think you got it bad? I had to talk my severely depressed & suicidal wife (who is the love of my life) down from throwing herself off a rooftop a month ago and I've stopped several suicide attempts since. She's an alcoholic and is a shell of the woman I married. Coupled with that she then got so fucked one night afterwards she fucked her friend. Now she's in rehab, I'm all alone and I'm left picking up the fucking pieces of my shattered life.
You think you're alone in this shit? You think you got it so bad? You think I haven't gone through the fucking sheer misery at times that you're going through??!?! It's fucking insulting. Yeah, I wanna fucking make it all go away too at times, but when I do I carry myself to my hiding place and lick my wounds until I'm ready to face the world again. I don't go out being a self fulfilling twat by asking my friends advice only to then throw it back in their faces.
Appreciate what the fuck you have and stop wasting everybody's fucking time. Which is exactly what you're doing. Fuck off and sort yourself out.
There is much more to it than that, but I really don't want to talk about it. Even now everything is just flooding back.
But if you want to try growing up, I could site my mother. First off she was an alcoholic and frequent smoker. GRowing up I never saw the booze around but I was aware of the cigarettes she kept around. I remember having to throw them out all the time, because I did not want to lose my mother to smoking. I guess that was a wake up call because she got clean and joined AA.
I should have been glad, but one thing did not change until recently. Her massive anger problems. GRowing up I learned to fear my mother. Any time I messed up even a little I got the beating of a lifetime. I remember my lip split one time, she told me to tell people I "fell". I feared making mistakes because I knew the end result. I remember begging my teacher to let me retake a test so that I would not go home with a bad grade. Of course that prompted a call from the school and my teacher asking me why. Followed by another beating. SOmetimes she got so mad I was afraid she would kill me, but she would just throw objects in my direction. The fear never went away.
PArents aren't supposed to make their kids live in fear like that right?
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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usulpsychonaut


Registered: 05/12/08
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: I'm not convinced there is such a thing as a soul. Is there any proof of such a thing? How can you be sure it even exists and is not a delusion of the mind?
I think if I was a mind, my mind would work. I would be a happy Christian with a job, wife and children. If there was a phone call to make I would make it. Things that needed to be done would get done. Money would be manged responsibly. If there were people near me I would talk to them. If there was an opportunity I would take it. I would listen to pop music, read news papers and not question anything. My soul is that which messes everything up, it has a set purpose and I can't quite get what that purpose is, so I suffer. The pain, emptiness, disappointment and aimlessness is all on my soul. Soul is the mystery in life.
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Jokeshopbeard
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: PArents aren't supposed to make their kids live in fear like that right?
Not at all. But I know some really amazing and well rounded people who've had all that and worse. I got beat myself a lot.
It's no excuse for you to be carrying on like this.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
Thanatos10 said: PArents aren't supposed to make their kids live in fear like that right?
Not at all. But I know some really amazing and well rounded people who've had all that and worse. I got beat myself a lot.
It's no excuse for you to be carrying on like this.
Like I said, I don't want to get into the rest of it. That's just my mother. There's also my entire schooling experience and several of my family members who have to deal with cancer, and those friends who didn't make it through it.
There is more, so much more.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
Edited by Thanatos10 (09/03/15 08:34 AM)
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
usulpsychonaut said:
Quote:
Thanatos10 said: I'm not convinced there is such a thing as a soul. Is there any proof of such a thing? How can you be sure it even exists and is not a delusion of the mind?
I think if I was a mind, my mind would work. I would be a happy Christian with a job, wife and children. If there was a phone call to make I would make it. Things that needed to be done would get done. Money would be manged responsibly. If there were people near me I would talk to them. If there was an opportunity I would take it. I would listen to pop music, read news papers and not question anything. My soul is that which messes everything up, it has a set purpose and I can't quite get what that purpose is, so I suffer. The pain, emptiness, disappointment and aimlessness is all on my soul. Soul is the mystery in life.
What that mystery is just life itself and not the soul. What do all the things you mentioned above have to do with mind? How can you be sure it has a set purpose if it does exist?
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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Thanatos10
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Re: Is there a Soul? [Re: cosmicg]
#22182144 - 09/03/15 09:07 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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cosmicg said: Well, you seem like a very intelligent person to me, and the fact that you are willing to share that with everyone tells me that you mean well. I thought you were just being ignorant and negative, but you have proven me wrong and I sincerely apologize.
As far as I know I am not Autistic, but I really can relate to a lot of the things you are feeling. You are not alone. It seems as though you have no choice but to wait for the answers you are seeking and find them on your own in your own way. Don't force it and try not to dwell.
Do you have friends or a strong support system in your life that maybe can help you in a more direct way?
It's hard not to dwell on it when every time I try to move away from it it haunts me.
I just place my faith in science because it's something I can understand, that I can see and measure. It makes sense to me. But i find it hard to believe in things that it argues against, like the existence of a soul and other things. I don't know who to trust in these matters, science or other people.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: There is more, so much more.
Oh woe is me. It's really starting to piss me off that you seem to think that you have it so much worse that everyone else. Here's some news for you: YOU DON'T.
We all have to deal with heaps and heaps of shit in our lives. The difference in outlooks between you and everyone else that has posted in your increasingly annoying threads is that everyone else seems to have worked FUCKING HARD to address their shit and suffering, rather than just whining incessantly about it and taking ZERO FUCKING ACTION.
No matter how bad you have it, there's millions that have it worse than you. WAKE UP. Oh, so you're autistic? How about being glad you're high functioning? Ever met someone with autism that has no language development and can't even look after themselves? I have, and it's a situation that is hundreds of times more shit than yours.
Oh so you had a shit childhood? Yeah, so did everyone else I've ever met. There's literally nothing that you can say that's happened to you that justifies your behaviour.
I've said it before and I'll say it again; fuck off and sort yourself out.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Thanatos10
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I have met people like that in the past. It was heartbreaking to see that, and to know I could have ended up just like that.
As for my problems, I have tried pretty much everything listed in the past. I have tried writing things out, reading, exercise, not thinking about it, even trying to change my outlook on things. I have tried all those things in the past and nothing worked. It's hard to address your problems when you can't even indentify the source or reason behind them. Everyone else may have problems but at least they know what is causing them. I don't. I keep repeating the same things without even knowing why I do it. I don't even know how to figure that out.
The ONLY thing that keeps me from going crazy has been insects. My love for the smallest and most fascinating creatures dulls everything else. We have a place called butterfly world where I live, and it has been a Paradise for me. When I'm around insects I forget everything else, even who I am. All there is are the fascinating things before me.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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cosmicg
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Trust science, but know that there are things in the world that do exist that cannot be explained by science.
Why do we really yawn and why is it seemingly contagious? Why is the placebo effect so effective? Why are nine out of ten people born right-handed? How did a hurricane the size of continent occur on the planet Saturn, a planet that has no oceans? How do birds migrate to the same place every year without GPS, compass, or a map? Gravity? Evolution? Stephen Hawking still being alive is saying a big "fuck you" to science. Miracles?
See what I mean?
You like bugs?
Well there is your passion and reason to live right there. Go to school and get a degree in entomology.
Edited by cosmicg (09/03/15 09:57 AM)
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Jokeshopbeard
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: Everyone else may have problems but at least they know what is causing them.
No mate, they don't. Stop thinking you're so different from the rest of us. You're not. Wake up. This is just your foolish mind at work telling you that. The only difference is those that learn to transcend their suffering endured:
To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities - I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not - that one endures. --Friedrich Nietzsche
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Thanatos10
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Re: Is there a Soul? [Re: cosmicg]
#22182298 - 09/03/15 09:58 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
cosmicg said: Trust science, but know that there are things in the world that do exist that cannot be explained by science.
Why do we really yawn and why is it seemingly contagious? Why is the placebo effect so effective? Why are nine out of ten people born right-handed? How did a hurricane the size of continent occur on the planet Saturn, a planet that has no oceans? How do birds migrate to the same place every year without GPS, compass, or a map? Gravity? Evolution? Stephen Hawking still being alive is saying a big "fuck you" to science. Miracles?
See what I mean?
I see your point. But it's just hard for me to see things in more than one way. That rigid thinking is part of autism. Thing is I don't know the difference between being rigid and defending your opinion. It's hard to be scientific and spiritual at the same time, at least for me.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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cosmicg
ForeverLost



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Tyler Durden: Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
-Fight Club
You are into bugs and that is your passion? Awesome. Sounds like you already know your niche and what you like. That feeling you described of losing yourself and completely forgetting your troubles and who you are and whatnot. That is you tapping into your inner self.
Go to school and study Entomology.
We all need a purpose.
Edited by cosmicg (09/03/15 10:04 AM)
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
Thanatos10 said: Everyone else may have problems but at least they know what is causing them.
No mate, they don't. Stop thinking you're so different from the rest of us. You're not. Wake up. This is just your foolish mind at work telling you that. The only difference is those that learn to transcend their suffering endured:
To those human beings who are of any concern to me I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities - I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not - that one endures. --Friedrich Nietzsche
I don't think I'm that different. But it's just APPEARS to me like everyone else has it together and knows the root of their problems. I've been through the agony, the torment, the pain. Despite death being so tempting again and again, for some reason I remain. I have no idea why but I remain. I can honestly say what it feels like to go completely out of your gourd. Yet despite all the mental crisis in the past, for some reason I remain.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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cosmicg
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same here 
It's the human condition man. People may seem like they know what is really going on, like they have it all figured out, but they don't.
Humans have a knack for wanting to stay alive.
That is a survival instinct.
Things appear the way they do because you allow them to.
Edited by cosmicg (09/03/15 10:09 AM)
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Jokeshopbeard
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Re: Is there a Soul? [Re: cosmicg]
#22182366 - 09/03/15 10:19 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Succinctly put cosmicg.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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