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somethingsomeonejr


Registered: 02/01/13
Posts: 84
Loc: Rootless
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10] 1
#22236073 - 09/14/15 11:00 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I feel you man.
People generally say this is somethings you'll grow out off. And you will. Eventually, you will manipulate yourself enough to keep going. You will trick yourself into believing in, well, anything, to keep afloat. Cause that's what humans do. We fool ourselves into thinking that life is something with meaning.
Everything we do here is waiting for time. We're being stubborn while staring down the barrell.
I look at people around me work their asses off for menial shit like crunching numbers for a bank, get loans they'll never pay and live lifes that's reduced to a silent buzz in the great machinery of Civilization.
I say, fuck it man. Fuck people. Fuck their expectations, fuck their definitions.
You wanna be happy? Make your own world. Build your own delusions. When you study people for long enough, you'll notice no one has a fucking clue. Nobody knows what they're doing, except what they're told. Don't chase the same ghost as everyone else.
And to these people who tell you this is a phase, this is age, this is chemical storms in your head; they just caved. They're optimists. They believe in something better around the bend, as humans do. Survival-instinct on overdrive.
Life is war. For most of us, it's inside an office or store, putting each other in debt instead of ripping each others arms off. Pressuring each other into conforming instead of driving a spear through the chest. We're at war; we just made savagery so complex.
"Hope is the normal form of delirium."
-------------------- "We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us."
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cosmicg
ForeverLost



Registered: 08/30/15
Posts: 138
Loc: HERE
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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Thanatos, I have not read any of your latest posts, and though I may have come across as rude or condescending towards you at times,this topic has me thinking. Not about your disconnection from human life, but human life itself.
I am not autistic, as far as I know, but I can empathize with you on the loneliness of life in itself.
I will do some reading and share more with you man.
Nevermind SH ^ covered everything in a much more articulate way then I could in the present mental state that I find myself in.
Nice post man.
Edited by cosmicg (09/14/15 12:00 PM)
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: cosmicg]
#22236452 - 09/14/15 12:40 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Sigh, I just don't think I'll be able to fool myself again. Not when every attempt just feels like living some sort of lie.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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Kurt
Thinker, blinker, writer, typer.

Registered: 11/26/14
Posts: 1,688
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22236465 - 09/14/15 12:44 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Dude you just need to break that narrative. You are hardly so "negative" as you think I'd bet; you just have a hollow place that fills up.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22236562 - 09/14/15 01:07 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: Sigh, I just don't think I'll be able to fool myself again. Not when every attempt just feels like living some sort of lie.
You think you're living in truth and not lying to yourself with every narrative you ramble in your head about the follies of mankind and it's desire for love and affection?
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: cez] 4
#22237974 - 09/14/15 06:28 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I think that the fact that it does not matter and that it is meaningless doesn't make it so. This is all based on just what I can observe as a human which is not much. A meaning that I cannot find might as well be one that does not exist. When I told all of this to my therapist (including most of the stuff in this forum), he just said "so what"?
That got me thinking. So what? So what if human life is like that, its not like it matters. Does that mean I have to live life in dread? He clearly believes that nothing he does matters but still seems quite happy if not content. Thinking about it, I find insects and watching them and studying them to be absolutely amazing. Is there any point or purpose to it? No. I just like it, I lose myself in the process.
I have to acknowledge I don't know enough to make the assumptions I do about humans.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22238239 - 09/14/15 07:27 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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resonant111
left ∞ right

Registered: 03/02/11
Posts: 1,952
Loc: IL
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: cez]
#22239361 - 09/15/15 12:19 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Oh man I totally missed Icelander's comeback! It's not like him to delete any of his posts though, that's kinda suspicious  He usually just speaks his mind no matter what people think.
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nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 2,721
Last seen: 7 years, 21 days
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22241825 - 09/15/15 03:25 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: I think that the fact that it does not matter and that it is meaningless doesn't make it so. This is all based on just what I can observe as a human which is not much. A meaning that I cannot find might as well be one that does not exist. When I told all of this to my therapist (including most of the stuff in this forum), he just said "so what"?
That got me thinking. So what? So what if human life is like that, its not like it matters. Does that mean I have to live life in dread? He clearly believes that nothing he does matters but still seems quite happy if not content. Thinking about it, I find insects and watching them and studying them to be absolutely amazing. Is there any point or purpose to it? No. I just like it, I lose myself in the process.
I have to acknowledge I don't know enough to make the assumptions I do about humans.
Welcome to the fold my friend. Finally your starting to see things how they really are, not great, not crappy, they just are.
--------------------
The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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somethingsomeonejr


Registered: 02/01/13
Posts: 84
Loc: Rootless
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: resonant111]
#22241884 - 09/15/15 03:41 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thanatos, can you point to that turning point when everything went black? Or was it always like that?
I always had a bleak sense of the world. My skin feels to tight or the air to thin or people to meaty. Feels strange, altogether. Badly built. Like IKEA furniture. But I twisted and crawled my way forward, not giving to much thought about what I was really doing. A few years of panic and bottles and drugs and still not knowing what I am really doing, what any of us are really doing. Still wearing my flesh like a puppet, real and not real, me and something completely diferent.
Shit, I don't know dude. I'm not good at giving advice for those feeling down. A mind heavy with existential despair is often an awoken one. Into what, I don't know. Spiritual quest. Self-destruction. But the old foundation is crumbling and that is fucking terrifying sometimes.
Either way, learn to find comfort in the darkness. Close your eyes and that's all you see. Sleep and it's all there is. The universe is pretty dark. Our sun isn't even a speck of light out there. Don't let it weigh down. Let it carry you.
-------------------- "We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us."
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Kurt
Thinker, blinker, writer, typer.

Registered: 11/26/14
Posts: 1,688
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22242155 - 09/15/15 04:50 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Here's a tip for a kind of existential equinamity. Take it with a grain of salt but...
When someone says "I have been crawling on my belly through glass shards in the gutter and I don't know if I can offer advice, but..."
...Consider if you are asking for advice. You starting to get it? Lookout for the echoes and shadows and boogie men!
Be stoic. Recognize with resolve what is between you and nature in other words. It really is fascinating...what the Greeks called Gk: φύσις physis. I'LL attest that taking part in it is indeed what has been maintained as provenance.
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nuentoter
conduit



Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 2,721
Last seen: 7 years, 21 days
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Kurt] 1
#22244448 - 09/16/15 05:47 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Or providence?
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The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know. - @entheolove "I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for" - Georgia O'Keefe I think the word is vagina
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22244513 - 09/16/15 06:30 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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What are you hoping/expecting your therapist will be changing?
Your life seems perfect to me, continue to observe insects. Jumping spiders FTW.
People are confused, and confusing. Why bother?
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: LunarEclipse] 1
#22245140 - 09/16/15 10:03 AM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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I wanted to change the constant void that my life had become.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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cosmicg
ForeverLost


Registered: 08/30/15
Posts: 138
Loc: HERE
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22245688 - 09/16/15 12:03 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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One thing I like about this forum as opposed to any other ones is people actually try to be understanding. Thanatos has been struggling and there is so much support for people like Thanatos and anyone that really is in search of intelligent/helpful responses.
Thanatos, what if you found a girlfriend/boyfriend. You may have already mentioned earlier in the thread I just can't remember without going through all the messages again. What is your support system like?
Not that it really makes the least bit of difference for some, but for most it is key in staying sane and healthy.
Maybe you just need a little lovin' in your life?
Fill that void you feel me?
What kind of music do you like? Ever tried to some Aphex Twin?
If you're interested I could introduce you to a few tracks that changed my life and stick with me forever to this day and always will.
Edited by cosmicg (09/16/15 12:11 PM)
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant



Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life *DELETED* [Re: cosmicg]
#22246062 - 09/16/15 01:22 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Post deleted by CosmicJokeReason for deletion: wrong forum
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: CosmicJoke]
#22246083 - 09/16/15 01:28 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
CosmicJoke said: ugh, maybe i should take some kratom now too, really getting sick of toss and washing this shit 
Mix it with yoghurt brother! I'm literally right about to do that myself. It's 10x less disgusting than toss & wash.
What's an applecare appointment? And why get so high beforehand?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: cosmicg]
#22246899 - 09/16/15 04:45 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
cosmicg said: One thing I like about this forum as opposed to any other ones is people actually try to be understanding. Thanatos has been struggling and there is so much support for people like Thanatos and anyone that really is in search of intelligent/helpful responses.
Thanatos, what if you found a girlfriend/boyfriend. You may have already mentioned earlier in the thread I just can't remember without going through all the messages again. What is your support system like?
Not that it really makes the least bit of difference for some, but for most it is key in staying sane and healthy.
Maybe you just need a little lovin' in your life?
Fill that void you feel me?
What kind of music do you like? Ever tried to some Aphex Twin?
If you're interested I could introduce you to a few tracks that changed my life and stick with me forever to this day and always will.
My therapist is the only one I can talk to sanely about these things.
As for love, I don't feel it anymore. I would not even know it if it smacked me across the face with a bat.
As for music it's mostly electronic and pop. But I would be interested in what you are offering though.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22246950 - 09/16/15 04:57 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: My therapist is the only one I can talk to sanely about these things.
You forgot about us! A bunch of saner people I have never found!!
Quote:
Thanatos10 said: As for love, I don't feel it anymore. I would not even know it if it smacked me across the face with a bat.
That sounds like you being stuck in your distorted thoughts again. You said 'anymore' - it stands to reason that if you knew it once you'd know it if you felt it again.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: Disconnected from Human Life [Re: Thanatos10]
#22247253 - 09/16/15 05:59 PM (8 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: I wanted to change the constant void that my life had become.
Really? It doesn't sound like it to hear you talk about things. Maybe you need a new therapist? This one sucks.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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