You definitely don't seem like a confident person from your OP. You probably lack advanced social skills as well. Maintaining eye contact with someone is the most important thing you can do when talking to them. It shows them you're listening and they have your undivided attention. This creates a friendly atmosphere you can both share and enjoy the conversation and company.
I'm with you on the small talk. I've never been a social butterfly or someone to go out and make new friends every night. I have my very close friends and the occasional traveler whom I deem worthy of friendship.
It doesn't take a psychiatrist to see you have severe anxiety issues. When the idea of doing something causes you to act that way, it's not healthy. Human interaction is a cornerstone of living a healthy life. You talk about exercising and playing the guitar as remedies to your problems and they can be great escapes, but that's all they are. You can't go pick up a guitar everytime you start to feel anxious.
The only way you can move on from the past is to accept the present and embrace the future. I have different reasons for distrusting people, and I completely understand your issues with that. But most people are inherently good and want to help in whatever way they can.
Having a therapist does not make you crazy or weak either. It takes a strong person to face their issues and a courageous one to overcome them.
You feel like you will never be normal right? That's because you're never going to face your problem on this path you're on. Somewhere your original path was cut off course and you need to find that moment in time and face it. As difficult as it might be, as painful as it might get it is the only way you will start to heal.
I am not a psychiatrist and I am not a shaman or healer. I am a person just like you who has had a life-altering, path-changing experience in my life. It turned me on my head for years and I nearly took my own life because of it. Fortunately for me I had an angel in my life who took me up and saved me. She got me the help I needed and was always there for me when I needed her. I don't want to equate my past depression and issues with yours because yours is much more clinical and concrete, but you need to find a way to face these issues.
Psychiatrists always play it safe. Mostly because they know they're in it for the long haul and a breakthrough will happen when it needs to. But on the other side of the fence, my side, I believe you need to run before you can walk. In this case, you need to revisit that moment in time that set you off your path. You were abused? Truly sorry to hear that. That's definitely it and the other basket of issues it created.
I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes ever: “You are a divine being. You matter, you count. You come from realms of unimaginable power and light, and you will return to those realms.” - T. McKennna.
-------------------- "I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” - Gandalf The Grey. "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm HAMMERED DRUNK!" - Cal Naughton Jr. AKA The Magic Man. Abracadabra homes! "Each tear is a drop of poison released." - Anonymous "Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say if they knew you believe in God above? They should realize before they criticize that God is the only way to Love."
Edited by LRG (04/22/16 09:36 PM)
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slacknsurf420 said: I would recommend finding things to do to make yourself preoccupied. Be it painting, sculpting, writing, reading, singing, dancing, gaming, exercise, cooking, whatever man! Just something to satisfy your inner hunger for growth. It needs to be more than just getting high, drinking, smoking, and tweeting Facebook...
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-------------------- Everything I post is (science)fiction.
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