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Anonymous #1

Getting over Jealousy...
    #22138317 - 08/25/15 12:20 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I've been in a on and off relationship for about 4 years with the love of my life. We've basically been through hardship, heart break, trust loss and regain, and so much spiritual growth together it's really beautiful to me.

But, as we grow more, he ideally wants an open relationship, which I totally understand the concept of... but yet it seems I cannot let go of this jealousy and sick feeling I get thinking he could have a bond like we do with another person... I know it's so stupid, and I hate these emotions. I want to grow into accepting this and being free as well but my ideals of one on one relationship keep blocking my happiness, and his because he can sense my jealousy even when I try to just run and hide it now...

I really want to let go of this, and I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas to help me proceed my growth.


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: Getting over Jealousy... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22138616 - 08/25/15 03:08 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

If you really love him and you are down to be open, then a way to get over the jealousy is to look at it like this: if he falls in love with someone else, that is what was meant to be. On the converse, who's to say you don't meet someone who blows your mind more than your current love? Ive been going through a similar situation with my on & off partner, hardships, open relationship and all. At this point Ive accepted two things -- 1) I would rather have my partner in my life than not have her in my life and 2) Im pretty sure theres someone better for both of us out there. Also, from the boyfriend-who-wanted-the-open-relationship's point of view, that jealousy will not make your boyfriend want to stay with you -- quite the opposite.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over Jealousy... [Re: empty space]
    #22141673 - 08/25/15 04:24 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Thank you, I really appreciate these words! I will open my outlook into seeing things this way cause your right, I'd much rather not push him away.

Much love to you :heart:


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OfflineDTCharlieB
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Registered: 08/31/07
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Re: Getting over Jealousy... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22142411 - 08/25/15 06:37 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

You can try not to be jealous and try to think an open relationship is what you want but it may not be for you.  If I were on the fence about it and I got jealous just thinking about my partner getting close with someone else I personally  would not agree to be in a relationship of that stature.

If you do go through with it and don't like it, it's not worth the mental anguish to try and push through and do it anyway.  To have a relationship like thay both partners have to be 100 percent committed to the idea or there is a good chance the relationship will fail.

Sounds like your on the fence about it too me.  But only you know how you feel.  I'd your jealous and uncomfortable with it then there will probably be trouble down the road.

Think long and hard about it and do what you think is best for you.


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I like lasagna.



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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: Getting over Jealousy... [Re: DTCharlieB]
    #22143656 - 08/25/15 10:45 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Opening up my relationship was the best thing Ive done for my love life. If you try it, the worst that happens is you dont like it and you break it off.. which is pretty much what your other option is right now too. part of life is breaking down and then rebuilding yourself better and stronger. After what Ive been through with my partner, I know that if I ever meet someone else who fits me better I have all of the skills to handle the relationship properly, and the same goes for her.


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InvisibleMojo
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Registered: 07/12/07
Posts: 1,676
Re: Getting over Jealousy... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22150182 - 08/27/15 07:47 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

It sounds like your boyfriend is being open and honest and true to himself and you.  This is very much a personal decision on your part, and if you aren't being honest with yourself in this situation, you are creating a wound that will grow large enough to end the relationship sooner or later.  I would start by simply asking yourself if this is how you see your future.  While I understand the grips of true love, life is too short to be miserable.

As for handling the jealousy… It may be best for you to have a very direct conversation with each-other in an attempt to gain some perspective on why he wants an open relationship.  Does he want to have meaningful relationships with other people?  Maybe he just wants to have sex with other people, maybe he enjoys the process of attracting someone but beyond the ego boost he isn't looking for much else.  It may help you tackle the jealousy by honing the situation down to what he expects out of the experience, because right now your head is probably all over the place, which doesn’t help anything.

As for the fear..  I can think of two approaches, as another user said life will work out for the best, so try to accept all outcomes.  My personal philosophy after being poly-ish for many years, and having many open relationships, is that the risk of falling out of love, or in love with another person has no greater probability of happening in your situation than in a traditional relationship.  Let’s face it, people fall out of love with each other, and in love with others all of the time..

The Poly perspective..  This is my take on the idea of Love.  I don’t subscribe the idea that we can only love one person romantically.  I think this has been pounded into our heads since childhood; however I give the human soul much more credit than that.  After becoming a father, I realize yet again the immense capacity that we all have inside us to love.  What I am saying is, in your shoes, I would be less concerned about him falling in love with someone else, because the love one human can give is indefinite if the mind will allow it.  I would be more concerned about the love between you and him fading, but that is strictly between the two of you, no one else in the world has an effect on the love you two share, or cease to share.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over Jealousy... [Re: Mojo]
    #22161548 - 08/29/15 04:26 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

@DTCharlie, I think the fact I have not fully committed is because he doesn't want to disrespect me by going and doing something I'd be uncomfortable with, like he wants to help me work into being accepting of this lifestyle. Once I just jump in head first, who knows I could love it... :heartpump: Much Love

@Empty Space, I agree entirely that this could be the biggest and most amazing leap I could take... Could open so many opportunities for both of us. His energy draws a lot of female energy and mine draws male being we understand the opposite best.. And were like a power team because we heal them with our knowledge. Sexual healing is apart of that I need to accept. It's vital to getting everyone to come together and love one another unconditionally without the societies mental barriers life has built. Thank you for your time to type to me :heartpump: :inlove3:

@ Mojo, Your very right, he is the most open truthful caring man I've ever met. We've gone through a lot and that's were my insecurities come from because when we were younger we hadn't found truth within ourselves and definitely reflected that into one another, but that is entirely the past and I know this. As for the poly- mindset that is what he wants because he knows a lot of people look up to us because we have a very good relationship, and we believe marriage and all that is dividing the people from their relationships they also need to build with people outside their marriage whether as friendship or romantic. I believe if you love someone, and you are truly grateful for how much effort and foundation they have built in your life, that love will never fade and will grow stronger, especially with the admiration of how much more effort to grow together we each put in.
Thank you so much for your thoughts of insight and help.
Brings me much ease.  :gd_icon:

Now to jump this giant leap right? Wish me luck friends

:rose:


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Invisiblebasqueshaman
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Registered: 04/01/11
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Re: Getting over Jealousy... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22162190 - 08/29/15 07:36 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Jealousy is a completely wasted emotion, I learned that the hard way when I was 21 & living in Tampa Bay Florida.  Lost one of the best girls I ever had.  She was a professional dancer and worked out of the Mons Venus and ybor strip.  The night I met her I was dead broke and just going along for the ride for my home girl Jackie's birthday.  She sat with me between dances and wouldn't let my friend tip her,  she made her give me the cash so she could make me cop a feel for the tips.  At the end of the night she handed me a dollar bill with her phone number and I started dating her a couple of weeks later.  After 8 months of being with her and hanging around where she worked (said that I made her feel safer knowing I was close)  I had enough of all the guys trying to get at her and told her it was me or dancing for tips(margaritte made easily 7000 a night on the weekends). Stupid move on my part because well I'm sure you know what she chose.  People are going to do what they want regardless of whether or not you know or if it's what you want them to do. If someone cares they will take your feelings into consideration.  Needless to say I should have realised that she picked me from the start and she could have had basically any man she wanted,  she was just doing what she was good at and making mad bank by doing so.  So in short that is how I learned not to get jealous.


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OfflineBrian Jones
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Registered: 12/18/12
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Re: Getting over Jealousy... [Re: basqueshaman]
    #22172699 - 09/01/15 06:55 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

I don't think this is your thing. Dump him.


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"The Rolling Stones will break up over Brian Jones' dead body"    John Lennon

I don't want no commies in my car. No Christians either.

The worst thing about corruption is that it works so well,


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