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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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My apartment caught fire today 1
#22132518 - 08/23/15 07:28 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Woke up to the smell of smoke. Thought someone burnt pizza or something and realized my unit was pretty cloudy and there was alarms going off. I opened my door and saw nothing but black smoke. Went over to my window and saw the flames. The unit next to me caught fire.
I called 911 and then called my mom to let her know this might be my last hoorah and then weighed my options and they were to go through the hallway and down the stairs or get out via my window. I live on the 4th floor of my complex so it wouldn't have been a safe jump but the hallway option didn't seem logical. I thought about scaling my way down the building but there was no way. People were on the ground telling me don't jump but the smoke quickly got to the point where all I could do is keep my head out the window to breathe and eventually I was going to be forced to jump. I remained with my head out the window for a couple minutes and watched the fire escalate and then saw the water sprinkling out of the fire's unit 
A few moments later firefighters came in, gave me a mask and saved my ass.
My apartment smells like shit and there's smoke residue everywhere, but fortunately none of my valuables are damaged.
The moments prior to the firefighters getting me out are fascinating to me in retrospect because I felt so calm. I thought this could very well be my final moment and felt absolutely ok with jumping if I needed to, knowing I probably wouldn't have made it in one peace. This was probably my closest dance with death and it makes me question death anxiety because I felt no anxiety. I know I have symptoms of DA that are more than instinctual on a daily basis, but I don't understand why I wouldn't be worried in this situation.
On another note, not going in the hallway was my best play, aside from not jumping. A woman on my floor tried to use the stairs and passed out then burned for it. She's in critical condition but I wanna say she's ok. Heresay was she would be ok but the news said she's in critical condition.
Anyways, I'm happy to still be around and pondering life with you all, but my apartment smells like shit. They said it's safe to live here but the smell is quite horrible. Can this be detrimental to my health if I stay? I've been in my place now for a couple hours now and I can tolerate it, but I don't know if it's bad for my health. When I blow my nose, my snots are black. I tell myself it's because I was breathing smoke in, but that was 12 hours ago and I showered and they are still black...This is my DA wanting to play 
But should I stay here tonight or go to a friends? I really don't want to go to a friends and won't unless someone here tells my why I should.
Edited by cez (08/23/15 07:34 PM)
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deff
just love everyone



Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,406
Loc: clarity
Last seen: 41 minutes, 15 seconds
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22132569 - 08/23/15 07:46 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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glad to hear you're okay! sounds like a close call 
it's interesting that you felt no fear at the time, i've heard similar accounts, icelander also mentioned he felt tremendous peace when he was prepared to kill himself
don't have any advice regarding the safety of staying there. but to me, being able to smell it really strongly means there's particles of the smoke stuff in the air no? so maybe I'd err on the side of caution and stay somewhere else until it airs out?
best wishes!
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22132599 - 08/23/15 07:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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That's scary cez! Talk about real. As with deff, I've heard numerous accounts of calm in times of crisis. My best guess on that is that the self-preservation circuits start firing, and it is definitely not in one's best interest to freak out in a situation like that. Humans have been in a lot of crises, so it makes sense to me that evolution would equip us to be calm and decisive, and worry about the DA later!
Glad to hear you're okay!
-------------------- Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici
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xFrockx


Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 10,455
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 12 days, 6 hours
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22132926 - 08/23/15 09:11 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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You should probably wash the walls and clean everything the smoke touched if you want rid of the smell. You might have reason to demand your landlord do this, I don't know the law where you live. Other than that, health wise it should be fine.
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Jaegar
Formless One



Registered: 05/04/09
Posts: 2,217
Last seen: 6 months, 2 days
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Quote:
DividedQuantum said: That's scary cez! Talk about real. As with deff, I've heard numerous accounts of calm in times of crisis. My best guess on that is that the self-preservation circuits start firing, and it is definitely not in one's best interest to freak out in a situation like that. Humans have been in a lot of crises, so it makes sense to me that evolution would equip us to be calm and decisive, and worry about the DA later!
Glad to hear you're okay!
Agreed. I wonder if DA would become more invasive if you were incapacitated, with vital fluids and guts leaking out. Some experience uncontrolled emotional expression hours or days after a traumatic event.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 3 days
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22134650 - 08/24/15 09:26 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Terrible! Glad you're not burned! Watch for chest pain and sputum for blood. Check with a physician if you get symptoms that might be lung damage.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Mental Taco



Registered: 07/02/14
Posts: 2,290
Loc: Hell
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22134733 - 08/24/15 09:48 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Im always most afraid of death when its least likely to happen.
-------------------- Did you not know that the royal hunting grounds are always forbidden?
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quinn
some kinda love


Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 6,799
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: Mental Taco]
#22136106 - 08/24/15 03:46 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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glad ur ok
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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White Beard

Registered: 08/13/11
Posts: 6,325
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22136371 - 08/24/15 04:44 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sounds like you handled your potential demise like a true hero. Good job! Cool story by the way.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Quote:
deff said: don't have any advice regarding the safety of staying there. but to me, being able to smell it really strongly means there's particles of the smoke stuff in the air no? so maybe I'd err on the side of caution and stay somewhere else until it airs out?
best wishes! 
A buddy that has a bunch of hotel points booked me a room last night and I'm back with family for this whole week for my sister's wedding so I've been out of there except for a few brief hours. I stopped in today to grab my bags and the smell is really strong still. Im not going to live there if they don't have it fixed by next week. Red Cross is providing temporary residencies for tenants in my building so I'm going to utilize that if need be.
Quote:
DividedQuantum said: Humans have been in a lot of crises, so it makes sense to me that evolution would equip us to be calm and decisive, and worry about the DA later!
Never really pondered crisis situations but your explanation makes sense to me too 
DA is such a delusion to me from a psychological pov. I agree with Mental Taco in that my mind tends to worry when all my needs are met. Prior to this incident, my only worry/anxiety was that someone stole a small cap off my bicycle. I love my bike and the thought of it being incomplete was a burden to me. Such a petty worry, but it seemed so important at the time. I had those glimpses were I was aware of my pettiness which helped, but the negative mental chatter didn't go away immediately after those glimpses.
Backstory to this was, I gave a bum 2 dollars at the grocery store and was certain he was the one that stole it because he was scrounging around by the bike racks picking up random shit and figured he took it when I was shopping and I was so frustrated to think he stole it after I gave him a couple bucks..The next day I found the cap at my place. 
It just seems dumb to worry, though it's inevitable, at least to me.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 3 days
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22137177 - 08/24/15 07:33 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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xFrockx


Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 10,455
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 12 days, 6 hours
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22137362 - 08/24/15 08:08 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I think its a misunderstanding of death anxiety to think it has any connection with actual imminent death. Death anxiety is more of an explanation of why you decided to come here and tell everyone how calm you were.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: xFrockx]
#22137801 - 08/24/15 09:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yea there's certainly a sense of pride in the op but I didn't post to get responses on how courageous my actions were. I set it up that way but the story is as I saw it and wanted to know what others thought in regards to living there. I refused my friend's offer for hours before I took it. Deff and Markos helped in making me think it's not ok to live there. I convinced myself that I couldn't notice the smell and living there would be fine. I'm happy I took the offer because I came back today with fresh senses to the environment and realized it's not an ok place to live given its current condition.
I need feedback regarding my life at times and I don't rely on many people in my actual life. I know I'm stubborn and neurotic and I limit my happiness and well-being so opening up to others helps me break away from myself.
I don't think I'm special because of this episode but I do think I learned something about myself and DQ provided an explanation that makes sense to me in regards to why I acted as I did.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 3 days
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22137990 - 08/24/15 10:32 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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It's not the smell I was concerned about, it was smoke inhalation that you experienced during the fire. I was just cautioning you to be aware of symptoms should they arise, and earlier today I saw this article on herbs for lung health so I shared it with you.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Kush_Zombie
smug piece of shit



Registered: 10/22/14
Posts: 4,793
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Here's some low maintenance plants that will help clean the air. Be careful if you have cats though, I think some of them can really hurt a cat if they eat it. Hope this helps! http://www.trueactivist.com/10-best-plants-to-grow-indoors-for-air-purification/
-------------------- How to get started in bulk: Presto 23-Quart Pressure Cooker BOD's Simple as FUCK Still Air Box PastyWhyte's Easy Agar Tek Munchauzen's Cultivation Video Series How EvilMushroom666 Prepares His Grains (I use jars with Synthetic Filter Discs) What is G2G? (Grain-to-Grain) Damion5050's Coir Tek (I use 5.5 - 6 quarts of water instead of 4. Also ignore step 13 and ignore the monotub completely. The only purpose of this tek is to show you how to make a simple substrate. I also add gypsum to it but not necessary) Spitball's Monotub Tek (A liner isn't necessary but is useful) Use 6500k lights throughout the whole process. When you wake up, turn the light on. When you go to sleep turn the light off. It's as simple as that.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 3 days
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: Kush_Zombie]
#22140421 - 08/25/15 11:22 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Maybe resend this to cez. You'll want to reply to the person to whom you're actually addressing and he's the one with the fire.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Kush_Zombie
smug piece of shit



Registered: 10/22/14
Posts: 4,793
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Quote:
MarkostheGnostic said: Maybe resend this to cez. You'll want to reply to the person to whom you're actually addressing and he's the one with the fire.
I just hit the quick reply button d: I suppose I could pm it to him though.
-------------------- How to get started in bulk: Presto 23-Quart Pressure Cooker BOD's Simple as FUCK Still Air Box PastyWhyte's Easy Agar Tek Munchauzen's Cultivation Video Series How EvilMushroom666 Prepares His Grains (I use jars with Synthetic Filter Discs) What is G2G? (Grain-to-Grain) Damion5050's Coir Tek (I use 5.5 - 6 quarts of water instead of 4. Also ignore step 13 and ignore the monotub completely. The only purpose of this tek is to show you how to make a simple substrate. I also add gypsum to it but not necessary) Spitball's Monotub Tek (A liner isn't necessary but is useful) Use 6500k lights throughout the whole process. When you wake up, turn the light on. When you go to sleep turn the light off. It's as simple as that.
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RennHuhn
Stranger

Registered: 03/12/15
Posts: 75
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22141321 - 08/25/15 03:19 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I know this feeling. I only stress out when I fear that I might fuck up my life. But when there is a sense of urgency and crisis I suddenly become the most decisive person ever all anxiety evaporates amd I have no qualms with leading others. I never had a life or death situation but plenty of sudden storms on the hill situations.
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xFrockx


Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 10,455
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 12 days, 6 hours
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22142357 - 08/25/15 06:26 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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"I don't think I'm special because of this episode but I do think I learned something about myself and DQ provided an explanation that makes sense to me in regards to why I acted as I did."
So you wee confused about how to tell this story to yourself, and now that you have gotten one, your anxiety over the matter has eased. DA got you in its grip brotha.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: xFrockx]
#22142572 - 08/25/15 07:12 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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How am I confused about telling this story to myself? DA always has me in it's grip, except during this story, which is why I told it.
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Kush_Zombie
smug piece of shit



Registered: 10/22/14
Posts: 4,793
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22142610 - 08/25/15 07:19 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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idk why some people are making a big deal over it  I didn't think you got on here to make yourself sound like a badass or anything. I enjoyed your story anyways
-------------------- How to get started in bulk: Presto 23-Quart Pressure Cooker BOD's Simple as FUCK Still Air Box PastyWhyte's Easy Agar Tek Munchauzen's Cultivation Video Series How EvilMushroom666 Prepares His Grains (I use jars with Synthetic Filter Discs) What is G2G? (Grain-to-Grain) Damion5050's Coir Tek (I use 5.5 - 6 quarts of water instead of 4. Also ignore step 13 and ignore the monotub completely. The only purpose of this tek is to show you how to make a simple substrate. I also add gypsum to it but not necessary) Spitball's Monotub Tek (A liner isn't necessary but is useful) Use 6500k lights throughout the whole process. When you wake up, turn the light on. When you go to sleep turn the light off. It's as simple as that.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: Kush_Zombie]
#22142655 - 08/25/15 07:30 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Thanks. This is a debate forum so I welcome Frock to poke at my story, I just don't understand his last post.
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Cognitive_Shift
CS actual




Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 29,591
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22142678 - 08/25/15 07:34 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah I could see you standing by the window in my head like those poor people on 9/11 thinking about jumping. Glad you're okay
-------------------- L'enfer est plein de bonnes volontés et désirs
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xFrockx


Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 10,455
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 12 days, 6 hours
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22143015 - 08/25/15 08:31 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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"I need feedback regarding my life at times and I don't rely on many people in my actual life. I know I'm stubborn and neurotic and I limit my happiness and well-being so opening up to others helps me break away from myself."
You said this.
I was pointing at this need for feedback with my post.
Also, I was trying to explain in my second reply in this thread that calling what happened in the fire a death anxiety situation might not be as applicable as it might seem. Death anxiety isn't about how you feel when your house is on fire. Its more about how you feel when you're sitting at home, with absolutely nothing to do. At least, this has been how it has always been described to me.
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 17 days
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22143068 - 08/25/15 08:40 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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um seriously? a fire started in your apartment and all you can say is you are happy you lived? and how brave you think you are?? meanwhile an innocent woman (who probably isn't a fucking idiot) was burned. in critical condition, and may die?? It would be more fair if it was you in there, NOT HER.
What a selfish horrible thing to brag about, how you were calm over having to jump out a fucking window and could have sprained an ankle. you are selfish and stupid as hell. I seriously hope this is all bullshit.
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 17 days
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: sprinkles]
#22143099 - 08/25/15 08:45 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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im confused. the title makes it sound like the place the fire started, then caught the unit next to you on fire.
only if you are really heavy set and had jumped would I consider you brave.
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Kickle
Wanderer



Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,856
Last seen: 5 minutes, 5 seconds
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22143164 - 08/25/15 08:58 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
cez said: Woke up to the smell of smoke. Thought someone burnt pizza or something and realized my unit was pretty cloudy and there was alarms going off. I opened my door and saw nothing but black smoke. Went over to my window and saw the flames. The unit next to me caught fire.
I called 911 and then called my mom to let her know this might be my last hoorah and then weighed my options and they were to go through the hallway and down the stairs or get out via my window. I live on the 4th floor of my complex so it wouldn't have been a safe jump but the hallway option didn't seem logical. I thought about scaling my way down the building but there was no way. People were on the ground telling me don't jump but the smoke quickly got to the point where all I could do is keep my head out the window to breathe and eventually I was going to be forced to jump. I remained with my head out the window for a couple minutes and watched the fire escalate and then saw the water sprinkling out of the fire's unit 
A few moments later firefighters came in, gave me a mask and saved my ass.
My apartment smells like shit and there's smoke residue everywhere, but fortunately none of my valuables are damaged.
The moments prior to the firefighters getting me out are fascinating to me in retrospect because I felt so calm. I thought this could very well be my final moment and felt absolutely ok with jumping if I needed to, knowing I probably wouldn't have made it in one peace. This was probably my closest dance with death and it makes me question death anxiety because I felt no anxiety. I know I have symptoms of DA that are more than instinctual on a daily basis, but I don't understand why I wouldn't be worried in this situation.
On another note, not going in the hallway was my best play, aside from not jumping. A woman on my floor tried to use the stairs and passed out then burned for it. She's in critical condition but I wanna say she's ok. Heresay was she would be ok but the news said she's in critical condition.
Anyways, I'm happy to still be around and pondering life with you all, but my apartment smells like shit. They said it's safe to live here but the smell is quite horrible. Can this be detrimental to my health if I stay? I've been in my place now for a couple hours now and I can tolerate it, but I don't know if it's bad for my health. When I blow my nose, my snots are black. I tell myself it's because I was breathing smoke in, but that was 12 hours ago and I showered and they are still black...This is my DA wanting to play 
But should I stay here tonight or go to a friends? I really don't want to go to a friends and won't unless someone here tells my why I should.
Consider this: You were ready to jump, but only if the alternative was burning to death. Why? Because jumping was a very dangerous approach that no sane human would do without serious incentive. You may have felt calm but you were instinctively weighing the lesser of the unwanted. And even though jumping was better than burning, you clearly didn't want either to happen. That's why you didn't just go ahead and jump from yet another harmful situation, being in a room flooded with smoke! Your body knew that jumping was a bad idea even if your mind was saying "ready". Last resorts are last resorts for a reason. And it's not because they are appealing or calming. You don't try to avoid something until you have no choice due to it's calming effect. Just saying.
There was a study once that examined the tendency of people who, in life threatening situations, experience a sense of time slowing and their perceptions being heightened. Turns out that's all in our head. Our ability to perceive stimuli is no better and time remains unaltered. Despite that, in memory the events seem to occur in slow mode and incredible vibrancy.
What I'm getting at is that our mind seems very capable of, when pushed into a corner, altering our mental realty to make us feel more able, adept, and capable than we really are. And until put to the test, one may believe for instance that time does slow
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 3 days
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: sprinkles]
#22143760 - 08/25/15 11:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Maybe you should experiment with jumping out of a 4th floor window. Let us all know if you only sprain an ankle. it sounds like someone has weight issues, "Fatty McFatterson".
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant



Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22144531 - 08/26/15 05:04 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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What a story man, glad you're okay. My mother is very claustrophobic and would never fly because she couldn't tolerate not being able to leave the plane...... Anyways, she's also a total health nut so it was surprising that she had a problem with her heart valve or the little strings that connect to it.... it was in the winter in the Midwest there and roads were in critical conditions so it would have taken a very long time for the ambulance to take her to the Cleveland heart hospital, so she said fuck it, since I'm gonna die anyways (she's histrionic like that) she'd take a helicopter ride.... At no point did she feel anxiety and actually was quite fascinated watching the scene from that angle......
Well, her surgery was a complete success..... she's effectively all better.... yet that experience changed nothing, she's still claustrophobic and won't fly, I'm not sure if she'll ever come visit me in Oregon.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: Kickle]
#22145922 - 08/26/15 11:35 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
xFrockx said: "I need feedback regarding my life at times and I don't rely on many people in my actual life. I know I'm stubborn and neurotic and I limit my happiness and well-being so opening up to others helps me break away from myself."
You said this.
I was pointing at this need for feedback with my post.
Also, I was trying to explain in my second reply in this thread that calling what happened in the fire a death anxiety situation might not be as applicable as it might seem. Death anxiety isn't about how you feel when your house is on fire. Its more about how you feel when you're sitting at home, with absolutely nothing to do. At least, this has been how it has always been described to me.
It was a pleasant surprise in retrospect that I felt no mental anxiety in that situation, that's what I was getting at and looking for speculation as to why in the face of possible immediate death there might not be anxiety towards it and so I agree with what you're saying. 
Quote:
CosmicJoke said: What a story man, glad you're okay. My mother is very claustrophobic and would never fly because she couldn't tolerate not being able to leave the plane...... Anyways, she's also a total health nut so it was surprising that she had a problem with her heart valve or the little strings that connect to it.... it was in the winter in the Midwest there and roads were in critical conditions so it would have taken a very long time for the ambulance to take her to the Cleveland heart hospital, so she said fuck it, since I'm gonna die anyways (she's histrionic like that) she'd take a helicopter ride.... At no point did she feel anxiety and actually was quite fascinated watching the scene from that angle......
Well, her surgery was a complete success..... she's effectively all better.... yet that experience changed nothing, she's still claustrophobic and won't fly, I'm not sure if she'll ever come visit me in Oregon.
This episode really did nothing for me either. I'm still bound to my chains of fear and self-preservation. I'm a healthnut too and tend to workout to the point of mental/physical disconnect, making my body feel heavy and creative energy tends to lack as a result. At the end of the day this experience became nothing more than a damaged apartment and a story where I can sound like I triumphed DA.
Quote:
Kickle said:
Quote:
cez said: Woke up to the smell of smoke. Thought someone burnt pizza or something and realized my unit was pretty cloudy and there was alarms going off. I opened my door and saw nothing but black smoke. Went over to my window and saw the flames. The unit next to me caught fire.
I called 911 and then called my mom to let her know this might be my last hoorah and then weighed my options and they were to go through the hallway and down the stairs or get out via my window. I live on the 4th floor of my complex so it wouldn't have been a safe jump but the hallway option didn't seem logical. I thought about scaling my way down the building but there was no way. People were on the ground telling me don't jump but the smoke quickly got to the point where all I could do is keep my head out the window to breathe and eventually I was going to be forced to jump. I remained with my head out the window for a couple minutes and watched the fire escalate and then saw the water sprinkling out of the fire's unit 
A few moments later firefighters came in, gave me a mask and saved my ass.
My apartment smells like shit and there's smoke residue everywhere, but fortunately none of my valuables are damaged.
The moments prior to the firefighters getting me out are fascinating to me in retrospect because I felt so calm. I thought this could very well be my final moment and felt absolutely ok with jumping if I needed to, knowing I probably wouldn't have made it in one peace. This was probably my closest dance with death and it makes me question death anxiety because I felt no anxiety. I know I have symptoms of DA that are more than instinctual on a daily basis, but I don't understand why I wouldn't be worried in this situation.
On another note, not going in the hallway was my best play, aside from not jumping. A woman on my floor tried to use the stairs and passed out then burned for it. She's in critical condition but I wanna say she's ok. Heresay was she would be ok but the news said she's in critical condition.
Anyways, I'm happy to still be around and pondering life with you all, but my apartment smells like shit. They said it's safe to live here but the smell is quite horrible. Can this be detrimental to my health if I stay? I've been in my place now for a couple hours now and I can tolerate it, but I don't know if it's bad for my health. When I blow my nose, my snots are black. I tell myself it's because I was breathing smoke in, but that was 12 hours ago and I showered and they are still black...This is my DA wanting to play 
But should I stay here tonight or go to a friends? I really don't want to go to a friends and won't unless someone here tells my why I should.
Consider this: You were ready to jump, but only if the alternative was burning to death. Why? Because jumping was a very dangerous approach that no sane human would do without serious incentive. You may have felt calm but you were instinctively weighing the lesser of the unwanted. And even though jumping was better than burning, you clearly didn't want either to happen. That's why you didn't just go ahead and jump from yet another harmful situation, being in a room flooded with smoke! Your body knew that jumping was a bad idea even if your mind was saying "ready". Last resorts are last resorts for a reason. And it's not because they are appealing or calming. You don't try to avoid something until you have no choice due to it's calming effect. Just saying.
There was a study once that examined the tendency of people who, in life threatening situations, experience a sense of time slowing and their perceptions being heightened. Turns out that's all in our head. Our ability to perceive stimuli is no better and time remains unaltered. Despite that, in memory the events seem to occur in slow mode and incredible vibrancy.
What I'm getting at is that our mind seems very capable of, when pushed into a corner, altering our mental realty to make us feel more able, adept, and capable than we really are. And until put to the test, one may believe for instance that time does slow 
To me it sounds like what you're saying is the same thing DQ suggested..?
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Kickle
Wanderer



Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,856
Last seen: 5 minutes, 5 seconds
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Re: My apartment caught fire today [Re: cez]
#22147966 - 08/26/15 06:02 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Probably I didn't read his response but he's a smart cookie
Just giving my impressions in relation to DA. I don't really know, I've had some weird stuff happen over the course of my life that I can't fully explain in terms of DA either. When I met Icelander it was actually one of the topics of discussion. Memories that don't fit the DA schema.
Alternatively I can express on a more personal level the sensation of everything being alright even if it may not be. But all the same acting, directly, on that sensation of alrightness. In some instances it may end up getting you kill. It's hard to know except from direct experience. And so far in direct experience those moments have carried me onward and I have no idea where that sensation comes from.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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