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Offline28064212
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How often do you think of suicide?
    #22132070 - 08/23/15 05:44 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Simple question. Just curious how abnormal my thoughts are at this point- won't ever do it, as much as I may think of it


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Offline28064212
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212] * 1
    #22132078 - 08/23/15 05:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Now a days it's daily.
Several times like... Hourly.


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Offlinepfxtc
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132080 - 08/23/15 05:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Probably once a week. I (don't think) I ever would. I'm clinically depressed I guess but not for normal reasons - suicide just sometimes sounds more interesting then boring day to day life. I have an odd situation where everything is fucking perfect in my life, and I get bored/depressed because of it (:shrug:).

I wouldn't really advise suicide, as I think there is always a better road to be traveled.


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koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.

Life-long trip report


Edited by pfxtc (08/23/15 05:50 PM)


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OfflineDetached
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132081 - 08/23/15 05:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Once a week or so usually. Never contemplate it but the thought crosses my mind.


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OfflineCujllickduo
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132084 - 08/23/15 05:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Its all good man don't think about non of that shit!

even though it can get hard we fight threw it much love to you.

your future will be good an beautiful just make it don't worry about it.


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InvisibleDakotaap0
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? *DELETED* [Re: Cujllickduo]
    #22132094 - 08/23/15 05:49 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Post deleted by Dakotaap0

Reason for deletion: .


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Offline28064212
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Cujllickduo]
    #22132100 - 08/23/15 05:50 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.


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InvisibleNitrous Monkey
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Dakotaap0]
    #22132113 - 08/23/15 05:52 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Almost everyday, that's just cause my life sucks at the moment once things get better I'm sure I thoughts will go away. I already chose method too if I decide to do it a exit bag because asphyxiation seems like the least traumatic way to off oneself.


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Offlinepfxtc
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132114 - 08/23/15 05:52 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Absolutely


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koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.

Life-long trip report


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Dakotaap0]
    #22132128 - 08/23/15 05:55 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i used to think about suicide a lot ie consider it up until i was about 20 but mostly before 18. i have until maybe a couple years ago wanted to die by suicide when i get old, but now i want to live as long as possible not matter the pain involved.

although i still get the random thoughts of turning into on coming traffic or off a cliff. but i have a lot of weird sort of thought ticks like to slam a syringe in my arm (never used needles or actually want to, i'm disgusted at the thought of using a syringe for substances that i can't know how clean they are) or whip my dick out in public, like weird uncontrollable thoughts that i push away as soon as it comes.


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212] * 1
    #22132134 - 08/23/15 05:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Too often, although I rarely consider it truly for myself because it would permenantly ruin people around me. Plus my brother shot himself in the head  and my aunt hung herself, in the same year. My brother was only 23, ruined his siblings lives for a cool minute.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
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Offlinepfxtc
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22132136 - 08/23/15 05:57 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
Too often, although I rarely consider it truly for myself because it would permenantly ruin people around me. Plus my brother shot himself in the head  and my aunt hung herself, in the same year. My brother was only 23, ruined his siblings lives for a cool minute.




I've heard suicide can be kind of a genetic disposition thing.


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koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.

Life-long trip report


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InvisibleSalomon
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22132138 - 08/23/15 05:57 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

every day


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EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT



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Offline28064212
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Salomon]
    #22132142 - 08/23/15 05:59 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Salomon said:
every day



:ilold:

Kinda impossible not to with your avatar


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132143 - 08/23/15 05:59 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

that's what i thought too


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22132144 - 08/23/15 06:00 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Recently when my nana died, I had 100mg of liquid dilaudid. I had a feeling that would kill me,decided against it though.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132149 - 08/23/15 06:01 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Back when I was a retail manager, at least a few times a week. I mean I didn't want to do it just because I was a retail manager, but that job put a metric fuck ton of stress on me. Now that I'm not dealing with all that bullshit, pretty much never.


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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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InvisibleZombi3
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132153 - 08/23/15 06:01 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Like maybe once a decade :shrug:


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OfflineAcaterpillar
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Zombi3]
    #22132183 - 08/23/15 06:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Ever since taking Accutane as a teen the thoughts arise every other month.
I don't entertain the idea unless I'm really depressed; but I highly doubt I'd ever go through with it.
A permanent solution to a temporary problem just seems uncalled for.
If I was so desperate for a way out I'd get ordained as a Buddhist monk.


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Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
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At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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Offlinespecialpeopleclub
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22132200 - 08/23/15 06:11 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I don't ever consider it. God what a neueotic place.


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OfflineAcaterpillar
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: specialpeopleclub] * 1
    #22132212 - 08/23/15 06:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

specialpeopleclub said:
God what a neueotic place.




No one is forcing you to come here....


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22132220 - 08/23/15 06:17 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Sometimes a few times a day.. most of the time not so much. I think I'm clincally depressive. Weed helps and I always notice a perk in my overall attitude as well as sex drive after a good trip. I'd never do it but sometimes I think it's almost out of habit as a way to chastise myself for embarrassing behaviour.


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Offlineistandalone
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #22132247 - 08/23/15 06:23 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i don't ponder suicide, but there isn't a day that goes by that i don't wonder what is next.


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Now he's Johnny Hammersticks hammerin' away like he's friggin' Tommy Noble


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Offlinespecialpeopleclub
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22132278 - 08/23/15 06:29 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Acaterpillar said:
Quote:

specialpeopleclub said:
God what a neueotic place.




No one is forcing you to come here....



I mean America, you neurotic caterpiller, you


but here also



Edited by specialpeopleclub (08/23/15 06:41 PM)


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: specialpeopleclub]
    #22132320 - 08/23/15 06:38 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

no one is forcing you in america either :tongue:


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #22132339 - 08/23/15 06:41 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Acaterpillar said:
Ever since taking Accutane as a teen the thoughts arise every other month.
I don't entertain the idea unless I'm really depressed; but I highly doubt I'd ever go through with it.
A permanent solution to a temporary problem just seems uncalled for.
If I was so desperate for a way out I'd get ordained as a Buddhist monk.



Acutane fucked up a generation,happened to my best friend.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Offlinepfxtc
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22132354 - 08/23/15 06:44 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Acutane? Isn't that acne medication? It makes you suicidal? :wtf:


--------------------

koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.

Life-long trip report


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InvisibleSalomon
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: pfxtc]
    #22132365 - 08/23/15 06:46 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

yep auctane fucks your hormones up and makes you suicidial


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Offlinepfxtc
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Salomon]
    #22132372 - 08/23/15 06:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

That sucks.


--------------------

koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.

Life-long trip report


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Salomon]
    #22132375 - 08/23/15 06:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

The closest I ever came to suicide was while taking lithium and seroquell.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22132411 - 08/23/15 06:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i can't even get out of bed on seroquell let alone commit suicide


--------------------
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InvisibleShroomerInTheRye
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132424 - 08/23/15 07:00 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

All the time.


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: ShroomerInTheRye]
    #22132434 - 08/23/15 07:03 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Every few weeks. I never consider it though, it's mostly thoughts about the best way to do it, should something really fucked up happen and that be the best option.


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22132438 - 08/23/15 07:04 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

whats the best way to do it?


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132446 - 08/23/15 07:06 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Every day I go to work.


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          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132453 - 08/23/15 07:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

My guess is MASSIVE opiate overdose. I heard people often die before they can take the needle out.

I think when shit gets really fucked up is when u need to live the most.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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Offlinespecialpeopleclub
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132455 - 08/23/15 07:08 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Turn lemons into lemonade, or lemonade into piss

I like to believe these sas tragedies of mental derangement are reversable


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22132476 - 08/23/15 07:15 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i remember seeing a documentary of a girl who OD'd on heroin and was revived, apparently its not a euphoric experience.


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132567 - 08/23/15 07:46 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SurReality said:
whats the best way to do it?




a high power rifle or 12 gauge slug/buckshot to the head seems to be one of the best

either that or a LOT of heroin

from what I read pistols aren't very effective


http://lostallhope.com/suicide-methods

this site has some pretty interesting statistics


Edited by luvdemboomers (08/23/15 07:47 PM)


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22132598 - 08/23/15 07:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

wow i had no idea so much stuff could go wrong shooting yourself in the head. although some kid that lived on the same street as me, while i was living there, shot himself in the mouth and missed. the story was told that he pulled the gun while pulling the trigger, but it seems likely that he just didn't put thought in aiming.

two people i actually knew committed suicide successfully by hanging.


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22132603 - 08/23/15 07:58 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

That's kinda fascinating to read in a weird sort of way. I only read the page on firearms. It didn't really teach me anything though, I already basically knew everything they stated (I would assume most people would, but I guess not if they can pull up these statistics lol).

I think one of the main things that held me back from actually attempting suicide was the fear it wouldn't be fatal. I was always afraid I'd just end up with brain damage or something. Movies and TV tell us that all headshots are usually fatal regardless of what was used, but people survive headshots (and worse) fairly often.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22132630 - 08/23/15 08:06 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

my ideal method was jumping. seems to surely be fatal if your high enough, plus i always loved drop ride at amusement parks and i love the free fall from skydiving.

so might as well go out having fun, which would also add to the fatality because i would go to the highest place possible not just for insurance but just to prolong the free fall feeling as long as possible. it used to be my goal to by my own plane before i get too old...


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InvisibleSwyfty Swyf
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132652 - 08/23/15 08:12 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

That is disturbing but surprisingly fore-sighted & well thought out
:shrug:


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Offlinelood_dood
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Swyfty Swyf]
    #22132697 - 08/23/15 08:21 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

It's a bad place to be. You don't want to be thinking of that shit if you can help it.

I used to be very suicidal when I was younger. I was discovered hanging at a younger age and brought to a hospital before anything serious could happen. I didn't think anything of it.

Second time I tried to OD on pills, older age. Saw the effect it had on everyone I loved, made me feel worse. Later my brother ate his gun. Fucked us all up.

I know life can suck, but things can always be worse. Don't go off entertaining thoughts of ending yourself. Someone is always gonna hurt bad. :frown:


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OfflineJanky Tits

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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality] * 1
    #22132748 - 08/23/15 08:33 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I don't think about suicide anymore. I can't remember the last time I thought about something as macabre as that.

I was more or less suicidal 3 or 2 years back because this girl I "loved" wouldn't love me back and she constantly let me down by being a huge slut and being a bitch. The closest I got to killing myself was when I found out she got fucked at a party and I fell into a enormous depression that put me in an extremely dark place. The darkest place I have ever been too, I had never felt so depressed in my life and it was horrible. I wanted to kill myself and felt like I was in hell for a good 24 hours until I got over her.

I eventually stopped being a emo fag and stopped being Infatuated with worthless sluts that didn't love me back. After I started doing drugs like MDMA and psychedelics I finally learned to love myself and be happy with the life I have and I eventually realized that there is so much beauty, love, and wonder to experience in this world so there is no way I would ever take my life.


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OfflineEzuma
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22132776 - 08/23/15 08:40 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Like jsut as a concept or pertaining to myself in particular?
In terms of just imagining the implications of suicide and state of mind of suicidal people, maybe twice a week. In terms of pertainign to myself... much less frequently, maxtwice a month honestly. At this stage its never occured to me as a good idea


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OfflineDetached
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Ezuma] * 1
    #22132786 - 08/23/15 08:41 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I feel like this thread was worthy of a poll


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Detached] * 1
    #22132798 - 08/23/15 08:43 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

hmmm
should this thread have a poll?
You may choose only one


Votes accepted from (08/23/15 07:43 PM) to (No end specified)
View the results of this poll



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OfflineDetached
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality] * 1
    #22132807 - 08/23/15 08:44 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SurReality said:
hmmm




Invalid poll. No STAL

:awehigh:


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InvisibleSwyfty Swyf
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: lood_dood]
    #22132809 - 08/23/15 08:45 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

lood_dood said:
It's a bad place to be. You don't want to be thinking of that shit if you can help it.

I used to be very suicidal when I was younger. I was discovered hanging at a younger age and brought to a hospital before anything serious could happen. I didn't think anything of it.

Second time I tried to OD on pills, older age. Saw the effect it had on everyone I loved, made me feel worse. Later my brother ate his gun. Fucked us all up.

I know life can suck, but things can always be worse. Don't go off entertaining thoughts of ending yourself. Someone is always gonna hurt bad. :frown:




Yeah I was looking the earlier post with a sense of jocularity
Obviously suicide is serious
So serious in fact that it is easier to joke about this and that rather than acknowledge the reality of what people go through
No offense meant toward you
Peace brother!


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Detached]
    #22132810 - 08/23/15 08:45 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

make your own fucking poll then
:cranky:


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OfflineDetached
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132816 - 08/23/15 08:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

:ahahaha:

I don't wanna hijack the thread :smirk:


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132819 - 08/23/15 08:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

how does the seriousness of something make it easy to joke about?


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InvisibleSwyfty Swyf
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132835 - 08/23/15 08:50 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SurReality said:
how does the seriousness of something make it easy to joke about?



From a third party, quite easy
We are on an Internet site
This is the shroomery not Kumbaya.com
People joke


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OfflineDetached
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22132846 - 08/23/15 08:54 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I find humor in your inability to achieve a decent, relevant poll. Not suicide.


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Offlinelood_dood
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Swyfty Swyf]
    #22132871 - 08/23/15 08:59 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Swyfty Swyf said:
Yeah I was looking the earlier post with a sense of jocularity
Obviously suicide is serious
So serious in fact that it is easier to joke about this and that rather than acknowledge the reality of what people go through
No offense meant toward you
Peace brother!




None taken :smile:

I just worry about you all. Good vibes all around :psychsplit:


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OfflineSurReality
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Detached]
    #22132889 - 08/23/15 09:03 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Detached said:
I find humor in your inability to achieve a decent, relevant poll. Not suicide.



hah i was just demonstrating how easily anyone can put a poll in the thread, but don't want to actually take the time to make a relevant poll.


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22132901 - 08/23/15 09:06 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
My guess is MASSIVE opiate overdose. I heard people often die before they can take the needle out.





It takes a minute for you to die, heroin OD is not instantaneous.  If I had to choose a way to commit suicide, it would be this way.  The handful of times I overdosed, I woke up with friends screaming in my face to wake up, never knew it was coming, totally takes you by surprise.


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Lucis]
    #22132953 - 08/23/15 09:19 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I saw your posts about things not going well in that other thread. I'm really sorry to hear that.

I used to have a lot of suicidal thoughts but they are on the wane. It's true, thoughts of suicide can be very comforting. Like, "if it ever gets too bad to withstand at least I can check out any time I need." Actually having the active urge to do it is terrifying, though. I used to get the urge to really do it quite often...  Out driving, walking across bridges, what have you. I get that less often these days but I've learned to stay away from cliff sides because of the terrible possibility that a stray, hopeless impulse could end it all with one quick shove. The mortal fear of that suicidal impulse is the most horrible, gut wrenching thing I've experienced in my life.


Edited by Sophistic Radiance (08/23/15 09:25 PM)


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Offlinehex_enduction
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Sophistic Radiance] * 1
    #22133028 - 08/23/15 09:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Lately, every day, almost constantly. It's getting to be really concerning

Besides that, on and off, but almost always at least once a week or so.


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Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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Offlinexbloodwhipx

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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: hex_enduction]
    #22133057 - 08/23/15 09:58 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I dont ever consider doing it. Rarely think about, when i do i know i will never and could never do it. I intend on living as long as i possibly can. Im a fighter lol, if shit gets tough im going to look for a way to get out of the bad shit im in what im in, not a way to end everything good and bad.


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22133069 - 08/23/15 10:03 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

28064212 said:
Simple question. Just curious how abnormal my thoughts are at this point- won't ever do it, as much as I may think of it





apparently not that abnormal. I got something on my news feed thei morning about
a friend dying last night, he's only 35, he's my younger brother's best friend
and like a member of the family. we just got the call about 20 minutes ago, his
death is a suicide. he was someone that by all appearances had everything going
for him, a beautiful wife, a son, a nice home, a great job... he had what many of
us dream of.

the people around him are the ones that suffer now.


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OfflineShroomslip
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: SurReality]
    #22133078 - 08/23/15 10:06 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SurReality said:
my ideal method was jumping. seems to surely be fatal if your high enough, plus i always loved drop ride at amusement parks and i love the free fall from skydiving.

so might as well go out having fun, which would also add to the fatality because i would go to the highest place possible not just for insurance but just to prolong the free fall feeling as long as possible. it used to be my goal to by my own plane before i get too old...



I wouldn't even trust that. There are still miraculous survivors of huge falls. Some in excess of 10,000 feet.

http://www.mandatory.com/2012/08/13/10-people-who-survived-ridiculous-falls/4

A lot are attributed to snow, but not all of them are.


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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Prisoner#1] * 1
    #22133083 - 08/23/15 10:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I do every day. It sounds so easy and appealing, but ill probably never do it.

Ive already thought up a plan though if i did. Many of my thoughts are quite irrational and abnormal. I know i need help but therapist really dont work. Ive been to a few already.


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Offlinexbloodwhipx

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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22133084 - 08/23/15 10:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I think drugs keep me alive. When i feel down, they bring me up :stoned:


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InvisibleSwyfty Swyf
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: hex_enduction]
    #22133085 - 08/23/15 10:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Any real danger to yourself?
Anyone can think of offing themselves
You serious?


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OfflineReposadoXochipilli
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Swyfty Swyf]
    #22133138 - 08/23/15 10:19 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Every few months when I find myself trapped in negative thoughts. Would never do it while my mother and dogs are alive, they don't deserve that.

Had 3 out of 4 cousins that were all siblings od/suicide in a 2 month span right after my best friend fucked up and was sent to prison, shitty spring that year.


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Offline28064212
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #22134380 - 08/24/15 07:50 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:

28064212 said:
Simple question. Just curious how abnormal my thoughts are at this point- won't ever do it, as much as I may think of it





apparently not that abnormal. I got something on my news feed thei morning about
a friend dying last night, he's only 35, he's my younger brother's best friend
and like a member of the family. we just got the call about 20 minutes ago, his
death is a suicide. he was someone that by all appearances had everything going
for him, a beautiful wife, a son, a nice home, a great job... he had what many of
us dream of.

the people around him are the ones that suffer now.





Sorry for your loss Pris

I guess my thoughts aren't that abnormal though

It's only because of the stuff I am going through I am so depressed

Once I am free to be me again I will be so much happier and have this huge weight lifted off of me


But there are some nights suicide is the last thing I think of before sleep and the first upon waking up

Like I said I don't think I could ever go through with it.


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OfflineBurning Warrior
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212] * 1
    #22134443 - 08/24/15 08:16 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

It's not dieing that bothers me. It's the thought of how many people would actually care that I died. That gets me.


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OfflinelillFish
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22134462 - 08/24/15 08:20 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I am prone to bouts of depression. It's usually triggered when I feel like I have no control over something or when frustration with myself gets to a certain point where I just hate myself. I have ADD-pi. I do think about wanting to die, but then I get over it and I'm fine. Seems to come around every 6 months or so. The depression was worse when I was younger. I distinctly remember being around 10 years old and hating myself, wanting to die.


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Edited by lillFish (08/24/15 08:21 AM)


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: lillFish]
    #22134486 - 08/24/15 08:29 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Every fucking day.

Nah just kidding i like life and all of it's retarded randomness

There are times where I'd love the option to just opt out though. But the great funny spontaneous moments make it worth it.

When I'm so fucking tired and just tired of trying. Can a nigga get a break how much can life shit all over me at one fucking time? :lol:


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

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"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

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Edited by Enjoywho (08/24/15 08:34 AM)


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Offlinelood_dood
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Burning Warrior]
    #22134541 - 08/24/15 08:46 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Damn, this is some heavy stuff guys :sorry:

Although I used to have suicidal urges all the time (like, really really bad), tripping nutsack helped me find self love and reason to keep going; find beauty in all things. Experiencing how terribly suicide can effect other people helped too; put a perspective on it.

When things seem so bad that you are legitimately considering offing yourself and the people you care about aren't gonna change that, consider this:

Why give the satisfaction of your death to all the elements that would cause it? Debt collectors, school-fuckers, dead-end job shit, the police, some ex-shitheads in your life? Whatever... fuck em! These are people you hate anyway so why let them be happy with you dying?! They are the only ones gaining anything from your self-extinction: you rot in the earth, and your closest peeps are all gonna suffer: It's literally a no-win situation for you or the parties you care about who are involved.

When life hits the rockiest of rock bottoms and you were gonna end it anyway with a 100% chance, that's when you can really try something new, maybe it's a sign that you aught to do it. For me, if I ever found myself ready to kill myself again I would, without a word to anyone I know, delete all my social media/net presence and hop down to Mexico. I'd get a new fancy credit card/loan and take out everything in cash beforehand despite the potentially crippling interest (you don't need all this money to do this but if you can get it, it helps. Might make you slightly more traceable though), then wander down there and literally leave my old life behind. That life would be over to me anyhow because moments before making the "final decision" I was ready to be dead to it anyway.

I'd wander to the villages that no one cares to know exists, prove myself with some hard work and convenient amnesia, meet and marry a cute Mexican girl, and maybe start a family or just live a simpler life in a place so far removed. Ditch my credentials and learn Spanish, get so tan that people couldn't tell me apart. No one in those villages have ID or official documents: that's why it's so easy to vanish into the third world. The biggest mistake people who get caught is to stay in large cities. I saw that pirate-bay guy get arrested in Cambodia 3 years back with my own eyes at the Cadillac Bar in Phnom Penh. I garuntee that if he went full-jungle mode and escaped to live in the countryside he would have both A) never been found, and B) maybe find a better life. All I'm saying is this: Yeah life will have it's tough moments in the nameless villages but at least you will be somewhere else.

Best part is, it's fairly common. People vanish and do this shit all the time. There are only a small handful of cases where anyone has gotten "caught" and usually it wouldn't happen for 40-50 years after the fact: even in the US (ever hear about that prison escapee who became a pillar of his community that he escaped to? left when he was 30, got caught in his late 80's)! When it comes down to it, they can tack as much bureaucratic documentation to us as they want but in the end we are all randomly occurring organic life forms. I bet you anything there is a dude somewhere a thousand miles away who looks like the spitting image of me; maybe even has my same exact name too.

I know this makes the problem of suicide sound easier than it actually is, but for me I find comfort in this. I know the second I find the pills in my hand, or the rope around my neck again; this is what I'm gonna do.


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Invisiblebukkake
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22134637 - 08/24/15 09:23 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Everyday. Exacerbated by going full sobriety.


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OfflineIISkuNkII
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22134654 - 08/24/15 09:27 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Perhaps frequently i would say.I tend to get active at that point.That's a major problem,you arnt staying active enough,instead allowing negative thoughts to flow on.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: IISkuNkII]
    #22134728 - 08/24/15 09:47 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Im just tired all of the time. And no matter how hard i try life has been shitting on me recently. Things go good for a second and when you finally feel comfortable BAM! More fucking bullshit. God can a person get a break.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22134752 - 08/24/15 09:53 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

But i just laugh a lot. I'm always laughing even when shit is being dumb. I don't take life very seriouslu and i love talking to people. I meet new people every day and i love it.

My gf and i went out to eat and this guy behind us was like whatsup dude long time no see. I have no clue who the hell he is. Not much man how ya been. I can't walk down the road without someone recognizing me. And i never remember them it's hard to with the sheer amount of people i chit chat with on a daily basis.

But that's my goal in life. I love talking and i love people. It makes me feel like.  I honestly don't even know how to explain it. I feel completely alone all the time. I hate not talking to other people. Everybody has a story to tell and i love it.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


Edited by Enjoywho (08/24/15 10:12 AM)


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OfflineDirdyD
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22139968 - 08/25/15 09:46 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Some time ago I was having a really tough go. Started when I got truly royally screwed over a live/work organic farm management position.  Had nowhere to live and had to move in with my extremely hot tempered and mentally screwy father I hadnt lived with in 10+ years.

He was absolutely hell to be around, broke with me and him in an old roach infested tiny trailer in the middle of nowhere.

Got to the point that I was taking meds just to sleep as much as possible and was suicidal when awake.

Then I discovered poppy seeds which gave me a positive outlook and the ability to change evetything.  Got my shit together, went through withdraws, money right (lost some weight, too), started flipping cell phones and other stuff.

Got out of the hole and never went back. Good example of how drugs can be used intelligently to get.shit.done.


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InvisibleShroomerInTheRye
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Enjoywho]
    #22140031 - 08/25/15 10:03 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Enjoywho said:
Im just tired all of the time. And no matter how hard i try life has been shitting on me recently. Things go good for a second and when you finally feel comfortable BAM! More fucking bullshit. God can a person get a break.




I understand this and the post you made und underneath it.  The only thing that keeps me from really "pulling the trigger" is that I know it would crush my Dad and drive him into the depths of mental illness.

I just want one fucking thing to go right and not be a hassle.


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: ShroomerInTheRye]
    #22140081 - 08/25/15 10:16 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

usually like every handful of months when life sux

luckily life's been pretty gr8 this summer though, hopefully it stays that way


--------------------
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Sheekle]
    #22140317 - 08/25/15 10:56 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Id go as far as to say if youre facing deep depression everyday and dont want to take meds that leave you damn near impotent, buy truly unwashed poppy seeds and make tea every morning.

It works out to about $200 a month if im remembering correctly. Dont be a dumbass and take more than what you start with, which is usually 1-1.5 cups. Theyre so good that there's barely a tolerance build.

I might catch some hell for this, but it beats the hell out of taking poisonous meds that make you an impotent zombie for the rest of your life or whatever.  People that havent experienced the depths of hell one goes through during depression just dont understand in the least.

Poppy seeds beat the hell out of pills or heroin and the effects last into the next morning. Cheaper and better than that kratom garbage by far.

If I had to choose between living a depressive life and drinking tea every morning for the rest of my life, you damn skippy im making that tea. If youve got the potential to do great things and be truly successful, they can hell make that happen without financial ruin.


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: DirdyD]
    #22140471 - 08/25/15 11:34 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Tea from poppy seeds?
You should only use cold water on poppy seeds. Hot water will pull out the cadmium which is not something you want to ingest....

Sorry, but Kratom is much more benign than poppy seeds. I'll stick with it.


--------------------
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: Acaterpillar] * 1
    #22140501 - 08/25/15 11:40 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

No fool. General term for making it with cold water is pst or poppy seed tea.


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Offlinehex_enduction
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: DirdyD]
    #22140643 - 08/25/15 12:15 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

That's a fucking awful suggestion. How long have you been doing this poppy tea daily regimen? Opiates aren't a sustainable wonder drug for depression, but you'll find that out for yourself soon enough. But hey, if it honestly works for you then who am I to stop ya :shrug:


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: DirdyD]
    #22140659 - 08/25/15 12:19 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

DirdyD said:
No fool. General term for making it with cold water is pst or poppy seed tea.




Okay bro, have fun with your enlightened opiated thoughts.

:lol:


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: 28064212]
    #22140848 - 08/25/15 01:18 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

28064212 said:
Now a days it's daily.
Several times like... Hourly.




This was me at the core of my depression.

Currently, maybe a few times per week.

Losing hope is easy.  Mostly just try to keep myself as distracted as possible, given how much of my frustration is caused by health issues beyond my control.


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: hex_enduction]
    #22141182 - 08/25/15 02:50 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

hex_enduction said:
That's a fucking awful suggestion. How long have you been doing this poppy tea daily regimen? Opiates aren't a sustainable wonder drug for depression, but you'll find that out for yourself soon enough. But hey, if it honestly works for you then who am I to stop ya :shrug:





You people lack some serious reading comprehension skills. I mean for fucks sake, this forum is packed with it.

Anyways geniuses, I was saying to use them temporarily if you have the capacity to do it without becoming just another junky.

For example, asshats, I used them for 4 straight months to get out of depression, a bad living situation and get my money right.  The depression was a result of my living environment. The tea helped with everything. Those enlightened thoughts - when actually put into action - are just the same as any other fucking magic one could accomplish. When you're in such a shitty place, who the fuck cares what it takes to get out of it.

Fucking idiots. Mommy is calling you to dinner. :stonedjerk:


Edited by DirdyD (08/25/15 02:55 PM)


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: DirdyD]
    #22141273 - 08/25/15 03:10 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

DirdyD said:
Quote:

hex_enduction said:
That's a fucking awful suggestion. How long have you been doing this poppy tea daily regimen? Opiates aren't a sustainable wonder drug for depression, but you'll find that out for yourself soon enough. But hey, if it honestly works for you then who am I to stop ya :shrug:





You people lack some serious reading comprehension skills. I mean for fucks sake, this forum is packed with it.

Anyways geniuses, I was saying to use them temporarily if you have the capacity to do it without becoming just another junky.

For example, asshats, I used them for 4 straight months to get out of depression, a bad living situation and get my money right.  The depression was a result of my living environment. The tea helped with everything. Those enlightened thoughts - when actually put into action - are just the same as any other fucking magic one could accomplish. When you're in such a shitty place, who the fuck cares what it takes to get out of it.

Fucking idiots. Mommy is calling you to dinner. :stonedjerk:




comprehension & internet never mix. i kind of see what you're saying though it's a fine line to walk on - i've used alcohol to get out of semi-funks to great success. much more useful than any Rx's i've ever been given. has also made me feel worse though, so :shrug: some are very addictive types, while I'm lucky to not be.


Edited by pfxtc (08/25/15 03:12 PM)


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Offlinehex_enduction
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: DirdyD]
    #22141290 - 08/25/15 03:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Maybe it's my garbage reading comprehension skills but I don't see the word "temporary" anywhere in that post.

Depression isn't temporary for me. What the fuck good is a solution that only works for a few months before turning into a huge problem?

The opiate high helps me with depression too, yes, but suggesting daily opiate use as a cure-all in a thread full of suicidal people is very irresponsible.

Don't know why I'm bothering to respond since you're probably going to just insult me again :rolleyes:


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: hex_enduction]
    #22141303 - 08/25/15 03:16 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

hex_enduction said:
Maybe it's my garbage reading comprehension skills but I don't see the word "temporary" anywhere in that post.

Depression isn't temporary for me. What the fuck good is a solution that only works for a few months before turning into a huge problem?

The opiate high helps me with depression too, yes, but suggesting daily opiate use as a cure-all in a thread full of suicidal people is very irresponsible.

Don't know why I'm bothering to respond since you're probably going to just insult me again :rolleyes:




depression can be temporary for some. if a opiate junky takes opiate's for depression it probably won't help. perhaps a straight head takes some tea after never having tried it, it might boost them out of their depression :shrug:


--------------------

koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.

Life-long trip report


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Offlinehex_enduction
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: pfxtc]
    #22141312 - 08/25/15 03:18 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah of course. I'm just trying to say that it's not a solution for ever and whenever you stop taking the tea or whenever tolerance rises to the point that it's not even getting you high, you're gonna feel way fuckin' worse than before you started.


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: hex_enduction]
    #22141353 - 08/25/15 03:26 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

hex_enduction said:
Yeah of course. I'm just trying to say that it's not a solution for ever and whenever you stop taking the tea or whenever tolerance rises to the point that it's not even getting you high, you're gonna feel way fuckin' worse than before you started.




very true. often times short lifts OUT of depression can help one find more permanent solutions. i go through cycles myself of feeling shitty and better - usually relatable to how bored I am at the time. more bored = more depressed, so i try and find stuff to keep me busy.


--------------------

koods said:
Young male going by the name "Bassfreak" entered Worcester General complaining of a sharp pain in his buttock region after attending EDM event. Attending physician considered a possible diagnosis of acute rave anus, but upon further investigation it was determined there was nothing cute about patient's anus.

Life-long trip report


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: pfxtc]
    #22141469 - 08/25/15 03:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

"Got my shit together, went through withdraws, money right (lost some weight, too), started flipping cell phones and other stuff.

Got out of the hole and never went back. Good example of how drugs can be used intelligently to get.shit.done."

It's all predicated with doing it intelligently and like everything in this world, it isn't for everyone.

Just because you read a suggestion doesn't mean it is actually directed at you.  Also, if you've never tried it, then there is no speaking on it. It's completely different than any other opiate.

I dealt with a lot of depression in my life and found that most, if not all of it was the result of my daily decisions and living situations. Before anyone is ever prescribed medication for longterm consumption, that person's daily life should be analyzed. If you get lucky and find the condition is only a matter of changing one's habits and environment and not actually the result of a physiological condition, then its a simple fix.  Opiates, substantially altering your diet and any number of things will do. Poppy seeds work well because they're so cheap and won't ruin you financially.

Nowadays I might have a beer or two once or twice a month and that's it. No weed, opiates or anything. Have a great job that drug tests. So drugs are a no go.

And guess what? I thank that super scary seed for it.  Obviously one has to put in the work, but the drug will get you in the mindframe in an instant. That's more than half the battle. This is grown man shit, not for those still wet behind the ears. If you aren't 100% certain that you're 100% responsible for your actions and you're 100% in control of your life, then I don't suggest this avenue. Big risk, big reward. You've got a pair or you don't. Only you know if you do.

That's all I have to say about that. Too many children in the audience still in the habit of pointing the finger at everyone else instead of themselves.


Edited by DirdyD (08/25/15 03:50 PM)


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Offlinehex_enduction
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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: DirdyD] * 1
    #22141704 - 08/25/15 04:29 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Well considering I am
Quote:

DirdyD said:
facing deep depression everyday and dont want to take meds that leave you damn near impotent



it's not too much of a stretch to call myself a potential target of your suggestion. I'd go as far as saying that most people who are truly depressed and/or suicidal would not describe themselves as 
Quote:

DirdyD said:
100% certain that you're 100% responsible for your actions and you're 100% in control of your life, then I don't suggest this avenue



in fact the opposite of these statements is characteristic of depression in a lot of people. This is my issue with your suggestion, not the drug itself. I have nothing against opiates and I've used poppy tea and enjoyed it, and I can see why you think it'd be a good antidepressant. Don't make incorrect assumptions about me just because I disagreed with you.

I'm only speaking in the name of harm reduction here. This is a thread about suicide, encouraging anyone to habitually use an opiate known for extreme variation batch to batch (as in, the same amount of seeds that barely gets you high one day could kill you the next) is just distasteful.


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


Edited by hex_enduction (08/25/15 07:38 PM)


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Re: How often do you think of suicide? [Re: ShroomerInTheRye]
    #22142126 - 08/25/15 05:40 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

ShroomerInTheRye said:
Quote:

Enjoywho said:
Im just tired all of the time. And no matter how hard i try life has been shitting on me recently. Things go good for a second and when you finally feel comfortable BAM! More fucking bullshit. God can a person get a break.




I understand this and the post you made und underneath it.  The only thing that keeps me from really "pulling the trigger" is that I know it would crush my Dad and drive him into the depths of mental illness.

I just want one fucking thing to go right and not be a hassle.





Ya man its my mom and siblings for me. I'm her first born i would break her fuckiny heart and that's somethung i don't want to do to her.


--------------------
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