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Mr. Magic



Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Seems weird how easy suicide could be
#22131586 - 08/23/15 04:11 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I mean if i did it, no one would know. I know there are ppl that would be hurt, but its just hard. Its something that crosses my mind every day.
Itd just be too easy. No one would notice until a few days later when my body is found.
Is it weird to have a plan? I mean i know how id do it if it did finally come to that for me.
Idk why im making this thread to be honest. Anyone else have a plan? Ive noticed some sites where ppl actually talk about their suicide plans and give advice?
I dont want to live too long honestly. Like when i notice im getting too old and losing ability to care for myself, id just off myself then. Fuck living in a retirement home.
If i dont do it before then, my age line is 70. Retired, travel the world, see the sites. Not much left after that to me.
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Roshy
That Guy


Registered: 06/16/15
Posts: 34
Loc: MD
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic]
#22131662 - 08/23/15 04:24 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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i'm right there with you. age line and everything. Who wants to grow old and struggle doing every day tasks? It crosses my mind every day as well, has been for years. but i agree i couldn't do it till it hurts to live. I don't want anyone to have to worry about my well-being day to day, i'd just be someones job.
As a plan, i'd want it to be an intense experience. like skydiving without a parachute, it'll be quick and perhaps fun. always wanted to skydive haha. But the only thing we can do is try and make the best of what we have now.
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Cross



Registered: 02/22/13
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Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic]
#22131727 - 08/23/15 04:36 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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"It seems so easy.." Because it is an idea, which seems to become a more friendlier and welcoming one in a person's mind,the more it is pondered uppon. When it seems so easy, it's time to start thinking is ending your own life really worth it in itself? The norm of today's humans believe that the loss of a loved one should be followed by sadness or depression...
Honestly, If one day I might perhaps make the decision myself of drawing my name in chalk... I'd turn of my lights and let the whole world know I'm gone. Echoes of my not-so-popular life will be heard by some, and a connection will be made, and hearts will become emotional.
-------------------- When I pack a fresh bowl I clean the screen
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Mr. Magic



Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Cross]
#22131812 - 08/23/15 04:54 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Id rather die without no one knowing, just like no one knows me now. Thats why itd be so easy. Id have no one to save me before its done, and no one would notice right away.
You know sometimes it does feel worth it, then again it doesnt.
My plan is to drive out in the middle of nowhere and shoot my brains out with a 12gauge. Guns are easily attainable!
I want it to be successful and gruesome. I deserve it.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic]
#22134414 - 08/24/15 08:03 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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It is easy because you never really die. And some one will notice right away if you kill the body off - the one who cares about you the most though gets little respect :P
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champinhom
Lord Justhappensness


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic]
#22135218 - 08/24/15 12:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Mr. Magic said: If i dont do it before then, my age line is 70. Retired, travel the world, see the sites. Not much left after that to me.
You mean that when you reach 70, you will do yourself in? Man, I hate to break you the news, but there is life even after 70. I used to think the way you do on this issue too, and 70 seemed an age too decrepit to bear. But the older I get the more it becomes evident to me that old is a state of mind. I am fairly close to 70 now and it no longer spooks me as it once did. I am even willing to say that, hey, I can handle it.
As for suicide--what makes you so certain that that is an answer to anything? Again, I used to sometimes look to suicide as a possible way out if things got too tough or boring. But I have had experiences that I can't explain except by admitting that the end of the person's body is not the end of the person's life. This is not a matter of religious or philosophical conviction with me, but of actual experience. I KNOW that suicide will not solve my problems so much as postpone their solution.
If the purpose of the suicide is to exit a body that is a source of nothing but inescapable pain, it might make some sense. That might work. But if you are killing yourself with the idea of thereby evading the thousand natural shocks that life is heir to---you will be acting on the erroneous assumption that there is an end to something that can never end,i.e., life and life's learning.
The latter kind of suicide seems to me like jumping off a ship that is burning, into deep water that is very possibly full of sharks. Hell, who knows, you may be able to put out the fire. Or, the fire may just burn itself out and leave the ship still afloat. And what makes you think that deep dark water and sharks are any easier to live with than a burning deck?
-------------------- My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said. Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking. Saul Bellow “People are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.” Doris Lessing Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P. Silocybin
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic]
#22135729 - 08/24/15 02:29 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Life's weird. For me suicide seems weird, and it's not like I'd say there is never a situation where I'd kill myself, because if I was really suffering who knows, but it seems like most of the time it is just a short circuit in rational thinking. I've always been able to kinda detach myself and realize that it's all in my head anyway.
The things and reasons people sometimes give or don't give for killing themselves, that's the weird part. "I don't want to be old" god forbid you should learn an ounce of humility and live for any reason other than to glorify your own eternal teenage angsty soul.
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Mr. Magic



Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: moonrockmushy]
#22143390 - 08/25/15 09:51 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Idk its just that im trying to change i really am, it just seems nothing gets better no matter what i do.
I have way too much shit flying around in my head every second of everyday, just trying to figure out what i should do. I have a very overactive mind which in turn makes me drastically over think things.
I guess suicide is just one of those things that always comes up when im really feeling down...but theres no way i could do it...which just makes things harder on me. If that makes sense.
Its mostly about my social anxiety. It started when i was in middle school. I would literally say not a single word an entire day, to anybody. Just because i thought i looked and sound stupid to ppl. My mind just constantly runs full speed because of it. Ever since then its how ive always been. If i dont get talked to, i wont talk. Ill avoid having to talk when i suspect i might have to then panic...then beat myself up about how stupid i had just sounded.
I can articulate an intelligent thought in my head, but then when the pressure comes to actually say it, it comes out much different and always less intelligent.
Ive been this way so long now that i slurr my words as if im always drunk...almost as if ive forgotten how to talk.
Ive tried changing it and speaking out, but its a habit thats been drilled deep into my brain.
I dont believe ill ever find a women, or make any friends because i just cant get over it, idk why.
I just wish i could be myself and be happy.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic]
#22143541 - 08/25/15 10:23 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah I can definitely relate to how you're feeling, you're not alone. I always hate when people ask me "what do you want to do with your life?" like it is just that simple, but it's not like it can ever be too late to go out and seize the day. You can make it happen, especially if you believe in yourself and have the courage to be passionate about what you care about. You'll get there, try to relax and enjoy the ride. Patience is definitely an underrated virtue.
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Mr. Magic



Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: moonrockmushy]
#22145010 - 08/26/15 08:41 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah i know. Ive already about killed myself once. Ill have a few scars for the rest of my life to remind me of it. Youd think that experience would have changed my mind about life.
I know its not too late for anything for me. I just need to find something im actually passionate about.
Its just hard to do while this war is waging in my head.
Thank you for understanding. I kind of just use this to get some things off my mind. I dont mean to bring anyone down or anything.
I might start writing maybe. I was good at that in school atleast.
I cant watch vids on here for some reason. Could you tell me the name?
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic]
#22145909 - 08/26/15 11:33 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Here's a link if that helps:
Code:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrj5Kxdzouc - It's a nice bluesy version of CCR - Midnight Special. Music always helps me when I'm feeling down. I'm sure you've heard it.
Writing is insanely hard to be successful at, but you could definitely make a living at it, or even better write something great you can be proud of. Just keep your eyes open and your ear to the ground and something will come up. You don't need to figure out exactly what you're going to do, just look in yourself to get a sense. In the end I don't think life is even about accomplishing anything specific, as when we get what we want we usually will still want more, it is about following that dream. As long as you're doing that you're doing good.
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Mr. Magic



Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: moonrockmushy]
#22148504 - 08/26/15 07:43 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I completely agree with you on those last few statements. Thats why i cant decide what i want. I could go to college for 4 years and earn a career, but after that ill just want better. Then what? Im stuck paying loans all my life to do this job that ill be tired of in a few years.
I dont care about being rich i just want to do something i love, but im still looking for what that is.
I didnt mean write as a profession. I meant i might start writing out my thoughts on paper.
Which although could probably be turned into a story of some sort over time.
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Mr. Magic



Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: moonrockmushy]
#22148557 - 08/26/15 07:50 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I liked the song by the way. Nice tune. I like listening to music most of every day. I usually dont help myself much though because i always end up listening to sad songs. I guess i like to mope around when i could be listening to something nicer like you shared.
Thank you.
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champinhom
Lord Justhappensness


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic] 1
#22149747 - 08/27/15 01:49 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Mr. Magic said: Idk its just that im trying to change i really am, it just seems nothing gets better no matter what i do.
I have way too much shit flying around in my head every second of everyday, just trying to figure out what i should do. I have a very overactive mind which in turn makes me drastically over think things.
I guess suicide is just one of those things that always comes up when im really feeling down...but theres no way i could do it...which just makes things harder on me. If that makes sense.
Its mostly about my social anxiety. It started when i was in middle school. I would literally say not a single word an entire day, to anybody. Just because i thought i looked and sound stupid to ppl. My mind just constantly runs full speed because of it. Ever since then its how ive always been. If i dont get talked to, i wont talk. Ill avoid having to talk when i suspect i might have to then panic...then beat myself up about how stupid i had just sounded.
I can articulate an intelligent thought in my head, but then when the pressure comes to actually say it, it comes out much different and always less intelligent.
Ive been this way so long now that i slurr my words as if im always drunk...almost as if ive forgotten how to talk.
Ive tried changing it and speaking out, but its a habit thats been drilled deep into my brain.
I dont believe ill ever find a women, or make any friends because i just cant get over it, idk why.
I just wish i could be myself and be happy.
This sounds like a classic example of a naturally introverted personality kicking itself around for not being the live wire type that is the ideal in a culture like ours. Man, it is OK to be what your nature is going to keep forcing you to be anyway. Introversion is good. Dogs have to bark. Birds have to fly. Lions have to roar. Introverts have to be shy and retiring. They also have to be, usually, more intelligent than live wires.
-------------------- My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said. Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking. Saul Bellow “People are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.” Doris Lessing Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P. Silocybin
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Mr. Magic



Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: champinhom]
#22150878 - 08/27/15 10:45 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah thats exactly what bugs me. In this society i feel pressured to be like you said, a "live wire". Someone that is outgoing and talkitive, who likes to drink alcohol and party with all their friends, but its just not who i am. It seems to suck sometimes, but there are postitives to being like me. I guess im just trying to appreciate it more and not compare myself to others so much.
Ive just never felt accepted because of it. Other than one girl, but i let my depressive self loathing ruin that relationship.
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Re: Seems weird how easy suicide could be [Re: Mr. Magic]
#22151152 - 08/27/15 12:00 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah it sounds like we're alot alike. I'm assuming you're a bit younger than me, my advice would be to just worry about your life and not women right now. Leave that to the people who live and die by their reptilian brain plenty of great people hardly ever got laid.
Read books, learn to use your excess energy in constructive ways, practice patience, and learn to swim (metaphorically, but literal swimming is probably also a nice hobby). You're always going to have anxiety and stress, so the sooner you accept that and move on from relying on drugs that will inhibit your potential the faster you will get to where you want to go.
I don't think you'd need to go to school to become a writer, but it would help. You should apply for financial aid and look around for grants, because there is alot out there right now. I think you would feel really good doing that, and it is someplace where you can stand out if you apply yourself.
I just had to wait until I got older before any of this was even possible, but now I'm 30 and I feel like my life's just starting when my friends are all settling down and becoming more set in their ways. The fact that you see how weird the world is makes me think you're also like this. You're not wrong, it is weird, and most people live in a tiny little bubble unable to accept the things that are right before their eyes. The world needs writers to help them understand. There are a million other ways you could go too, but having that passion is awesome.
If you want to get your life on track the best way to do it is be healthy, so make sure you're eating right, not abusing harmful drugs, and exercising regularly. I like talking about this stuff obviously so if you ever want advice on any of this don't hesitate to ask!
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