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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
OMFG read this shit
    #22128106 - 08/22/15 06:03 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=69751

I thought it was a joke at first and everyone was being satirical... till I saw the website and kept reading.
It gets even better on the second page where they talk about snorting marijuana and call the troll a junky for recommending them hit a blunt every chance they get.

I mean I knew some christians can be pretty nutty but these people just seriously boggle my mind


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128117 - 08/22/15 06:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

ok I just skimmed it at first but after reading some more they can't be serious

still funny though


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128122 - 08/22/15 06:09 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

It's a parody site. They are spot-on about some Xtian sects though.


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OfflineJanky Tits

Registered: 06/19/14
Posts: 4,037
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128123 - 08/22/15 06:10 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

This can't possibly be real. Even by Protestant Fundamentalist christian standards this seems too nutty and fucked up. If this is real then the religious crowd really has hit a new low and I'm truly afraid of religious people now.


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OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 53 minutes, 32 seconds
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128127 - 08/22/15 06:12 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)



--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineJanky Tits

Registered: 06/19/14
Posts: 4,037
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22128130 - 08/22/15 06:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Lol fuckin knew it


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22128131 - 08/22/15 06:15 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

lol i think "that gay kid" thinks hes trolling them but he's the one getting trolled


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128144 - 08/22/15 06:20 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

lol peeps are getting trolled hard


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OfflineDetached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
Posts: 2,942
Last seen: 10 months, 15 days
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128255 - 08/22/15 07:01 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

That shit is pretty hilarious. Poor Mr Tibbles



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InvisiblehTx
(:
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/27/13
Posts: 5,724
Loc: Space-time
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: Detached]
    #22128274 - 08/22/15 07:05 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Lmao they changed his name from thatwiccankid to thatgaykid and banned him.

:lol:


--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: hTx]
    #22128386 - 08/22/15 07:33 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:


[Quote]
So Christian theologians of all stripes have to face the challenge posed by animal pain. Here recent studies in biology have provided surprising, new insights into this old problem. In his book Nature Red in Tooth and Claw: Theism and the Problem of Animal Suffering, Michael Murray distinguishes three levels in an ascending pain hierarchy (read from the bottom up):
Level 3: a second order awareness that one is oneself experiencing (2).
Level 2: a first order, subjective experience of pain.
Level 1: information-bearing neural states produced by noxious stimuli resulting in aversive behavior.
Spiders and insects--the sort of creatures most exhibiting the kinds of behavior mentioned by Ayala--experience (1). But there's no reason at all to attribute (2) to such creatures. It's plausible that they aren't sentient beings at all with some sort of subjective, interior life. That sort of experience plausibly does not arise until one gets to the level of vertebrates in the animal kingdom. But even though animals like dogs, cats, and horses experience pain, nevertheless the evidence is that they do not experience level (3), the awareness that they are in pain. For the awareness that one is oneself in pain requires self-awareness, which is centered in the pre-frontal cortex of the brain--a section of the brain which is missing in all animals except for the humanoid primates. Thus, amazingly, even though animals may experience pain, they are not aware of being in pain. God in His mercy has apparently spared animals the awareness of pain. This is a tremendous comfort to us pet owners. For even though your dog or cat may be in pain, it really isn't aware of it and so doesn't suffer as you would if you were in pain.



Quote:

My dog was hit by a car a few days ago and this information has saved me a fortune on veterinary bills. Although the neighbors are concerned about the howling from our shed I have explained that it will stop in a day or two.



Quote:

Has Mr. Craig tested this with Negroes?

It's entirely possible their cries of agony when being flogged (much like a dog being kicked) are purely reflexive, and, as Mr. Craig says, they don't actually understand that they are in pain.

That'd pretty well undercut the whole "anti-slavery" argument, no?
__________________






:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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OfflineAdolin
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/28/11
Posts: 8,292
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128412 - 08/22/15 07:41 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i liked this one
Quote:

It's well known that a cat is nothing more than a Demon spirit taking on the form of an animal.
A cat has no place in a Christian household and should be stoned immediately, as should the owner of the demon.

Leviticus 27: A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Unless of course you choose to go to Sister Petal who will willingly Baptize the Kitties.

Whichever way, the cat dies.

Such is the Love of Jesus.




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Offlinelood_dood
Magical Badger Catcher
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Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 414
Loc: Galloway
Last seen: 7 years, 14 days
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: Adolin]
    #22128453 - 08/22/15 07:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I thought the idea about burning the kittens alive after removing all sensory organs was creative :cookiemonster:


--------------------
:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: lood_dood] * 1
    #22128468 - 08/22/15 08:02 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

I am so sorry. I drowned them as soon as the pastors counseled me to do so. However, I decided to make it a teaching moment and I made it into a Noah's Ark project for my children. The older children made some scale models of a seaside village while the younger kids dressed up their baby-dolls to be the village children. We took the model down to Landover Swim Club #3 one sunny day. (All the swim clubs are closed for the winter, but #3 leaves the water in for baptisms.)

I told my children that since Snowball, Mr. Meow Mix, and the others had behaved badly, the Bible clearly orders us to either stone them or drown them. Some kids started looking for pebbles immediately and were a tad disappointed when I called them back from the bushes and informed them that we would be drowning them. But when I told them that we would be using all the props they had built to recreate the Story of Noah and The Flood, they rejoiced.

With my seven children gathered around, I retold them the story of Noah and The Flood. They hung on every word as I described how God had decided that He had somehow messed up (as was His plan) and all of humanity and animality had become naughty save for eight good people. God told Noah to start building an ark and pack every animal kind in pairs to last a year. (Some people think it was 40 days and nights, but that was just the duration of the rain. The Ark was adrift for a whole year. Think of the miracles involved in keeping every species alive on a boat TOGETHER for a YEAR! God is truly Great!)

Then we put the mock village into the beach entrance part of the pool and put the kittens into a basket by the village. The basket has narrow slats on the side so we could clearly see the kittens inside and a lid that I had sealed shut. One of my littlest girls started crying when she realized her pets were about to drown slowly in front of her. She said she loved Mr Twinkle and Snowball and the rest and didn't want them to die. I pointed out to her that she was going against God and that she had better change her tune if she didn't want to go to Hell. She thought for a moment and with a visible shudder seemed to change, harden somehow, right in front of me. Her eyes grew narrow and her face turned almost vicious (if not for he two missing front teeth, I would have been scared!) and she pointed an accusing finger at the kittens and screamed at the top of her voice, "NAUGHTY KITTIES!! GOD WANTS YOU TO DIE AND GO TO KITTY HELL!!!" I thought to myself, "THIS is what True Christianity™ is all about...saving your children from the path to sin." I thanked God right then and there.

The rest was easy...we turned on the fill-pipe by the diving board and sat and watched as the water rose over the "village" and swept away the baby dolls we had dressed up as village children. Soon, it started to fill the basket. As the cats realized what was happening, they scrabbled over one another, fighting to get on top and breath from what little room was left. I must say that Princess had more fight in her than I had suspected, but in the end, it was Snowball who lasted the longest. He would push the other kittens down and stand on their heads till they stopped writhing in agony. By doing this, he created a little kitty corpse raft that he could float on. It was at least two-deep in limp kitten bodies and held him quite nicely.

While all of this was going on, I pointed out to my children the joy of what we were witnessing. I told them that THIS was exactly what it must have been for the millions of people that God drowned in the Flood. Women and children scrambling for high ground, not knowing how to survive. Parents screaming in terror as their children and babies were swept away form them or dragged under by currents and drowned right in front of their eyes. Children clinging to playthings as their parents' lifeless bodies kept them company on makeshift rafts of floating debris. God's love is so great that he was willing to start the human race over by wiping out the sinners.

Caroline, my youngest, asked, "Daddy, were there babies that God killed in the flood?"

"Of course," I replied.

"Were there little girls like me?"

"Absolutely!" I answered. "Anyone that was naughty!"

"Why did God kill them? Why didn't he just kill the naughty grown ups? How could little babies and children know what to do to make it so God wouldn't kill them? How could a two week old baby be evil?"

"God works in mysterious ways," I said. "But I know this: There were eight people who did everything God told them to do. Those eight people...those eight who never questioned God's laws...They lived... Everyone else died. Now....what should you do every day...every minute of your life?"

"Obey God?"

"Right! And where has God written down his rules?

"In the Bible!" she said, now grinning since she could tell she was giving me the answers that I wanted.

"Good girl!"

"I love you Daddy and I will do everything the Bible tells me to do. i don't want to drown like naughty Tabitha and Mr. Whiskers are!!!" the other children nodded in agreement.

After that, we sat and watched. Eventually, even the mighty Snowball had to succumb to the rising water. After he was floating limp, still on his raft of dead siblings, I had the kids gather the props and bag the bodies.

Heading home, I had to admit to myself that this was my proudest moment EVER of my life as a True Christian™ parent.
__________________
Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.






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Offlinelood_dood
Magical Badger Catcher
 User Gallery


Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 414
Loc: Galloway
Last seen: 7 years, 14 days
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128688 - 08/22/15 09:13 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Jeezus...


--------------------
:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:


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Invisible4HO-DMT
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/11/11
Posts: 5,073
Loc: County Line Road
Re: OMFG read this shit [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22128690 - 08/22/15 09:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I :lol: When I saw this symbol:



under Gabriel's name. When you hover your mouse over it, it says ex-masturbator.


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