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InvisibleeMpire420
Suicide Is Bliss
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Registered: 07/10/12
Posts: 2,595
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I need help.. * 2
    #22117606 - 08/20/15 05:00 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Hi guys, long time no post, eh?


I don't know what to do with my life right now.. I would say I'm at crossroads in my life, but I don't think that's the proper term. More like, I'm completely off the road in the middle of the woods, and I haven't a clue what direction to move in.

I have some deep seeded depression at the moment, and have been masking it with drugs. I've been smoking religiously when I can scrounge up enough money for weed, railing dilaudids when I'm dankrupt, and eating kratom when I'm out of dilaudids.

Today I'm completely out of drugs and money, and I've spent most of the day in bed crying about my life and texting my ex who cheated on me 2 months ago. She fucked up and she knows it, but we still remain really good friends.

The company I'm working for is just about bankrupt. We have $17 left in the account, and seems like we're gonna lose a game-saving subscriber this month. My brother and I are also about to lose the house we're living in.

I have over $3000 of credit card debt and absolutely no means to pay it off either.

And to top it all off, I was a staff/moderator in this one music chat room I go on, well today for hardly a good reason at all, I was fucking removed from staff. Not that it should be a big deal, but that was my social life.. The people in that room would keep me company when nobody else would, and now I'm too embarrassed to even show my face in there after a public demotion.

I'm not really looking for a pity party, I just want help figuring out where to go. I've fucked up in the past and made some shitty choices, but I'm ready to move on from this.. But I haven't a clue how to do that.

What the fuck do I do.. I don't even have motivation to do anything at this point, I just wanna curl up and die here. I've even spent a few days fantasizing about ways to end my own life, but they're just that: fantasies. I'm not the type who could even kill myself, but that doesn't stop the fantasy.


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OfflineJanky Tits

Registered: 06/19/14
Posts: 4,037
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: I need help.. [Re: eMpire420]
    #22117632 - 08/20/15 05:05 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Its alright man... I care about you and am wishing you luck.

To be honest I don't know how to fix your problems. I would say do some shrooms or some psychedelic and see if that pushes you in the right direction to fixing your problems but its far from sure that it will help you solve anything.

If I were you I would just go out there and find a new group of friends. Go to a nightclub, a local venue/concert and just see if you can meet new people. Just get out there and find a person or group of people that will bring happiness to your life and that you can depend on. What you need is to find someone you can depend on for now. If you have any family see if they can help you out....

Right now you just need some support from as many friends and family members as possible.


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InvisibleKush_Zombie
smug piece of shit
 User Gallery


Registered: 10/22/14
Posts: 4,793
Re: I need help.. [Re: eMpire420]
    #22117642 - 08/20/15 05:08 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Look up WWOOF
Might interest you? Good luck man! Good vibes your way


--------------------
How to get started in bulk:
Presto 23-Quart Pressure Cooker
BOD's Simple as FUCK Still Air Box
PastyWhyte's Easy Agar Tek
Munchauzen's Cultivation Video Series
How EvilMushroom666 Prepares His Grains (I use jars with Synthetic Filter Discs)
What is G2G? (Grain-to-Grain)
Damion5050's Coir Tek (I use 5.5 - 6 quarts of water instead of 4. Also ignore step 13 and ignore the monotub completely. The only purpose of this tek is to show you how to make a simple substrate. I also add gypsum to it but not necessary)
Spitball's Monotub Tek (A liner isn't necessary but is useful)
Use 6500k lights throughout the whole process. When you wake up, turn the light on. When you go to sleep turn the light off. It's as simple as that.


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InvisibleeMpire420
Suicide Is Bliss
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/10/12
Posts: 2,595
Loc: The Fucking Moon
Re: I need help.. [Re: Janky Tits]
    #22117673 - 08/20/15 05:15 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Xplicit RelapzZ said:
Its alright man... I care about you and am wishing you luck.

To be honest I don't know how to fix your problems. I would say do some shrooms or some psychedelic and see if that pushes you in the right direction to fixing your problems but its far from sure that it will help you solve anything.

If I were you I would just go out there and find a new group of friends. Go to a nightclub, a local venue/concert and just see if you can meet new people. Just get out there and find a person or group of people that will bring happiness to your life and that you can depend on. What you need is to find someone you can depend on for now. If you have any family see if they can help you out....

Right now you just need some support from as many friends and family members as possible.




Thanks a lot man, I'm a grower and will have a harvest in about a month, but I'm kinda scared tbh. I made a post last year about tripping on acid when I was depressed, and it made me literally wanna commit suicide.

I live with my brother and his wife, but we both work for the same company and we're both getting fucked. The rest of my family doesn't talk to me, because of bullshit religious reasons (basically I'm shunned from all communication).

I always was big into the rave/festival scene, but having no money means I can't go out and do stuff. So finding new friends that way is kinda impossible.

I also forgot to mention that my driver's license got suspended and my car's tags revoked. So, kinda stuck in the house..


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InvisibleKush_Zombie
smug piece of shit
 User Gallery


Registered: 10/22/14
Posts: 4,793
Re: I need help.. [Re: eMpire420]
    #22117682 - 08/20/15 05:16 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Terence McKenna videos usually cheer me up when I'm depressed.


--------------------
How to get started in bulk:
Presto 23-Quart Pressure Cooker
BOD's Simple as FUCK Still Air Box
PastyWhyte's Easy Agar Tek
Munchauzen's Cultivation Video Series
How EvilMushroom666 Prepares His Grains (I use jars with Synthetic Filter Discs)
What is G2G? (Grain-to-Grain)
Damion5050's Coir Tek (I use 5.5 - 6 quarts of water instead of 4. Also ignore step 13 and ignore the monotub completely. The only purpose of this tek is to show you how to make a simple substrate. I also add gypsum to it but not necessary)
Spitball's Monotub Tek (A liner isn't necessary but is useful)
Use 6500k lights throughout the whole process. When you wake up, turn the light on. When you go to sleep turn the light off. It's as simple as that.


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InvisibleDiscoBiscuitsTrip
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/05/10
Posts: 1,422
Loc: FL
Re: I need help.. [Re: Kush_Zombie]
    #22117705 - 08/20/15 05:22 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Start looking for a new job.


--------------------


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InvisibleSoupSandwich
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Registered: 12/08/14
Posts: 4,440
Loc: Lost
Re: I need help.. [Re: DiscoBiscuitsTrip]
    #22117774 - 08/20/15 05:36 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Sorry to hear that life is shittin on ya, bro!

Not to trivialize your suffering here, but how much of this do you think corresponds with just being out of dope? I mean, obviously the lost of a job and mod status (probably) have nothing to do with drug use, but if you had some quality kratom or something, maybe you could optimistically think of a way out of your bind.

I wouldn't recommend mushrooms at all.
For me, and many others, they just magnify whatever your dealing with, right?

Wrong tool for the job! You need some good, comforting anxiolytics.
The kind that dont cloud your mind or scramble your thinking.

Hang in there, man. (is about all the help I can offer, sorry!)

Hope things turn around for you.


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OfflineJanky Tits

Registered: 06/19/14
Posts: 4,037
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: I need help.. [Re: eMpire420]
    #22117836 - 08/20/15 05:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Well then my best advice is for you, your bro, and his wife to remain close and support each other in these tough times. You guys only have each other and need to support each other emotionally if you guys are to be able to get out of this slump.

Good luck man.


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InvisibleeMpire420
Suicide Is Bliss
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/10/12
Posts: 2,595
Loc: The Fucking Moon
Re: I need help.. [Re: SoupSandwich]
    #22117878 - 08/20/15 05:59 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SoupSandwich said:
Sorry to hear that life is shittin on ya, bro!

Not to trivialize your suffering here, but how much of this do you think corresponds with just being out of dope? I mean, obviously the lost of a job and mod status (probably) have nothing to do with drug use, but if you had some quality kratom or something, maybe you could optimistically think of a way out of your bind.

I wouldn't recommend mushrooms at all.
For me, and many others, they just magnify whatever your dealing with, right?

Wrong tool for the job! You need some good, comforting anxiolytics.
The kind that dont cloud your mind or scramble your thinking.

Hang in there, man. (is about all the help I can offer, sorry!)

Hope things turn around for you.




Thanks a lot for the quality response. Fortunately my dope usage wasn't the cause of my job or house situation. I do have quality kratom, but I only have 10 caps left (a little less than a normal dose for me). Which is giving me serious anxiety, I don't like the feeling of having nothing else to comfort me right now.


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InvisibleShroomerInTheRye
Clit Commander
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 01/12/12
Posts: 13,036
Loc: Themyscira Flag
Re: I need help.. [Re: eMpire420]
    #22118004 - 08/20/15 06:26 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I understand your post, and I can tell you I was in that scary spot myself last week.  I even Googled "best ways to kill yourself".  It's stressful and all you want to do is stay in bed, admit you failed at life, and cry.

You've already taken a great step...admitting you're overwhelmed.  It's okay to cry.  It's okay to admit you failed at life.  Just do me a favor and don't accept this as your fate.  All you need to do is keep moving.

  :badmanthisfeels:


--------------------
:nyan: <-- Clicky Clicky


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InvisibleAstral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
Re: I need help.. [Re: ShroomerInTheRye]
    #22118044 - 08/20/15 06:38 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:


Start looking for a new job.



This

Quote:


I wouldn't recommend mushrooms at all.
For me, and many others, they just magnify whatever your dealing with, right?



And this

Staying inside and dwelling on the negative will make things worse. Even if you don't have a car you need to get out and leave that solitary lifestyle as much as possible. You have legs and perhaps a bike to get some fresh air and maybe some interaction with people away from the keyboard.


--------------------
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out"               
                -Bill Hicks-

__


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Offlinelood_dood
Magical Badger Catcher
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Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 414
Loc: Galloway
Last seen: 7 years, 14 days
Re: I need help.. [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22118144 - 08/20/15 07:02 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I'm in a different but similar situation. I've got a few weeks to figure out where I'm going and what I'm gonna do.

I don't have much answers, but it could be the universe giving you an opportunity to find a different kind of inner happiness.

Sorry I'm not too helpful, but I want to shine some good vibes your way. We're all in this together.


--------------------
:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:


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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
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Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
Re: I need help.. *DELETED* [Re: eMpire420] * 2
    #22118263 - 08/20/15 07:36 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

Reason for deletion: x



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InvisibleeMpire420
Suicide Is Bliss
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/10/12
Posts: 2,595
Loc: The Fucking Moon
Re: I need help.. [Re: poke smot!]
    #22151505 - 08/27/15 01:25 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

poke smot! said:
Hi OP,
I've dealt with a few of the things you mentioned, and gotten through it all, so I'll try to keep it concise. I'd suggest taking some time off from your usual focus (be it internet communities or drugs), to "do you". Maybe I can give some personal context.

I had a raging habit three years ago, and being 29 at the time, still living with mom and dad, and having my employment crumble before me, I had one of those visions where I'd be there but 30-something, still at a dead end. I ended up moving to a recovery house, in an area with public transit, cause I was literally trapped at my parent's rural home with no way around. Stuck, depressed, completely hopeless.

Shortly after there was some BS drama in shroomery's irc channel, and I was pretty involved, being an admin and such. I was also still playing the doctors, and long story short, I got to the point where I really said "what the fuck" to myself.

I mean, I know how it is to be invested in something, even if it's an online community of somewhat-strangers, I built an identity on top of that. I also had some things that weren't working, like still psychologically relying on a codependent relationship with mom, still manipulating doctors, still putting the responsibility of my life on others psychologically.

I'm not saying all this is going to be anything like where you're at, but I'd like to point out that, at a moment when all hope had seemed lost, I committed to something - what was it? I guess, my health, my intent to grow, in a positive direction. On a daily basis I started entering the mindset of responsibility, for my life, for me getting better, finding a job, finding an identity outside the box I walled myself into which wasn't working.

The hardest thing for me is telling you all this from my perspective now, 2 years into a bachelor's, with a job, my own place, and most importantly, internal peace and lacking this *shit* that used to be hanging over me on a daily basis, telling you all this well knowing that three years ago I couldn't entertain the idea that there was any way out. Or, even if it could be done with effort, where the fuck do I start?

I guess it started for me with the belief that there was a completely different life in store for me, one which I could be happy about, which could be brought about through hard work. I don't really care to go into the details of how/what was involved in working on myself here, but you can :pm: me if you'd like. The long and the short of it is: I'm responsible for my shit, no one else is going to fix it, but I have faith that even though I can't imagine better days ahead, if I keep my head down and work hard at it, better days will come.

I hope that helps. Hang in there brother :heart::sun:





Thanks so much for the response man, will definitely be hitting up that inbox.

Things have been iffy for the past week, but I'm remaining hopeful. My ex has been sending me $50 a week to live off of (she's the sweetest thing ever). And I've been keeping myself occupied and happy by doing what I love, producing music. Putting my emotions into lyrics and melodies just brings me so much joy.

I also opened up a donation section on my blog of almost 20,000 followers, and got a $10 donation right off the bat. It literally brought a tear to my eyes, that someone would support me. I also opened up a fiverr gig to try and sell ad space on my blog, and I just got my first order in today :smile:

Trying to remain hopeful, it's really hard right now, but I'm trying my hardest. I hope life can turn around soon. Our power got shut off the other day for 2 days due to lack of payment, but we were able to get it back online.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: I need help.. [Re: eMpire420]
    #22151556 - 08/27/15 01:39 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

You know what to do man. Flip what little money you have :dancingbear:


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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