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InvisibleZombi3
Bella Ciao!!
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 27,086
Loc: Bat Country Flag
Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! Round 1! (Winner = The Phleg) * 2
    #22102556 - 08/17/15 12:09 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I have a supporter account up for grabs going to the poster who posts the funniest joke in this thread! I'll base who gets the supporter account on who's joke gets the most +1's! If nobody +1's any jokes I'll just have a poll or choose my personnal favourite joke lol.

The only rule is you have to post a joke, if your post does not contain a joke you can't win even if you get hella +1's...

I'm going to let this run for 1-2 days depending on how quick the jokes roll in.


Looking forward to a good laugh :awesomenod:


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Youve Met With A Terrible Fate, Havent You?

Click here to enter this weeks Ban Lottery!!
In Crust We Trust


Edited by Zombi3 (10/28/15 02:58 PM)


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OfflineMr. Magic
Male


Registered: 07/13/14
Posts: 1,951
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Zombi3] * 2
    #22102633 - 08/17/15 12:33 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "if i am going to die, i want to die feeling like a women."

She takes off all her clothes and asks, "so who is man enough to make me feel like a true women?"

A man stands up heroically, looks her in the eyes, and takes off his clothes.....

"here iron these!".... :shrug:


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OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 2 hours, 24 minutes
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Zombi3] * 2
    #22102649 - 08/17/15 12:37 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

P.S. Your vagina is in the sink.


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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Zombi3] * 1
    #22102652 - 08/17/15 12:38 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

tl;dr











howd i do? :awesome:


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https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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InvisibleSirShroomsAlott
Howdy
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States Flag
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: zZZz] * 6
    #22102809 - 08/17/15 01:21 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

If I asked you to have sex with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?


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OfflineVsnares.Zappa
bend over


Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,153
Last seen: 3 months, 16 days
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #22102815 - 08/17/15 01:22 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

:loldongs::lolsy:


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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Vsnares.Zappa]
    #22102828 - 08/17/15 01:26 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

If a girl takes a shit and shoves it up her pussy, doesn't that make her a pizza shit?


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InvisibleSirShroomsAlott
Howdy
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States Flag
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Konyap]
    #22102844 - 08/17/15 01:30 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Boy: You want to go get some pizza and fuck?

Girl: Um.....no you weirdo.

Boy: What? You don't like pizza?





Are we allowed to post more than one? These particular ones aren't mine but I have like hundreds written down at home and I'm sure at least a few of them would still work if someone was to just read them and they'd at least be original lol.


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Offlinekoods
Ribbit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,059
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 12 minutes
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: SirShroomsAlott] * 29
    #22102857 - 08/17/15 01:34 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Why did Zombi3 call AAA?

he needed a toe


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NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: koods] * 2
    #22102879 - 08/17/15 01:40 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

a sailor walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink, the bartender immediately abides and hands him his drink. the sailor pays the bartender, drinks the beer, and then walks out.


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https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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OfflineCj-B
All the same...I saw it first.
Male


Registered: 07/16/11
Posts: 4,479
Loc: The Library of Babel
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: zZZz] * 5
    #22102933 - 08/17/15 02:05 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Enjoywho's posts. I don't think I need to add more.


--------------------
"I have no way of knowing whether you, who eventually will read this record, like stories or not. If you do not, no doubt you have turned these pages without attention. I confess that I love them. Indeed, it often seems to me that of all the good things in the world, the only ones humanity can claim for itself are stories and music; the rest, mercy, beauty, sleep, clean water and hot food (as the Ascian would have said) are all the work of the Increate. Thus, stories are small things indeed in the scheme of the universe, but it is hard not to love best what is our own—hard for me, at least."


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OfflineCosmicFool
Psychoholic
 User Gallery


Registered: 05/14/06
Posts: 9,581
Loc: 203 Flag
Last seen: 23 days, 2 hours
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Cj-B] * 1
    #22103335 - 08/17/15 04:00 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

what's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

the hooker can wash her crack and sell it again


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OfflineHalluciNate
Trippage! / Loving
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/25/12
Posts: 4,440
Loc: ALL THAT IS
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: CosmicFool] * 2
    #22103391 - 08/17/15 04:16 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

What's the funniest thing about the shroomery?:shroomeryhead:

It's a website dedicated to mushrooms and people are tripping. :laugh2:














:itwasgoodforme:


--------------------
We are here to assist, to teach you to evolve as we go through this process together. We give our own version of things only to bring you to a higher consciousness. No matter what situation you find yourself in, it is the power of your thoughts that got you there. It is also the impeccable belief that thought creates that will transform your experience and the planetary existence.




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Offlinekoods
Ribbit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,059
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 12 minutes
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: HalluciNate] * 9
    #22103395 - 08/17/15 04:17 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Times like this, I wish the shroomery had a -1 feature.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineHalluciNate
Trippage! / Loving
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/25/12
Posts: 4,440
Loc: ALL THAT IS
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: koods] * 1
    #22103405 - 08/17/15 04:21 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

:winner:  :dawerp:


--------------------
We are here to assist, to teach you to evolve as we go through this process together. We give our own version of things only to bring you to a higher consciousness. No matter what situation you find yourself in, it is the power of your thoughts that got you there. It is also the impeccable belief that thought creates that will transform your experience and the planetary existence.




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OfflineRobZombie68
The Shaman's Apprentice
Male

Registered: 06/22/14
Posts: 820
Loc: Palookaville, US
Last seen: 30 days, 7 hours
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Zombi3] * 5
    #22103541 - 08/17/15 04:54 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

My first day in jail my big ass cell mate said we were going to play house and asked if I would like to play mommy or daddy, of course I said daddy, he says "Well then get over here and suck mommies dick.  :frown:


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OfflineThe Ecstatic
Chilldog Extraordinaire


Registered: 11/11/09
Posts: 33,369
Loc: 'Merica Flag
Last seen: 2 hours, 11 minutes
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: RobZombie68] * 8
    #22103555 - 08/17/15 04:57 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Priest and rabbi are walking past a playground. Priest says "hey wanna go fuck those kids?" Rabbi says "out of what?"


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Zombi3] * 2
    #22103607 - 08/17/15 05:12 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

A duck walks into a bar and orders a Highball. The bartender asks him how he's going to pay for it and the ducks says "put it on my bill".


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Offlinelunaboone
Uneasy Nervous Girl (for now)
Female User Gallery

Registered: 08/17/15
Posts: 9
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Le_Canard] * 3
    #22103638 - 08/17/15 05:20 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?
he wanted to get a long little doggie :tongue2:


--------------------
Run run run run
Run run far away
:cactuarrun:


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OfflineSoulButter
Joint Chief of Soul


Registered: 06/23/15
Posts: 312
Last seen: 3 years, 3 days
Re: Post the funniest joke, win a supporter account! [Re: Le_Canard] * 3
    #22103669 - 08/17/15 05:29 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I was driving to my friends house, smoking wax out of my g-pen vape. Cop pulls me over, and im like fuck, not trying to get a felony possession charge for this wax and ruin everything ive been working for.

So he comes over to the car and i think he can tell im high because i was, so he told me to get out of the car. Im standing by the side of the road, with this city cop rooting through my shit, and a gpen in my pocket. I knew any minute he was going to ask to search me, so i did the unthinkable. I kiestered it. They are so small and cylindrical, it was the perfect paraphernalia for rectal concealment. It wasnt comfortable, but it fit, and sure enough not a minute later he gets his grubby hands out of my shit, and turns his greasy face to me and oinks, "against the car". So i put my hands against the car and hes patting down the usual spots, arm pits, waist, working his way down.

This is where shit hits the fan.

Somehow I had inserted the g pen in such a way, that my rectum was pushing the button. I didnt believe it at first, but sure enough the heat grew and grew until I knew for SURE there was a nearly fresh blob of crumble being vaporized into my asshole. Luckily if you hold the button for too long, it shuts off. but not before it burns for a while.

As the cop made his way to my ankles, the urge to release this hot, pungent cloud was too great. I let out a tiny squeak of a fart, and watched as a faint wisp of dab trickled out one of the legs of my shorts.

The cop found nothing in the car, and told me to drive better next time.

I got high as fuck.


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