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all hail discordia
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Registered: 08/12/10
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Journey to Manhood, 2g of p.cyans
    #22098615 - 08/16/15 12:24 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I did some preparatory work going into this experience, as it had been a while since I had last tripped (maybe 4 years). I meditated for most of the day to clear any sticks and thorns that were hiding in my conscious mind. Terrence Mckenna described the first hour of the psychedelic experience as the time when you wrestle with how much of an asshole you have been, when you magnify your mistakes no matter how trivial they seemed when you're sober. Recalling my previous experiences with psilocybin, I agreed and thought that the meditation might alleviate or at least minimize this period of self loathing reflection. Indeed it did, for about 40 minutes after swallowing 2 g of p.cyanescens I could feel the mushroom spirit wrap a light blanket of love and happiness around my body. At this point, I knew it would be a good trip and my anxiety vanished. It was as if I had had a “fast pass”, like what you get at Disney if you don't want to wait around in line like everyone else. I jumped straight on the ride and into hyperspace I went.

For about 2 hours I thought about things in my life that I wanted to change or make improvements on. I've been depressed and very fatigued for the past year and a half as a result of mismanaged stress, so this was the focal point of the experience. I realized that my sticking point was in my personal evolution; I had not yet become a man. This wasn't a depressing realization, it was more joyful than anything. I reveled in this for some time, pondering what it meant to become a man. I decided that I needed to be more confident and more decisive in my actions. A man makes a decision and accepts the consequences. A man does not endlessly contemplate an opportunity until it disappears. He simply acts, as he might never get the opportunity again. A quote came to my mind as well, “The most difficult task in a boy's life is to become a man”. It's considerably more difficult in many western cultures where rites of passage are entirely non existent. How is a boy to know how to become a man when no men are in his immediate environment? Difficult indeed, but not impossible. There are resources to facilitate this growth, it's up to the boy to seek them out. I've found great solace in martial arts. As I sit here writing this, I'm wearing my jiu jitsu belt around my waist to remind me of the person who I want to become.

After this intermediate period, it was time for rebirth. Part of my preparatory work was reading The Psychedelic Experience, which reminded me of the importance in utilizing this phase of the psychedelic experience. It began to happen about 2 and a half hours into the experience. I consciously thought “I've learned everything I could from this experience, it is now over. Time to be born again”. Everything went quiet. I laid nude in my pitch black room, listening to the crickets outside. I began visualizing the life ahead of me following this experience. It was very important to make a conscious effort to focus on the changes I needed to make during this time. I laid for a long period and eventually felt capable of standing. It was like walking for the first time. I don't recall ever feeling so free and liberated. My mind was empty and my heart was awake, sensing all things. Anyone who has examined themselves deeply desires, at one point, to become a child again. However, this was a step beyond that. Imagine having the experience of adulthood with the innocence of a child. This is what Osho describes as “maturity”. This is how I felt, like I had conquered or transcended the burdens of being an adult in this demanding world. I still feel this a bit today, but I lost a part of it during rebirth which I'll get into now.

There was a slight hiccup. As I began my new life, my roommate came home and interrupted my thought. Also, a neighbor began yelling on about some kind of nonsense. This had a profound impact on this rebirth experience. I feel a “chip on my shoulder”, so to speak. Even today, there is something missing. Like the carpenters who laid the brick foundation forgot to put a brick down. I will have to resimulate this experience in a safe spot next time.

There is something special about child birth. I think a great deal of trauma can occur during this essential period and may be the root cause of the issues some individuals have. I also think we can resimulate this experience with these psychedelic tools. With a proper setting, individuals can truly be reborn into a world they now recognize to be safe and secure rather than violent and threatening. Think about the current experience newborns have in the western world. Mother is usually drugged and in tremendous pain. Medical practitioners introduce the baby into an overly sterile environment and separate it from mother. Boys are also circumcised, an utterly grotesque event. This is a highly traumatic environment and needs to be addressed as a root cause of disease. But I digress...

I slept wonderfully following the experience. Usually I need some form of sleep aid to fall asleep, but last night I did not. I brought an ottoman outside onto our porch and slept on that. I woke up with the sun shining, birds chirping, and trees blowing in the wind. I felt well rested and ready to practice the new things I'd learned. I meditated for half an hour after waking, focusing intently on the changes I needed to see in my life. I am confident that I'm a different person. This was an absolutely fantastic experience. If you are interested in the psychedelic experience, take it seriously to reap the most benefits. Examine yourself, be honest. Understand what the psychedelic experience is and you will grow immensely. Safe travels, friend.

“Maturity is accepting the responsibility of being oneself, whatsoever the cost. Risking all to be oneself, that's what maturity is all about.”


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