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OfflinePerceptive
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Registered: 04/21/15
Posts: 89
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
Depersonalization, HPPD from HORRIFYING shroom trip(9 months ago) still
    #22097926 - 08/16/15 08:32 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i dosed 3.5 of super potent shrooms about 9 months ago.

horrifying trip - they kicked in after only 15 minutes, i looked at my arm and instantly got disconnected from reality. (my arm looked like some weird tree or something)

mind i was already in a very unstable mindset before the bad trip. i was already dissociated due to other problems like 25-i nbome and i may have already had some type of psychosis. paranoid thinking, thinking i could read peoples minds..

BAD TRIP:(alone in my moms apartment)
so i was tripping. i was not in reality. it didnt feel like a trip that i was used to. no clarity of thought, no universal truths, etc...

I just couldnt think straight. i couldnt think of 3 sentences in order. it felt like i was in some weird dream world. like the shadow on the wall reminded me of my "shadow side" and everything had some dumb symbolic meaning to it ...

I was pacing back and forth for 5 hours straight to try to stimulate my brain to try to focus. (i had no focus this trip, like a panick mindset the whole time. no peace. no clarity. no love etc...)

the peak was horrible. time went by very slow. i remember at some point, i was thinking "im never coming back never do drugs again or i wil die. i will never be the same i might be perma fried" etc...


it got so bad to the point where i considered calling ambulance - emergency room. but i didnt.

so the trip was coming down.. my mom came home and when i saw her face i "found" reality again. the after glow , i was like wow i survived and i can think straight. i was grateful. i smoked a bowl.
_________________________________________
next day after the bad trip, my vision was still exactly like how tripping looks like. was weird but pretty cool.

3 days later i smoked weed and boom developed visual static. which is a symptom of HPPD.

so i spent the next month obsessing about my vision on HPPDonline which made everything worse because everyone on that website is hopeless.

i quit weed for 1.5 months but it didnt affect the HPPD. i still didnt feel "real"

Smoked weed and it helped alot. i started to feel more grounded, collected, and "real". but it made my HPPD worse which gave me great anxietty...



HPPD - i would see faces when i smoked weed and get huge anxiety attacks, traumatic ones. like PTSD.

Now im starting to think that I have some sort of "PTSD" from the bad trip. like i had some sort of subconscious collapse or something.

to this day, i  still feel Depersonalized. but my focus is getting better every day cuz i meditate and stuff.


so here i am 9 months after the bad trip, biting my nails, typing this.



So i wonder if i just have to integrate that nonsensical, horrifying bad trip. i never thought back to it and never thought much of it, but maybe i have some sort of PTSD about it.


?has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

?how do i get over this?

?im considering tripping again and/or MDMA to process the bad trip (theory).


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Offline8Misplaced8
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Registered: 08/09/15
Posts: 12
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Depersonalization, HPPD from HORRIFYING shroom trip(9 months ago) still [Re: Perceptive]
    #22101459 - 08/17/15 04:37 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Have you tried therapy? maybe CBT would work, it helped my DP\DR phase after 15g (fresh) shrooms trip mixed with weed and nitrous.

Also, dont go to HPPDonline, thats like being suicidal and going to 4chan asking for help.
Do you have any other HPPD symptoms beside visual snow (which is also a symptom of anxiety and i read a research saying it is totally unrelated to drugs), and seeing faces (while on weed which is deffinetly playing with your imagination)?

Dont label it as PTSD\HPPD without going to a psych do diagnose it, look at it as anxiety and maybe DP, keep meditating.
If weed helps i dont think its HPPD since it usually doesnt help, but only a psych can diagnose that.

Just keep focusing on the fact that you ARE getting better, and in 6 months you'll probably be over it.


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Invisiblechampinhom
Lord Justhappensness
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Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
Re: Depersonalization, HPPD from HORRIFYING shroom trip(9 months ago) still [Re: 8Misplaced8]
    #22102794 - 08/17/15 01:17 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:



Just keep focusing on the fact that you ARE getting better, and in 6 months you'll probably be over it.




:thumbup:


--------------------
My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said.

Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking.
Saul Bellow

“People are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.” Doris Lessing

Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P.  Silocybin


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