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jcop
myself



Registered: 12/02/14
Posts: 163
Loc: Prague, CZ
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: Potency Surprise [Re: Aldebaran]
#22097750 - 08/16/15 06:59 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Happened to me yesterday. Lying under skyes at dusk on 3g (test dose). Everything felt completely normal but way outta what mind could grasp. And it was desperately trying to grasp anything, but those attempts didn't really end well. It was nothing and everything. I didn't manage to let go of my mind, yet couldn't manage to keep it either. I was everything, realizing my form on this world and seeing how tiny that form (myself) is. I wished for sobriety.
Later, stars started dancing, there were plastic clouds and us two started giggling together, but the peak was just brutal.
That's the most accurate description I could come with...
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sarahnya
Stranger


Registered: 07/25/14
Posts: 879
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Potency Surprise [Re: jcop]
#22097969 - 08/16/15 08:46 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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It's mental isn't it. I was stuck thinking, what am I gonna do now over and over because I literally thought I knew the meaning of life and it would be an endless repetition where nothing mattered, there was no right or wrong and I'd already made ever decision in my life so there was nothing else left to do except maybe lay down and die but even that wouldn't offer an escape.
At least if it happens again I can console myself with the knowledge that I will feel ok again when it's over, I actually believed at the time I was going to end up feeling like that forever lol
Horrible mind fook!
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jcop
myself



Registered: 12/02/14
Posts: 163
Loc: Prague, CZ
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: Potency Surprise [Re: sarahnya]
#22098047 - 08/16/15 09:21 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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That's it! No right or wrong, just everything and completely horribly neutral at that... I do know or think all this, but to feel it...
and the inability to describe what one went thru in human language even to self doesn't help either.
The strangest thing? I DO want to get there again after some time, and beyond even
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe



Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,323
Loc: Altered States of Europe
Last seen: 1 hour, 53 minutes
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Re: Potency Surprise [Re: jcop]
#22098290 - 08/16/15 10:44 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
I didn't manage to let go of my mind, yet couldn't manage to keep it either.
I think it makes the trip easier if you get to some kind of resolution or revelation at the peak where you feel like you've reached some kind of acceptance, where you merge in the trip with whatever seemed to be hostile, and feel a sense of euphoria and renewal. Being stuck at the threshold of losing your mind can be worse than just losing it...
Quote:
I literally thought I knew the meaning of life and it would be an endless repetition where nothing mattered, there was no right or wrong and I'd already made ever decision in my life so there was nothing else left to do except maybe lay down and die but even that wouldn't offer an escape.
...but on the other hand sometimes you reach some kind of revelation but then just keep going down even more twists and turns trying to make sense of it.
I try not to overthink this type of mindstate (the buddhist ideal of being able to apprehend these states of consciousness without getting mixed up trying to conceptualize them seems like a sensible approach) but some trips just give you no peace, a continual mindfuck where your thoughts keep churning endlessly.
I think part of the reason for the mindfuck (in my trips at least) is a kind of underlying anxiety where I want everything in the world to be OK, and my mind keeps churning trying to convince myself that everything really is OK, even though I'm slightly aware that my thought process is delusional. I'm usually better off if I can be content with the idea that everything just is....then I can throw myself into the trip and enjoy it purely as an experience rather than a grandiose quest for truth. Maybe there is some Godlike overmind out there that you reach during the trip......but it's a mindfuck if you try and keep yourself convinced of it as you start to come down
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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jcop
myself



Registered: 12/02/14
Posts: 163
Loc: Prague, CZ
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: Potency Surprise [Re: Aldebaran]
#22098344 - 08/16/15 11:06 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Well, to expand your borders, you must first cross them which ain't pleasant at all. I wasn't trying to explain anything since it made perfect sense, I was just scared of the hugeness of it all. I have done a lot of work on my ego tyranny, but I still got a long way to go I learned yesterday
-------------------- Afraid of illness? German new medicine might be for you First succesfull project:
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Hanz
Freak & Gentleman



Registered: 08/02/15
Posts: 2,932
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
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Re: Potency Surprise [Re: sarahnya]
#22098620 - 08/16/15 12:25 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
sarahnya said: It's mental isn't it. I was stuck thinking, what am I gonna do now over and over because I literally thought I knew the meaning of life and it would be an endless repetition where nothing mattered, there was no right or wrong and I'd already made ever decision in my life so there was nothing else left to do except maybe lay down and die but even that wouldn't offer an escape.
At least if it happens again I can console myself with the knowledge that I will feel ok again when it's over, I actually believed at the time I was going to end up feeling like that forever lol
Horrible mind fook!
I hope this makes sense to you, but IME, sometimes at the peak of a trip a minor physical discomfort can translate into a huge mental problem, even without being conscious of the physical origin of the problem.
Funny thing is that, in such cases, a minor physical comfort can then also translate into a major mental solution. Eg, the music was just a little too loud, the blanket moved and you were cold, etc, small things that when fixed can solve a big crisis.
I find that in such cases the smallest of gestures from the tripping partner can make all the difference. My girlfriend handing me a hot cup of (plain) tea, and saying, everything is alright honey, can be the solution to a major mental crisis. Of course I have to keep paying attention when I'm tripping hard, .. 15 minutes later another crisis 
What I'm saying is that maybe, just maybe, you could have broken free from your vicious circle by a very small act, yours or your friend's.
-------------------- Small scale alternative parties rich in empathy and extravagance. Happen to know of one in the vicinity of Amsterdam? PM me my dear fellow. I love to meet some other freaks. Oh and, if you can,.. embrace the nyctomorph. It needs you.
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jcop
myself



Registered: 12/02/14
Posts: 163
Loc: Prague, CZ
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: Potency Surprise [Re: Hanz]
#22098758 - 08/16/15 01:09 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Completely agreed, I was a bit cold. I was tripping with my girlfriend so in the end we had to embrace each other which helped a little bit. If she weren't there, I really dunno...
-------------------- Afraid of illness? German new medicine might be for you First succesfull project:
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