Before you read please understand I'm new to this site. I have browsed it for months but recently joined a few days ago. This is my very first post. I hope you enjoy and happy reading.
In the past I was the girl who frowned upon the use of any "drugs" besides marijuana. Besides a little adderall binge I went on in high school marijuana is the only "drug" I've ever put in my body. I had no interest what so ever in mushrooms. I was always told mushrooms can do bad things to you, make you hallucinate to a point you don't feel safe, and can overall be dangerous. However I met my boyfriend (who we'll call D) a couple of years ago and one night we talked about his experience with DMT (which I will soon try) and mushrooms. I didn't exactly look down on him but I encouraged him to never do it again because I worried for his safety. He respected that and understood where I was coming from. He didn't agree with my thoughts on it but he understood I was uneducated on the beauty behind there meaning.
One day I became curious about a shroom trip. D's trip in particular. I wanted to know what it did for him, how it made him feel, was he scared, was it scary, did the walls talk to him, did he see things that weren't there? I wanted to know everything. He explained to me it simply opened his mind. I got some detail about it and became more than interested. He showed me this sight and I began to read about mushrooms myself. I wanted to try them but was still afraid of them. I was afraid of hallucinating, the walls turning into faces, monsters chasing me, etc. I was reassured I had the right mindset that these things won't happen to me. But where do I come across some? How am I going to get them? That was an easy question for D, we are going to grow our own. When I say we it was really all D. He buried his face into forums on the growing process. No mistakes were made just some lessons learned. After a few weeks or so we had so many shrooms! I got this overwhelming feeling excitement watching them grow from beginning to end and asked a million questions along the way. I learned so much and I was ready.
The first night I was still afraid of them so I wanted to start out small. 10g of fresh shrooms. (D wanted me to eat more but I was too scared) The taste was unbearable and I immediately became nauseous and didn't think I was going to be able to do it. But D recommended I chop them small . And down them with OJ. They went down smooth. D ate about 2g of dried aborts, just enough he could feel the high but was still competent enough to comfort me if I freaked out. Now we wait. We decided to watch a nature show until they kick in. D's kicked in rather quickly while I still didn't feel a thing. D was laughing and enjoying himself and I was jealous. I wanted to be where he was so I ate 2g of dried aborts. After about 30 minutes I still didn't feel anything but I could hear 1,000 times better. I could hear each individual bug outside along with wind, and just the outdoors itself. It was pretty cool. I then got this feeling of sadness, the feeling that I let someone very important to me down. I felt as if I wasn't there for them the way I should have been. Here came the uncontrollable tears. Of course, D was there to comfort me and everything was better. But I still wanted more. However it was already late and we had to be up in the morning so I decided to wait until the next night.
The next night I was still nervous but I did it. All together I had 27g fresh and 2g dried aborts. We decided to watch "Reign Over Me" an Adam Sandler movie that we both recommend watching while on shrooms. It was amazing. Now for my trip. It's been about 25 minutes and towards the end of the movie. The tv started to cave in and began to "breathe". The bar stool backs around our bar became circular and had designs I couldn't make out (they are square). My mind started to race. For a few minutes I became frightened because the room started to change but I calmed myself down by holding D's arm and reminding myself while he reminded me I was safe. The movie we were watching was intense and I felt the pain of Adam Sandler's character but in a different way. He lost his family and grieved in his own way but his "family" wanted to change the way he grieved. The wanted to change him and that devastated me and opened my mind to the world around me. Another overwhelming episode of feelings. Sad, happy, depressed, hate, disappointment, anger, EVERYTHING. I couldn't control them but I loved it. I needed more. I began to think about my 92 year old grandfather and beautiful he is. How beautiful his life was. Born in 1922 he was and is living the life. A life where people worked for their own, social media didn't exist, clothes and looks didn't determine the kind of person you were, you learned with pen and paper not ipads, teachers used chalkboard, skirts were worn long, being a lady was being modest, a good time wasn't getting wasted at a bar, music was art, it was common to walk to work, work was manual labor, you could comfortably take a walk at night without the fear of today's world. In his day family was important, you saw one another, you spent time together, had dinner at home not a drive thru every night. People taught you, not your electronics. Don't get me wrong, there were still negative things in his life. But most of his life stories are filled with happiness and he didn't have a lot of money. As a matter of fact he was dirt poor but he was happy. He's never owned a cell phone, never had or used internet, never owned a big house, a nice car, but he was still happy. He found love with my grandma, happy love. 93 years later he still doesn't own a nice house or a nice car. He still grows his own produce, still hunts and fish for meat. Shit, he's so fucking beautiful. Words can't exactly explain what was going on in my head but I was still sad, happy, empty and depressed. Why is this going through my head? I couldn't figure that out then BAM, it hit me. I hate today's society. Nature/Life is beautiful. We as people make it ugly. Why is money so important? Why do sports stars have millions that get wasted? What the fuck has reality TV turned into? Why are we CONTROLLED by a government? Why do we live this way? Why can't we all be treated equal and be treated the same? Why can't we work for trade? Why do we pay for health insurance? Why is it so important to have nice things? Why am I a server and forced to take people's shit for a few dollars? Why do we teach our kids in order to be successful you HAVE to make tons of money. But in order to do so you have to have money. Why do today's children have cell phones? Why are there fucking games on the tables at some restaurants? Oh my fucking God my mind is racing! I'm scared now and don't know why. I cry and cry and cry some more. I can't control these tears. I see everything for how it is. Like stated before I can't put what's going on in my head into words. I want out of this society, I want to die. I quickly snap out of that mindset and start to see beauty. I see life again, I see color for the first time, my mind has been blown, everything around me is beautiful. I sit with D and spill my feelings to him. I tell him we can't change the world but we can change ours. We can escape this society and go somewhere beautiful. Again, I can't put these thoughts and visions into words.
Finally after about 6 hours I try to sleep. But every time I closed my eyes I see kaleidoscope images, that I found annoying, so I lay awake until I fall asleep. As I lay there I cry. I cry because as scary as my trip was it, it was beautiful, it was mind blowing. I'm a changed person. I'm a better person. I'm no longer oblivious to the world. I will no longer let society control me. My mind is open. I didn't experience much visuals but my mind was able to take me places. Places I want to go back to. Places I will go back to. Shrooms changed my life for the better.
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