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OfflineTheMovement
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Polyamorous Relationships
    #22075471 - 08/11/15 09:12 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

So today I want to talk about polyamory, but before we do so lets take a look at the base words.

The greek term poly means : Several, many, multiple
The word amor has Latin roots and means : love

Combine the two and you get polyamory.  The idea of having multiple loves.

It seems like a pretty simple concept to me, yet this idea is sort of taboo in our western culture.  People expect you to be monogamous.  One man one woman.  Now why is this?  Why is polyamory demonized in our culture?

If you truly love someone, why would you want to prevent them from fulfilling their desires?  Do you honesly think you yourself are capable of giving them everything they want?  I'd say that the chances of that are slim to none and by chaining yourselves together you end up creating a tension that cannot be broken.  But wait, why should their be tension between two people who "love" eachother?  If your man or lady is extremely attracted to someone and just wants to have a fling with them, what's inherently wrong with that?  Im sure your partner tells you all the time that he cares/loves/likes/ wants to be with you etc.,  He/she is not just saying that, they really do or they wouldn't need be with you in the first place.

I think the main reason monogomany is so tightly held on to is because it makes people feel insecure.  "Oh shit, if he finds a prettier women that's better in bed, he will leave me forever."  That's not necessarily true, unless you force your partner into monogamy. 

Polyamory actually gives relationships a lot more security.  By allowing your partner to fulfill certain needs outside of yourself, there is less distress and tension within your personal relationships.  Think about how many breakups there are simply due to something like lust.    Or maybe you love bowling and he doesn't, so he brings another date there.

Just like other relationships, there are barriers to overcome.  Communication is what keeps it stable.  Fears and Concerns must be addressed even if uncomfortable.  It's easy for one of your partners to feel left out if you are not spending enough time with her/him.  Polyamorous relationships fail are not a downfall of the relationship type itself, as normal relationships fail all the time.

I urge all you to think of your current perceptions of what makes a romantic relationship and what would be best for both partners.  Opening up something like this get's rid of the " I own you" tendency of monogamous relationships.  Multiple loves is possible as long as all parties are completely honest with eachother.

To put this into context, I have been poly for a few months now and while I am still working out the kinks, I see this as one of the greatest forms of relationships.

What are your opinions on this topic?  Have you ever tried it out before?  If so, did it start polyamorous or was it turned into one?  The latter don't tend to work as well from what I have seen.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: TheMovement]
    #22075585 - 08/11/15 09:33 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

With the right combination of people with the right intentions, it can work. But I think most people just can't handle it. I myself am not sure if I could, and I don't really feel the need to at this point. My girlfriend says she definitely couldn't deal with it, so it's a moot point anyway, and I'm okay with that.

When it comes to social acceptance, I'd advocate the "mind your own business" approach. Focus on the people that matter, and take their needs and desires into account. The rest of society can make up their own minds; there's no need to convince them of anything or discuss things with them.

Btw, I've never been in a poly relationship but my gf and myself do date women together. The main objective is to have sex, but there's quite a bit of intimacy involved in it as well, so you could say it's a kind of poly 'superleggera'. We consider ourselves a monogamous couple though.


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: koraks]
    #22076196 - 08/11/15 12:42 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I've heard of weirder things.

Nothing wrong if you love more than one person. Love is good. The more there is the better IMO.

That's until she gets jealous of the until, then the shit hits the fan


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OfflinelillFish
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Patlal]
    #22082280 - 08/12/15 04:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

omg Movement... I find all that to make perfect sense. It's not just the ability to have some other romantic interest, but it is the very idea of questioning and conquering insecurity, jealousy and fear in relationships. If my s/o found a person who could give him something he could not get from me and it would make him happy, I would allow him to pursue it giving that he respected our home and a simple, short list of rules.

I love my s/o and want him to be happy and if it makes us better off, what's the harm? I believe that if you love it, let it go and if it comes back, it's true.

I find that to make love stronger, you must let go of fear and bare all so that it can be tested ...



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Edited by lillFish (08/12/15 04:50 PM)


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OfflineShiVersblood
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: lillFish]
    #22082324 - 08/12/15 05:00 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Poly relationships are such bull. Its just an excuse to cheat. I would go insane with jealousy and probably just kill the girl if I was ever in a poly relationship, I couldnt handle it.


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22082346 - 08/12/15 05:06 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I think it's pretty unlikely to be able to find and be attracted to two other people who can be in healthy relationship with more than one person. I think the numbers are working against it in the US and in most other places where monogamy is the norm.


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #22085050 - 08/13/15 06:36 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Mr.GuessWork said:
I think it's pretty unlikely to be able to find and be attracted to two other people who can be in healthy relationship with more than one person. I think the numbers are working against it in the US and in most other places where monogamy is the norm.





Because monogamy is such a successful relationship style. :lol:


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Offlineempty space
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22085175 - 08/13/15 07:37 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Stealth1Vampire said:
Poly relationships are such bull. Its just an excuse to cheat. I would go insane with jealousy and probably just kill the girl if I was ever in a poly relationship, I couldnt handle it.



Do you realize how this is an insecure thought loop? Poly relationships are bullshit because you couldnt handle it. What if you said you could handle it? What if you realized your vibrant masculinity and stepped up to be the man who is confident enough with his self-identity that he knows that no matter who his partner sleeps with, the connectivity and passion will never be better than what you do for her? And so what if your partner finds someone who fits her better? There is no problem because if you are secure with yourself and if you truly love her, you will be able to accept and support her happiness. There will be no problem because you are secure in yourself. You make you happy. And you know that if your partner, your soulmate, your twin flame, has found someone that fits her better, then there is someone out there that fits you better too.


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Edited by empty space (08/13/15 07:42 AM)


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OfflineShiVersblood
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: empty space]
    #22085557 - 08/13/15 09:47 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

asking a guy to be in a poly relationship is like asking the guy to lose his spine. its the same thing as allowing urself to be shit all over and pretending to be okay with it


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: yogabunny]
    #22086053 - 08/13/15 10:49 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

Mr.GuessWork said:
I think it's pretty unlikely to be able to find and be attracted to two other people who can be in healthy relationship with more than one person. I think the numbers are working against it in the US and in most other places where monogamy is the norm.





Because monogamy is such a successful relationship style. :lol:




Nobody said it was. People clearly suck at monogamy, but if you can't do monogamy, you probably can't do polyamory either. Polyamory is a lot more complex and it takes more skill. I think polygamy is the most common type of polyamory from a historical perspective, and it's usually been heavily influenced by things like religious tradition and other social traditions. Tradition is partly why monogamy works as well as it does. There's no real tradition for polyamory in most places, so it's a lot harder to pull off well. People need to develop their psychological skills on their own, and that is pretty overwhelming for most people.


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OfflineShiVersblood
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Registered: 08/18/07
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #22086511 - 08/13/15 12:03 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

takes more skill? That is the exact opposite of what it takes. Poly takes no skill it just takes not having a back bone and takes u not caring about ANYTHING, including not caring about urself.


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22086566 - 08/13/15 12:15 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

You're rage posting, shivers.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: yogabunny]
    #22086592 - 08/13/15 12:21 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

Mr.GuessWork said:
I think it's pretty unlikely to be able to find and be attracted to two other people who can be in healthy relationship with more than one person. I think the numbers are working against it in the US and in most other places where monogamy is the norm.





Because monogamy is such a successful relationship style. :lol:



No one is ever always happy with themselves so how can they always be happy with eachother. Monogamy is conviction to the realization that we are imperfect even though we have found a reason to hold who we love in such regard that they come above all others. Commitment to one person takes courage as much as sacrfice, but it also takes a lot of love. And personally, I don't know if I can agree with the thought of true love being something you can title to many.


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Registered: 11/01/09
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22086594 - 08/13/15 12:22 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Stealth1Vampire said:
takes more skill? That is the exact opposite of what it takes. Poly takes no skill it just takes not having a back bone and takes u not caring about ANYTHING, including not caring about urself.





Your posting in this thread just shows you know absolutely nothing about actual polyamory, but I actually think you're just trolling. If you're not trolling try to calm the fuck down and respect that others may have different relationship styles that you may just not be able to understand.

Many people maintain happy and successful poly relationships because that's what works for them. In fact, the poly relationships I've seen tend to be WAY more loving, WAY more affectionate and involve WAY more mature and emotionally intelligent communication than most monogamous relationships.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22086595 - 08/13/15 12:22 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

My best friend (who is amazing when it comes to general knowledge) was telling me recently how it used to very common in England, as little as 100 years ago, for most men to have a 'mistress' as well as a wife. Woman, being unequal at the time, just had to accept it. Then the whole equality movement got underway, and suddenly women started asking why they couldn't have that same privilege. Know what happened? Men backed down and monogamy has been the standard ever since.

Now one could ask why this is, and no doubt there may be different theories. But based on my own feelings, and having just found out that my wife was unfaithful to me, I can theorize. Men are quite territorial IME. So thinking about the fact of some other guy being in that most holy place in your wife is like some other guy jumping right into your most sacred territory. It provokes an aggressive reaction (or did in me at least, and I think this is a common reaction).

On the other hand, I think men are biologically wired to want to have multiple partners.

So the real challenge here, is can a man accept his partner doing it, as IMO, we're not biologically wired up for that to be acceptable. That's where the difficulty comes in as far as I can see, and relates to the 'confidence' empty_space mentions.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineShiVersblood
VAmPiRES HELLA ❤
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: yogabunny] * 1
    #22086656 - 08/13/15 12:38 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

Stealth1Vampire said:
takes more skill? That is the exact opposite of what it takes. Poly takes no skill it just takes not having a back bone and takes u not caring about ANYTHING, including not caring about urself.





Your posting in this thread just shows you know absolutely nothing about actual polyamory, but I actually think you're just trolling. If you're not trolling try to calm the fuck down and respect that others may have different relationship styles that you may just not be able to understand.

Many people maintain happy and successful poly relationships because that's what works for them. In fact, the poly relationships I've seen tend to be WAY more loving, WAY more affectionate and involve WAY more mature and emotionally intelligent communication than most monogamous relationships.





so your one of those people who if someone does not agree with you then you just assume they are trolling?  Hey here is a reality check, not everyone is going to agree with you on everything in this life.


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: ShiVersblood]
    #22086685 - 08/13/15 12:44 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I don't suspect you're trolling because you don't agree, I suspect you're trolling because of the hateful, aggressive, inflammatory tone behind your posts here. You're welcome to not agree. Do so with respect, or don't bother posting here.

This isn't the pub or OTD.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22086705 - 08/13/15 12:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
My best friend (who is amazing when it comes to general knowledge) was telling me recently how it used to very common in England, as little as 100 years ago, for most men to have a 'mistress' as well as a wife. Woman, being unequal at the time, just had to accept it. Then the whole equality movement got underway, and suddenly women started asking why they couldn't have that same privilege. Know what happened? Men backed down and monogamy has been the standard ever since.

Now one could ask why this is, and no doubt there may be different theories. But based on my own feelings, and having just found out that my wife was unfaithful to me, I can theorize. Men are quite territorial IME. So thinking about the fact of some other guy being in that most holy place in your wife is like some other guy jumping right into your most sacred territory. It provokes an aggressive reaction (or did in me at least, and I think this is a common reaction).

On the other hand, I think men are biologically wired to want to have multiple partners.

So the real challenge here, is can a man accept his partner doing it, as IMO, we're not biologically wired up for that to be acceptable. That's where the difficulty comes in as far as I can see, and relates to the 'confidence' empty_space mentions.



Why does it always have to be about sex? How I feel about my partner is more important, you should agree with that sentiment seeing as you've chosen to forgive your wife for having an affair. Sex is symbolic, and that's the part that hurt you. When you saw that she is psychologically unbalanced you found reason to forgive. That's because you knew that the relationship you cherish wasn't compromised.

Seeing it as about sex is incredibly basic. If people's foremost priority in eachother is sex then they wouldn't have a relationship in the first place.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22086912 - 08/13/15 01:06 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Because we're animals? Personally, I have a very strong animal instinct - I feel very in touch with that side of myself. I get that we're conscious beings and that's why I was able to overlook her actions and not head straight out and beat the living shit out of the guy that took advantage of her.

But say what you like, sex is incredibly important, and, to my conscious mind, sacred. Nobody said it was a foremost priority, from what I can see.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Anonymous #1

Re: Polyamorous Relationships [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22087073 - 08/13/15 01:19 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

No you didn't but it was your opinion none the less. Sex is important but the point is the differing view from monogamy to polygamy is larger than a basic animal instinct for sexual gratification.


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