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Anonymous #1
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Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life
#22073953 - 08/10/15 09:54 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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So I've been in this relationship for about 2 1/2 years, and I've lived with this person for about six months. Both of us have quickly lost sexual interest.
I am someone who is (moderately) into physical fitness, and I feel I have a really high sex drive. (I'm a woman.) My boyfriend is an older man (10+ year difference) who doesn't have any desire to really exercise or be intimate with me. He recently acquired a very demanding job so I feel that has a lot to do with it.
I've been thinking about moving back in with my parents (I can't really afford to live on my own with my current income) and that sounds like a shitty course of action, because who ever wants to move back in with their parents? All the perks I can think of about staying in this relationship are actually not related to the relationship at all. Most of them are things like being able to smoke weed, not deal with my family, being able to pursue my passions without constant nagging.
I'm doing my best to be supportive of my partner when work demands him, but I can't even remember the last time we had sex. It must have been at least 4 months ago (right after moving in). He definitely isn't cheating, I'm 100% positive that his time is being taken up by work, not some other romantic interest. He doesn't seem to mind the lack of sex but it's driving me insane. I'm a young woman, and physical contact is really important to me. I used to try and pursue him more but if we did have sex I would never feel fulfilled. Now if he tries to pursue me (which is horrifyingly rare) I feel agitated because there is zero romance. I woke up one morning and he was just pressing on my clit as an invitation to sex. I had just had a bad dream, AND that's a shitty first move as far as foreplay goes. Ouch. We ended up not having sex because that invitation put me off really hard.
I've never moved in with a partner before and now that I'm here I feel really stuck. What should I do shroomery? Has anyone else experienced something like this? Some perspective would be wildly appreciated. I don't really know where else I should turn to.
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SushiKing
Stranger


Registered: 06/16/14
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Re: Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22073984 - 08/10/15 10:01 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Tell him his moves suck and show him how you like it done.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22074018 - 08/10/15 10:09 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I remember reading a quote many years that suggested once a relationship becomes domestic sex will often become boring, although I far from believe this is true in all cases. There certainly has to be drive and understanding to keep things interesting though IMO.
What seems very clear from your post though, is the fact that you don't mention any feelings of love throughout. To me, this makes it sound like you're in a relationship based on practicalities alone. To me, that would be a sure fire sign to get the hell outa there and start life afresh. Our time here is too short and sacred to feel stuck like that IMO.
Who knows what could be around the corner? Sure, you'll probably feel lonely for a while, but a much better match may come your way. If, on the other hand, you truly love this man and want to make it work, then you need to sit down and have a serious talk about the state of affairs.
I hope that helps some!
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Amishmedic8
Naturalist



Registered: 12/05/13
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Loc: ValHalla
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Re: Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#22074117 - 08/10/15 10:27 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Ive been in my domestic relationship for 5yrs and the sex is great. The sad thing is men lose their sex drive around the same time women just begin their upswing. I say its his job give him a min to get used to things and he may come back around. But after hearing that "invitation" story Im a little worried about character. For alot of men relationships decline after becoming domestic because they quickly lose interest. Just as much as women need to be warmed up men need to be kept interested. Sex is as much about the chase as it is the tail. Lets hope he doesnt see you like a trophy. Either way Best of luck. No one likes tough life decisions.
-------------------- Well at least thats what my granmother would say, Medicine from the hinterland Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart ... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. - Carl Jung
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empty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
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Re: Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#22074273 - 08/10/15 10:57 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: All the perks I can think of about staying in this relationship are actually not related to the relationship at all. Most of them are things like being able to smoke weed, not deal with my family, being able to pursue my passions without constant nagging.
Wow you sound like an amazing partner.
I was in a similar situation but from your partner's point of view, although we still had lots of sex. My advice to you is this: if you care about your partner at all, you should move back in with your parents and get your life together. If you can't get your shit on track, then let him get on with his life because no matter how much you think you love him (which from the sound of it is not very much), the reality is you are feeding off of him. If he hasnt already he will grow to resent you and if he has even a quarter of a nutsack left he will kick you out. Of course you could just wait until then to move back in with your parents and waste your time and his.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,805
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Re: Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22074567 - 08/11/15 12:50 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'd recommend spending a little less time together to try and regrow your lost affection. The heart grows strong for what it lacks.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Lachy
Just doin' it



Registered: 06/03/15
Posts: 308
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Re: Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22074615 - 08/11/15 01:31 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sounds like he is not ready to live with a partner who is so much younger. I have seen this time and time again... Older man lives with younger woman. Younger woman feels unappreciated because older man has a demanding job, older man doesn't know how to balance it/doesn't care to balance it.
You need to talk to him about this, let him know how you feel and see what he is willing to do, to take steps to improve it. Just remember this kinda thing doesn't just improve instantly.. takes time. Or it just won't happen at all.
If you love him and he loves you.. this should work out fine if you take the above approach. If nothing changes sooner rather than later.. get out while you can, otherwise this may in turn drop your respect for men and make it harder for you to find/let another man into your life again.
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LackToast
Stranger
Registered: 08/28/10
Posts: 217
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Re: Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life [Re: Lachy]
#22075847 - 08/11/15 10:41 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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start cooking/making him healthy meals, if i had to guess all he eats is junk food? like taco bell or mcdonalds or some other bullshit burgers. this drains you of all youur energy and makes you lethargic.
this will fix your problem in two weeks tops.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Moving in with my partner ruined our sex life [Re: LackToast]
#22076104 - 08/11/15 12:02 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Thank you for all the advice guys. I'm really appreciating all of these valuable le perspectives.
We had some talks last night (not quite about the sex) and I think they are steps in a positive direction as far as healing this relationship goes.
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