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Offlineanangaranga maiden
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Registered: 08/10/15
Posts: 178
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Why does sexual love feel wrong? * 1
    #22071558 - 08/10/15 12:38 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Hi everyone.

Ive been a lurker on here for aeons but now making an account just for this post i really need your advice guys! (and gals).

I was brought up in a loving home. Both my parents were hippies and they met and fell in love in India in the world of free love and LSD and mushies. They were both virgins when they met and they have never been with any others. They are both practicing Hindus but with a fairly new age feel (lol!) and they have both helped to set up Ashrams in the US (California) and UK for couples wishing to explore Kama Sutra and Tantra.

So you can believe that i had a very open upbringing sexually. However, my parents taught me that the sexual energy in the western world, raunchy and provocative and x rated stuff like in hip hop and pop videos is a debasement of the feminine principle and that true sexual energy is altogether different. With this i completely agree and I dont act promiscuously and veer away from men who want that sort of thing.

My problem is that although I have had really intimate relationships with men, i never feel the moment is right to give myself up sexually. no matter how much sexual energy is burning me up. I feel like im waiting for the perfect moment. which never comes. I fear if i give in i will regret losing my innocence in a way that does fully live up.

I know this is silly and i need to set Kamaledhiplava  adrift, but i panick when the moment comes and the man after some time loses interest and im left heart broken.

Can anyone give me a different view on how to get out of this thought pattern?

Has anyone else here felt like this?

Thanks for your advice that i know is coming x

Namaste


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Offlineladyluck
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22071641 - 08/10/15 01:01 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I think maybe you are putting too much emphasis on the act of sex itself. If you keep building it up in your mind and not doing it, you may end up being disappointed in the long run. Give in and be happy :smile:


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OfflineHardTrippin
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: ladyluck]
    #22071688 - 08/10/15 01:11 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I would make sure it's with a boyfriend that you feel strongly for though. You would probably regret it if you lost your virginity to some guy at a party because you were drinking. At least, it might give you the wrong impression of what sex can be.

I'm a male, but even I have to admit that sex with someone you love far outshines casual sex.


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Offlineanangaranga maiden
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Registered: 08/10/15
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: HardTrippin]
    #22071706 - 08/10/15 01:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Hey thanks for quick response!

I shudda said, in 26 and female. Yes all i think about is making love and i know the kama sutra inside out. I just panic at that last moment and think NO! its not fully right... but i was so in love with my alst boyfried and after 12 months of not  consumating he just got too frustrated and ended it. I dont blame him becuase if he wasnt the right one then no one was.

Id love to know if anyone else has felt that fear and found a way to overcome it....without using wine or whiskey!

xxx


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OfflineBuster_Brown
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden] * 1
    #22071860 - 08/10/15 01:50 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Your parents virginity before marriage aligns with the Hindu ideal, and so you probably subconsciously have a guilt complex associated with sex before marriage.

Overcoming taboo may involve risks of further guilt complexes.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: Buster_Brown]
    #22072086 - 08/10/15 02:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I suspect's everyone's first time is very, very far from ideal. Mine certainly was, but that hasn't stopped my from sexuality maturing into a very caring and considerate lover (IMO), and from eventually finding my perfect sexual match. From reports I hear of current and ex-partners ex-lovers, it strikes me that most men are, IMO, quite sexually selfish, and are missing the point, concentrating only on the physical act and foregoing the amazing emotional connection that is, IMO, the whole point of sex. I have also been with women who I believe are missing the point, so this is not gender specific IME.

As with most things in life, I believe it is better to simply dive in head first, and then concentrate on 'fine tuning' and discovering your true path. I believe one can only do so when one has a certain number of experiences under ones belt. Invariably, they will cover the whole spectrum, from good to bad and everything in between.

It sounds like your parents lucked out with their first time, but this is an ideal that simply doesn't occur for most of us. As has been mentioned, I would never suggest giving it away without consideration, but I also suggest not holding back so much, as you'll only be further building on anxieties.

It's gonna happen sometime, it probably won't feel 'just right', but that doesn't mean that you're never gonna be with someone with who it does feel perfect. It just might take a while to find them, at that will invariably include working on these issues yourself.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


Edited by Jokeshopbeard (08/10/15 02:55 PM)


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden] * 2
    #22073644 - 08/10/15 08:40 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

It would appear that you have introjected - taken into yourself - your parents' value of sexual love after marriage. Everyone and everything else will not eliminate this value and it should not have to. Virginity is not a condition to throw away, it is one to give away. Among the thousands of adolescent girls I worked with as a clinical counselor during my 27 year career, there were always some who believed all too materialistically (usually from  ignorant grandmothers), that the use of a tampon or a speculum in a gynecological exam 'took away' their virginity. I would go so far as to say that even a sexual violation, a forcible rape, does not destroy virginity any more than a tampon does. Virginity is not about a physical act of penetration of a vagina any more than a human is merely "intelligent meat" and not a being - a spiritual verity. Giving away one's virginity is about a radical openness to a unique other, including physical openness, but extending beyond physicality to the openness of one's complete being.

Sexual love, eros, divinized perhaps by the Tantras and by Plato, but it is not the essential love called agapé in the New Testament and the metaphysical love which is how very God is defined (1 John 4:8). In between the divine and the profoundly earthly, the Greeks had a number of forms of love, and ideally, all of them should be in place in a marriage. The sexual, social, compassionate and divine forms of love also correspond to the chakras somewhat, and the chakra ladders of both partners should be able to connect like zipping up a zipper, merging both sides. For you, all these points of contact need to be magnetically drawn together without gaps for sex to feel right, meaning complete, whole, wholesome, holy. This is what effects the Marriage of Sun and Moon, not a mere hookup between Venus and Mars. :wink:

http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness/the-ancient-greeks-6-words-for-love-and-why-knowing-them-can-change-your-life?utm_source=FB&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=20131227#.Ur7rEfzJtvU.facebook


Edited by MarkostheGnostic (08/10/15 08:51 PM)


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OfflineMushroomBear
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #22075112 - 08/11/15 07:12 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Good sex can initially obfuscate the other aspects of a relationship which are of greater importance to its long term success. This is especially true for younger people, or anyone to whom sex is still a big driving force. I suspect this is why many religions frown upon sex before marriage (or some other milestone in a relationship).

Your views on sex seem quite doctrinal to me, but I also think they're fundamentally sound.

Sex eventually becomes an infinitesimal factor of a good relationship. IME, the most important thing is for each party to be able to recognise AND appreciate how the other expresses their love. Look out for this first and foremost, and let the sex take a backseat.

As an aside, why would you make an account here to discuss this issue in particular? I'm sure there are plenty of relationship forums around. But then again, who knows - maybe you'd get more bunk advice on one of those. Psychedelics are great for deepening one's understanding of true love.


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OnlineKickleM
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22075623 - 08/11/15 09:44 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

anangaranga maiden said:
Hi everyone.

Ive been a lurker on here for aeons but now making an account just for this post i really need your advice guys! (and gals).

I was brought up in a loving home. Both my parents were hippies and they met and fell in love in India in the world of free love and LSD and mushies. They were both virgins when they met and they have never been with any others. They are both practicing Hindus but with a fairly new age feel (lol!) and they have both helped to set up Ashrams in the US (California) and UK for couples wishing to explore Kama Sutra and Tantra.

So you can believe that i had a very open upbringing sexually. However, my parents taught me that the sexual energy in the western world, raunchy and provocative and x rated stuff like in hip hop and pop videos is a debasement of the feminine principle and that true sexual energy is altogether different. With this i completely agree and I dont act promiscuously and veer away from men who want that sort of thing.

My problem is that although I have had really intimate relationships with men, i never feel the moment is right to give myself up sexually. no matter how much sexual energy is burning me up. I feel like im waiting for the perfect moment. which never comes. I fear if i give in i will regret losing my innocence in a way that does fully live up.

I know this is silly and i need to set Kamaledhiplava  adrift, but i panick when the moment comes and the man after some time loses interest and im left heart broken.

Can anyone give me a different view on how to get out of this thought pattern?

Has anyone else here felt like this?

Thanks for your advice that i know is coming x

Namaste





Well if you're always waiting for the perfect moment, then it seems to me there are a few obvious directions to take

1) reassess your ideals - are they realistic? imagine this perfection and make a list of it's traits. how many of them have you come across in your time here? how realistic/unrealistic is your expectation?

2) consider that by saying you are "waiting for perfection" that you are conversely saying that what is here right now isn't perfect. That what is here isn't good enough. Consider how that may make a potential partner feel when, ultimately, your view is that they are not good enough.

3) Find a way to see the perfection all around you :heart:


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain


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Offlineanangaranga maiden
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: Kickle]
    #22076163 - 08/11/15 12:28 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Hey everyone thanks so much for your insghts.

I have definately realised something after consdiering what you have all said...
I think the issue is, i want my mate to be a virgin too...that we both share the feeling of losing our innocence to each other. That way its like a gift to each other.

I really think that was what was missing. gifting each other in tht way and thats what my parent did, although they were not married and still are not (lol!) what they gave to each otehr was their innocence and that was what was magical!!!

Does that make sense? Do i need to fall in love with a virgin?!? It sounds crazy but....:heart:


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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22076176 - 08/11/15 12:35 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

You're not going to find too many desirable guys who are virgins at 26.  I'd say give up that fantasy.


--------------------
Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici


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OnlineKickleM
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22076213 - 08/11/15 12:47 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

anangaranga maiden said:
Hey everyone thanks so much for your insghts.

I have definately realised something after consdiering what you have all said...
I think the issue is, i want my mate to be a virgin too...that we both share the feeling of losing our innocence to each other. That way its like a gift to each other.

I really think that was what was missing. gifting each other in tht way and thats what my parent did, although they were not married and still are not (lol!) what they gave to each otehr was their innocence and that was what was magical!!!

Does that make sense? Do i need to fall in love with a virgin?!? It sounds crazy but....:heart:




Need? No, of course not. But it may be what you want and that's OK until it's not. It seems to be working against you so far

To relate on a personal level I grew up with a very open father and a very conservative mother. I grew up with the ideal of virginity on one side and no comment on the other just a desire for my well-being. When I did finally have sex it was because I was overcome by primal urges. I was into my partners body full on. There was great sexual chemistry.

We split after a year or so together.

My current partner was a virgin before me. We are not married. But we have been together for 8 years and she is as far as I can tell my life partner. We have no intention to marry or to have kids. But between us there is an undeniable love for one another. I have said many times here that the most important quality for me about her has always been her heart. If for some reason her heart changes, that would be grounds for me leaving.

Is her heart, that purity, due to her having been a virgin? I doubt it. Did her heart keep her a virgin? Probably. Did she hold out when a guy who she deeply connected with came along? No. She listened to her heart. The sexual chemistry between us is mediocre at best, but the heart chemistry between us is bar-none.


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InvisibleDisoRDeR
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22076523 - 08/11/15 01:55 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah, focusing on virginity as a selective trait is really going to narrow the field, but I can see how that might put you at ease.

I'm a dude who lost his virginity at 22 to someone I cared deeply for, and it was lovely. Through the subsequent unfolding and collapse of our relationship, my own sexual hangups and possessiveness were brought to light, and that was less lovely. There has been some growth since.

A person's sexual history is only relevant to me now inasmuch as as it informs their present outlook (and their potential for carrying a STI). I once idealized virginity in a partner, but in retrospect that was an expression of my own emotional immaturity and enculturation.  It may be better to assess a potential partner's capacity to approach the sexual experience with a similar sensitivity and reverence to yours, rather than what their genitals have encountered.


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22076966 - 08/11/15 03:31 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

There is this relatively new contrivance of people aspiring to be "born-again virgins." They cease having sport-sex, hook-ups, or whatever you want to call casual sex in favor of beginning a new relationship by putting their 'non-sexual foot' forward, so-to-speak. Perhaps you might consider this new status in order to expand your potential population. It is not a bad idea to discuss sexual history with someone you'e interested in. The question is when. A lot of unscrupulous people want to 'deflower' a virgin just for bragging and egotistical motives (3rd chakra conquest) and may well lie about being a virgin. A true male virgin will disclose that with a certain timidity if genuine, so look for a sense of shyness or reticence when he's revealing that. I have observed a natural and at the same time spiritual 'order-of-operations,' much like that mnemonic device in mathematics with MDAS (My Dear Aunt Sally) referring to performing Multiplication, Division, Addition and Subtraction in that sequence in order to calculate an equation correctly.

In relationships, the 1st operation is Perception, the 2nd is Intellection, the 3rd, Emotion, and the 4th Sex (PIES). In other words: Senses -> Mind -> Heart -> Loins. The other has to be attractive to all the senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell, then touch and taste). One has to be of like mind, especially with regard to values. The forgoing is going to move one emotionally, part of which flows over into desire to become more intimate, eventuating in sexual union. People who become sexual immediately often think they've fallen out of love when the novelty and intensity wanes. Sex, like drugs or a new car for that matter, wears thin after a while. Buddhism knows this to be true about all of existence. Most people do not know of the forms of love which the Greeks categorized and do not have much discernment themselves. First engage the higher chakras, then the middle, and then the lower ones, if you are truly interested in a long-term relationship. I could write at length about what tends to happen if one engages the sexual center or the power center first, sex in the service of the ego (power), or power in the service of sex both manifest in ways that exclude love, communication, or even survival considerations (like having unprotected sex in my city - Miami - the AIDS capital of the USA).


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineGoose
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #22077751 - 08/11/15 06:24 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

every moment is perfect.
i havent had sex for over 12 years
just hasnt felt right. so i understad what your talking about. at the same time you can wait for ever for conditions to be right in your mind but that might not happen. the mind can build things up way to much.

relationships are harder than sex.


--------------------
"i will study and prepare myself so that when my opportunity comes i will be ready" Abraham Lincoln


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Offlineyeah
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #22078959 - 08/11/15 10:10 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Man, that writer is on point when he says America is dangerously short on love for strangers.

People just don't give a fuck about anyone but them and their own, it's un-American as fuck IMO

but to respond to the OP: I pm'd if you haven't noticed. I can explain more if you want.


--------------------


Edited by yeah (08/11/15 10:14 PM)


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OfflineAllGreyThumbs
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: yeah]
    #22080119 - 08/12/15 06:43 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

You place way to much emphasis on arbitrary self imposed rules.  Can't do this, have to that.  Yada, yada, yada.  Screw that (no pun intended).

Live more from the soul and less from the mind.  Stop analyzing.  When the moment feels right just do it and be done with it.

If it later turns out that it might not have been the right time, then acknowledge and learn from it.  Realize that as long as you are learning nothing can be a mistake.

Physical sex is so arbitrary from a spiritual perspective.  It doesn't matter whether people are virgins or if they've had a dozen partners.  Again, what matters is if they are doing their best to live from their highest self.  That may call them to be free and open with their love, it may call them to want things to be special.

At this point it is so built up you might even be better off to just go screw some random stranger, put all of this behind you, and then with a much less confused and crowded state of mind think about what you really want in a life partner.

Seriously.  You are letting some petty and very literal issue that doesn't matter distract you from having a happier life.  Find someone that seems to be a decent person.  Fuck them.  Move on.

The mistake isn't screwing the wrong person, it is living from the mind and not the soul.


--------------------
I only use drugs medicinally.  If I don't my knees hurt from kneeling down.


Edited by AllGreyThumbs (08/12/15 06:50 AM)


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: AllGreyThumbs]
    #22081123 - 08/12/15 12:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

AllGreyThumbs said:
Physical sex is so arbitrary from a spiritual perspective.  It doesn't matter whether people are virgins or if they've had a dozen partners.  Again, what matters is if they are doing their best to live from their highest self.  That may call them to be free and open with their love, it may call them to want things to be special.





Really well said AGT, this paragraph especially. I couldn't agree more.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22081216 - 08/12/15 12:40 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

As an aside, I would ask the question; 'How well can you know yourself unless you've explored your sexual nature?'

To me, it's like keeping your absolute deepest desires and animal nature hidden from yourself. I would encourage any friend of mine who had not yet done so to explore that side of themself as soon as they could, if not yet done so by the same age you have reached anangaranga maiden.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22081663 - 08/12/15 02:28 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

^^Listen to these guys, this is the best advice you're going to get.  Your thoughts are obviously consumed with sex, so just do it.  It's appallingly clear that you need to get this out of your system asap, so that you can move on to more important business.


--------------------
Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici


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Offlineanangaranga maiden
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: DividedQuantum]
    #22084194 - 08/13/15 12:40 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Hi

a lot of people saying i should go out and shag some guy....no thanks.

I hope to meet a guy who views sex in the same way as me, virgin or no. i absolutely aint gonna just throw my virginity away, ive guarded it for so long even with guy who i was in love wiyth. i regret not doing it  with my last boyfrind but perhaps the next will be different. but im not in a rush...


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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden] * 1
    #22084218 - 08/13/15 12:46 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

you do not love them.  That is why it feels wrong. Because it is.

ideally you shouldnt have sex with someone you don't love.  It is so much better when you care about a person and you're not just doing it to please them, or for excercise, or for the sake of just getting off.  Wait till you truly love someone and that person loves you.  Then it will be right


--------------------
welcome to my world http://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/326


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22084229 - 08/13/15 12:49 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I think you're taking the advice you've received in quite the wrong way. From what I can see, only one person even suggested that "you might even be better off to just go screw some random stranger".

It seems to me you've responded quite defensively when all anyone here has tried to do is help.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Posts: 26,088
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22084242 - 08/13/15 12:51 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I think you missed the beginning of the thread sprinkles:

Quote:

anangaranga maiden said:
I just panic at that last moment and think NO! its not fully right... but i was so in love with my alst boyfried and after 12 months of not  consumating he just got too frustrated and ended it. I dont blame him becuase if he wasnt the right one then no one was.





--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22084247 - 08/13/15 12:53 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i thought some of the replies (from males who are probably underage) were stupid and they shouldnt give advice but instead just shut the fuck up.  That would help more.


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welcome to my world http://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/326


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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #22084253 - 08/13/15 12:56 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

he obviously didnt love her if he left because she wasnt putting out.

and she didnt feel he was the right one or she would have been comforable enough to be intimate with him.  besides, the womans intuition just knows stuff.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: sprinkles] * 1
    #22084254 - 08/13/15 12:56 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Wow. I see nothing of the sort. Clearly you've already shown that you haven't read the thread in detail, so it doesn't seem justified to me for you to say that, or indeed to even speak so judgementally of others.

Why is this such a touchy subject? It's life for fucks sake!!


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: sprinkles] * 1
    #22084263 - 08/13/15 12:58 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

sprinkles said:
he obviously didnt love her if he left because she wasnt putting out.

and she didnt feel he was the right one or she would have been comforable enough to be intimate with him.  besides, the womans intuition just knows stuff.




After a year? Are you kidding? I wouldn't wait a month, I think the guy was a fucking saint to wait a year!!


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #22084301 - 08/13/15 01:06 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

a year isnt that long.  I would wait as long as i needed to till they were ready if I LOVED someone.  for example, say Im 20 and in love with a 16 year old.  I would wait till that girl was 18 (even if 16 was the legal age of consent).  No problem.

Anyway, she only thinks the way she does about him because he left.  If he were still around she wouldnt want him.  Its human nature to want what we cant have, or whats emotionally unavailable at the time.


anyway girlfriend, if you're not just trolling or a puppet dont worry.  Someone will come along, as soon as you stop looking.  So focus on yourself, and what you want for yourself and building a future.  Then a man can compliment your already complete life and you wont have to depend on him to meet any of your needs because you will be content with yourself.


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welcome to my world http://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/326


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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: sprinkles]
    #22086199 - 08/13/15 11:09 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

sprinkles said:
he obviously didnt love her if he left because she wasnt putting out.

and she didnt feel he was the right one or she would have been comforable enough to be intimate with him.  besides, the womans intuition just knows stuff.




After a year? Are you kidding? I wouldn't wait a month, I think the guy was a fucking saint to wait a year!!



Quote:

sprinkles said:
a year isnt that long.  I would wait as long as i needed to till they were ready if I LOVED someone.  for example, say Im 20 and in love with a 16 year old.  I would wait till that girl was 18 (even if 16 was the legal age of consent).  No problem.

Anyway, she only thinks the way she does about him because he left.  If he were still around she wouldnt want him.  Its human nature to want what we cant have, or whats emotionally unavailable at the time.


anyway girlfriend, if you're not just trolling or a puppet dont worry.  Someone will come along, as soon as you stop looking.  So focus on yourself, and what you want for yourself and building a future.  Then a man can compliment your already complete life and you wont have to depend on him to meet any of your needs because you will be content with yourself.




Okay so, Jsb is right here.  We have the woman's perspective below.  Above, we have the man's.  sprinkles, do you have any idea how long one year is for a guy to wait?  He must have loved the hell out of her!!  That's an eternity.  You have to consider the male perspective here.  Like Jsb said, most guys would have left after 4-6 weeks.  For men at that age, pussy is the most important thing.  That's just the way it is.  My jaw dropped when I read that guy stuck around a year.  He loved her, trust me.  I find it somewhat offensive that she 'wasn't ready' for a guy who was that clearly devoted to her.  But sprinkles is right that she wants what she can't have.  If she could do it over again, I'd bet she would be just as stubborn.  Oh, well.


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Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici


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Offlineyeah
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22092176 - 08/14/15 05:52 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I'm in her situation but am a dude

Think I'm gonna become a wizard, bros

No social circle, extremely picky about looks (I'm pretty fit and decent looking so don't get started on me about that), don't drink at all and if I ever have any motives when around girls I become awkward as fuck. If I'm in a guileless place then obviously I don't feel like pursuing... shitty paradox

:shrug:


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Edited by yeah (08/14/15 05:56 PM)


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InvisibleBill_Oreilly
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Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22092975 - 08/14/15 10:51 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Wow..OP is very lucky her boyfriend stayed with her for 12 months of no sex. I would have been gone after 1 month.


OP..i suggest online dating. Online you find virgins. Other than that, its going to be hard to find a virgin who is male, your age, and perfect for you.

I would totally re-evaluate why you want to follow in your parents footsteps. You are your own person. Why do you need to be like them? Just because they lost their virginities together doesn't mean you should. This is a very different time in the world, and its very uncommon in the year 2015 to be 21+ and be a virgin.

Sex isn't as a big deal as you make it out to be. It really isn't. What even defines sex? You should answer that question before anything.



Maybe you can have sex with 5 guys at once so you can lose your virginity 5 times at once.


Kidding.


Just go ahead and fuck. Then when you find the right guy, you will know how to please him.


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Something there is mysteriously formed,
Existing before Heaven and Earth,
Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging,
All-pervading, unfailing,
I do not know its name; I call it tao.
If forced to give it a name, I call it
Great (ta). Being great, it flows out;
Flowing out means far-reaching;
Being far-reaching, it is said to return.


It's just a shot away..


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InvisiblepachooDiscord
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Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 7,135
Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: Bill_Oreilly]
    #22093248 - 08/15/15 01:10 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I don't know. I definitely felt the need to put out multiple times but I didn't because something didn't feel right. Then the guys left, then I felt bad and blamed myself. I've been with my man for 9 years today and he was my first, although he wasn't a virgin. I was 18 tho.

It is a deep connection to someone, and when that moment comes, you'll put out. End of story. I lasted a little under a month with my virginity because I knew it was right. It was great and ideal. I wanted to share an experience with someone I truly loved and cared for and I did.

I've thought I loved boys before, but I think I was mistaken. When I finally 'deflowered' myself I knew right away that was what I was waiting for.

I don't know. It sounds oddly faerie-tale cliche now :lol: but I'm glad I waited.


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:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:


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Offlineyeah
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: pachoo]
    #22093965 - 08/15/15 08:18 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

And here I am with no fucks left messaging girls on OkCupid with "will lick butt if u go out on date with me pls"


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Offlineresonant111
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Re: Why does sexual love feel wrong? [Re: anangaranga maiden]
    #22117272 - 08/20/15 03:33 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i went through a bit of a "spiritual sexuality" stage myself and it honestly did alot more harm than good.
when you start to divide sex into "pure" and "debased" it sets the stage for all kinds of perverse delusions and repressions of the sexual instinct.

in reality, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to express sexuality. at the base level, it's just a natural instinct, like eating and going to the bathroom. yes, it can be refined to very deep levels of love and connection with another person but that's simply ONE aspect of it. To only accept that single expression of sexuality is quite limiting and bound to lead to repression.

in reality, sex can be expressed any way we imagine (within legal limits of course :wink:). pure and debased are just labels that confuse.


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