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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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The inner child thing is interesting. I've always had a strong sense mine is around 7-8 years old, so it blew me away recently when my therapist said 'I bet your inner child is about 7-8 years old'. Conversely, my wife's is around 4-5.
I reckon it's there within all of us, stuck at a certain age. It's a great thing IMO. I feel very free when I have an opportunity to act from that place.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Another one.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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And one last one.
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Originofsymmmetry
The Fool on the Hill



Registered: 07/12/14
Posts: 88
Loc: FL, USA
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: Conversely, my wife's is around 4-5.
LOL
Also, Orgoneconclusion, Mad chops on the keys. I play too, but not as well xD I really dig those tracks, gonna finish listening to the rest. I dig that synth sweep in the background To get back on track, it's great that you play. Piano is great. Music has always be my one true love <3 XD
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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My timing sucks. It is an expression of real life which never follows a perfect beat - that is the story I am going with!
Most of my songs are an imperfect onetime improve thang. Without musical expression I might go mad - like all deep artists. 
One final song for the night.
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Originofsymmmetry
The Fool on the Hill



Registered: 07/12/14
Posts: 88
Loc: FL, USA
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Im all about improv Ya, keep it up, man!
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Where are you in FL? I am flying into Tampa in early November to see my old man.
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Originofsymmmetry
The Fool on the Hill



Registered: 07/12/14
Posts: 88
Loc: FL, USA
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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St auggy doggy
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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A little too far to visit as I will not have my own ride there. May hook up with Sclorch, a 30-something former Shroomerite, on November 7.
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Originofsymmmetry
The Fool on the Hill



Registered: 07/12/14
Posts: 88
Loc: FL, USA
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Ah, shame :P well have fun in tampa XD
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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True Love:
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quinn
some kinda love


Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 6,799
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you may not telepathically connect all that much but your music's not bad
-------------------- dripping with fantasy
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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My girlfriend is a lesbian.
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deff
just love everyone



Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,406
Loc: clarity
Last seen: 58 minutes, 46 seconds
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if you're open to mystic head explanations - have you heard of or read about the idea of 'twin flames' that is taught in new age circles? what you describe with this person, an instant connection and feeling totally at home, seems to fit the description given of twin flame relationships. 
best of luck OC, i'm sure with time things will straighten out some more
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: deff]
#22070888 - 08/10/15 08:51 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I was in a similar situation a few months back. I was working a job I hated but kept doing it because I thought I was in love with one of my coworkers. When I first met her she was physically attractive but quiet so she was just another pretty face. As we spent more time together, her mind grew on me. We started seeing each other outside of work as well so it was a lot of time together and I finally thought I found a connection. I've lived single my entire adult life and to finally think I found someone that has a pull on me was just awesome.
Long story short she found another job and on her last day I felt compelled to try and solidify us as a couple. I was convinced she felt the same way about me so I thought this was going to be great and just a necessary step in strengthening our relationship, but the days prior to telling her how I felt were insane. I had very strong tugs in my chest and I cried a lot. It was probably anxiety in retrospect, for I knew I was putting myself in a situation were I would be absolutely vulnerable with another person and I don't think I've ever done that before.
The day came and we sat in a booth outside of work (we were both managers at a retail store in a mall) and I confessed my feelings and told her I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I pretty much did the same thing you did. I came on way too strong and freaked her out. She did not respond how I anticipated and my jaw literally dropped.
I then told her I can't be friends with her and she said that was unfair and harsh and gave me all these mixed signals as if she truly cared about me even though she didn't want to be more than just friends. She told me she is always there for me if I change my mind and to this day I haven't reached out to her but I certainly want to.
I feel for you. I know exactly what you mean by that "home" feeling. I felt as if she completed me. I have a bunch of foolish dreams that I want to accomplish because I have no other purpose in this life, but I would have dropped them all for her. She made me feel like I needed nothing and could do anything.
I put in my 2 week notice the next day and they asked me to do 3 weeks because they were short on managers because she just left too. It was the hardest 3 weeks of work because everything reminded me of her. It was hell.
I can only say that time makes the heartache bearable. I haven't spoken to her in 4 months now and I don't know when I will reach out to her again, but I'm sure I will. In the meantime I stay busy with my hobbies. This is my only advice. Stay busy trying to better yourself.
Your post is fucking on point with me though, so know you're not alone. I am in the same cycle of working out all day till exhaustion some days and other days completely awkward and spaced out with the feeling that gravity has dragged me down to hell as my body is extremely heavy and any movement or activity sucks.
Keep moving forward OC. I maintain hope that this heartache isn't for nothing. There has to be something on the horizon for me (and you) that will send all this pain away. It's maybe foolish to think this, but it helps me in finding inspiration and keeping myself open to whatever may come.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: deff]
#22070932 - 08/10/15 09:10 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
deff said: if you're open to mystic head explanations - have you heard of or read about the idea of 'twin flames' that is taught in new age circles? what you describe with this person, an instant connection and feeling totally at home, seems to fit the description given of twin flame relationships. 
best of luck OC, i'm sure with time things will straighten out some more 
I did read up on soul-mates and twin flames, but the information was not congruent from "expert" to "expert" nor did anyone list a source from where they derived this information. Also the statements provided were very wishy-washy and vague.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: cez]
#22071003 - 08/10/15 09:31 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
I have a bunch of foolish dreams that I want to accomplish because I have no other purpose in this life, but I would have dropped them all for her. She made me feel like I needed nothing and could do anything.
Yeah, I was already trying to figure out how to move to her area and everything.
In my case, she was totally into me, but was only on the first chapter whereas I jumped straight to the last chapter.
I suppose part of my crisis, is that at my age and being a hermit /working at home, my future options are quite limited. There is the fear that this was my last shot at love. And that I fact that I killed it before it even took root. So retarded.
Another minor detail I failed to mention: this woman wore no makeup (yay) and on our dinner date, she had to work right before so she was wearing her work grubbies and ugly shoes. Made no difference to me.
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yeah


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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 (http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/spaghetti-stories)
Wow, man. That sounds pretty rough. Props for being open.
I'm kind of hoping that happens to me, without the part where spaghetti falls out of my pockets.
If you're open to different kinds of meditation I can tell you which one I do. I couldn't imagine that my personality would be as balanced as it is without having found it. Although I did begin it in my early 20's (before male brain myelination tends to finish).
Maybe you can give me some advice? I'm at an age now where my libido is more oppressive than it was in puberty yet I also have reservations (outright psychological barriers even) about pursuing women I'm not interested in. I also have no means of meeting women aside from online dating (which is fucking shit).
Have you ever found any viable means of "transmuting" the urge to nut into something else? I swear that in my case once it starts it can only be momentarily set aside. Not meditation, not the outdoors, not even hard submission wrestling practice can diminish it. I feel like I am meant to suffer for no reason other than "just because". It sounds like you were a stud at that point in your life and had no problem, but maybe now in hindsight you might have some wisdom 
But yeah, the meditation I do I feel has literally been a godsend. I'll tell you more if you want.
Edited by yeah (08/10/15 10:00 AM)
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Burke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
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Have you tried emailing her a photo of yourself with a much younger lady you met online and explaining that she's been replaced?
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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That would just be thoughtless, mean and quite juvenile.
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