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deff
just love everyone



Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,406
Loc: clarity
Last seen: 1 hour, 8 minutes
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: deff] 1
#23413512 - 07/05/16 11:46 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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H never sent me a photo of her and I could not remember what she looked like even the day after we met. Granted, 8 hours is a short time, but her "energy" is (probably) burned into me unto my last breath and I have a great memory for faces.
Three days before I left I get an invitation from her to share profiles on LinkedIn - a networking website. I check it out and there is her photo. I studied it, yet could NOT, for the life of me say whether it was her or not. I double-checked other info and it was indeed her, but there was no familiarity. Weird.
When I called her several days later, she stated that she had accidentally clicked on the Invite.
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yeah


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Welp I just went thru a lil bit of heartbreak myself it would seem. But I'm already mostly better.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Quote:
It's so intensely powerful life experience compared to ANY I have known, by an order of magnitude many, many times greater than any other 'life changing experience'.
I have written this several times - in my journal and on another website. Meeting H and the subsequent experiences were more powerful by far than any hallucinogen; and had an impact more powerful than any other life event - including deaths of friends and family members and breaking up with my fiance.
My life is forever divided into before and after the encounter with this seemingly very ordinary woman.
This all sounds overly melodramatic, but it anything, is way understated. Witnessing the Divine or going mad - either way...
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Well at least life is a mystery once again, eh? Uncertainty is some wild stuff.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,539
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: CosmicJoke]
#23415986 - 07/06/16 04:41 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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undecidability is the shit!
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Here is what a woman wrote about a non-romantic Twin Flame wherein she could not remember his eyes - which sounds somewhat similar to my story about not being able to remember H's face:
I've always been a logical woman (yes, I've been accused by many of my boyfriends, even my husband, of being like Spock in the Star Trek movies..lol) and this TF connection has blown me away...I literally FELT the magnetic pull from my chest when my TF was about 1 foot to 1.5 feet away (facing full frontal to each other) and had the eye-lock simultaneously and I thought to myself "What the heck was that?!?!"...Then I FELT all these overwhelming feelings of pure unconditional love for this kid (my TF is only 18 y/o and I'm 47 y/o) whom I didn't know, I don't even know his last name for pete's sake!!...And I SAW this pure love expression on his face and I thought to myself "What was that?!..Am I seeing things??"...I noticed all these things before I even looked up these things to even know what these were...Now, I can usually reason things away or put them in proper categories...But none, and I stress NONE, of these things are what I've come across as earthbound human occurrences in my entire 47 yrs...And I believe in my gut instincts (it's never been wrong) when it tells me this stuff is real...I was able to try to reason everything out, EXCEPT for the eye-lock part where I was staring into what I thought were his eyes but all I can recall visually was I was staring into darkness, like the Abyss....I can't for the life of me recall seeing any eyes!...So I assumed his eyes were dark...Till the next time (which was also the last time I saw him cuz he ran!..lol) I saw him, he was not full frontal - he stood side ways and looked at me, his eyes were mint green!!!...Now, try to explain that to my logical brain on why the heck don't I recall that one iota!?!..lol
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Edited by OrgoneConclusion (07/13/16 12:04 AM)
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yeah


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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https://www.amazon.com/Brida-Novel-P-S-Paulo-Coelho/dp/0061578959
read this book
the author likes to put in little bits to remind you it's just a book, but only to break you out of the enthrallment the other info he gives may pull you into
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: yeah]
#23825071 - 11/12/16 07:15 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I broke down tonight.
Now before I continue, H is THE most private person I ever met. We have probably spoken less than 90 minutes on the phone since our first meeting and she never shared anything of her personal life except for the facts that she had a son and was divorced. That was the sum total data that I was working with, but seeing as how my old username here was Swami, I attempted to peer beyond the veil...
A few months back I wrote in my journal that H was the wife/sister/daughter I never had. (As JSB put it: the feminine archetype.) I pondered that for several weeks and then came to the conclusion that if that were true then the obverse (if we were indeed a match) must also be true.
So I wrote one last letter to her in which I explained my hypothesis. I stated that she likely had no brother, an absentee father and an abusive husband who left her and did not support her son. I said that she likely chose me as the significant and supportive male figure that was missing from her life.
She replied "Wrong! Now leave me be."
I was puzzled. OC and the word "wrong" do not belong in the same sentence. 
Believe it or not, as obsessed as I was with this woman, I never checked out her Facebook page until recently. On it she wrote about being in several abusive relationships and bemoaned the fact that her son had no uncles, father or grandfather to act as a role model or even call him on his birthday.
Yesterday, she wrote of losing her father, a Vietnam vet, in the war (who was born the same year as me!) as a young girl. I broke down in tears feeling her pain and loss and the frustration of being unable to contact or console her.
Basic Freudian stuff or evidence of something much deeper going on here?
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: I broke down tonight.
Now before I continue, H is THE most private person I ever met. We have probably spoken less than 90 minutes on the phone since our first meeting and she never shared anything of her personal life except for the facts that she had a son and was divorced. That was the sum total data that I was working with, but seeing as how my old username here was Swami, I attempted to peer beyond the veil...
A few months back I wrote in my journal that H was the wife/sister/daughter I never had. (As JSB put it: the feminine archetype.) I pondered that for several weeks and then came to the conclusion that if that were true then the obverse (if we were indeed a match) must also be true.
So I wrote one last letter to her in which I explained my hypothesis. I stated that she likely had no brother, an absentee father and an abusive husband who left her and did not support her son. I said that she likely chose me as the significant and supportive male figure that was missing from her life.
She replied "Wrong! Now leave me be."
I was puzzled. OC and the word "wrong" do not belong in the same sentence. 
Believe it or not, as obsessed as I was with this woman, I never checked out her Facebook page until recently. On it she wrote about being in several abusive relationships and bemoaned the fact that her son had no uncles, father or grandfather to act as a role model or even call him on his birthday.
Yesterday, she wrote of losing her father, a Vietnam vet, in the war (who was born the same year as me!) as a young girl. I broke down in tears feeling her pain and loss and the frustration of being unable to contact or console her.
Basic Freudian stuff or evidence of something much deeper going on here?
Seems pretty basic to me. She really wants to be left alone, and wants nothing to do with you. The hypothesis that she chose you and why is flawed, as she hasn't chosen you.
Time to move on, OC.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Crazy_Horse
I’m Rick James, bitch!


Registered: 08/15/16
Posts: 13,284
Loc: Hampsterdam
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You need a dog to love you.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Yeah, I get that, but how could I know those things specifically with no clues or cues?
And why would she be attracted to me in the first place? I know I am awesome, but...
Those are questions that remain unanswered. And I want answers!
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,539
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Besides being a frustrating experience is this not clear evidence to our crowd of a kind of telepathy having gone on (the knowing about the absent and "wrong" men in her life).
might you not have got the million dollar Randi Prize had you started suffering this crisis 5 years earlier?
otherwise, patience, she never learns, so will forget she dropped you, she always needs another wrong man, because all men are wrong, and if you have to be wrong, just learn how to be wrong in the right way and you too will be satisfied with this matchless match.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: Yeah, I get that, but how could I know those things specifically with no clues or cues?
And why would she be attracted to me in the first place? I know I am awesome, but...
Those are questions that remain unanswered. And I want answers! 
At our ages it's better to realize that we will never have answers from womens, only questions.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: Besides being a frustrating experience is this not clear evidence to our crowd of a kind of telepathy having gone on (the knowing about the absent and "wrong" men in her life).
might you not have got the million dollar Randi Prize had you started suffering this crisis 5 years earlier?
otherwise, patience, she never learns, so will forget she dropped you, she always needs another wrong man, because all men are wrong, and if you have to be wrong, just learn how to be wrong in the right way and you too will be satisfied with this matchless match.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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What if her dad and I shared the same birthday and the reason I flipped out is that his spirit possessed my body and wanted me to look after his little girl?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,539
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It's more about her than her father - his spirit is her obsession, you only need to see the landscape for what it is.
time to start stalking, nahh...
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Stalking is the purest form of love. ~ Some guy in Ward 5
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,539
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: Stalking is the purest form of love. ~ Some guy in Ward 5
true as can be
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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The terminally insane know what's what. 
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