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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: Part of me is telling me that this is all self-created; that I wrote a fiction story and believed it, but some of the external things that happened keep me believing it was something extraordinary; yet her wanting to be left alone tells the whole story, does it not...?
No, you're bang on OC. Everything you said makes sense to me, right down to the grating when listening to love songs and the inner angst at seeing happy couples walking down the street hand in hand. I see it every night on the way to work; I have to remind myself that I'm seeing only a snapshot, and that wait awaits them may just be that same eventual dissolution.
Self created or not, wanna know how I've dealt with it? Like this:
I've decided recently that I will never again do what most of us do as humans; as in go 'looking' for love/a person and instead decided to focus all the love I have to spare on me. I will never look for love again, and I would never accept a love into my life anything less powerful, unconditional and true than the one I felt. Maybe it will come from her one day, maybe it will come from someone else, maybe it will never come again from the outside. It's become irrelevant, as until I learn to find that love for myself (and I've taken a few good steps down that path but as always, there is still much work to do) I will not have completed what I feel I must in the time I have left here on this plane of existence. My life has become a search for this and only this goal.
Don't get me wrong, the potential lonliness this resolution may cause me for fuck knows how many years hit me like a ton of bricks when I realised it was what I must do, and I launched into weeks of binging on amphetamines due to how much it terrified me. But I've come through it now. I know what I have to do. And only hours before I sat and typed this to you, I felt a feeling so new to me; when I once felt everything was going well, I would sit by the fire in the back garden and feel like king of my castle. Now I'm free of falling into that life and busy falling into love with myself, I sat beneath the sunset on the boot of my car and I felt like king of my life.
This is the state I feel I need to dedicate the rest of my life to living in:
Only if one knows the truth of love, which is the real nature of Self, will the strong entangled knot of life be untied. Only if one attains the height of love will liberation be attained.
Such is the heart of all religions. The experience of Self is only love, which is seeing only love, hearing only love, feeling only love, tasting only love and smelling only love, which is bliss. --Ramana Maharshi
You suspect right on 'rubbing of bodies' part IME. I had some fucking amazing times physically, prob the best I ever had, while I was playing the whole poly game, but they felt totally devoid of connection. Hence why I am now a celibate man. It was the only thing I asked my teacher about personally on retreat; just how he dealt with 18 years of celibacy.
His response?
"When you learn to find the love in you then it will come to you."
He's like the wisest/most awake dude I ever met, by a long, long stretch. I trust his feeling about this completely.
Thanks for sharing your journey and insights. They are appreciated as always.
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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I shared my insight.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King] 2
#23410184 - 07/04/16 12:15 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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That you did. "Bang more bitches" is very sage and deep. 
Seriously, my episode does not appear to be merely limerence, a crush, puppy love, infatuation or similar attachments as I have experienced those things. This was not hormonal, but something that shocked me to my core and burned this person's imprint into me so deeply that she became a part of me.
All the responders here can only relate my story to the part where it overlaps theirs. This is natural. While most of the posters show compassion and try to offer helpful advice; to my knowledge, only JSB truly "gets" what I am going through. We knew each other casually here, but really got to know each other on a Twin Flame forum.
Yes, there are lots of "love gone wrong" stories there with dashed dreams and broken hearts, but both JSB typed in our more unusual symptoms and came to the same place independently and not some other website to carry on a mutual sob-fest.
Perhaps Twin Flames is a new age label for certain brain/emotional states that are somewhat rare. Dunno.
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Edited by OrgoneConclusion (07/04/16 12:28 PM)
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: That you did. "Bang more bitches" is very sage and deep. 
I didn't say that.
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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I'd definitely cut myself some slack and be gentle on myself I were you. I find when i'm judging myself and others, it's because I'm not comfortable with myself and my own being. Basically it's me wanting to be divisive, cutting off my heart, feeling isolated, and perpetuating my suffering and others. Learn to appreciate your predicament and others with an open heart.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King]
#23410232 - 07/04/16 12:31 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sun King said:
Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: That you did. "Bang more bitches" is very sage and deep. 
I didn't say that. 
You thought it unless your advice is to bang fewer bitches.
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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I told you to get a dog and don't bang it.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: CosmicJoke]
#23410264 - 07/04/16 12:41 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
CosmicJoke said: I'd definitely cut myself some slack and be gentle on myself I were you. I find when i'm judging myself and others, it's because I'm not comfortable with myself and my own being. Basically it's me wanting to be divisive, cutting off my heart, feeling isolated, and perpetuating my suffering and others. Learn to appreciate your predicament and others with an open heart.
There must be some positive lessons to take from this, but damn is it hard when being overwhelmed.
A female TFer on another forum wrote: "I just want relief. Not from him, not to be with him, but relief from all the intense feelings and thoughts."
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Well it seems to me like you get a of release when competing with others, be that racket ball or winning an argument on an internet forum, but it might be the same motivating factor that has you comparing yourself to those happy other couples at the festivities that is driving you up the wall. Maybe try to catch yourself when you're experiencing these intense thoughts and emotions and pause and just ask yourself....
What are you doing today that you couldn’t have done five, three, or even one year ago? How have you stepped out in the last year that you might have found inconceivable before? In other words, how have you evolved? That's the stuff that counts.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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deff
just love everyone



Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,406
Loc: clarity
Last seen: 7 seconds
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I bumped into you and JSB at that forum too I can relate to a degree with you, though now my personal experience has calmed and settled much more than at its peak. and of course, everyone's experience will be unique to them
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: deff]
#23410420 - 07/04/16 01:32 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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That's right! But you didn't stick around. Didn't mean to leave you out. 
Why not tell these fine folks what brought you there, how you resolved the issues and what your current take on the TF phenomenon is?
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: CosmicJoke]
#23410444 - 07/04/16 01:40 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Well it seems to me like you get a of release when competing with others, be that racket ball or winning an argument on an internet forum
Sure there are ways of distracting pain, be it physical or emotional, but it doesn't solve anything.
What I had hoped for was to see this woman in the flesh in all her ordinariness and then wonder why I got all twisted up - or to see her and be blown away with a fresh dose of mystic energy. Either way would have been preferable to being left in limbo not knowing.
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deff
just love everyone



Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,406
Loc: clarity
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well I don't feel like sharing too much about it - as I feel like I've changed a lot and my memory isn't so great 
but I had a similar experience to OC (though his sounds a bit more intense) about 10 years ago - which lasted strongly for about four years, and then tapered up and down a bit from there. if your experience is similar to mine, you do eventually find a calm acceptance.
I feel (and others have written about this) that this apparent twin flame connection acts as a catalyst to serve our growth and development. In OC's case this was evident in the many ways he changed his life and values as a result - mine was similar in that it was a very intense education on love (especially of the unconditional variety) and led me into spiritual pursuits. But that's the "good side" of it - it was also marked by intense emotions, highs and lows, obsessively thinking about the person, to a level that can only be said to be 'intensely energetic' as opposed to the more baseline reality we're usually used to. and I know that falling in love can do this to a lot of people, I think what's interesting though is the intensity, duration, and sole focus that it can take on in what is considered to be a 'twin flame' relationship. while in the throes of that, no other relationship with someone could help to fill the void/longing for that one - it's really quite bizarre, and to a rational mind it seems very illogical 
and like OC said - we can only understand and relate with others' accounts to the degree they overlap our own experiences. and with falling in love, I think there's a wide spectrum of intensities of experience it's really quite interesting when you think about it
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deff
just love everyone



Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,406
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: deff]
#23410466 - 07/04/16 01:51 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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and it made me smile right now to look at my posting history graph, as those years of the most intensity are basically zero posts per day
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deff
just love everyone



Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,406
Loc: clarity
Last seen: 7 seconds
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: deff]
#23410494 - 07/04/16 02:03 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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and here is a PM I sent to JSB a while back about it, for some additional details:
Quote:
yes i found my twin flame about ten years ago - we were both in the same university class of about 40 people, and coincidentally also in the same online chat room of about 25 people 
right after our meeting, and feeling an immediate connection unlike anything i had felt before for someone, she started a relationship with someone else
i took ayahuasca around this time, and had an experience of seeing that the core of my being was the same as the core of her being, though i had no idea about twin flames at this time.
the intense level of attraction and obsession lasted many years, and we regularly stayed in touch despite her being with someone else. i came across the idea of twin flames maybe about 4 years ago, and kind of felt at the time that it was a bit far fetched as it didn't fit my current beliefs.
a couple of years ago, i began communicating with my higher self, and one of the earlier things he told me was that this person was my twin flame, and suddenly it made sense (and i remembered the experience on ayahuasca)
we still keep in touch via facebook and get along well, but i feel it's best to let her keep to her current relationship unless she and him happened to break up. i don't feel right with the situation really, and i've come into a much more peaceful and accepting state that i feel that if it is meant to happen then it will happen when the time is right. it's not for me to interfere with 
initially the attraction was insane lol - but now i feel i am complete in myself and will welcome a relationship should one unfold, but will equally welcome remaining friends if that is all that is meant to be. i feel a deep familiarity and oneness with her, and a feeling of being 'at home' and 'one and the same' as her. but it is what it is 
wishing you the best with your relationship and everything else! 
edit: and just to stir things up a bit more... I recently requested the guidance of a 'twin flame psychic' and this is what she said:
Quote:
I am seeing a deep soul connection between you and xxxxx. The two of you are not twin flames. The two of you are soul mates with a deep spiritual connection. This connection can easily be confused for a twin flame because the two of you connect so deeply emotionally and also spiritually. Your meeting in this life has also fueled and spiritual awakening within the two of you. There has been a separation because she felt overwhelmed by all the intense energies. She's been undergoing a spiritual awakening and it's been surfacing many hidden fears and old suppressed emotions she didn't feel ready to confront. She loves you deeply and she has never felt this strongly for anyone else. She misses you and she has felt the need to reach out to you but she needs time to overcome these blockages and release these old emotions to heal and grow on a spiritual level. She is very confused and she has been going through many different emotions, this spiritual awakening hasn't been easy for her, it's been a difficult process for her. Send her loving energies which will also help ease her confusion and difficulty and help her heal. I am seeing the two of you reconnecting soon, she just needs time to balance herself and release these old energies. Give her the time and space she needs. She will reach out to you soon and she will become more open and honest with her feelings. Even though she is not your twin flame, this connection is still very significant and the two of you can become life partners in this life. Work on balancing yourself which will also help her balance herself as well.
so who knows about the labels (twin flames versus soul mates, etc.) the experience itself is testament to a person that something very unusual is going on
Edited by deff (07/04/16 02:09 PM)
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
Well it seems to me like you get a of release when competing with others, be that racket ball or winning an argument on an internet forum
Sure there are ways of distracting pain, be it physical or emotional, but it doesn't solve anything.
What I had hoped for was to see this woman in the flesh in all her ordinariness and then wonder why I got all twisted up - or to see her and be blown away with a fresh dose of mystic energy. Either way would have been preferable to being left in limbo not knowing.
Is that how it really was, or was she living in some higher state of consciousness and it was you who stepped into her world and got high off it? If that's the case, you probably just weren't ready for her and she knew it. Or, maybe it was some sort of mutual awakening you both happened to be simultaneously experiencing from being drawn together?
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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graceful dragon
omni-love



Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 460
Loc: flight
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: CosmicJoke] 1
#23410863 - 07/04/16 03:55 PM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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just wanted to throw my voice in with the voices of spring and say- sending you positive vibes, O.C., and- thank you sharing this kind of thing openly.. it lets people know it's okay to do so, and lets those who care show their support, and help to be a community that cares... (it is, of course, but being an open forum... well, yeah).
in my experience, at times like this it has been most useful to place my heart (metaphorically) with peaceful friends...
though i don't know you personally, i just wanted to share this (above, it may seem simple or what not, but it's my best); we're all in this together, and so forth.. anyway 
much love, and a virtual hug. stay cool...!!
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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I'm sorry you are having existential crises.
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Hobozen


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc:
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King]
#23412402 - 07/05/16 01:02 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Song couldn't be more fitting for this thread.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: deff] 1
#23412944 - 07/05/16 08:16 AM (7 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
deff said: I feel (and others have written about this) that this apparent twin flame connection acts as a catalyst to serve our growth and development.
Bang on. But I want to elaborate somewhat.
All my relationships (and I've had my fair share) have served as a 'catalyst to growth and development'. But all others were at quite a grounded, psychological level.
Only the intensity of the 'TF' phenomenon was enough to fully tear my feet from the ground; to change me from an atheist to an agnostic, to open my (once dormant) heart to the boundless possibilities of unconditional love, and to for the first time open myself to be a receiver of such love.
It's so intensely powerful life experience compared to ANY I have known, by an order of magnitude many, many times greater than any other 'life changing experience'.
I doesn't strike me all who experience it receive it as such, but I do believe that it is a call to such change.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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