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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King]
    #23397008 - 06/30/16 10:24 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Maybe there's a different light in which you will one day see this OC. As you know, the net result of my own extremely similar incident has been quite the polar opposite to what you describe. Admittedly, your blows have sharper, more intense, but I reside in the same end point of having to admit that ultimately, I don't think I'm destined to understand any of it.

Just to realise that love is the key to life. To everything.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: OrgoneConclusion] * 2
    #23397024 - 06/30/16 10:29 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

So you think if things would have worked out with lady you'd have been converted to believing in some sort of synchronicity and lived out your days harmoniously?  You're not even open to the idea that you might meet somebody special that genuinely thinks you are too?  Hard times, man.  Maybe on your dating profile you should just tell people you're miserable, anti-spiritual, cynical, and doubting rather than playing up your strong hand.  It might attract somebody who you can relate with.


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Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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Offlineyeah
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Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #23397042 - 06/30/16 10:39 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

did you really get rid of your weed growing equipment?


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InvisibleMoonshoe
Blue Mantis
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Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: OrgoneConclusion] * 2
    #23397503 - 06/30/16 01:17 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

I am sorry :heart:

:namaste:

Honestly, when I look back on the last ten years of my life, its clear to me I wouldn't have made it without my wife.

I sincerely condole those who find that love and lose it. Its a deep wound.

:om:

Spirituality is the escape. Mysticism, meditation, yoga- the liberation from suffering.

Embrace it.


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
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Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #23398309 - 06/30/16 05:28 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

CosmicJoke said:
So you think if things would have worked out with lady you'd have been converted to believing in some sort of synchronicity and lived out your days harmoniously?  You're not even open to the idea that you might meet somebody special that genuinely thinks you are too?  Hard times, man.  Maybe on your dating profile you should just tell people you're miserable, anti-spiritual, cynical, and doubting rather than playing up your strong hand.  It might attract somebody who you can relate with.




Dream On.



--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #23398372 - 06/30/16 05:47 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

LunarEclipse said:
Dream On.



How so. His point was cutting, I agree, but truthful none the less. Can you add constructive criticism?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
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Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23398383 - 06/30/16 05:50 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

LunarEclipse said:
Dream On.



How so. His point was cutting, I agree, but truthful none the less. Can you add constructive criticism?




I can.  I don't think the Twin Flame plan was ever going to work.

People that think they have found their soul mate are dreamers.  Likewise if the Twin Flame folks think they have found a match they are dreamers.

Just as to not work on a borderline relationship dooms it to failure, no match made in heaven ever stays that way without work.

Match.  Ha ha.

Burn.



Edited by LunarEclipse (06/30/16 05:56 PM)


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #23398389 - 06/30/16 05:53 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

So 'dream on' was in ref to OC, not CJ?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23398426 - 06/30/16 06:05 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
So 'dream on' was in ref to OC, not CJ?




Yeah, this is OC's crisis.  CJ is just commenting on it.  He said tell the world you're cynical etc. and they may be attracted, in a sarcastic manner obviously.  I don't think advertising our flaws will work, so I said Dream On.

We can always Dream On and what good will it do?  Likewise, how sorry can we feel for a 60 year old stuck reliving puppy love?



--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


Edited by LunarEclipse (06/30/16 06:09 PM)


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OfflineBrendanFlock
Stranger
Male

Registered: 06/01/13
Posts: 4,216
Last seen: 1 day, 33 minutes
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #23398745 - 06/30/16 07:35 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Life is what you make of it..you are always in a common dualism..of needs and wants..and then from there you can succeed in the rites of Freemasonry..as a student and imbecille..of conditioning..or else their is a Hell for their stuff..


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group
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Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23404292 - 07/02/16 02:41 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

The drive out to California was excruciating knowing that I had waited an entire year for a moment that was not to come after waiting 45 years for the lover that was not to be. Absolutely could not listen to the radio for all of the love songs.

Went to the Sawdust Festival (art & music) in Laguna Beach Thursday night after arriving, with Todd and three ladies. They were all cool people, but none even remotely attracted me. At the festival, I saw so many happy couples that I could barely contain my angst. It was worse than being alone. I wanted to run and hide.

I grabbed ahold of myself and tried to shake off the self-imposed heavy mood and have fun; to be charming and sociable. I started chatted with several of the artisans, a lady singer and people I came with. Two of the women were vying for my attention and getting flirty.

We continued the party when we got back to Todd's house with wine and herb. One of the ladies started talking a little naughty and getting slightly physical. At the end of the night, I got hugs from all three, and Kathy kissed me on the lips and scratched my back seductively with her nails and said we would continue Saturday night where we left off.

It seems pretty obvious that the invitation is there if I want it. I am not a casual sex type of guy nor am I into this woman. I know most of you guys (i.e. Sun King) will say go for it; and some of you will say I should be grateful for the female attention, but once again - I felt more alone than ever that night when I went to bed.

Rubbing bodies is nice, but empty if there is no connection.

Part of me is telling me that this is all self-created; that I wrote a fiction story and believed it, but some of the external things that happened keep me believing it was something extraordinary; yet her wanting to be left alone tells the whole story, does it not...?

I am being ripped in two.


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InvisibleSun King
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #23404403 - 07/02/16 03:25 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

What makes you think you know what I am going  to say?


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InvisibleSun King
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #23404429 - 07/02/16 03:34 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

OrgoneConclusion said:
The drive out to California was excruciating knowing that I had waited an entire year for a moment that was not to come after waiting 45 years for the lover that was not to be. Absolutely could not listen to the radio for all of the love songs.

Went to the Sawdust Festival (art & music) in Laguna Beach Thursday night after arriving, with Todd and three ladies. They were all cool people, but none even remotely attracted me. At the festival, I saw so many happy couples that I could barely contain my angst. It was worse than being alone. I wanted to run and hide.

I grabbed ahold of myself and tried to shake off the self-imposed heavy mood and have fun; to be charming and sociable. I started chatted with several of the artisans, a lady singer and people I came with. Two of the women were vying for my attention and getting flirty.

We continued the party when we got back to Todd's house with wine and herb. One of the ladies started talking a little naughty and getting slightly physical. At the end of the night, I got hugs from all three, and Kathy kissed me on the lips and scratched my back seductively with her nails and said we would continue Saturday night where we left off.

It seems pretty obvious that the invitation is there if I want it. I am not a casual sex type of guy nor am I into this woman. I know most of you guys (i.e. Sun King) will say go for it; and some of you will say I should be grateful for the female attention, but once again - I felt more alone than ever that night when I went to bed.

Rubbing bodies is nice, but empty if there is no connection.

Part of me is telling me that this is all self-created; that I wrote a fiction story and believed it, but some of the external things that happened keep me believing it was something extraordinary; yet her wanting to be left alone tells the whole story, does it not...?

I am being ripped in two.




Get a dog and you won't be lonely anymore, but no sex. :nono:


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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
Outer Head
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Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #23404500 - 07/02/16 04:10 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Sorry OC. :sad:


--------------------
Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King] * 2
    #23404541 - 07/02/16 04:34 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

OrgoneConclusion said:
Part of me is telling me that this is all self-created; that I wrote a fiction story and believed it, but some of the external things that happened keep me believing it was something extraordinary; yet her wanting to be left alone tells the whole story, does it not...?



No, you're bang on OC. Everything you said makes sense to me, right down to the grating when listening to love songs and the inner angst at seeing happy couples walking down the street hand in hand. I see it every night on the way to work; I have to remind myself that I'm seeing only a snapshot, and that wait awaits them may just be that same eventual dissolution.

Self created or not, wanna know how I've dealt with it? Like this:

I've decided recently that I will never again do what most of us do as humans; as in go 'looking' for love/a person and instead decided to focus all the love I have to spare on me. I will never look for love again, and I would never accept a love into my life anything less powerful, unconditional and true than the one I felt. Maybe it will come from her one day, maybe it will come from someone else, maybe it will never come again from the outside. It's become irrelevant, as until I learn to find that love for myself (and I've taken a few good steps down that path but as always, there is still much work to do) I will not have completed what I feel I must in the time I have left here on this plane of existence. My life has become a search for this and only this goal.

Don't get me wrong, the potential lonliness this resolution may cause me for fuck knows how many years hit me like a ton of bricks when I realised it was what I must do, and I launched into weeks of binging on amphetamines due to how much it terrified me. But I've come through it now. I know what I have to do. And only hours before I sat and typed this to you, I felt a feeling so new to me; when I once felt everything was going well, I would sit by the fire in the back garden and feel like king of my castle. Now I'm free of falling into that life and busy falling into love with myself, I sat beneath the sunset on the boot of my car and I felt like king of my life.

This is the state I feel I need to dedicate the rest of my life to living in:

Only if one knows the truth of love,
which is the real nature of Self,
will the strong entangled knot of life be untied.
Only if one attains the height of love will liberation be attained.

Such is the heart of all religions.
The experience of Self is only love,
which is seeing only love,
hearing only love,
feeling only love,
tasting only love
and smelling only love,
which is bliss.
--Ramana Maharshi

You suspect right on 'rubbing of bodies' part IME. I had some fucking amazing times physically, prob the best I ever had, while I was playing the whole poly game, but they felt totally devoid of connection. Hence why I am now a celibate man. It was the only thing I asked my teacher about personally on retreat; just how he dealt with 18 years of celibacy.

His response?

"When you learn to find the love in you then it will come to you."

He's like the wisest/most awake dude I ever met, by a long, long stretch. I trust his feeling about this completely.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleDividedQuantumM
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Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,819
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 2
    #23404982 - 07/02/16 07:10 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

That's quite a post, Jsb.


--------------------
Vi Veri Universum Vivus Vici


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Offlineviktor
psychotechnician
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #23405337 - 07/02/16 09:20 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

What were you doing between the ages of 16-25 when everyone else worked their way through this puppy love crap? I wonder why this is happening to you now.


--------------------
"They consider me insane but I know that I am a hero living under the eyes of the gods."


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InvisibleHobozen
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Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: viktor]
    #23405463 - 07/02/16 10:05 PM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Finding the right person is like gambling, you rarely if ever win and sometimes you just want to quit.

viktor -  I'm not sure it matters the age, being triggered when you've been teased by an intensely lovable prospect can happen at any age, especially when you're older and haven't felt that kind of thing for a long time. Those with more self-love or better life circumstances will be able to deal with it more easily.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: viktor] * 3
    #23406106 - 07/03/16 05:32 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

viktor said:
What were you doing between the ages of 16-25 when everyone else worked their way through this puppy love crap? I wonder why this is happening to you now.



Viktor, I hate to say this but I feel your post is quite insulting to the pain OC is sharing with us here; if you were as enlightened as I've seen you claim to be, you would know full well that this is NOT 'puppy love crap'.

We're talking about the kind of love here that commonly opens people up to a sense of belief in, or connection with, what might be considered 'a higher power'. FYI OC & I spent considerable time researching this phenomenon on other forums, and there are quantifiable occurrences and similarities for people who have experienced this level of connection.

I have never heard a truly awakened mind dispute what might bring people to this connection. Horses for courses huh? It took a woman to bring me to spiritual realisation. For some it might be an NDE, a powerful drug trip, years of study and practice, etc, etc.

Why belittle another man like you did there?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisiblequinn
some kinda love
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Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 6,799
Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #23406222 - 07/03/16 07:29 AM (7 years, 6 months ago)

yes i agree. frankly viktor your posts in this thread really pissed me off as they were in no way constructive or considerate. i meant to respond with some vitriolic shit but forgot but now that someone else brought it to attention i can happily add:
STFU


--------------------
dripping with fantasy


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