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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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*BREAKTHROUGH ALERT*
She called last night and giggled like a schoolgirl. She told me "I am glad I know you, for now I "see" you for who you really are." This after a year of pouring out my heart in letters, hundreds of hours of praying to a God I don't believe in and way too many tears.
Strange, but I was only quietly pleased, whereas month ago, I would have felt like heaven opened up and rained manna down upon me and danced naked in the street in celebration. Perhaps that means I am much more grounded now or have matured. Dunno.
Then my ego mind did a very human thing: tried to turn a positive into a negative. It suddenly dawned on me that this very fragile and guarded woman was opening up and that I could very well be responsible for the care and safety of her heart. What if I fuck up and inadvertently hurt her?
I forget which wise sage said:
If you don't get what you want you are unhappy.
If you get what you don't want you are unhappy.
And even if you get what you want you are unhappy, for now you are afraid you are going to lose it.

"Shhhh, be vewwy qwiet! We are hunting wabbits."
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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and giggled like a schoolgirl.
Not a good sign at all imo. However I suggest you go through with the experiment. Maybe the next level of wake up or true love as in the fairy tales.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: What if I fuck up and inadvertently hurt her?
I think this is a given. Never had a deep relationship where this didn't happen.
It goes both ways.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Icelander]
#23058170 - 03/29/16 08:59 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Why not a good sign? To me it shows trust and playfulness.
That's the way I am reading it, DAMMIT!
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: What if I fuck up and inadvertently hurt her?
I think this is a given. Never had a deep relationship where this didn't happen.
It goes both ways.
I know that, but it means that this man-child will have to complete his transformation to a functional adult. That is very scary.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Yeah. Fear. That seems to unerlie all my actions right now. Fucking bummer. So much fear.
Still, I know what awaits if I can conquer it; my true self. That's worth more than anything.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Uther, it is time to pull the sword from the stone and slay the dragons.
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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You need to quit waffling and go full nutter.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King]
#23058334 - 03/29/16 09:54 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Do you mean to tell me there is another level?
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said: What if I fuck up and inadvertently hurt her?
I think this is a given. Never had a deep relationship where this didn't happen.
It goes both ways.
I know that, but it means that this man-child will have to complete his transformation to a functional adult. That is very scary.
When I was interested in the girl at the apartment office, I was terrified. I think I was more afraid that, she would say yes than no.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King]
#23058402 - 03/29/16 10:15 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Exactly!
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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See how deep I am.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King]
#23058473 - 03/29/16 10:37 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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Umm... I would rather not answer.
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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tryptkaloids
Learner



Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,641
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 3 days, 6 hours
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Re: My Existential Crisis [Re: Sun King]
#23058650 - 03/29/16 11:31 AM (7 years, 9 months ago) |
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-------------------- "Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage Flowchart for Recommended plan of action. Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms Use the Damn search engine After you know what you're doing, take a break Pick a book, Make some chips! Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
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Sun King



Registered: 02/15/14
Posts: 4,069
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I don't think the Buddha got laid much.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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I was very calm when I met her. It was only after we parted that I went nuts.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Buddhist and Stoic observations.
Good! You really don't want to lose yourself in your elation, because another adage runs something like, "Careful what you ask for - you may receive it." The God you don't 'believe' in is THAT which is Ultimately Real, and for us mortals, THAT which 'actually is.' I prayed to have my former marriage saved, but today I can exuberantly say that I'm quite pleased I didn't remain a moment longer with that woman. Back then, I wanted to punch out those who said things like "Every dark cloud has a silver lining." But these human adages work both ways, hence the wisdom of the sages, East and West. Tread lightly.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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yeah


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days
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