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enok
Stranger

Registered: 07/07/15
Posts: 15
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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the way out *DELETED*
#22069887 - 08/09/15 10:29 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Post deleted by enokReason for deletion: because
Edited by enok (08/09/15 11:45 PM)
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champinhom
Lord Justhappensness


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
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Re: the way out [Re: enok]
#22069929 - 08/09/15 10:41 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
enok said: Hello Shroomery community,
I have big plans, big plans. I went to a festival, nervous about it, wasn't tripping, was sober. I have a plan to make things better, for me and my mother.
I realized what I need to do what I need to do as soon as possible, is to tell my mother everything that I have done, my darkest secret. I don't know what it was, but at the festival, it hit me, through the love i was feeling through everybody. I plan on telling my mother, the woman who brought me life, the one who will always care and love and forgive, that because of growing up and for the sake of you guys, my circumstances, I wanted to fuck my own mother. It has haunted me my whole life. And I realize now I have never truly been myself, ever. I plan on doing this as soon as I meet her. She deserves the biggest apology. I can't believe I ever did that, I was young and I was stupid, dealt circumstances out of my hands, but this is something that the UNIVERSE is telling me to do. I deserve love. I deserve to love you and everybody. I want to connect with you all on such a very deep level but im unable to do this because my soul is telling me to apologize. It has been this way my whole entire life. I got this epiphany through the festival (moonrise) in baltimore for those that want to know, the people on a deep level were pushing me to love, love everything. Call me crazy but it was happening, but all in all it could have been subconscious and my soul telling me, my being guiding me into the light. The only words, now this is crazy because this is the universe acting or me, I guess. But the only words that would come out of my mouth and feel RIGHT were "Mom. Mom I'm sorry."
I plan on doing this as soon as possible, obviously something like this hidden for so long has manifested into disgusting habits and ways of thinking that is NOT MINE. I'm so sad for all the people that also go through this. My dad is a sex addict, I was introduced to porn at a young age and was insecure had ADD there many things that explain or can explain why this happened to me, but it is not me...... at all....? I put a question mark because i don't who i am...... this is going to give me the light and show me the person i really am.
To me it is the first step towards manhood and possible love for another person for everybody actually. I also plan after doing this flirting with the idea of grabbing my family together and having all of us tell each other my immediate family all of our secrets that make us who we are or in actuality keep us from who we are. This is a big game changer, a life changer people, a life changer.
Tell me what you think, i'd appreciate any words I also plan on telling my mother all my other secrets but this one is I think the most important. I really just want freedom, please.... I do.
I got all this intuition from the people around me at the festival of moonrise, people were tripping the collective consciousness thing was ago but yeah i believe this is for real to me it is
thinking about this now as embarassing as it is, i think now i never wanted to fuck my mother, but i did watch videos and wish something like that wanted to happen to me, but i need to apologize still, this has been maybe an unnecessary post in actuality its part of the process. fuck.......
re edit, if i was looking at the videos that was something i "wished" not real though it was never real.... im not the darkness of my existence, you know what i mean, its fucking complicated.. AKA i need to apologize and bring my family together. sorry for all the information man
I wouldn't do this if I were you. Plenty of people have had and do have incestuous thoughts. It is just the way it is. You are talking about something that is very, very common. Psychologists call it the Oedipus Complex. Look it up. But I strongly advise against impulsive confessions of the nature you are planning. You will regret it, big time, down the road. Or, if you must pull something like this, first talk to a couselor about it. A psychologist of some kind. Don't do something that will make you wince six months or a year from now just in recalling.
-------------------- My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said. Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking. Saul Bellow โPeople are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.โ Doris Lessing Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P. Silocybin
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enok
Stranger

Registered: 07/07/15
Posts: 15
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Why shouldn't I dude? If anything it would bring my family even closer, think about it, there would be laughs, closeness, true closeness, that's how family should be. knowing each other. that sounds weird and even perverted maybe to you, but that's my idea of family, completely and utter honestly, NO secrets, no HIDING, c'mon!!!!!! family should be that way! who am i hiding from? i dont want to hide any more man! its worth the embarassment if i get it off my chest, ILL be saved from myself.
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dixienormous

Registered: 09/21/14
Posts: 1,051
Loc: moon
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: the way out [Re: enok]
#22070003 - 08/09/15 11:04 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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haha, are you trying to subconsciously fuck your mom by telling her this?
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Matt87

Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 3,339
Loc: Tennessee
Last seen: 3 days, 21 hours
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Re: the way out [Re: enok]
#22070012 - 08/09/15 11:07 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Holy shit. You have mental problems. The first response to your post was solid advice... especially the seeing a counselor part. That can help you SO much more than having a super weird and unnecessary conversation with your mother.
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  Once you understand the way broadly, you see it in all things. -Musashi
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,359
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 2 hours, 47 minutes
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Re: the way out [Re: enok]
#22070019 - 08/09/15 11:09 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Its time to tell your mom how you truely feel about her.
It will be liberating for you.
Then take some mushrooms and reflect on your life and conversation with your mom.
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth ๐๐๐
  Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise   Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek | ๐ง Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method ๐ง |  Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! Shpongle
     
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enok
Stranger

Registered: 07/07/15
Posts: 15
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Re: the way out [Re: Matt87]
#22070029 - 08/09/15 11:15 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Why is this so frowned upon? Let's think about this LOGICALLY. If this is something I feel IMMENSE shame for (stick with me PEOPLE) here me out. I have already been to a therapist and have told him everything what I've thought done and did, but something just isn't right. If I could be frank my mental problems come from the amount of shame and horrid nature that is these things I've thought about. Let's please be real for a second. I've done therapy.Talking about it behind closed doors has not helped at all..... at all.... What am I supposed to do? Bottle it up my whole life? Become some freak on the inside? Or try to come clean for myself? Think about it..... I'm not a fucking idiot. If there was some other way I'd do it, I've tried EVERYTHING else.
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enok
Stranger

Registered: 07/07/15
Posts: 15
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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I don't know if you're trying to be an asshole but I'm trying to be honest as possible. I've got demons hiding and lurking in the fucking closet. But they are not me dude, think what a mother would want if her son felt all this shame for that kind of shit? I went crazy over it..... THINK about it. I'm saying I don't want to fuck my mom or any of that kind of shit AT ALL, but there was a time where I did, or I watched that kind of shit when I was a kid. It stuck with me throughout highschool middle school, college, trigger words like mom would send me in a weird split second funk. But all that ends as soon as I man up and tell my mom what my life has really been like, I'm not saying my life has revolved around this but my dad being a porn addict really affected me in the sense it led me to think certain things society deems as horrible. Can you not imagine the pain I've experienced of not loving myself for this kind of shit. Is there any sensible person out there that's willing to meet me half way and understand to be a human BEING i need to do this? I get it. It's weird. It sounds weird to you. Man the fuck up. Stop judging someone who has a different life and path. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!
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champinhom
Lord Justhappensness


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 987
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Re: the way out [Re: enok]
#22070151 - 08/10/15 12:09 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
enok said: Why shouldn't I dude? If anything it would bring my family even closer, think about it, there would be laughs, closeness, true closeness, that's how family should be. knowing each other. that sounds weird and even perverted maybe to you, but that's my idea of family, completely and utter honestly, NO secrets, no HIDING, c'mon!!!!!! family should be that way! who am i hiding from? i dont want to hide any more man! its worth the embarassment if i get it off my chest, ILL be saved from myself.
Why shouldn't you? OK. Do it. And probably very soon after you will have the answer to that question.
You asked for advice but what your apparently want is encouragement. I can't give it. It feels unwise to me. But I am an old guy who'se been around probably 2 or 3 times longer than you have, so what do I know?
-------------------- My father used to say: I don't care what else you do in life, just don't be an asshole. People, forgive me when I forget what my daddy said. Cut back the proliferating list of people whose opinions can hurt you. Unless they have done or want to do you some good, their views are just not worth tracking. Saul Bellow โPeople are just cannibals unless they leave each other alone.โ Doris Lessing Those whom the gods would save, they dower with compassion. Mr. P. Silocybin
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Sagescruffy
CH



Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 2,011
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 6 months, 12 days
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Re: the way out [Re: enok]
#22070176 - 08/10/15 12:22 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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They're right you know. You can always tell her later, figure something else out first. I find it disturbing that you feel the need to basically profess your sins to your mother in order to feel worthy. That's how I read this all.
-------------------- Love.  
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Matt87

Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 3,339
Loc: Tennessee
Last seen: 3 days, 21 hours
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Whatever you fucking weirdo. Do it to it. Keep us posted though, I'd love to see the aftermath of this train wreck.
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  Once you understand the way broadly, you see it in all things. -Musashi
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Turtletotem
Dutch Delight



Registered: 09/02/13
Posts: 3,763
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
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Re: the way out [Re: enok]
#22071306 - 08/10/15 11:15 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm sorry you feel that way, Enok. But do you really think it will be good to confess? Or do you think it will hurt her even more?
Once something is done it can never be undone. Remember that.
If you just can't help yourself, listen to Logical Chaos. At least that way you might get some closure yourself, but beware that it might be a hellish trip. So if you do trip after your confession,lock windows and doors and keep sharp objects under lock as well.
I hope you get better.
--------------------
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qweqaz
Break-through


Registered: 01/10/14
Posts: 447
Loc: Sweden
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
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Re: the way out [Re: Matt87]
#22071379 - 08/10/15 11:40 AM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sounds to me like you have been tripping into some dark corner of your psyche and then decided to write it out during a trip?
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