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Anonymous #1

Observations, connections, coincidences.
    #22062761 - 08/08/15 01:42 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

First in my drug years I was curious and I was amazed.  The drugs I took, they were incredible, and bad or good, I was intrigued by anything they brought with them.  Going crazy on something was part of the ride.  It always amounted to something positive in the end, and I could always remind myself that quite easily. As time progressed I started getting what I would assume is "the fear", but it persisted into my routine life.  Everything that is coincidental I lose my gourd over, and start asking a million reasons why.  I look at everything as a sad cruel joke being played on everyone, and there are no real choices.  I had overcome my fear of death at one point, and now I am expecting death to bring a worse spot then this life has, if there even truly is "death". 

It's gotten me to the point where I shut out everything and everyone and am extremely nervous.  All the time I sit and question everything, I link everything up, and more and more it seems I am dictating the future but not choosing it.  Rollercoaster of death is what it feels like, not life.  I see older people and can't even fathom WHY they toughed it out so long, and once you realize that there isn't anything more then death to life, why?


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Anonymous #2

Re: Observations, connections, coincidences. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22062812 - 08/08/15 01:58 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

You sound depressed and may benefit from antidepressants, like I have; I know how you feel.
All I've got to say.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Observations, connections, coincidences. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #22062857 - 08/08/15 02:10 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Your problems with drugs should NOT be countered with more drugs. I was in a similar place about a year ago. Now I'm going on 1 year with no drugs or alcohol and it has helped a lot.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Observations, connections, coincidences. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #22063010 - 08/08/15 02:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Staying sober is extremely hard for me for some reason.  I don't really do too much anymore aside form smoke herb all day everyday.  I can't even seem to give that up.  Little bit of drinking here and there, and I take benzos for panic, but thats really it anymore.  It almost feels like I am either perma fried, or I just came to an ultimate dismal conclusion to life that I will never shake.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Observations, connections, coincidences. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22063336 - 08/08/15 04:04 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Trust me it's tough. But you gotta go sober for awhile or it will just be a stasis for you.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Observations, connections, coincidences. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22075186 - 08/11/15 07:46 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quit the herb and you'll be amazed how your mindstate changes.

You went a bit too far on psychs it seems, but the weed is keeping you in that state of mind rather than letting you get closer to baseline.  Episodes like this, when recovered from, will make you a stronger and wiser human.  You need to give yourself time to recover though.

I imagine you're young; 18 or 19?  This is normal.  Things will be hard, mentally speaking, for a few years yet but it's what makes you the man you're going to be.  I took a few years off from tripping after going through something similar, and I still don't smoke weed anymore except on rare occasions.  I'm happier without weed.  I never realized how much I actually disliked being high on it until I quit.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Observations, connections, coincidences. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #22075554 - 08/11/15 09:27 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I'm a pathetic 30 year old sack of dog shit.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Observations, connections, coincidences. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22076069 - 08/11/15 11:45 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

No matter.  All of my advice still stands.

You aren't a sack of shit.  You're going to feel like it at times; we all do.  But you need to train yourself to realize when you're thinking negatively and turn those thoughts into positive ones, as well as realize that you don't have to attach yourself emotionally to every single passing thought you have. 

This isn't hippy mumbo jumbo either, it's called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and it's the new gold standard for treating anxiety and depression.  The catch is that you actually have to try, unlike taking antidepressants.  You have to be ready to try and want it to work.  I'll leave it to you to do your research on it.  You can choose to or choose not to, that's up to you man.  Everything in your life is up to you, and you can live it however you want or don't want.

I think what most people want is to just be able to be happy though, and this is how you start.  Death is inevitable.  It's unhealthy to ignore that fact, but it's equally unhealthy to obsess over it.

Words of wisdom - let it be.  Let it be.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Observations, connections, coincidences. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #22076084 - 08/11/15 11:51 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

As for your last sentence in the OP, you make your own personal reason why.

There is no meaning to life besides the meaning you give it.  That can be incredibly depressing or incredibly enlightening; it all depends on the way you look at it.


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