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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,819
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The threesome thread
#22061593 - 08/08/15 05:47 AM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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Anyone up for a threesome? 
This thread is to share your experiences, advice, questions, concerns and fun stories. Anything from three-way one night stands to sustained polyamory is fair game in this thread.
Obviously, as this is the Shroomery, there will be shenanigans. That's fine. Please don't let them become the major part of this thread though. I'm sure several of you are curious (either actively or passively) and it's goddamn annoying to have to wade through hundreds of "pics or it didn't happen" posts.
Also, let's respect each other's opinions. Personal preferences and experiences vary wildly. Feel free to share yours, but be open to other people doing it differently than you imagine or do things.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,819
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: koraks] 1
#22061648 - 08/08/15 06:40 AM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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To get things going, I'll share a few of our recent experiences. Note that the way we do it isn't the only way to do it, nor is it inherently better than any other way. It's just what works for us, at this point in time. Heck, we may try a different approach in the future or stop altogether with this particular avenue.
For clarification: I'm a straight guy, my girlfriend is bisexual, we're in a committed, monogamous relationship (apart from the threesome stuff) and have only been looking for FFM (so two girls and one guy) threesomes. I'm not interested in an MMF or MFM threesome, so that's a line we drew early on in our endeavor. Respecting each other's preferences and hard limits is essential to having threesomes in a healthy relationship that is intended to last. Also, we love each other to bits, we have an active and fulfilling sexual life besides the threesome thing and we intend to keep it that way. Everything we do with other women is aimed to not disturb what we have going on between us. This is the basis from where we started.
So the way I see it, there are roughly two ways to arrange a threesome: the impromptu way, and the deliberate way. The impromptu way would be to pick up someone at a party or a bar and take them home, without possibly even ever having met before. This is not our way, as we aren't bar flies or pick up artists and we like to know what kind of person we bring into our bedroom. But I understand this way works very well for lots of people, and who knows we'll give it a try somewhere down the road.
The deliberate way is similar to regular dating, at least the way we do it. One way is to explore your circle of friends and acquaintances to see if someone's game, but since we don't want to disturb our social network (there's always a risk of drama in the threesome business), we opted not to do this. We chose online dating as our approach, and so far, it has worked fairly well. Like regular dating, it involves finding potential matches, contacting them, chatting them up to see if it fits and then set up a meeting. Either you hit the sack right away, or you have some drinks first and arrange for another meeting if everything continues to look good for all involved.
How did it start for us? Neither of us had any experience with sex with more than 2 people and my girlfriend didn't even realize she was bisexual until a few months ago, so obviously she didn't have sexual experience with a woman prior to this. She admitted last year that she had been interested in women around her before, but she struggled qualifying her feelings. By the way she talked about these women, I suggested that it may have been more than just friendship or general admiration, and that basically helped her to make things fall into place. Over the following months, we occasionally discussed her feelings towards women and we came to the conclusion that she was probably bisexual. For me, this triggered two thoughts: obviously a feeling of hurrah, there are interesting avenues to be explored! But also I genuinely want her to explore her sexuality without me holding her back, but without making me feel bad or left out.
Like I said, we're committed to each other and we are 100% human, so we also have feelings of jealousy. This meant that to continue, we agreed that this was to be something for us as a couple. So no one on one dating outside our relationship, even though some women we spoke to early on in our search suggested that this would be the best for my girlfriend. Sorry, but that's not the way it works for us. We found it very important to make clear agreements and then stick to them. The latter is particularly important, as enthusiasm may get in the way and make you stray from your chosen path. However, we found it equally important to keep revisiting our expectations and limitations as we gained experience. At times, it has been challenging to strike a balance between remaining true to our agreements and allowing them to evolve.
Once we agreed that we would put ourselves out there to find a woman to join us, we chose a platform. We settled on two: OKCupid and Tinder. OKCupid has the advantage of (potentially) offering lots of information about people so you can sort of judge if there's a match without even contacting them. The associated disadvantage is that this results in things becoming too deliberate and calculated; sometimes, it's good to find out for yourself what someone is like without them having offered all sorts of random information (and sometimes outdated, unreliable or biased). Nevertheless, we did meet someone through OKCupid (and talked to many more) and if we hadn't called it off due to a lack of chemistry, it would have happened with her. Another downside with OKCupid in our area at least, is that it tends to attract quite a few very weird people. Sometimes that's good (you want openmindedness for something like this), but too often, it also means that people are just...too complicated for us.
So far, Tinder has worked much better and quicker. We both have a Tinder account and what you read elsewhere is very true: it works best if the woman of the couple does the acquisition. I think there are two reasons for this: (1) women looking for women are much more likely to be actively bisexual than women looking for men, and (2) it does seem to help the women you contact to build trust if it's a woman who approached them. The added advantage of Tinder is that in order to talk to each other, both sides have indicated that there's interest, so that helps to get things going. Btw, this is not to say that it doesn't work for the man to do the acquisition. Our first threesome was with a woman that I Tindered. But I need to wade through 500 profiles which costs me a week to get 2 matches that at least have some potential, while my girlfriend can pull 2 good matches out of maybe 30 profiles in half an hour.
What about people we know finding out about our search? Mind you, most of our friends and family have no clue about what we do in the bedroom. Not that it's a secret, but it's irrelevant anyway and some of them may not understand. This is something that particularly my girlfriend worried about in the beginning, especially one of her friends (who's bisexual or lesbian, we're not entirely sure) who's also on Tinder. We discussed this a few times, and my girlfriend decided to talk about this with her best friend (who also knows the lesbian/bi friend; they're in the same group). Fortunately, her best friend responded very well and has been supportive. And the inevitable happened: the bi/lesbian friend did come across my girlfriend's profile and talked to my gf's best friend about it, but since she already knew, no drama ensured and nothing much came of it apart from a "well, that's funny, good luck and carry on" in both directions.
Well, long story short (too late for that, hah): particularly the Tinder approach works quite well for us. Upon finding a match, we chat one on one, my gf informs me if it's heading somewhere if it's her match and I do the same if it's a match on my account, within a day or two we move it to whatsapp and make sure that all three people are talking to each other and then steer towards meeting up pretty quickly if everyone is enthusiastic. In the beginning, we used to talk for weeks to a person without meeting up (usually due to difficulties in finding a free spot in three agendas), but like in normal dating, that just doesn't work. The trail gets cold, you start to construct a mental image that becomes increasingly inaccurate (funny, but it's what seems to happen with virtual contacts) and nothing much comes of it.
Concerning potential/good matches, my observation is that there are two categories of women who have particular potential: 1. Young women in their mid- to late twenties (right in-between my gf's and my own age) with an above average interest in exploring their sexuality. They usually have an open relationship and are willing and allowed to date other people besides their primary partner. 2. Young mothers in their mid-thirties, usually divorced and looking for a new partner, but willing to do the things they never got round to when they were younger. A potential third category are the young, single women in their early twenties who are knees deep in the dating game, but I found that they are usually not secure enough and sure enough about what they want. They sound like an attractive option if you're into the impromptu pickup style.
Of course, we have run into many challenges and disappointments. It's part of the game, and we knew that from the start. Here's a few I'd like to share - maybe they can be helpful:
* The fewer rules and hangups there are, the better it works. All three people have their fantasies and preferences and the fewer limitations there are, the easier it is to make it fun for all involved.
* Trust is key and the feeling of trust (or mistrust) trumps any logic or rationality. If someone doesn't seem that a good match, but just 'feels good' in contact, she's fair game. If someone seems like the perfect match with the perfect body and all that, but makes either of us feel uncertain, we let her go. Fact of the matter is that my girlfriend is usually the one who has to hit the brakes, but it is my responsibility to respect that. The other way around is true just as well: if I don't feel good about a contact, we break it off as well. It can be frustrating if one person feels very good about someone and the other doesn't share that enthusiasm. But if it doesn't feel good, break it off - the sooner, the better.
* We have learned that it is important to keep doing things together, as a couple, while pushing all talk about threesomes to the background. The way we do this, it's pretty intensive and a lot of communication is needed to make things work. This brings the risk of it overshadowing other aspects of our relationship, so we have to make sure to spend sufficient time together and focus on ourselves as a couple.
* While my girlfriend (and I myself too to a lesser extent) were worried about jealousy playing a role in the bedroom with a third person involved, we found it to be not an issue at all in practice. Undoubtedly this is due to the fact that we only bring someone to our bedroom if we both feel good about the person and have both spoken to her one on one extensively.
* Some women initially indicate that they are interested in us as a couple, but turn out to be mainly interested in either of us. At that point, we break it off. Rules of the game! We're explicit about this to the people we talk to, and overall, we have found that the majority of women are very understanding, respectful and constructive.
So that's where we stand now. We're still actively seeking, but will probably take a break from this in a few weeks to regroup and focus on the two of us and not spend too much time on chatting up new people.
Anyway, thought I'd share. For shits and giggles. Your amusement or information. Maybe there's something in this for you, or maybe you realize that you'd do this entirely differently. It's all fine; I've come to learn that the ways in which people engage in romantic relationships vary wildly and there are many more flavors than I had imagined. It's perhaps the most rewarding aspect of this experience. That, and having sex with two women
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Shining Cosmos
Space Nomad


Registered: 06/18/13
Posts: 1,808
Loc: PHX
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: koraks]
#22062850 - 08/08/15 02:08 PM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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What's a good way to suggest a threesome? I'd like to try one with my girl and another female but I don't know how to go about discussing it without making her feel inadequate or jealous.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,819
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Depends; is your girlfriend bisexual, or bi-curious? If so, you could try to talk about how she feels about having sex with a woman with you somehow involved. If she isn't bisexual, I personally would let it go. There are many other fun things you can do!
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Shining Cosmos
Space Nomad


Registered: 06/18/13
Posts: 1,808
Loc: PHX
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: koraks]
#22063319 - 08/08/15 04:02 PM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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She's not...I figured it would be too sensitive of a topic.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,819
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Well, unless she's exceptionally adventurous, I'd move on to other fantasies. I think there's not much real fun to be had in a threesome without all parties being committed to it.
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,314
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Quote:
Shining Cosmos said: What's a good way to suggest a threesome? I'd like to try one with my girl and another female but I don't know how to go about discussing it without making her feel inadequate or jealous.
Sometimes we are driving around and I'll say to my girlfriend, "There's a cute one for ya, you should get out and fuck her."
Or "How about that one baby?"

I have an interesting sense of humour.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,819
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I do the same thing sometimes we agree, but we have a different taste for women. Still nice to check out girls together though!
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psyconaught
Chemical Connoisseur


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 6,100
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: koraks] 1
#22067079 - 08/09/15 12:47 PM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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Me and my friend double teemed a fat chick last year on my birthday because we though it would be funny..... it was Now i have to get an actually desirable threesome under my belt haha.
-------------------- Think for yourself, question authority
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Quote:
psyconaught said: Me and my friend double teemed a fat chick last year on my birthday because we though it would be funny..... it was Now i have to get an actually desirable threesome under my belt haha.
You thought it would be funny for you and a friend to have a mutual sexual encounter with someone because of their weight?

I think you and your friend just wanted to see each other naked.
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: yogabunny]
#22069908 - 08/09/15 10:33 PM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said: I think you and your friend just wanted to see each other naked.

THE WILD RABBIT STRIKES AGAIN!
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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vandago



Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,947
Loc: .
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: Sheekle]
#22070009 - 08/09/15 11:06 PM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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I went through an epic 3some relationship. I have a thread about it from ages ago. back in 2010.
Too much jealousy. I couldn't handle it. Bad time in my life for it. 10/10 though, would do again.
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The Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: vandago]
#22070168 - 08/10/15 12:17 AM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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I had a 3 some with two girls all of us were on ketamine. I was a water molecule with an erection and was on a convayer belt of love if that makes sense
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"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head. If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,819
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Let's hear more about your stories!
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 107,260
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 14 hours, 58 minutes
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Quote:
The Doobie Dude said: I had a 3 some with two girls all of us were on ketamine. I was a water molecule with an erection and was on a convayer belt of love if that makes sense
You were also on the phone with me.
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NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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The Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: koods]
#22070889 - 08/10/15 08:51 AM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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that was a day after the event
as you could imagine i was a little confused about the encounter
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"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head. If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.
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psyconaught
Chemical Connoisseur


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 6,100
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: Sheekle]
#22071299 - 08/10/15 11:13 AM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sheekle said:
Quote:
yogabunny said: I think you and your friend just wanted to see each other naked.

THE WILD RABBIT STRIKES AGAIN!
dammit she's right... How'd she know....
-------------------- Think for yourself, question authority
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 107,260
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 14 hours, 58 minutes
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Quote:
The Doobie Dude said: that was a day after the event
as you could imagine i was a little confused about the encounter
Yes confused. "why did the two girls have dicks?" "Why am I walking funny?" "What is that salty, chlorox taste?"
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NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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The Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: koods]
#22071376 - 08/10/15 11:40 AM (8 years, 10 months ago) |
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Koods I get it I keep shooting down your sexual advances but please try to be mature about it.
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"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head. If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: koraks]
#22213072 - 09/09/15 04:28 PM (8 years, 9 months ago) |
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It sounds like not a lot of guys are into mmf. I don't know why but I'm a straight guy who's very into mmf threesomes, dp, and gangbangs. I've invited my former best friend to tag team my ex with me and later my current girlfriend and its always been great fun. My ex took some persuading but my current girl was up for it in a heartbeat, which really turned me on. I love a girl who's kinky. double penetration, by the way, feels awesome for all parties involved. The only thing better feeling is sex on a meth comedown. Here's the problem. Him and I are not friends anymore. He told everyone about it when I'd assumed he knew it was to be kept secret, and he started acting like an asshole to me and her afterwords. Her and I would like to do it again but not with him, and maybe with even more guys. We both fantasize about a gangbang and it supplies most of our dirty talk in bed. All that said, I'd never do an mff with her. She's a jealous, greedy little thing ;]
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kykeion
Cactophile



Registered: 11/20/13
Posts: 181
Loc: High desert
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Quote:
Anonymous said: It sounds like not a lot of guys are into mmf. I don't know why but I'm a straight guy who's very into mmf threesomes, dp, and gangbangs. I've invited my former best friend to tag team my ex with me and later my current girlfriend and its always been great fun. My ex took some persuading but my current girl was up for it in a heartbeat, which really turned me on. I love a girl who's kinky. double penetration, by the way, feels awesome for all parties involved. The only thing better feeling is sex on a meth comedown. Here's the problem. Him and I are not friends anymore. He told everyone about it when I'd assumed he knew it was to be kept secret, and he started acting like an asshole to me and her afterwords. Her and I would like to do it again but not with him, and maybe with even more guys. We both fantasize about a gangbang and it supplies most of our dirty talk in bed. All that said, I'd never do an mff with her. She's a jealous, greedy little thing ;]
MMF or MFM? Was there any action between you and your friend beyond inadvertent touching during DP?
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Anonymous #1
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Re: The threesome thread [Re: kykeion]
#22213177 - 09/09/15 04:55 PM (8 years, 9 months ago) |
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No, any touching between the two of us was unintentional and went unnoticed. Focus was entirely on her. BTW its not the balls touching thing that makes dp feel awesome, i didn't notice that, but simply the fact that her parts feel all tight and swollen, and she came a LOT, which I could feel also. And the first girl we didn't dp, just spit-roasted.
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