sup shroomerites? been a while i know. never post much the past couple years but lurking here is always a favorite time killer. pour me a cold one tender and sit down for a bit.
wow, been such a ride so far. highest o highs and some bad fucking lows. with in the past couple years its been a roller coaster and the only time im not happy is when it climbing and not cascading through the ride. few of you know my love adventures. including leaving my first long term lover of 5 years. the fiery passion of new love after and the long term of loneliness following. finding a new excellent paying job and finally enjoying having a good cash flow. wrecking my motorcycle and shattering my collar bone and having reconstructive surgery on it.
ill be 25 next month btw.
anyways definitely had lots of ups and downs. i should go back to work within the next week or two hopefully. but felt particularity down today and felt like ranting.
had a particularly fucked up dream last night that really screwed with my head. i dreamed about my first long term lover. well really only long term lover. tho our relationship ended about three years ago and she no longer haunts me it caught me off guard that i had such a deep, vivid, intamit dream about her. tho i haven't dated much the past two years, trying to work on my self and what not i have been dating, having sex and connecting to partners the past half a year or so. hell i had a passion and drama filled adventure shortly after me and my ex split with a absolutely beautiful woman (guess that was the rebound) tho i still hold a place for her in my hart. was a romeo and Juliet type of thing. didnt feel like a rebound at least.
so i had this dream, me and my first were back together. for what ever reason we made admins and was dating, realized our petty problems and work around them. even tho we haven't had the slightest contact in over three years lol. towards the end of the dream i was falling in and out of consciousness and i remember becoming slightly lucid and looking at her in my dream with a upset look because she wasent really there. she looked back at me and asked what was wrong seeing the distress in me and i woke up, looked over at my empty bed, saw she was not there and said, thats whats wrong and fell back asleep to my lucid dream and it faded out from there.
now remind you its been years since we been together. do i still love her? yea i dont deny that and i have the since of mind to know that we werent good for each other and i know we are better off apart and iv gotten over her spending ample amount of time with out relapsing over her. so yea it was pretty fucked up of my brain to do that.
hell iv had a good excellent live recently. good job that ill be going back to soon, new lovers, been hiking, exploring, swimming, been to a casino for the first time in my life since its outlawed in my state. been through a motorcycle wreck that shattered my collar bone and the first thing i sad when i came to was "hows my bike???" lol.
idk man feel like im about to hit another of thoes curves in life to take me somewhere new. as scary as they are being stagnant always brings me to a bad place within my self. hopefully i dont hit a ditch and flip! if i do oh well, thats life.
excuse my spelling and grammar i know its bad.
just paying it forward....
-------------------- we are the universe contemplating its self.
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