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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? * 1
    #22060081 - 08/07/15 06:58 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

So I'm at the bar, getting shitface-drunk, and whenever I get drunk at bars I always tell people some fake sob story about my life, don't ask me why…

So I'm talking to this 21 year old Nigerian guy, pretty attractive guy, and I start complaining to him about all my fake life problems. I start telling him that I'm married with 5 children, and that I love my kids but I hate my husband because he's a cheating asshole who loves fucking prostitutes. And I start complaining about how we haven't even had sex in 2 years and he's fat and gross and we are only together cause of the kids, all this bullshit and not a fucking word of it is true LOL (This is my favorite lie to tell at a bar or club because for some reason guys are extremely attracted to women in these types of desperate situations, it's weird but they do).

All of a sudden, this guy responds, "I'm an escort." LOL WUT?!??!!!?!!?? :rofl:

So NOW I have a shitload of questions that I HAVE to ask him. (You guys know me, I'm the professional BBC hunter :lol: )

I start asking him all sorts of shit like, "How much would you charge me?" "Do you do sex or oral with women on their periods? Like have you earned your red wings yet?" "So I guess this means you have a BBC and you know how to use it," "Are you down with PnP?" (PnP is code word for "party and play" on Craigslist and Backpage, and for those of you who don't know what PnP is, you should look it up on UrbanDictionary.) These are very important questions, you know!!!

He responds, "For you, I'd only charge $100 for 3 hours (which is CHEAP AS FUCK LOL like WTF). I do sex and oral with women on their periods with proper protection. I don't do PnP but I don't mind if you do."

What should I do? What would happen if I met this guy? Is this guy going to rob me? Am I going to end up with AIDS?

You know what, I'm going to turn this into a poll. Guess what will happen if I meet this escort in a hotel room by myself.
What will happen if I meet this escort?
You may choose only one


Votes accepted from (08/07/15 05:58 PM) to (No end specified)
View the results of this poll



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OfflineAdolin
I'm a teapot User Gallery


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Registered: 06/28/11
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Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G] * 7
    #22060106 - 08/07/15 07:01 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

he will rape and rob you on top of giving you aids. but knowing you, you'd be having a good time while it happens.

so, all 4 answers


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Invisiblerackem
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G] * 3
    #22060108 - 08/07/15 07:01 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

next time i hear some cheesey chick sobbing about not getting laid i am going to play out the scenario just like this guy..


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Invisiblepsi
TOAST N' JAM
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Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613 Flag
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G] * 2
    #22060111 - 08/07/15 07:02 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

So I'm at the bar, getting shitface-drunk, and whenever I get drunk at bars I always tell people some fake sob story about my life, don't ask me why…





You'd always tell us the truth though, right?

:notsureif:


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Adolin]
    #22060112 - 08/07/15 07:02 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Gresh said:
he will rape and rob you on top of giving you aids. but knowing you, you'd be having a good time while it happens.

so, all 4 answers




:lolsy: :highfive:


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: psi]
    #22060117 - 08/07/15 07:03 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

psi said:
Quote:

So I'm at the bar, getting shitface-drunk, and whenever I get drunk at bars I always tell people some fake sob story about my life, don't ask me why…





You'd always tell us the truth though, right?

:notsureif:




Yeah, the internet, ironically, is the one place I come to to spill all my real life's secrets. I post shit on here that even a lot of my closest friends DO NOT KNOW ABOUT, and CAN NEVER KNOW ABOUT.


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OfflineHippocampus
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Registered: 04/01/15
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060123 - 08/07/15 07:05 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

If he's a professional escort he shouldn't have a problem producing a negative HIV test


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OfflineLuSiD enthusiast
Stranger

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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Hippocampus]
    #22060135 - 08/07/15 07:09 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I have a feeling nothing you told him was a lie, and you were just desperate and got lucky and this is your way of telling us.


--------------------
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Offlineimachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060139 - 08/07/15 07:10 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I voted

"You will have a good time, let him smash"

I'm not sure if it's the right answer, but it's what I voted for since it's what I think is the right answer :shrug:

Are you really going to let him charge you though?


--------------------
:kingcrankey: I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!

:facepalm: I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk


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Invisiblepsi
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Registered: 09/05/99
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060147 - 08/07/15 07:11 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Yeah, the internet, ironically, is the one place I come to to spill all my real life's secrets. I post shit on here that even a lot of my closest friends DO NOT KNOW ABOUT, and CAN NEVER KNOW ABOUT.




I'm kind of the opposite, I generally avoid divulging embarrassing personal details on here. Don't want to give people ammo to go rustling my jimmies.

:jimmies:


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: LuSiD enthusiast]
    #22060152 - 08/07/15 07:12 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

imachavel said:
I voted

"You will have a good time, let him smash"

I'm not sure if it's the right answer, but it's what I voted for since it's what I think is the right answer :shrug:

Are you really going to let him charge you though?




Well… I mean, yeah. If I call him and have him service me, I sort of have to pay, especially since he told me in advance what his rates are, right?


Quote:

LuSiD enthusiast said:
I have a feeling nothing you told him was a lie, and you were just desperate and got lucky and this is your way of telling us.




I was desperate, but I definitely do not have 5 children. Holy fuck, I would be such a mess, I would have blown my brains out ages ago!!! :lol:


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InvisibleballsalsaMDiscord
Universally Loathed and Reviled
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Registered: 03/11/15
Posts: 20,855
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060170 - 08/07/15 07:16 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

in your experience as a professional BBC hunter, how many times out of 10 would you say that you find just a regular cock that happens to be black rather than successfully hunting down a BBC?


--------------------


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060174 - 08/07/15 07:17 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Do you have the cash?  As you know, professional escorts aint free.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: psi]
    #22060176 - 08/07/15 07:17 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

psi said:
Quote:

Crystal G said:
Yeah, the internet, ironically, is the one place I come to to spill all my real life's secrets. I post shit on here that even a lot of my closest friends DO NOT KNOW ABOUT, and CAN NEVER KNOW ABOUT.




I'm kind of the opposite, I generally avoid divulging embarrassing personal details on here. Don't want to give people ammo to go rustling my jimmies.

:jimmies:




I feel more comfortable posting about real shit on random forums on the internet, because the way I see it, I'm mostly anonymous, and so is everybody else. Don't want any gossip about me floating around in my backyard, know what I mean?

Same reason I don't ever send nudes to people I know IRL. I don't want that shit coming back to haunt me. But I'll send them to random dudes online who I'll likely never see or meet in person.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: zappaisgod]
    #22060185 - 08/07/15 07:20 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

ballsalsa said:
in your experience as a professional BBC hunter, how many times out of 10 would you say that you find just a regular cock that happens to be black rather than successfully hunting down a BBC?




What do you mean find a regular cock that happens to be black? All you gotta do is search for the black guy :lol:

Did you mean find a cock that happens to be BIG? Cause I've generally been pretty lucky in that department. Most guys I've fucked or dated were around 7 or 8 inches. In fact, I would say that has been more common and my general experience more than the guys with "average" 5 inch dicks, or anything less than 6.

The universe has sent me tons of karmic pleasure. THANK YOU UNIVERSE! :awejeez:

Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Do you have the cash?  As you know, professional escorts aint free.




Obviously I was not planning on showing with just an ATM debit card like, "You take Visa?" :lol:


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Invisibleluvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Hippocampus]
    #22060190 - 08/07/15 07:22 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

don't come crying to us when you get the snot beat out of you, hiv, and/or raped op

Fucking a nigerian is bad enough but you're seriously considering paying for it...


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: luvdemboomers] * 1
    #22060199 - 08/07/15 07:23 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Racist retard.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #22060203 - 08/07/15 07:24 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Can someone quote that for me and tweak the name?


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Offlinekoods
Ribbit
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: larry.fisherman] * 13
    #22060357 - 08/07/15 08:00 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Where's the option "he will get aids"


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: koods]
    #22060389 - 08/07/15 08:09 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

koods said:
Where's the option "he will get aids"




:rofl2:


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OfflineGiftofdeprivation
Discerning Vagrant
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: luvdemboomers] * 1
    #22060397 - 08/07/15 08:11 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

iLuv Cops said:
Racist retard.




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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G] * 3
    #22060408 - 08/07/15 08:13 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Did you & the bf break up?


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #22060435 - 08/07/15 08:20 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Yes and no. I'm going to see him in Philadelphia in a couple weeks. We're still together, but we're not "together," knaw mean?

In other words, things ain't tight between us right now.


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #22060442 - 08/07/15 08:23 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Well, be safe with this gigolo.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #22060444 - 08/07/15 08:24 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

For sure dude. I don't want to be catching super AIDS and then spreading it all around Philly when I come :lol: Don't want to be starting an epidemic or nothing hahahah


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G] * 5
    #22060480 - 08/07/15 08:33 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Eh, it's Philly. Not even robots are safe there.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
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Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #22060485 - 08/07/15 08:34 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
Eh, it's Philly. Not even robots are safe there.




LMFAOOOOOO I read that.

Best comments ever about that piece: "Of course it was Philly. Can we disown that city?"

"No Canadian could ever survive a night in Philadelphia. Robot or otherwise."

"I am Canadian, and have (barely) survived a night in Philadelphia. At the bus station, no less."

"Philadelphia, the one-word oxymoron."

"Stay classy Philly...keeping the Broadstreet Bullies Legacy alive."


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060501 - 08/07/15 08:37 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

:lol:

Yo, they decapitated that robot & left it in a ditch.  Fuckin Philly, haha.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #22060507 - 08/07/15 08:39 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

They got a video of the guy who killed Hitchbot. He was wearing an Eagles shirt:

http://paleofuture.gizmodo.com/heres-video-of-the-jerk-who-killed-hitchbot-1721797093

*edit* Oh never mind, they updated the page since I last saw it, I guess that was a hoax.


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060520 - 08/07/15 08:43 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

That'd make sense though.


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InvisibleJvF
Fletcher Detcher


Registered: 02/13/14
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060674 - 08/07/15 09:28 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Are you bipolar?

This sounds like stuff bipolar people do.

No judgement, just curious


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22060979 - 08/07/15 11:02 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

u prob shouldnt lie to people liek that

that dude probably told u he was an escort to make u feel better or some shit

like "yea u want to hear a real sob story?, im an escort.."


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Invisiblerackem
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: zZZz] * 1
    #22060987 - 08/07/15 11:04 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

nah, that dude was like this chick is a mess, lets see if i can get her to pay me to bang her :lol:


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
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Posts: 33,478
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: rackem]
    #22061045 - 08/07/15 11:18 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

people usually do meet those who are much liek them..

so if u like to play games and lie to people n shit then u are more than likely to run into the same kind of people who like to play games n shit


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: zZZz]
    #22061068 - 08/07/15 11:25 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Well, I tend to meet a lot of scumbags… sooooo, guess what that says about me? :lol:


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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: luvdemboomers]
    #22061076 - 08/07/15 11:29 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

luvdemboomers said:
Fucking a nigerian is bad enough but you're seriously considering paying for it...




Of course I would. You have no idea how scummy I am. I am the scummiest of the scummiest of scum.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22061545 - 08/08/15 05:09 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

What I want to know is the ratio of men to women that he serves.  I always thought most escorts cater to men, which is why he would probably be willing to take you on for relatively cheap.


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OfflineGoldenEye
...
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: JvF]
    #22061552 - 08/08/15 05:15 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

What happened to your BF? I saw the cute guy at the gym thread and this one. Is he gone?


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: GoldenEye] * 1
    #22061559 - 08/08/15 05:19 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Don't be the type of guy to read only the OP and then assume you're the only poster in the world to come up with the question you have.  Especially in such a short thread.


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Invisiblemyc_check1212
Through Brass
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: koods] * 1
    #22061871 - 08/08/15 08:51 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
So I'm at the bar, getting shitface-drunk, and whenever I get drunk at bars I always tell people some fake sob story about my life, don't ask me why…

So I'm talking to this 21 year old Nigerian guy, pretty attractive guy, and I start complaining to him about all my fake life problems. I start telling him that I'm married with 5 children, and that I love my kids but I hate my husband because he's a cheating asshole who loves fucking prostitutes. And I start complaining about how we haven't even had sex in 2 years and he's fat and gross and we are only together cause of the kids, all this bullshit and not a fucking word of it is true LOL (This is my favorite lie to tell at a bar or club because for some reason guys are extremely attracted to women in these types of desperate situations, it's weird but they do).

All of a sudden, this guy responds, "I'm an escort." LOL WUT?!??!!!?!!?? :rofl:

So NOW I have a shitload of questions that I HAVE to ask him. (You guys know me, I'm the professional BBC hunter :lol: )

I start asking him all sorts of shit like, "How much would you charge me?" "Do you do sex or oral with women on their periods? Like have you earned your red wings yet?" "So I guess this means you have a BBC and you know how to use it," "Are you down with PnP?" (PnP is code word for "party and play" on Craigslist and Backpage, and for those of you who don't know what PnP is, you should look it up on UrbanDictionary.) These are very important questions, you know!!!

He responds, "For you, I'd only charge $100 for 3 hours (which is CHEAP AS FUCK LOL like WTF). I do sex and oral with women on their periods with proper protection. I don't do PnP but I don't mind if you do."

What should I do? What would happen if I met this guy? Is this guy going to rob me? Am I going to end up with AIDS?

You know what, I'm going to turn this into a poll. Guess what will happen if I meet this escort in a hotel room by myself.



Quote:

koods said:
Where's the option "he will get aids"





Nigerian prostitute bangs out CG only to become "patient 0". Life is full of such ironies.


--------------------
Lord_Senate: Pedophiles, rapists and everything in between.

pastywhyte said: I'm not going to rush, I believe crow is best served cold.

AhabMcBathsalts said: This is why democracy doesn't work. Because idiots like this get a fucking vote.


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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: GoldenEye]
    #22064274 - 08/08/15 07:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

GoldenEye said:
What happened to your BF? I saw the cute guy at the gym thread and this one. Is he gone?




The cute guy at the gym is the other guy I've been thinking about messing around with… he is an EXTREMELY passionate dude, and he makes me get completely lost in myself…

But, you know what they say…

I'm extremely lost and drunken and lost right now :lol:



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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: I Met a Male Escort at the Bar…. What Would Happen If I Met Him? [Re: Crystal G]
    #22064288 - 08/08/15 07:53 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

He would watch you do your hair.


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