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dionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad


Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
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Quick and Painless Please?
#22058932 - 08/07/15 02:26 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm literally at my wits end. My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I separated last year and amicably at that. He drafted up the separation agreement, we both signed and notarized, and I moved out the following month; taking only my prized possessions, the car (he doesn't drive and I was making the payments on it), and he reimbursed me for the furniture I bought because he had, and I quote "a sentimental attachment."
In our state, physical separation for six months with no children involved and a separation agreement equals an easy divorce. He said he would acquire the lawyer because I was busy with certifications for work and a host of other crap from leaving the state. Great! I think and I give him half of the lawyers retaining fee. I didn't want him to have any reason to move slowly on this. Let's get it done. This should be easy.
Only it's not. A month and a half after he hires the lawyer I do a check in and discover he never even gave her the separation agreement. FML. Finally he does and I check in again today and he says "I don't really know...I'm kind of at no news is good news right now."
What?! No! It's bad enough with the awkward attempts at small talk or attempting to get me to come visit his house but SERIOUSLY. NO dude. This should have been completed MONTHS ago. He has a girlfriend who I was told was dead-set on marrying him while were still together so MAZEL TOV! You can't marry her if you're still married to me.
That was 4 months ago.
And it's like "AAAAAUGH! I don't want to talk to you about gaming, or your new vaping equipment or anything. I want you to tell me when the court date is! When am I going to be served? You know, shit dealing with this damn legal process we need to get done now." And of course I'm not going to say this because I need him to be cooperative and that means I need to be as pleasant and placating as possible.
So do I get my own lawyer at this rate? Or wait it out?
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 9 hours, 47 minutes
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When one side lawyers up, it's best if you lawyer up too.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: Quick and Painless Please? [Re: Patlal]
#22059977 - 08/07/15 06:30 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Just call him up and ask him to call the lawyer for an update so you know what's going on. From what you posted it doesn't sound like you're being direct. Politely ask him to do stuff, and if that doesn't work then do it yourself. This is your problem, so treat it that way.
@patlal I think she means he said he would hire the lawyer to get the divorce filed.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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You can get a divorce without lawyers if it is amicable and agreed upon but it seems like he is a flake who can't commit to either marriage or divorce. Good fucking luck to him and his new girlfriend
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dionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad


Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
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Quote:
Mr.GuessWork said: Just call him up and ask him to call the lawyer for an update so you know what's going on. From what you posted it doesn't sound like you're being direct. Politely ask him to do stuff, and if that doesn't work then do it yourself. This is your problem, so treat it that way.
@patlal I think she means he said he would hire the lawyer to get the divorce filed.
You're right. I should be much more direct. He has a...delicate emotional constitution so I'm often worried even asking more than once every two week will lead to an outburst. I'll have to just get over that fear while still exercising some level of diplomacy.
Many thanks for answering.
-------------------- He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Quote:
dionysiandame said:
Quote:
Mr.GuessWork said: Just call him up and ask him to call the lawyer for an update so you know what's going on. From what you posted it doesn't sound like you're being direct. Politely ask him to do stuff, and if that doesn't work then do it yourself. This is your problem, so treat it that way.
@patlal I think she means he said he would hire the lawyer to get the divorce filed.
You're right. I should be much more direct. He has a...delicate emotional constitution so I'm often worried even asking more than once every two week will lead to an outburst. I'll have to just get over that fear while still exercising some level of diplomacy.
Many thanks for answering.
You're thinking about it in the right way. You need to maintain your own emotional stability while managing him and while making sure you're not getting fucked over. You don't have to spam him or be mean (it sounds like you're not doing those things), and you should certainly hold your form and remain polite and calm if he loses his shit. Two emotional people makes it impossible to have anything other than a fucked up fight, and it sets the stage for future fights. Just stay cool and be clear and direct about what you're asking him to do and about what you want. Avoid being demanding, but politely be clear and keep it simple and direct whenever possible. If he won't allow any kind of productive communication, then I'd suggest that you take charge and get in touch with a lawyer of your own and tell the lawyer what's going on so you can learn about your options. If the soon-to-be-ex blows up on you, then you might want to let him know that you feel the need to take things into your own hands since you've already waited more than long enough for something to happen, and that you don't feel like you're being treated respectfully. There's nothing to gain by letting your emotions get fucked up by all of this, so think about your actions before you communicate, take your time, and keep your shit together and under control. Good luck .
Edited by Mr.GuessWork (08/09/15 08:12 PM)
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