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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 4 months
shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast * 1
    #22049530 - 08/05/15 07:06 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Dear Shroomery Family,

I finally got married. My husband (so far) is a wonderful man who puts up with all my "shit", games, and practical jokes. He's not much of a joker so fucking with him is even more fun.. until he snaps, but I have long legs and can run pretty fast. Today, We went to a chili cook off.

I pretty much starved myself the day before so that I could enjoy sampling all the different chili recipes. Eating habit wise I stick to white meats (lol including dicks for you assholes who want to make jokes) and seafood. We get to the cook off and head for the beer to get our drunk on. It was easy getting thru the crowd because I'm 6 Ft 3 and he's 6 Ft 8. People magically move out of the way to let you pass. Freaking nice!

We have a blast and get our fill of chili. I have no idea why people make chili so hot!! I want to enjoy my food, not fight to eat it. As the day went on, you could tell who was dookie-scooting to the Porto-johns to make their butholes throw up. Since I'm a professional shitter, I know how to manage my interior buckets of hot molten chili fecal-matter. Oh how the lower intestines twisted and turned to manage the matter. I could hear each parasite scream in agony and die with muffled screams as my intestinal walls worked the chili fired doo doo to my colon. I stayed calm. I cut an occasional tiny fart to relive pressure and manage my composure as a lady. Finish strong! Don't let them see you sweat!.

On the other hand..........

My husband was having trouble.

He had the cold sweats and the stuttering vocabulary.

He tried to oh baby me, hold doors open, be a gentleman.

He tried everything in his power to hold everything even the farts- everyone knows you have to relive pressure when you have hot doo doo attacks in the que. You didn't know? Now you doo. ALWAYS fart in moderation till you can take a dump and..... never fully trust your hole. So, I finally start talking to him about going to the bathroom. He's looking at me like.. baby.. you're talking about shitting to me.. I told him how bad I was heating up. I was at a shit stage 6 and rising, but I had a shit stage 2 look on my face. This motherfucker was at a shit stage 8 by the looks of his face his asshole was struggling to hang on!!! (YOU can DO IT!) like those Adam Sandler movies.


I'm like baby...... you should, we should ... he interrupts.... I'm ok..

I'm sorry white people, its easy to tell when you're rather uncomfortable because of the red flushing of the skin. My poor husband was trying to man up for me but I knew he was in dire need. I felt really bad. In the glimmering distance, I saw this fat.. I mean FaHAAAAAT guy squeeeeeeeze his way out of a Porto John. I turned around to say excuse me to a lady I ran into, then turned back to see my husband 7 steps ahead .... almost running away to the John. Naw, I'm lying, ....he ran like a Katrina victim with a flat screen TV.

So I get to the John and hear all the words of the bible coming from inside. A guy walked by smoking and I bummed a smoke. Got a light. Started huffing cig smoke in the top vents of the John. His Jesus words turned into god damns. BABEEEE he started yelling.. WERE U AT?
My phone blew up and he heard it.. knew it was me. :frown:

Came out the John madder than hell. Walked up to me, picked me up by putting his arms around my back and kissed, me. Put me down. I felt bad.. He then told me that he....... wanted to go back to get more samples. Little did he know... he squeezed me into shit level stage 9 when he picked me up. I looked at him and headed for the pink Porto John.

I took the most massive and flaming hot "ooh my god I want to put ice cubes up my ass" dump. I thought I was bleeding back there. Nope- it was pepper sauce.

I have a feeling I will be staying with this man forever.

Love being married.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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OfflineHalluciNate
Trippage! / Loving
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/25/12
Posts: 4,440
Loc: ALL THAT IS
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: Macey Howard]
    #22049579 - 08/05/15 07:17 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

You write a lovely spin on :glittershitz:!

I gotta admit this thread is:shitstorm: though!

:rofl:

:cheers:


--------------------
We are here to assist, to teach you to evolve as we go through this process together. We give our own version of things only to bring you to a higher consciousness. No matter what situation you find yourself in, it is the power of your thoughts that got you there. It is also the impeccable belief that thought creates that will transform your experience and the planetary existence.




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InvisibleSheekle
FREE BURKE
 User Gallery


Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: Macey Howard]
    #22049582 - 08/05/15 07:18 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

What is your obsession with going to the bathroom?


"Dude, OMG, the other day I pooped! It was fuckin nuts!"


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineHalluciNate
Trippage! / Loving
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/25/12
Posts: 4,440
Loc: ALL THAT IS
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: Sheekle]
    #22049600 - 08/05/15 07:20 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
What is your obsession with going to the bathroom?


"Dude, OMG, the other day I pooped! It was fuckin nuts!"



:crankshitshower:


--------------------
We are here to assist, to teach you to evolve as we go through this process together. We give our own version of things only to bring you to a higher consciousness. No matter what situation you find yourself in, it is the power of your thoughts that got you there. It is also the impeccable belief that thought creates that will transform your experience and the planetary existence.




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Offlinesanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/06/11
Posts: 15,623
Loc: Bucketheadland
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: Macey Howard]
    #22049603 - 08/05/15 07:20 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

:lolsy:


--------------------
I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you...
But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey
You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!


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InvisiblePsychonautica
Cuddly Wuddly Fuccboi


Registered: 04/20/15
Posts: 10,854
Loc: Free Soul & IISkuNkII Flag
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: Sheekle] * 3
    #22049609 - 08/05/15 07:21 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

What's with your obsession with glory holes and shitty tie dyes?


--------------------
The chances of you even being born, Were forty million to one. There's two parts of the statistic And I want you to live through one
3/8/95 - 7/10/15 Rest In Paradise, Brother.
Sheekle said:
yeah, i said i was afraid of psychonautica


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Invisibleshadyy
aHhahhHA
 User Gallery


Registered: 09/08/08
Posts: 21,330
Loc: winchestertonfieldville i...
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: Sheekle]
    #22049652 - 08/05/15 07:28 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Hey sheekle,

I think I might only be able to go to the fest on Sunday...I have to work that Saturday, so yeah.

But I can leave Saturday after work and spend the night there. I just wasn't sure if that was allowed if I only have a ticket for Sunday??


--------------------

ga ga ga eets eets how you gone be mad on vacation?
MONICA COULDN'T TELL TIME UNTIL SHE WAS 13


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InvisiblecApTaInCrAp
Delightfullyexcellent
 User Gallery


Registered: 03/19/04
Posts: 2,613
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: shadyy]
    #22050540 - 08/05/15 09:58 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

You got married before talking about the poops? That's weird man.


--------------------
"...Terrific, im glad we've had this time to discuss..im outro, call me if you wanna blaze one up.."



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Onlineblackhawk
Newton's Law of Majesticity
I'm a teapot


Registered: 04/02/11
Posts: 8,465
Loc: Where Jimmies are Rustled
Last seen: 4 minutes, 29 seconds
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: Sheekle]
    #22050557 - 08/05/15 10:02 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
What is your obsession with going to the bathroom?


"Dude, OMG, the other day I pooped! It was fuckin nuts!"



One of these days there will be poop that is fucking nuts


--------------------


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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: blackhawk]
    #22051431 - 08/06/15 01:13 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

im gay


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OfflineReposadoXochipilli
Here, there, inbetween
Male User Gallery


Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 7,501
Loc: Sand and sunshine
Last seen: 19 days, 17 hours
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: HalluciNate]
    #22051632 - 08/06/15 02:14 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

HalluciNate said:
You write a lovely spin on :glittershitz:!

I gotta admit this thread is:shitstorm: though!

:rofl:

:cheers:



Yes there is a way with words here, I was half expecting to smell it.

Porta johns are nasty though, can't imagine the damage they endured through a chili cook off. Bombs away.


--------------------


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OfflineTNK
Pleasures of Africa
I'm a teapot Unread Journal User Gallery


Registered: 01/30/10
Posts: 14,237
Loc: I AM THUNDERBOT
Last seen: 1 month, 18 days
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: ReposadoXochipilli]
    #22051721 - 08/06/15 03:19 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

What the fuck did I just read?


--------------------
Edited by TNK (02/22/22 22:22 PM)


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Invisible404
error
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: TNK]
    #22051726 - 08/06/15 03:21 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

another "shitty" thread by macey howard :hehehe:


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InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita Flag
Re: shen you hit stage 9 1/2 and the doo- doo sirens are going full blast [Re: 404]
    #22052032 - 08/06/15 07:07 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I wish I knew a chick who was this blatantly honest about her shitting habits


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


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PhytoExtractum Shop: Kratom Powder for Sale


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