|
mikeleebcfc
Stranger
Registered: 01/09/13
Posts: 10
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
|
HPPD sufferers discussion
#21360373 - 03/04/15 10:11 AM (8 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
hi, ive just set up this post to see to get a few things off my mind and see how my fellow hppd sufferers are coping with the condition, recovery and if their hppd has diminished and how long it took.
i posted up on here December 2012 when i first got HPPD from what i believe was the mushrooms, back when i was already pretty unstable. comparitively i think my hppd is a fair but milder than some of the heavy lsd users and such, but was enough to significantly damage my mental state. i went through bad depersonalization (which i am sort of recovering from now) and even more severe depression and anxiety. i couldn't even tell you how close to baseline i am, and my visual effects have stayed pretty constant for the last 2 years so i really have no idea what crystal clear "normal" vision even looks like anymore. in retrospect if thats the right word my vision is not entirely debilitating, in the right light and factors the hppd can be almost un-noticable, then in other its really bad, but doesnt really effect my actual vision as such. i couldnt say if its got any better or worse either because i cant really remember what it was like when i initially got it.
id also like to know what visual effects you have from your hppd. mine are scheerer's phenomenon when looking at the sky or anything brightly coloured, snow vision & static, starbursts, positive and negative afterimages, floaters and a few other things i couldn't put a name to.
its been over 2 years now and wandering if anyone has fully recovered from their hppd. although it is a burden for me because its not something i can ignore, my mindset is 10000x better than when i first had it, and generally life is a lot easier. i've completely cut out drug use which is really shit (most of my mates are frequent class A users) but id rather go without and improve my chances of recovery than end up being a wreck all my life.
open for all sufferers id really like to hear your stories
|
misterjingo
Divided by zero



Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 669
Loc: Shangri-La
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
|
Re: HPPD sufferers discussion [Re: mikeleebcfc]
#21360655 - 03/04/15 11:10 AM (8 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
My HPPD story can be found here:
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/17033519#17033519
It's been about 19 years now and I still have HPPD symptoms. The depersonalisation vanished a long time ago and now it's just visual stuff.
I get afterimages off everything, which I think is the cause of the other symptoms I experience. If someone stares at something for a while without blinking, colours change slightly and visual snow starts overlaying the scene. Where this could take 30 second for someone without HPPD, for me, this 'overlaying' happens instantly with a lag of about 2 seconds.
This suggests that parts of my visual cortex are overexcited, or at least always in an excited state. This is apparent when I watch TV. If I look away at the wall, I see a negative imprint of whatever was on the screen. This fades out after around 4-5 seconds.
Something weird about the after images is that sometimes black objects imprint as neon blue. THey sort of flash neon blue and fade out.
This overlay and lag cause the trails I experience. Even dull things trail in a very faint way. I think it also explains the static, although complex objects can cause crazy zigzagging static (green and purples mostly it seems.)
I can see things wobble and distort if I pay attention (I've tried to ignore this for years, so most of the time, I don't notice it.) This distortion might be a product of the afterimages and being super aware of the natural 'jiggle' of the eyes. This is usually ignored, but once aware of it, the focus of attention moves and can cause the peripheral parts to expand, distort etc.
My HPPD doesn't bother me in the slightest now, although when sleep deprived, it really kicks up a notch. I can see that it has a neurological basis, perhaps in the visual cortex - coupled with a higher awareness of natural processes which usually fall below most people's perceptual filters. I still take psychedelics, and go through periods of smoking weed.
I have a feeling that my HPPD is the product of unresolved trauma bubbling away below the surface (read into Stanislav Grof and his models on LSD psychotherapy.) All I can do for now is carry on with life, and accept my vision is slightly different. What made the difference between suffering with HPPD and carrying on with life, was an acceptance and letting go. I know it's not easy, but it is possible.
I also really recommend a book called 'Hallucinations' by Oliver Sacks. It really shows how fragile the visual cortex and other perceptual areas of the brain are, and how common visual distortions are.
Edited by misterjingo (03/04/15 11:11 AM)
|
mikeleebcfc
Stranger
Registered: 01/09/13
Posts: 10
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
|
Re: HPPD sufferers discussion [Re: misterjingo]
#21361794 - 03/04/15 03:28 PM (8 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
fair play for getting through it your initial hppd sounded fucking horrific, your current symptoms seem pretty similar to what i have at the moment, looks like im in this for the long run but its a lot easier to deal with than when it first started. do you recommend anything to help me break away from the hppd.
|
misterjingo
Divided by zero



Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 669
Loc: Shangri-La
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
|
Re: HPPD sufferers discussion [Re: mikeleebcfc]
#21362046 - 03/04/15 04:14 PM (8 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I wouldn't worry about it lasting long term. It seems for most people, it improves over time. I do get a feeling that a lot of people have residual visual alterations, but its something that either does not stress them, or they don't like to talk about it.
First thing I would recommend is don't get fixated on it. I know it can be hard to ignore, but simply accept it and let it go. Imbuing it with emotion is a good way to reinforce it.
Secondly, have a break and get healthy. Catch up on sleep, cut the crap out of your diet, and perhaps cut out weed / psychs / drugs too for a while. Lots of people say to cut out coffee and beer too - but I never took it that far. Exercise!
There are tales of success through treating it with various medications, one that comes to mind is levetiracetam (an antiepileptic drug), googling will bring up lots of others. The results seem to be a mixed bag, and if you can get your hands on them, they're not cheap for the dosage range recommended to treat HPPD.
My slightly irrational side believes that psychedelics could be used to correct the HPPD by helping to resolve whatever material manifested it in the first place. I wouldn't recommend this road without giving it a lot of thought and trying it willingly. Obviously I haven't walked this road fully myself, but I am taking steps along it.
|
mikeleebcfc
Stranger
Registered: 01/09/13
Posts: 10
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
|
Re: HPPD sufferers discussion [Re: misterjingo]
#21363201 - 03/04/15 07:50 PM (8 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
yeah im not one to talk about my condition unless its with other suffers, and i do generally try and keep healthy but have been eating high calorie foods to put some weight back on, ive never gone down the medicinal route just sort of let it be for the past 2 years but it would be worth a try if anyone had any good results but seems like a grey area (ive been to doctors and they were fucking useless providing any sort of treatment, and taking any other psyches would do me a lot more harm than good i think, i don't want to reverse the progress ive made by taking them with the possibility of it worsening. ive heard of people seeing better results by taking again but not a risk im willing to take
Edited by mikeleebcfc (03/04/15 07:51 PM)
|
Perceptive
Stranger


Registered: 04/21/15
Posts: 89
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
|
Re: HPPD sufferers discussion [Re: mikeleebcfc]
#21979541 - 07/22/15 09:15 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
I have HPPD for 8-9 months ago.
i have a shit ton of anxiety and depersonalzation because of it. maybe its cuz i obsess over the visuals.
Im thinking about taking MDMA to help the mental issues, obviously thats a gamble.
gonna go meditate
yeah this shit traumatized the fuck out of me and i still am
|
Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy


Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
|
Re: HPPD sufferers discussion [Re: Perceptive]
#22019992 - 07/30/15 02:05 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Yep, the psychedelic community is really hush hush about this HPPD thing.
I got it first trip and will have it for the rest of my life. I consider it something that I would pay a thousand dollars to take away permanently, and I think most people with HPPD would do the same.
There should be education about HPPD and forums like the shroomery should tell users considering tripping for the time that odds are they are gonna have minor visual disturbances for their entire life if they do a few trips.
Was it worth it? Maybe now, but when I am an old grandpa and not tripping and have tracers and visual snow and shit off everything I am going to deeply regret tripping.
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
Edited by Bitter Cactus (07/30/15 02:09 PM)
|
SteelPanther

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 3,453
Loc: The Energy
Last seen: 8 years, 17 days
|
|
I have hppd, it used to be worse, maybe it is on a low, I don't really know since it differs with time and there are some interesting patterns as to when it flares up. Not to be rude but your hppd doesn't sound very bad if its mostly static when staring at the sky and other bright images.
Personaly I get that, along with breathing, patterning, colour changing, flashes of images (I don't think this one is due to psychedelics), and tracers. The tracers I get used to be super long, as in 3-4 feet if you were to wave your hand, but at the moment they are only about 1.5-2 feet long. Also I get the static, but I may have seen that before psychedelics.
I find that weed decreases my hppd, when I go sober from drugs especially weed it really comes on.
I don't really think about it though, before I ever took psychedelics, which I did not do alone I made sure everyone was ok with the possibility of hppd for the rest of their life. I don't know if they were, but I am, and it doesn't effect my every day life. I haven't done much reading lately but the only think you could say it disrupts is reading since words can start moving around, and act as if the page is liquid and move with a rythim as if floating in the sea as gentle waves rise and lower them.
-------------------- Everything I say on here is not true, I am an insecure person who lies about doing drugs and stuff to make myself feel good. So any illegal things I may have talked about are all fictional.
|
Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy


Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
|
|
Quote:
SteelPanther said: I have hppd, it used to be worse, maybe it is on a low, I don't really know since it differs with time and there are some interesting patterns as to when it flares up. Not to be rude but your hppd doesn't sound very bad if its mostly static when staring at the sky and other bright images.
Personaly I get that, along with breathing, patterning, colour changing, flashes of images (I don't think this one is due to psychedelics), and tracers. The tracers I get used to be super long, as in 3-4 feet if you were to wave your hand, but at the moment they are only about 1.5-2 feet long. Also I get the static, but I may have seen that before psychedelics.
I find that weed decreases my hppd, when I go sober from drugs especially weed it really comes on.
I don't really think about it though, before I ever took psychedelics, which I did not do alone I made sure everyone was ok with the possibility of hppd for the rest of their life. I don't know if they were, but I am, and it doesn't effect my every day life. I haven't done much reading lately but the only think you could say it disrupts is reading since words can start moving around, and act as if the page is liquid and move with a rythim as if floating in the sea as gentle waves rise and lower them.
There is an entire forum dedicated to hppd sufferers who would do anything for a cure.
It doesn't bother me too much, but it certainly lowers your quality of life a little bit when you have all these visual disturbances all the time. I'm sure most people with HPPD wish they could snap their fingers and make it go away.
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
|
SteelPanther

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 3,453
Loc: The Energy
Last seen: 8 years, 17 days
|
|
Mine hasn't gone away, it just has its ups and downs, and right after posting that I realized I have been smoking a pretty decent amount of weed lately since I don't have many other drugs.
I believe it comes down to not looking for a "cure" but accepting it and just going on with your life. Occasionally even enjoy it by playing with the light from your phone screan by waving it around, I used to do that all the time because it made super long tracers and I could basically paint in the air.
-------------------- Everything I say on here is not true, I am an insecure person who lies about doing drugs and stuff to make myself feel good. So any illegal things I may have talked about are all fictional.
Edited by SteelPanther (07/30/15 02:47 PM)
|
Perceptive
Stranger


Registered: 04/21/15
Posts: 89
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
|
|
Does it really interfere with quality of life? Its very enlightening in my opinion.
Im finally getting used to it and the Depersonalization is starting to go away:D
|
Bitter Cactus
reformed bad boy


Registered: 01/26/12
Posts: 11,773
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
|
Re: HPPD sufferers discussion [Re: Perceptive]
#22022761 - 07/31/15 12:44 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
yep depersonlizatio and visual hallucinations all the time that should not be there lower your quality of life. you can spin it to say it is cool or whatever but it is a pain in the ass.
-------------------- Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.
|
SteelPanther

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 3,453
Loc: The Energy
Last seen: 8 years, 17 days
|
|
To me thats just how I see the world, it would be strange to see it any ohter way now, without all the hppd stuff. It does not interfere with my life and I would go as far as to say I like being able to see things other people can't. The visaul aspect is only part of what can linger from psychedelics, I know I view the entire world in a 100% different way, with eyes open, a clear reality.
-------------------- Everything I say on here is not true, I am an insecure person who lies about doing drugs and stuff to make myself feel good. So any illegal things I may have talked about are all fictional.
|
Perceptive
Stranger


Registered: 04/21/15
Posts: 89
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
|
|
Thanks.
I have DP, but it is going down.
Isnt it possible to fully get over the DP? did u get ever DP steel?
I have HPPD symptoms: -floters/static -pariedolia(objects within objects, faces) -patterns on walls -some close eyed visuals
I dont have dancing text or tracers etc..
But the DP is getting less and less with acceptance and meditation
|
SteelPanther

Registered: 05/28/12
Posts: 3,453
Loc: The Energy
Last seen: 8 years, 17 days
|
Re: HPPD sufferers discussion [Re: Perceptive]
#22032048 - 08/02/15 03:49 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
I think DP may be a result of a shock to your brain, as is is so used to the reality it has been tuned in to recieve your whole life. When it changes I believe your brain grows used to it, similar to how it creates new pathways if current ones are destroyed.
For depersonalization to go away (in my opinion) I believe you must allow the brain to remain in an unaltered state (or possibly an ever so slightly altered one) long enough for it to regain its natural "factory" settings.
On top of depersonalization one thing you may mistake as a symptom of dp is apathy. I can only speak for myself and other close friends, but once something in life causes you to realize basically that life is a game of survival of the fittist, and humans are simply animals. Humans are animals just like any other
REally tired to I'l re-read after sleeping and waking
-------------------- Everything I say on here is not true, I am an insecure person who lies about doing drugs and stuff to make myself feel good. So any illegal things I may have talked about are all fictional.
|
|