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OfflineManianFHS
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Registered: 07/06/04
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Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!!
    #22012716 - 07/28/15 11:32 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I was on a 3 day carnival cruise to Mexico over the weekend and discovered a great way to lose pounds fast. I call it the Ensenada diet [patent pending].

Its pretty simple really, and until my business is up and running I invite my shroomery friends to try it for free and explain their results here. What you do is get off the cruise ship when it hits port in Mexico. Find a taxi cab driver and ask him to take you to a tourist destination, but to stop along the way for tacos. You can shop around while you do this, dont just go to the first taco stand you see. Try and find one where the locals and workers continuously say 'Pinche Gringo'. I think this means 'Diet Tacos!!' Order a few of those bad boys, with extra cilantro if you like. The longer they take to prepare you feed, the harder they are working to make it as low calorie as possible. Eat up, and enjoy the rest of your day, it will be your last enjoyable day for the foreseeable future.

3 days later, after shitting water, puking up things you dont remember eating, and starving yourself out of instinctual necessity, you can begin to check your weight. 10 pounds? no problem. 15 pounds? you better believe its not butter on those thighs anymore, youre skin and bones and fitting into those jeans that mama told you never to wear again. you think this is a lie? no sir, i am living proof that the ensenada diet is a the real deal. Im looking for consumer testimonials that will help me get this business idea off the ground. We can still up our effectiveness with a few simple improvements. For instance, why search around for the right taco stand? that can take days. instead argue with your taxi driver for the lowest rate, play loud american music while in the backseat and yell rude, broken spanish commands at your driver unexpectedly. I postulate that this will ensure a quick route to your much coveted diet taco stand.


Though you can expect to pay for overpriced tacos, as well as a 16 pack of toilet paper, a 6 pack of pedialite, a small case of wet wipes, and maybe the copay on your visit to to the hospital for antibiotics, i assure you it costs less than your average yearly dues to 24 hour fitness, with similar results.


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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InvisibleNiffla
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Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,489
Loc: Texas
Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: ManianFH]
    #22012719 - 07/28/15 11:34 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

mick said:
You can shop around while you do this, dont just go to the first taco stand you see. Try and find one where the locals and workers continuously say 'Pinche Gringo'. I think this means 'Diet Tacos!!




:rofl:


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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: Niffla]
    #22012729 - 07/28/15 11:38 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:rofl2: fucking awesome


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:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineGorlax
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Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 6,695
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Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: ManianFH]
    #22012741 - 07/28/15 11:43 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah happened to me too. I went to rocky point and I swore on my life to not eat outside the resort. While I was out buying fireworks and shit my friends mom said this restaurant was the best in the city and it was safe to eat and I saw plenty of other "white tourist" eating there. Well lets just say after eating what I believe to be fish tacos turned into me having the craziest shits of my life. Not to mention the 6 hour car ride back holding it in. It was hell. Montezuma's revenge isn't a myth.

It's crazy how sick foreign food can get you. That is why I always wonder how gnarly anthony bourdain or andrew zimmermans digestive enzymes have to be.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
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Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: Gorlax]
    #22012745 - 07/28/15 11:46 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Andrew zimmermans stomach acid could eat through plate steel I bet


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:
To define is to confine.


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OfflineGorlax
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Registered: 05/06/08
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Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #22012763 - 07/28/15 11:54 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

It would have to, I couldn't even handle one meal outside our lands. Shit's tainted.


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
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Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: Gorlax]
    #22013991 - 07/29/15 09:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah those guys must have guts with working steel parts in them or something. My brother in law is the only one who didn't get sick and he said he eats pretty much trash food all the time.

I spent the entire night sweating through my sheets and mattress. Woke up around 2 yelling and kicking at the air while experiencing some kind of night terrors, my fiancé had to restrain me and calm me down. Right now on the toilet again. I've lost 12 pounds since sun. Going to see my primary care physician in 30 min, weird twist of irony, I met her 2 years ago while on a cruise to Ensenada


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
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Registered: 10/09/10
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Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: ManianFH]
    #22014027 - 07/29/15 09:41 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

What I do is I follow a strict anxiety diet.

You would be amazed how much weight you lose when stress eats holes through all your major organs.


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Edited by Patlal (07/29/15 11:24 AM)


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OfflineLove_spirit
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Registered: 07/18/15
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Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: ManianFH]
    #22014260 - 07/29/15 10:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Last time I was in the Yucatan none of it bothered me. My friend was running,
holding his stomach, looking for somewhere out of public view,  after he ate the tortas  :poopontoast:

At the airports we where taken aside before we got to the terminal and had all our stuff searched three different times :tokeeporder:
All they found was Mexican wrestling masks. :leaving:


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: ManianFH]
    #22014292 - 07/29/15 10:35 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I went to Cancun for spring break years ago, the day I was leaving I ate subway, which made me incredibly sick.  The squirts I got from that were amazing, such violent passing of stool.

The meat was warm at the subway so I am pretty sure that was the culprit.

If you're in Mexico make sure to not use the ice because that can make you ill too.


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©️


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InvisibleShroomopotamus
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Registered: 09/27/09
Posts: 18,757
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Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: ManianFH]
    #22014317 - 07/29/15 10:40 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

mick said:Order a few of those bad boys, with extra cilantro if you like.





http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jul/28/us-bans-cilantro-mexican-farms-feces-toilet-paper


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*
Live by the mushroom, die by the mushroom
:mushroom2::rainbowdrink:
This is a trap! A trap! You are all busted! Busted! You fools!
:twirlyface:

If a time comes where I fail to appear I've been abducted and I will miss you all
Please smile and pet puppies as often as possible
Be happy
Be nice
(<3);}


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OfflineManianFHS
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Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: Shroomopotamus]
    #22017995 - 07/30/15 12:27 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomopotamus said:
Quote:

mick said:Order a few of those bad boys, with extra cilantro if you like.





http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jul/28/us-bans-cilantro-mexican-farms-feces-toilet-paper




upping their game i see. they know their tacos are a million dollar idea.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 55 minutes
Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: ManianFH]
    #22017999 - 07/30/15 12:30 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

update. got some pillz to take care of the squirts. ciproflaxin or the like, and 10 hours later i feel like 20 times better.

walked through the door after work and my fiance was like you look sooo skinny.

hahah


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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OfflineManianFHS
living in perverty
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Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,741
Last seen: 3 hours, 55 minutes
Re: Looking to lose weight??? Heres how!! [Re: Patlal]
    #22018013 - 07/30/15 12:33 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
What I do is I follow a strict anxiety diet.

You would be amazed how much weight you lose when stress eats holes through all your major organs.




good ol mental illness diets. been there done that. maybe thats why in my early twenties i could eat 12 tacos and still slide on a pair of girls leather pants, the wearing of which was probably also a symptom of my mental illness :wink:


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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