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InvisibleJvF
Fletcher Detcher


Registered: 02/13/14
Posts: 2,662
Loc: Chicago Flag
This Backpage hooker looks like a ham
    #22007205 - 07/27/15 10:24 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

http://chicago.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/better-than-her-and-her/25239678

Just found that shit, its going to the front of /r/wtf, i guarantee it. 30 points in 10 minutes.

It cracked me the hell up when i saw it.

Aside from that, how has your guys luck been with escorts on backpage?


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Offlinenicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard
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Registered: 11/07/03
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF] * 2
    #22007214 - 07/27/15 10:25 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Just need to stick some cloves in there


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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OfflineShroomslip
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Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF] * 1
    #22007221 - 07/27/15 10:27 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I love how she doesn't show her face at all.. Probably gonna want to bring a paper bag.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OnlineCHeifM4sterDiezL
Chief Globerts


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 22,541
Loc: United States Flag
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22007279 - 07/27/15 10:39 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

id put money on that being a transgendered


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OfflineDrMambo
hamburger time
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22007288 - 07/27/15 10:41 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Lost my v-card to a hooker off oldschool craigslist. Fucked one off backpage during a drug binge when I didn't even have heat on in my shitty ass apartment during a cold snap, "don't worry, just hurry into my room where the spaceheater is", and got head from one streethooker near at a highschool two blocks from my old pad.

IMHO, fucking a hooker is no fun. There's a shroomerite on here who related fucking a prostitute to eating at McDonalds and feeling shitty after, and it's quite the truth. The only prostitute of these three that was any fun was the one that came over during drug binge in the frozen apartment, and she was only fun because we were both so obviously trashed on hard drugs and open with our awfulness that we actually kinda clicked on it before we got into it. It's absoutley gross, but absolutely true.

I've one good friend that escorts, and I'm always worrying about something terrible happening to her. She wanted to get me on as security at her illegal brothel, but I knew that I'd be so liable if we got busted, and I'd also that if she ever got hurt by a customer I'd probably freak the fuck out and end up with some really outrageous assault on my hands.

Additionally, I seriously dated a wingnut that used to hook to fund her crusty traveling adventures. Luckily, she's doing quite fine other than normal existential dilemma shit and we talked for an extended period of time just today.

I'm just fortunate that through this crazy shit and my other questionable sexual practices/drug usage that I was able to avoid any bloodborne pathogens, and Lord knows I've had my a fair share of blood on my wang.

TLDR: Just spend 1/4-1/2 of the hooker money on a spanked up set of clothes, even secondhand, and go fuck someone who's not a hooker. There's a lot of shallow chicks out there that'll fuck you just for looking like you have expendable money for a wardrobe.

Also, yeah, totally a hambeast. Throw some pinapple slices on there with those cloves...


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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InvisibleZombi3
Bella Ciao!!
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Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 27,086
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22007305 - 07/27/15 10:45 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

yucky


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Invisiblerackem
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Zombi3]
    #22007343 - 07/27/15 10:56 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

sad part is some chick took a shitload of pics and went through them and said hey this looks good.

:ugh:


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InvisibleAstral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Zombi3]
    #22007358 - 07/27/15 11:01 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

This chick was in the Chicago backpage for $200. Talk about a setup.



--------------------
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out"               
                -Bill Hicks-

__


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OfflineAcaterpillar
A little mad...
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Registered: 06/09/07
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22007384 - 07/27/15 11:10 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:lol:

That ass looks tasty. Just needs a pineapple for garnish.


--------------------
Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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InvisibleHobozen
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc: Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22007519 - 07/27/15 11:38 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Astral Pain said:
This chick was in the Chicago backpage for $200. Talk about a setup.






i wanna give this one a whirl :datass:

"Our desire for intimacy is an instinctual craving, yet our lives often lack the space to explore our sensual desires. Let's share an experience of delicious skin to skin intimacy, intentional tantric connection, and explorations of sensual pleasure, in a beautiful and loving space. pictures, descriptions, details and rates at:"



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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Hobozen]
    #22007539 - 07/27/15 11:48 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah, and Subway really serves fresh food.


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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InvisibleHobozen
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc: Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: DrMambo]
    #22007578 - 07/28/15 12:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Still tastes good.


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InvisibleAstral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: DrMambo]
    #22007588 - 07/28/15 12:08 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I found the other pics of that chick. Fuuuuuck.



--------------------
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out"               
                -Bill Hicks-

__


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
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Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22007610 - 07/28/15 12:19 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

someone send this thread to her for the lulz


--------------------
Long live kratom :kratom:


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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: danielx] * 5
    #22007620 - 07/28/15 12:23 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)



--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: DrMambo] * 5
    #22007639 - 07/28/15 12:33 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)



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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Hobozen]
    #22007657 - 07/28/15 12:39 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:singletear:


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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OfflineGorlax
Male


Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 6,695
Last seen: 16 days, 16 hours
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: DrMambo]
    #22007676 - 07/28/15 12:49 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

haaha that shit honestly does look like a ham wrapped up waiting to be scooped up at the market. Maybe that was her intentions lmao.

- No way that hot girl is an escort for 200$.. Exploited college girls gets like 1500$ to do an entire porno so if you really wanted to fuck a hot ass girl just get a go pro and make up some porn website. You'd prob also make a few hundred thousand off it.


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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22007746 - 07/28/15 01:27 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Astral Pain said:
This chick was in the Chicago backpage for $200. Talk about a setup.





looks like im taking a pit stop in Chicago


--------------------

"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.


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InvisibleJvF
Fletcher Detcher


Registered: 02/13/14
Posts: 2,662
Loc: Chicago Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: nicechrisman] * 2
    #22007750 - 07/28/15 01:29 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

nicechrisman said:
Just need to stick some cloves in there





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InvisibleAmanita86
OTD Keymaster
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22007807 - 07/28/15 02:02 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Astral Pain said:
I found the other pics of that chick. Fuuuuuck.





Kinda hot man..


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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Onlinekoods
Ribbit
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Registered: 05/26/11
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: CHeifM4sterDiezL]
    #22007861 - 07/28/15 02:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

CHeifM4sterDiezL said:
id put money on that being a transgendered




Sounds like an expert opinion.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineBrown Buffalo
paisley superstar
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Registered: 09/14/13
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22007940 - 07/28/15 03:32 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

protein rocks!


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Offlinemakaveli8x8
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Gorlax]
    #22007977 - 07/28/15 04:07 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Gorlax said:
haaha that shit honestly does look like a ham wrapped up waiting to be scooped up at the market. Maybe that was her intentions lmao.

- No way that hot girl is an escort for 200$.. Exploited college girls gets like 1500$ to do an entire porno so if you really wanted to fuck a hot ass girl just get a go pro and make up some porn website. You'd prob also make a few hundred thousand off it.




pretty sure you have to get a license, and have inspectors and drug tests and std tests and....other shit


--------------------
We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.


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Offlineedos
Male


Registered: 01/01/15
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22008069 - 07/28/15 05:23 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I've never actually used an escort before, but sometimes I like browsing escorts on backpage while at work to pass time on shitty calls and see what's available in my area. Its pretty baffling at how some of the women on there can actually make a living doing that...like I can't really believe they get clients. I've noticed most of the Asian escorts on there look like human trafficking victims.

I doubt I would use an escort, because I know I would regret wasting the money/time/risk as soon as I unloaded in 2 seconds, and most of them have early histories of abuse, which is a pretty big turn off and not very sexual.


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Invisibleabltsandwich
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22008096 - 07/28/15 05:39 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Does she suck dicks?


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Onlinekoods
Ribbit
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: abltsandwich]
    #22008128 - 07/28/15 05:54 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

No, but she'll come on a pizza.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineDilsnique
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: koods]
    #22009673 - 07/28/15 01:23 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

She should change her name to Honey Glaze!


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InvisibleWyoMX
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 07/06/15
Posts: 2,101
Loc: PNW
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: koods]
    #22009697 - 07/28/15 01:29 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

koods said:
Quote:

CHeifM4sterDiezL said:
id put money on that being a transgendered




Sounds like an expert opinion.




Well it takes one to know one.. haha


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Offlinenicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard
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Registered: 11/07/03
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22009888 - 07/28/15 02:09 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I would spiral cut the shit outta that!


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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OnlineMightyWhite
Male
Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 3,560
Last seen: 1 minute, 20 seconds
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22009903 - 07/28/15 02:12 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Astral Pain said:
This chick was in the Chicago backpage for $200. Talk about a setup.






Haha that chick is always on Grand Rapids,MI bp. She is also reviewed on Erotic Monkey http://www.eroticmonkey.com/lacey-escort-grand-rapids-14710


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OfflineLuSiD enthusiast
Stranger

Registered: 03/14/13
Posts: 4,325
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: MightyWhite]
    #22009920 - 07/28/15 02:16 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Would it be illegal to hire a woman to film a porn, pay her to have sex with you, then accidentally forget to put batteries in the camera? Or decide none of the footage was good enough to use?


--------------------
I'm addicted to coke, weed, booze, ludes and speed.
Not LSD, you can't get addicted to LSD, it was built by scientists.

I ain't got no demons that gonna get woke.


In erowid we trust.

Just take your damn pills and don't ask any questions, you'll be fine.


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OnlineMightyWhite
Male
Registered: 08/27/08
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Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: LuSiD enthusiast]
    #22009986 - 07/28/15 02:28 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Ask Enlil


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
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Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc: Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22010017 - 07/28/15 02:34 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

jfischer218 said:
http://chicago.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/better-than-her-and-her/25239678

Just found that shit, its going to the front of /r/wtf, i guarantee it. 30 points in 10 minutes.

It cracked me the hell up when i saw it.

Aside from that, how has your guys luck been with escorts on backpage?



I'd hit


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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InvisibleNiffla
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Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,485
Loc: Texas
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: MightyWhite] * 1
    #22010094 - 07/28/15 02:47 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

lmao at some of the reviews

here's one



Quote:

She is an older looking lady. Pretty sure she didn't have any teeth. I didn't feel any at least. Honestly I tried not to look at her too much. In my head a dime was blowing me.

Easy to set up appt and meet up. Got in the room and took of my pants and she went to work with a great bbbj. She can dt pretty well. I came after 10 minutes or so and she stopped and cleaned me up and I just chilled out for a few minutes. She told me to let her know when I was ready for the 2nd and I said now so she started sucking me off again. This second time she sucked with a purpose like she was really on a mission to get that nut and it probably took 20 minutes but she didn't slow down one time or complain at all. After the 2nd nut I was dressed and out the door pretty quick. All in all she isn't much to look at but for 80 bucks I got my dick sucked a solid 30 minutes and busted twice. Not bad imo.





--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


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OnlineMightyWhite
Male
Registered: 08/27/08
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Last seen: 1 minute, 20 seconds
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Niffla]
    #22010199 - 07/28/15 03:03 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Lol yeah some of the reviews are hilarious I have have a feeling some of them are fake though or posted by the escort or her pimp just trying to drum up some business.


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