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InvisibleJvF
Fletcher Detcher


Registered: 02/13/14
Posts: 2,662
Loc: Chicago Flag
This Backpage hooker looks like a ham
    #22007205 - 07/27/15 10:24 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

http://chicago.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/better-than-her-and-her/25239678

Just found that shit, its going to the front of /r/wtf, i guarantee it. 30 points in 10 minutes.

It cracked me the hell up when i saw it.

Aside from that, how has your guys luck been with escorts on backpage?


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Offlinenicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/07/03
Posts: 33,241
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF] * 2
    #22007214 - 07/27/15 10:25 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Just need to stick some cloves in there


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"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF] * 1
    #22007221 - 07/27/15 10:27 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I love how she doesn't show her face at all.. Probably gonna want to bring a paper bag.


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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OnlineCHeifM4sterDiezL
Chief Globerts


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 22,541
Loc: United States Flag
Last seen: 15 seconds
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22007279 - 07/27/15 10:39 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

id put money on that being a transgendered


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OfflineDrMambo
hamburger time
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22007288 - 07/27/15 10:41 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Lost my v-card to a hooker off oldschool craigslist. Fucked one off backpage during a drug binge when I didn't even have heat on in my shitty ass apartment during a cold snap, "don't worry, just hurry into my room where the spaceheater is", and got head from one streethooker near at a highschool two blocks from my old pad.

IMHO, fucking a hooker is no fun. There's a shroomerite on here who related fucking a prostitute to eating at McDonalds and feeling shitty after, and it's quite the truth. The only prostitute of these three that was any fun was the one that came over during drug binge in the frozen apartment, and she was only fun because we were both so obviously trashed on hard drugs and open with our awfulness that we actually kinda clicked on it before we got into it. It's absoutley gross, but absolutely true.

I've one good friend that escorts, and I'm always worrying about something terrible happening to her. She wanted to get me on as security at her illegal brothel, but I knew that I'd be so liable if we got busted, and I'd also that if she ever got hurt by a customer I'd probably freak the fuck out and end up with some really outrageous assault on my hands.

Additionally, I seriously dated a wingnut that used to hook to fund her crusty traveling adventures. Luckily, she's doing quite fine other than normal existential dilemma shit and we talked for an extended period of time just today.

I'm just fortunate that through this crazy shit and my other questionable sexual practices/drug usage that I was able to avoid any bloodborne pathogens, and Lord knows I've had my a fair share of blood on my wang.

TLDR: Just spend 1/4-1/2 of the hooker money on a spanked up set of clothes, even secondhand, and go fuck someone who's not a hooker. There's a lot of shallow chicks out there that'll fuck you just for looking like you have expendable money for a wardrobe.

Also, yeah, totally a hambeast. Throw some pinapple slices on there with those cloves...


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"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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InvisibleZombi3
Bella Ciao!!
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 27,086
Loc: Bat Country Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22007305 - 07/27/15 10:45 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

yucky


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Invisiblerackem
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Zombi3]
    #22007343 - 07/27/15 10:56 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

sad part is some chick took a shitload of pics and went through them and said hey this looks good.

:ugh:


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InvisibleAstral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Zombi3]
    #22007358 - 07/27/15 11:01 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

This chick was in the Chicago backpage for $200. Talk about a setup.



--------------------
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out"               
                -Bill Hicks-

__


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OfflineAcaterpillar
A little mad...
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
Loc: Down the rabbit hole
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22007384 - 07/27/15 11:10 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:lol:

That ass looks tasty. Just needs a pineapple for garnish.


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Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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InvisibleHobozen
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc: Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22007519 - 07/27/15 11:38 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Astral Pain said:
This chick was in the Chicago backpage for $200. Talk about a setup.






i wanna give this one a whirl :datass:

"Our desire for intimacy is an instinctual craving, yet our lives often lack the space to explore our sensual desires. Let's share an experience of delicious skin to skin intimacy, intentional tantric connection, and explorations of sensual pleasure, in a beautiful and loving space. pictures, descriptions, details and rates at:"



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OfflineDrMambo
hamburger time
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Hobozen]
    #22007539 - 07/27/15 11:48 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah, and Subway really serves fresh food.


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"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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InvisibleHobozen
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc: Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: DrMambo]
    #22007578 - 07/28/15 12:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Still tastes good.


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InvisibleAstral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: DrMambo]
    #22007588 - 07/28/15 12:08 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I found the other pics of that chick. Fuuuuuck.



--------------------
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out"               
                -Bill Hicks-

__


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Invisibledanielx
whatup!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 6,500
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: JvF]
    #22007610 - 07/28/15 12:19 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

someone send this thread to her for the lulz


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Long live kratom :kratom:


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OfflineDrMambo
hamburger time
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: danielx] * 5
    #22007620 - 07/28/15 12:23 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)



--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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InvisibleHobozen
 User Gallery

Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 10,634
Loc: Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: DrMambo] * 5
    #22007639 - 07/28/15 12:33 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)



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OfflineDrMambo
hamburger time
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Hobozen]
    #22007657 - 07/28/15 12:39 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:singletear:


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"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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OfflineGorlax
Male


Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 6,695
Last seen: 16 days, 17 hours
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: DrMambo]
    #22007676 - 07/28/15 12:49 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

haaha that shit honestly does look like a ham wrapped up waiting to be scooped up at the market. Maybe that was her intentions lmao.

- No way that hot girl is an escort for 200$.. Exploited college girls gets like 1500$ to do an entire porno so if you really wanted to fuck a hot ass girl just get a go pro and make up some porn website. You'd prob also make a few hundred thousand off it.


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InvisibleThe Doobie Dude


Registered: 04/28/13
Posts: 13,498
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: Astral Pain]
    #22007746 - 07/28/15 01:27 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Astral Pain said:
This chick was in the Chicago backpage for $200. Talk about a setup.





looks like im taking a pit stop in Chicago


--------------------

"There are a million reasons to drink and one just popped into my head.  If a man can't drink when he's living how the Hell can he drink when he's dead?" - Irish Limerick
I PLURed once because it was PLUR or die. - D.M.T.


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InvisibleJvF
Fletcher Detcher


Registered: 02/13/14
Posts: 2,662
Loc: Chicago Flag
Re: This Backpage hooker looks like a ham [Re: nicechrisman] * 2
    #22007750 - 07/28/15 01:29 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

nicechrisman said:
Just need to stick some cloves in there





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