Over the weekend, I finally had the experience of magic mushrooms.
I have been pretty anxious to try them for some time, and I was finally able to. That being said, I was really excited to try them, and was in a really positive mindset. I did slightly over 1.6g from a local batch. I chewed them directly. They weren't as bad as I thought they would be. I don't know much other details about the batch, however. I tripped with some very close friends of mind in a suburban setting. I also did so after sunset.
It took me a while to start feeling the effects of the mushrooms. I had a higher dose, but everyone started to feel the effects. At first I was a little bummed, but soon I started to notice the "sparkle" effect on the street lights. The moon started to glow more, but it still took me a while to really come up. My friends were all way ahead of me. Then, I felt like I had to puke. Something similar to when I would drink way too much, and I wanted to puke but couldn't.
Then, I started to fixate my eyes on a group of pants in the backyard, and it looked like they were almost breathing. As in you could almost see the life coming forth from the plants. Therein I knew I had entered the portal.
After staying out in the backward for a while, I entered my friends house and it felt weird. I knew it was my friend's house, and I knew it very well, but it felt like a dream house. Like if I was dreaming of being in her house. It seemed a bit dimmer, darker. And although the house was new and they were the first to live in it, I felt a heavy presence. I felt some kind of heavy air/energy. It was a bit strange. I remember at one point I had to sit on the floor. Then I got back up and walked around and my "Child Self" came out. I felt a great burst of energy and I knew I had to go back outside. All the while I'm cracking jokes and laughing at everything (which I do when I'm sober ha).
Once I went back out, and I left the back yard, everyone came out and sat by the lake. I because of my internal energy I had to get out and start running around. At one point I even threw myself down on the grass and rolled around. The lights that glared off the lake looked beautiful. Just all sorts of different colors. I saw a lot of purple and red hues.
One thing that really got me was the lack of spatial dimension. Everything looked more crowded. Even the sky looked like it was "lower." It reminded me of being inside of a bubble or a snow globe. I felt very heavy and "grounded" on the earth. When I touched the grass, I could feel my hands really, really "deep" in the earth. Because I was in suburbia, I made fun of people and suburban/American living the whole time. I actually became quite pompous and arrogant in a way. While people often feel more connected with people after/during their trip, I felt more alienated. Why do you need a bigger house? To put bigger TVs in them? I joked and joked. Everyone is stuck inside! Watching TV! They should all be outside I yelled.
One friend started to have a bad trip. She felt enclosed. She felt trapped. She hated the houses surrounding her. I did too, but I knew I could break away from them for a short period. She wanted to go back inside. Her boyfriend followed. My other friend stayed with me. We began walking away from her neighborhood. I knew that if I walked passed the "scary" houses, I could go to a park. So, although it was scary, I knew it would be temporary. I had to dig through the "bad" so I could break free from the secured neighborhood. My friend who was with me was a little bit hesitant. Do you want to keep going? You want to cross the street? You want to keep going further? Yes. My exploratory nature was on full throttle. We walked and walked. We looked at the homes and felt bad for society and bad for people. Such a wasteful species we mutter. We had to pass the security guard. Should we tell him we're leaving? Ahhh, fuck it. Fuck it all. Let's go.
It was the first night of the weekend. People were speeding and drunk driving. Some loud music was blasting from some yards. We crossed into the the park. My friend asked, Are we allowed to be in here?
I turned to him, You see!! That's how "they' want you to feel! They want to give you an open space, and then make you feel bad about crossing through it after-hours! If we were in Europe, we wouldn't think twice about. We would just GO. Then he said, Yeah, you're right. So we walked around the park and kept bitching about American lifestyle. There was a school nearby and we looked at it. Wow, it looks like a prison. The bell system? That's one of the worst things, ever. It's like you're clocking in and out to go to work. Ugh. Let's keep walking.
We cross the park, the school, and the street. We were walking down the sidewalk next to some upper middle class homes. Holy fuck, look at this house. This douche has all these cameras, then he puts a big gate around his house with his fancy cars, but then he puts these large open windows so you can peer inside, it's like he's ASKING to be robbed. What a loser. More laughs. We commenced walking.
Some of the bushes and trees from people's yards peered over the sidewalk. It looked absolutely terrifying. But I felt bold. To get to the other side, you just have to cross by the scary parts.
It's all just temporary I said again.
We kept walking and we were sweating like crazy. The night was hot and humid. We had some pretty awesome conversations, but I only remember about 40 percent of it. I remember I kept saying This is all FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. So, let's just enjoy this ride of life.
I've always taken an absurdist approach to life, and it was only emphasized.
Earth felt like a portal. The sky was a beautiful blue. Everything felt like a dream. The colors and dimness of the lights reminded me of when I dream and it's "night time" in my dreams. This is all fake. Nothing really means anything. We should just enjoy whatever time we have here.
At one point we had to turn back because we were feeling very dehydrated. On our way back, we almost saw a bad car accident. People started arguing, and we went in flight mode because we were scared it might get bad. That then led us to talk about violence in the US. We went back to the house, and under the nice AC we...yes, began to watch TV. We were watching Anthony Bourdain, and at one point they should the slaughtering of a cow in Madagascar. I'm actually a vegetarian, but my friend with the bad trip, who is a meat eater, couldn't watch it. I did. I shrugged it off. That's just how some people live in the world. The car accident scenario actually stripped me off my trip a bit, so by this point I started to sober up. After some food, I was almost 100 percent sober. The whole trip lasted about six hours.
I don't want to say that I have become less sympathetic towards humans (that's a bit cold), but I do feel a bit more alienated. Everyone just lives fake lives and everyone cares about such meaningless BS. all this I knew before, but it just had a greater emphasis.
Because I did it in a suburban setting I did not have a total and complete pantheistic approach, but I would definitely do it again, on a higher dosage in a quite, secluded setting.
However, the overall experience was really positive. I am happy that I did it, and I most definitely will do it again and again. I wanted some answers to some questions, but I guess for right now what I got out of it is Fuck it. it doesn't matter as much as it seems. While I have always taken a relaxed approach to life, this just made me way more relaxed. I would also like to have one experience where I'm listening to music.
One thing is that I really do think now that we go into another portal after death. I wasn't too sure about it, but I think I'm a little bit more confident now. At one point I think I described the feeling as being "picked, thrown into this temporary world, and off I will go to another one later."
Sorry for the bad writing. I just wanted to get as much of the experience as I could. I definitely would like to write more "poetically" about it later.
|
Four days later (from the time of the trip).
The afterglow the next day still lead me to a "whatever, enjoy everything while you can attitude." I remember at the beauty salon, they were playing music I normally do not listen but was enjoying it and smiling.
This is a bit odd, but I have fallen pretty ill (not related to shrooms). Today I went to the doctor, and I was randomly scrolling through the radio. I honestly only listen to, like, two radio stations--NPR and the jazz station. Then, I stopped by this Christian radio station. Sometimes, on a blue moon, I'll listen to a couple of songs on there because I find them a bit catchy, but by noooooo means a Christian. Sometimes they kind of remind me of love songs. But here's the deal. I've been listening to the damn radio station. All. Day. I EVEN LISTENED TO KELLY CLARKSON ON YT?! It seems to put me in a good mood I'm assuming because of the positive lyrics and it makes my illness tolerable. I'm a bit in shock, and will never publicly admit this outside this forum.
I have been feeling a lot of radiance around my heart. Everything is fine. I had some questions in matters of the heart prior to the trip, but all I want to do is send love out. If it's not meant to be I am more open to different possibilities. In the mean time, I am still more calm and more positive.
|
I feel the opposite - Instead of being placed on Earth I feel like I'm plucked from earth and placed on some foreign planet with bizarre creatures, laws, and environment very different from earth. Almost every plant looked incredibly alien to me, and even now after my trip I still see certain plants as otherworldly now. On shrooms, for the first time, I actually felt as though I was on a rock floating through space.
And yeah, I've found (for myself, at least) that on higher doses of shrooms my thoughts don't seem to go into the loop, and it's much easier to let go and just watch what the mushrooms are showing you. On low doses it's a battle to keep my mind in the realm of sanity, as though you were shown the holy grail but you were chained to the wall across the room, staring at it for four or five hours until the ball and chain mysteriously disappear, but along with the grail.
-------------------- LSD
|