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InvisibleModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE
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Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: lood_dood]
    #21993685 - 07/25/15 04:23 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/21993684

Didn't even see your thread when I made mine.
It comes in waves. Once it comes it comes on strong but when it's gone it feels like a desert.

I sympathize big time man.


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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OfflineSoulidarity
With Your Halo Slippin . . .
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Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 17,617
Loc: Atlantis Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: lood_dood]
    #21993725 - 07/25/15 05:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

too much too soon. its lame but you have to hold all of that back untill things are progressing properly. you know how most guys don't like an easy chick and it puts them off? girls are the same. they like the challenge of winning someone and working to get someone, not someone who just falls at their feet straight away. you have to act like you dont give a shit to start to get their attention and then once things start to go to the next level is when you can start bringing in all that other stuff. its so retarded and i hate it but thats how it seems to work. most of the time the genuine nice guy gets screwed over, especially by vindictive women. then again they are all different and you just have to see how things go with each particular person, but in general too much too soon is a red flag that will put them off.


--------------------

R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate.
[/url]


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Offlinelood_dood
Magical Badger Catcher
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Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 414
Loc: Galloway
Last seen: 7 years, 14 days
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #21993825 - 07/25/15 06:23 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:

lood_dood said:
Can't seem to get laid!






crawl up a chicken's ass and wait, it will happen




I laughed too hard at this one :laugh2:


--------------------
:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
Trans-male User Gallery


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc: Flag
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: lood_dood]
    #21993901 - 07/25/15 07:18 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Basically everything that shroomslip and seriously_trippin said.

It takes a combination of disinterest and generally not giving a fuck that makes it happen


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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InvisibleDietrootbear
makes u think
Female


Registered: 08/23/11
Posts: 724
Loc: Sheffield, UK Flag
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy] * 2
    #21993927 - 07/25/15 07:35 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Yeah lood_dood, what those guys said. Be disinterested as possible. Start by eating whatever you want, don't care about your shape, girls are intimidated by attractive men anyway. They threaten their vanity. Don't work out anymore, it will make you too tired to focus on being apathetic. You don't want to display any eagerness whatsoever. When the next girl you get involved with talks to you about her life, be sure to stare off into the distance meditatively and restrain any facial reactions. Or pull out some earplugs and stuff 'em in. Girls love that absurd shit.

Pretend to fall asleep when you're on the phone with her. Make sure that the length of your text messages is indirectly related to the length of hers, i.e. the more she types the less you type. But don't type a lot when she doesn't, that doesn't apply here. Respond to paragraph-length messages with four word sentences, and in extreme cases just say "k", no punctuation, no capitalization. I do this and it gets me so much pussy that my dick has to go to a chiropractor.

Basically you have to pretend that she doesn't exist. I did this with a girlfriend of two years and she couldn't restrain herself from banging me at least three times a day. When she's on top of you just scream "oh my god it's a succubus" and "please lord what did I do to provoke this vile cockbucking daemon's wrath". You can also just pretend to be reading while she goes at you. Be sure to yawn during orgasm. It takes effort, but it's worth it. Watch some acting advice videos on youtube.

Alright man, now you know, get out there, get to work.


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
Trans-male User Gallery


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc: Flag
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Dietrootbear]
    #21993943 - 07/25/15 07:42 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:lolsy:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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OfflineJanky Tits
Registered: 06/19/14
Posts: 4,037
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy] * 1
    #21993971 - 07/25/15 07:54 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Just do what I do man. I usually only do this with fat chicks because they are usually desperate and do anything any even somewhat attractive looking skinny guy says but it has worked on a handful of sexy dimes before as well. Go to the club/or concert start dancing with a few girls, offer them Ecstasy and then get emotionally close to then the rest of the night and you'll have your sex by the end of the night. It almost always works for me when I'm looking 4 casual sex. It usually only works on chubby girls unfortunately but chubby bitch pussy is better then no pussy. And I'm not even talking about gross sloppy 300 pound bitches, I'm talking about ones with a bit of chub hanging out their back lmao, it's not so bad tbh. Chubby bitches need love too and sexy skinny dimes usually have boyfriends or don't trust strangers giving them E so I've  only managed bagging dimes a handful of times.


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
Trans-male User Gallery


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc: Flag
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Janky Tits] * 1
    #21993977 - 07/25/15 07:57 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Words of wisdom from Xplicit :thumbup:


Did you ever give your girlfriend that surprise anal?


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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OfflineJanky Tits
Registered: 06/19/14
Posts: 4,037
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy]
    #21994737 - 07/25/15 11:10 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Malcolm_Xtasy said:
Words of wisdom from Xplicit :thumbup:


Did you ever give your girlfriend that surprise anal?



I gave her a surprise index finger and gave myself a surprise stanky finger.


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Offlinelood_dood
Magical Badger Catcher
 User Gallery


Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 414
Loc: Galloway
Last seen: 7 years, 14 days
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Janky Tits]
    #21994825 - 07/25/15 11:37 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Dietrootbear said:
Yeah lood_dood, what those guys said. Be disinterested as possible. Start by eating whatever you want, don't care about your shape, girls are intimidated by attractive men anyway. They threaten their vanity. Don't work out anymore, it will make you too tired to focus on being apathetic. You don't want to display any eagerness whatsoever. When the next girl you get involved with talks to you about her life, be sure to stare off into the distance meditatively and restrain any facial reactions. Or pull out some earplugs and stuff 'em in. Girls love that absurd shit.

Pretend to fall asleep when you're on the phone with her. Make sure that the length of your text messages is indirectly related to the length of hers, i.e. the more she types the less you type. But don't type a lot when she doesn't, that doesn't apply here. Respond to paragraph-length messages with four word sentences, and in extreme cases just say "k", no punctuation, no capitalization. I do this and it gets me so much pussy that my dick has to go to a chiropractor.

Basically you have to pretend that she doesn't exist. I did this with a girlfriend of two years and she couldn't restrain herself from banging me at least three times a day. When she's on top of you just scream "oh my god it's a succubus" and "please lord what did I do to provoke this vile cockbucking daemon's wrath". You can also just pretend to be reading while she goes at you. Be sure to yawn during orgasm. It takes effort, but it's worth it. Watch some acting advice videos on youtube.

Alright man, now you know, get out there, get to work.




:ahahaha:

Quote:

Xplicit RelapzZ said:
Just do what I do man. I usually only do this with fat chicks because they are usually desperate and do anything any even somewhat attractive looking skinny guy says but it has worked on a handful of sexy dimes before as well. Go to the club/or concert start dancing with a few girls, offer them Ecstasy and then get emotionally close to then the rest of the night and you'll have your sex by the end of the night. It almost always works for me when I'm looking 4 casual sex. It usually only works on chubby girls unfortunately but chubby bitch pussy is better then no pussy. And I'm not even talking about gross sloppy 300 pound bitches, I'm talking about ones with a bit of chub hanging out their back lmao, it's not so bad tbh. Chubby bitches need love too and sexy skinny dimes usually have boyfriends or don't trust strangers giving them E so I've  only managed bagging dimes a handful of times.




I like girls who are a bit chubby anyway so that doesn't bother me. Where I live, clubs and girls suck hardcore. Like, everywhere else I've been they are fun just not in my easily accessible area. But I think for whatever reason my brain is just saying no to hookups, although I really just want to do that for a while.

Good news. A really really hot Asian ex of mine (ended because of distance) moved to the same town I'm moving overseas to, and she randomly hit me up this morning. Knowing her, it's gonna be a good time, but it's another 2 months away  :singletear:

Ah well, if I can't do the hook up life, at least I got that going for me. :shrug:


--------------------
:brainondrugs: :dna: :tinfoil: BILL NYE IS A LIZARD. THEY'RE ALL LIZARDS! :tinfoil: :dna: :brainondrugs:


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OfflineDrMambo
hamburger time
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 6,197
Loc: 53rd & 3rd
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Janky Tits]
    #21994856 - 07/25/15 11:43 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

It's strange. I got approached by a coworker out of the blue to, "follow me home", for some random hot dickings two weeks ago. She was on my for a few days after, but once I expressed interest in hanging out otherwise, it killed it. Hopefully she's just more on the ball of the no relationships at work thing, and I'm not just perpetually farting, but it kinda whacks me out to have someone sod off like that once I express interest in slightly more than just sex.

Perhaps it's because I've always had sex in relationships or, if it was just sex, it was as a casual fuck on the side of a faltering relationship.

On the bright side, I've been totally acting like a huge dick to another coworker of mine for the past two months, just all glowering and dismissing and handing her ripping hot shit bare handed because my hands are actually made of crocodiles, and she just caught on yesterday that it's basically just my work caricature and started towel whipping me, so perhaps there's some strange in the near future.

Ah, I'm gonna get fired.


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Psilosopherr]
    #21994997 - 07/25/15 12:18 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

rbalzer said:
I remember sex :sad:



Yea I've been on this level for about year or so now :sad:


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Rebelutionsssss] * 1
    #21995060 - 07/25/15 12:33 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
Quote:

rbalzer said:
I remember sex :sad:



Yea I've been on this level for about year or so now :sad:





clearly the solution is to find a girl with lower standards than your own

it's what I do :smirk:


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
Mdmazing
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/23/14
Posts: 13,137
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #21995069 - 07/25/15 12:34 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

If I find a girl with Lower standards than me I'm pretty sure she will be a he


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #21995124 - 07/25/15 12:49 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
If I find a girl with Lower standards than me I'm pretty sure she will be a he





or a chicken


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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
Free sVs!
Female

Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 43,135
Loc: Center of the Universe
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: lood_dood]
    #21995131 - 07/25/15 12:51 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

lood_dood said:
The title is superficial but so is the subject.

I was able to break out of a mostly sexless 5 year relationship over two months ago, and figured this would be my time to shine! Unfortunately I don't seem to have much luck. I'm only in my country for another month at most now so I've given up.

I tried a couple hookups but my junk didn't want to cooperate, so that opportunity passed by, and every girl I seem to attract is more superficial than I am or somewhere on the radar of new age tumblr bullshit I dont want to associate with. I only ever hit it off with girls online who I pretend not to be interested in, but then feel like a douche canoe because I have to pretend to be dumb as a rock and uncaring of them; and it's not true to me as a person. Any time I start talking with a girl I relate to and actually like, it shuts down out of nowhere the moment I express any interest in who they are as a person. What gives?

I'm ranting, and I'm not gonna pretend I'm part of that fedora mlady nice guy bullshit. I just wish I could find a way to have a meaningful one month sex fest with someone chill. At first it was 3 months but I've killed time. I mean, soon I'll be back in Asia where it's easier for no reason but damn this dry spell sucks.

Rant over but feel free to comment. If I weren't so broke because of the move coming up, I'd just opt for a hooker. Less mind games and I get what I pay for with 0% anxiety.:guiltyascharged:




I hope you were joking about the fedora thing. AFAIK that's basically poison for your prospects, I've not met a single woman who didn't have an almost comically severe, violent hatred of fedoras and the douchebags who wear them.

Anyway, I'm guessing you don't introduce yourself as "lood dood" when you're chatting up your prospects, but if you do, its probably not helping.


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.



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Offlinestratocast
Has Been
Male


Registered: 04/11/15
Posts: 345
Loc: ohio, U.S.
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: Sophistic Radiance]
    #21995274 - 07/25/15 01:27 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

You need a slump buster!


--------------------


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Offlinecircularvortex
Bass Head
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/31/06
Posts: 12,148
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Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: stratocast]
    #21995290 - 07/25/15 01:32 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

stratocast said:
You need a slump buster!




I wish I wasn't so damn picky.  It'd probably really help me out to just slam out a fat girl, but I can't bring myself to do it.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.



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InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: circularvortex]
    #21995301 - 07/25/15 01:35 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

circularvortex said:
Quote:

stratocast said:
You need a slump buster!




I wish I wasn't so damn picky.  It'd probably really help me out to just slam out a fat girl, but I can't bring myself to do it.































































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InvisibleSophistic Radiance
Free sVs!
Female

Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 43,135
Loc: Center of the Universe
Re: Can't seem to get laid! [Re: circularvortex]
    #21995302 - 07/25/15 01:36 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Fatties are hot as fuck. Just do it.



Wouldn't you?


--------------------
Enlil said:
You really are the worst kind of person.



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