The Best Thing That Never Happened To Me
On Tuesday, my friend “J” and I decided to finally go through with our long awaited shroom trip. I personally had been preparing for weeks, expecting the worse in terms of a “bad trip” so nothing would catch me off guard. J had tripped twice before so he had a decent idea of what he was getting himself into. At around 7:00 in the evening we finally took our dose. We split an eighth between the two of us, rolled them into fruit roll ups and began our night. Approximately 20 minutes into our trip I began to giggle uncontrollably. It seemed that even the most minor thing would cause me to burst out in a fit of laughter. This continued for about 20-30 minutes until the onset of the visuals began to kick in. We happened to be watching South Park at the time my peripherals began to become distorted. It seemed as if I was viewing the world though a fish eye lens. When focusing on one object, the surrounding field of view was pulled away from me, small and obviously distorted. I began telling myself “this is just your imagination, calm down”. It was at this point that I raised my hand to grab a cigarette out of my pocket. As I raised my hand it was as if my arm was moving through the air in slow motion. It was at his point I turned to “J” and proclaimed “I am fucking tripping ballsss”. This was when the music started. THE MUSIC! Oh the music was the conductor of this great journey. Immediately I could tell what people talk about when they refer to “vibes”. I could not only hear the music, I could feel it. I could feel how it was affecting my thoughts and my actions and it was blowing my mind. Perhaps the most striking visual effect was staring into my cigarette. At one point the smoke coming off of the ember transformed into a whimsical spiral that danced around my fingertips. The next second I was lost into the ashes as if I was viewing the crust surrounding another planet, I was truly amazed. I began to find subtle patterns in everything around me at this point. The smoke from the cigarette began to dance to the music and I fell into a trance. At one point we walked outside to see the grass at the stars, as it was dark at this point. As we walked into the back yard it was as if we were stepping into another dimension. All I could hear was the insects and the wind, which put me into another trance like state. The grass looked as if it was moving independently from the wind, carrying on like its very own community. Soon after we became enveloped in the darkness, it began to become overwhelming so we came back inside and relaxed for the remainder of the trip. During the peak of the experience I began noticing J’s pupils were so dilated it looked as if his eyes were black, so I decided I wanted to look into the mirror to see what mine resembled. When I gazed into the mirror, the person looking back at me was not the person I was used to looking at in the mirror. I began to dissect every visual flaw that my ego had successfully managed to contain for so long. I began to not like what I saw, what I saw was not…. Me. As I continued to stare into what seemed to be a stranger’s face, a feeling of relief washed over me. “Your biggest enemy is yourself” was the only thought on my mind at this point. I noticed that the extreme amount of judgment I was placing on myself was identical to the way I viewed other people. This thought initially disgusted me, but I began to come to terms with it and love myself for what was truly in the mirror, not the distorted image that my ego portrayed.
Throughout the entirety of the visual onset my mind was suddenly open to all kind of strange thoughts. Ideas and biases I once had were gone and I began questioning everything around me. I could see and feel how much petty bullshit was circulating in the room. I began contemplating myself and my recent decisions for a brief moment before I got lost in the music once again. J and I began talking about so many abstract and vague ideas that it is difficult to list them all in this page. We began pondering the creation of the alphabet and the basic numerical systems we use on a daily basis. Soon after, my mind was suddenly overwhelmed with an onslaught of thoughts. When I began to speak I started stuttering because my brain couldn’t focus on which thought I wanted to vocalize. We sat on that faithful couch for hours talking of what we thought were profound subjects and ideals, which in reality was probably a majority of gibberish. This continued for a couple hours or so until we finally began to come down. Once finally out of the trip it was disappointing at first. I began to long for that once palpable connection with everything around me, all of which was simply a distant memory.
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