We worry that adding ice to the bong will cause the DMT to crystalize around the ice much faster, and thus create less vapor, wasting more, so we don't add ice, but I imagine it could soften the bonghit, and make it easier, I think it may just use more, as it will re-crystalize from the cold ice. I didn't have any problem with it in just a dry bong, no ice, no water.
I might as well throw a bit of a trip report/breakdown here regarding near-death experience, since some of you guys have talked about it.. I've wanted a place to ramble about my trips from last weekend, and really reflect on them, and I'm hoping this is as appropriate a place as any, until I can put together a full trip report of the whole weekend, and process things further.
My 3rd DMT trip this last weekend was far too hard, and I was experiencing too much ego loss, to really understand if I was dead or alive, or what I was, but all these things existed simultaneously.. I saw my pasts, present life, and all the meaning and purpose of my being flow through me. I felt my shame, I heard myself resounding, my fears, my embarrassments, but it was ok, nothing was bad or good, in fact it was all amazing. I felt the presence of what felt like a "god-like entity" (not in the traditional sense), and what was most confusing, was that I felt as though I was being told I was this presence, this god existed within me.. I felt like I was being ground up in a machine of fractals, but those assisting with the process were not harmful, and were loving, and all I felt from it was love.. I felt that my pain was more profound than I realized, that it had meaning and connection to everything in the world, that it wasn't bad. I have to believe we are all this presence, our existence and what we put out into the world is what makes us, in some ways.. this entropy of quantum entangled beauty, that connects our consciousness and all that can or can't be explained... What better name for it than god. I don't want to come away from the experience thinking the DMT elves told me I was a god, but I want to understand it more thoroughly.. I even joked with my friend 'I didn't have ego loss, I had ego inflation, the elves told me I'm a god!' -all in good fun, truly I am a physics/science nerd, so the kind of 'one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively' that I imagine to be god, is the quantum foam that connects us all, all the matter, energy, all living beings, everything... Everything has it's purposeful roles..
Dying/Near Death Experience on DMT My 4th DMT trip was half lucid, in that I had taken a bit of a stimulant, and actually talked, and could open my eyes and slightly see through some of it, but I was tripping incredibly hard, and fought it some of the way. I think I fought falling into it and letting go because the strength of it felt very intense.. and I was almost a bit nervous.. when the trip wasn't too hard for me to verbalize what was happening, as I came off the peak, I just said in a weak voice 'I love you.. I love you.. I love you'.. over and over and over. All I Could feel was love emanating from me, and all I wanted was to sacrifice every part of me to love, to everything in the world that needed it.
There was one moment where I think I uttered 'xanax?', because it felt so intense, but I didn't really want xanax, luckily my trip sitter knew this.. I was just overwhelmed a bit by where the trip was taking me, and being half-lucid for it, unlike the 3 other very intense trips.
As I could verbalize things a bit better, I was still laying immobile, and my vision was still completely obscured by fractals which heaved and echo'd all these incredible feelings through me, all the discoveries, and acceptance of pain and death, and I fully believed I was dying, and it was ok, and that my trip sitter/boyfriend and I had come to terms with my death together. It was my time to die, it was so beautiful, and I was dying, this was it, and I was not meant to hang onto life any longer, this was what was to be, and it felt so right.
My death had so much meaning, and it was beautiful. My trip sitter(bf) said I was staring off, and when I reached for their hand, I would struggle to reach in the right direction, or focus my eyes, because I was tripping so heavily, as I tried to reach for him, so I was only vaguely lucid... I could only move a little, and utter a word here or there, I could not focus my eyes, or keep them open at will.
This is also what I believe to be a unique side effect of using a stimulant with the DMT, which almost kept me in a half-lucid/awake state, while still pulling me through vortexes of my subconscious. I was completely convinced it was my time to die, and I saw so much beauty in letting go and accepting my death. I truly believed my boyfriend/sitter came to terms with it too. I kept saying "I'm ready, I love you, I'm ready, I love you".
The trip felt like it lasted forever, and I remember wanting it to be over, but this is part of the trip, I'm glad it lasted as long as it did. I think part of being ready for it to be over, was also the thought that I was dying, and I was ready to be dead, or wasn't certain if I was dead, still dying, or dancing in the afterlife, was I meant to still be here? I kept letting go, almost uncertain of how I was still conscious in any way, but everything felt so beautiful and warm, that I was not in any pain and any fear I had was paired with the warm embrace of acceptance, amazement, and wonder at everything I was experiencing.
My bf/sitter didn't really understand what I meant, until I started to say "water, or do I die? should I die? or water? Should I no longer fight to stay alive and replenish my thirst if I'm meant to die? What should I do?" I asked him faintly and confused.
At this point he said 'Die!!! What! No.. I need you, please don't die, what do you mean die", and I was shocked and said "oh .. so I shouldn't die? it's not my time?"
He said "NO! I love you, I need you, you can't die, what do you mean". He was very worried I was actually having a bad time, but I felt incredible, amazing, and fully accepting of my mortality. I felt very bad that I had scared him later, when I was feeling ultimately blissful, but I think he could see the bliss on my face.
I smiled and said "Oh ok, if you want me to live, I am ready to live, please do not be scared, it's not bad, I'm just ready to die, I thought we were ready for me to die, but if that's not the case, can I have a sip of water?"
He grabbed me water, and tried to help me drink it since I couldn't really move or lean up on my own. He said 'acceptance with death is ok, but it's not time for you to die". This helped me realize I was coming back from a trip, and not necessarily meant to die.
The fractals were still thick over my vision, heaving alongside auditory hallucinations and taking me in and out of the room/present, and I kept talking about dying, and being ready to die, and how beautiful everything was, and repetitively moaning
"I love you.. I love you so much.. I love you so much" While we clinged to each other as tight as possible.
I think I scared my poor boyfriend, but it was absolutely fantastic. I felt like mother Ayahuasca took me in her arms and said 'it's time to die, and it's going to be fantastic, look at all you've accomplished, look at all the people you've touched, look at all the life that remains, and how beautiful it is, this is death, and this is life, they dance together closely, and are intertwined so tightly, and yet they are dimensions apart.. Look at how beautiful vacillating between the boundary of life and death is.. and ultimately you are safe, and everything is ok, all is well, all is full of love"
We got up, made bacon, and did our morning routine before my boyfriend had to go to work, and I just kept giggling and dancing around the kitchen while making him coffee, exclaiming how amazing everything was, how amazing my journeys were, how amazing and beautiful everything was, how much I loved him and everything.. And how I was just in disbelief of everything, and how I had to understand it, and tell the world, and keep writing and remembering everything, because it was too precious, to incredible, to ever forget or let stray from my heart..
--------------------
Edited by MobiusStripper (07/24/15 04:25 PM)
|