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Goodvibe
explorer



Registered: 08/31/14
Posts: 16
Last seen: 8 years, 2 days
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When the going gets tough. Looking for advice.
#21977055 - 07/21/15 07:12 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I recently had an intense and incredible psychedelic experience that I was not expecting. It would be great if some experienced explorers could analyze my situation as I am still shocked, confused and feeling very down about what happened (2 months later).
I am still new to psychedelics, having only taken them 5 times. I have a huge interest in how the mind works and inner exploration has always been something I wanted to do. After hearing about therapeutic psychedelic studies, I thought that I could use psychedelics to get a deeper understanding of my thought processes and then work on some anxiety issues. My choice of medicine was mushrooms and the first four trips were absolutely incredible and very therapeutic, helping me gain more confidence in fighting my anxiety. Then I hit rock bottom with a mind shattering experience.
I took 3.6 grams dried mushrooms (past experiences had been 3 g or under) in tea first thing in the early morning with no breakfast and damn did it hit me hard and fast. I was laying in my bed at home and I had a sitter (a relative who was in the house with me just in case). I had a good setting but a horrible set. I had just finished finals a couple of days prior and I would be leaving my family to do some long term travel in a few days. This was obviously a huge mistake on my part. I was bound for a bad experience. Experience.
The mushrooms hit and all of the usual great sensations came to me. My auditory hallucinations revved way up and I heard a girl talking. Her voice got caught on a word and it started repeating itself like a skipping CD. I realized then, that for the first time, I had very little control over my mind. I got up to refocus my thoughts and decided to go to the bathroom to freshen up.. bad idea. First thing I did was look in the mirror. I didn’t recognize myself at first because of the hallucinations which scared me. I looked at myself for a while and I became very emotional. I don’t remember exactly what triggered it but I believe that I began uncovering deeper and lesser known issues of mine that are the root of my anxiety.
I don’t know how to describe it correctly but I stopped feeling like a human for a while and it and gave me a sick feeling in my stomach and intense fear. I was just very uncomfortable in my own skin at the time. I felt the need to throw up but I couldn’t make it happen. I later got stuck in a negative thought loop in which I was certain that I was either dying or losing my mind. In my past experiences I had been able to let go and let the experience take me but this time was different. It was just too much. I stayed in intense fear for at least 2 hours.
I have so much more respect for these profound experiences. Never again will I take psychedelics without taking proper precautions.
It has been roughly 2 months since the experience. For the whole first month, I was very sick, with everything from what the doctor called a mono flare up (I had mono 4 years ago) to digestive problems. I’m guessing this was due to my immune system working poorly because I was extremely stressed out from the trip. For the last month I have been having a bit of depression and my anxiety increased dramatically. I also had some panic attacks for the first time after watching someone die in a movie. It seems like I have some PTSD from the shock of the experience.
What I think about it:
I was experiencing ego loss when I wasn’t ready for it so I hung on to my ego with all of my might. I feel like all of my fears were placed in front of me and I didn’t know what else to do but panic. I now believe that I have a big fear of death and of having no control which is probably where a lot of my anxiety comes from.
I realize now that psychedelics are not to be thought of as a cure all for mental illness but rather a way to get to know yourself on a very deep level, which may assist you in understanding and resolving problems on your own.
Along with working on my problems with a sober mind - using meditation and other techniques - I think I will try a small dose to see if it will help me resolve some of these issues and gets me out of my funk. I hope to be able to take another large dose and confront my fear when I am ready for it, but I would be crushed if I made myself worse off. If anyone has gone through this experience before, I would like to know how you handled it.
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: When the going gets tough. Looking for advice. [Re: Goodvibe]
#21977114 - 07/21/15 07:28 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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You sound young. Sometimes trips happen that are not what we had hoped for. I usually abandon expectation. At least it was shrooms and not some good acid. Acid lasts a long time so a bad time is harder to ride out. Shrooms come down quicker. Cacti can last a very long time. I would find something other than tripping for awhile, try to work into how weird; weird can be.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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spock
journeyman
Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 1,165
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Re: When the going gets tough. Looking for advice. [Re: Goodvibe]
#21977481 - 07/21/15 08:38 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Sometimes the rough rides are the ones where the most growth happens. I have learned much from "bad" trips. Mushrooms are very unpredictable and 3+ grams of good dried shrooms is a lot. My first ego death(about 30 years ago), I held on fighting for dear life for hours. I was finally too tired to fight it and let it happen. The problem tends to be the ego dying(not wanting to) rather than the death of the ego. Once the ego dies you(well, in my experience) you see that it is ok. It is hard to let go and let it happen when it is your first time. The ego will fight tooth and nail to stay alive. Learning to let go and the experience of ego death usually changes ones fear of real death. Makes it more ok. You od'd. 3.6g is way way too much unless the intake is gradual. One of my hardest mushroom trips was on 1.25. Sure I've taken way more than that but mushrooms are just unpredictable. Like Morel guy said you sound young. I started way too young too. My brain was not fully developed. But I can't say I have regrets. Bad trips happen. Learn from them. The problem with od'ing and having a bad trip is that you can be too overwhelmed to take anything away. Next time take less work your way up and let go and don't try to fight. Give me a bad lsd trip over a bad mushroom trip any day. But I don't always trust lsd is pure these days. In fact tripping no longer fits my lifestyle except every few years if that. 3.6g bad trip - YIKES.
Peace Spock
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Goodvibe
explorer



Registered: 08/31/14
Posts: 16
Last seen: 8 years, 2 days
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Re: When the going gets tough. Looking for advice. [Re: spock]
#21977784 - 07/21/15 09:44 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thanks for the messages, I really appreciate the input.
Next time I will take much less and work my way up. I will probably stay clear of anything over 3 g.
I wasn't necessarily going for an ego loss or ego death experience given that I barely knew what that was at the time, but I was under the impression that an experience that induced ego loss would require a very large dose.
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spock
journeyman
Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 1,165
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Re: When the going gets tough. Looking for advice. [Re: Goodvibe]
#21977937 - 07/21/15 10:16 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Don't be fooled by the braggards that you will run into online. 3.6 can be a very large dose. My personal way is to gum and cheek small amounts of powdered mushroom. Have a couple beers and laugh. Laughter is good medicine. feel it out. Tea can hit too quickly and cause my body/mind to go into a type of shock. When things get rough, pray. Seriously. Let love be your floatation device. Go in with intention. Be there to learn and call upon love/god for help. Hope that helps if you can know what I'm saying. Also prepare. Smudge the area. Make peace with the spirits that may or may not be present.
Peace and long life. Spock
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: When the going gets tough. Looking for advice. [Re: Goodvibe]
#21983982 - 07/23/15 10:27 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Ego death can happen on any dose, even sober. That is why people practice disciplines such as meditation. Without ego loss, a good strong dose is very scary. The ego can just be a. Bunch of bull, good for consumer society but bad for us.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe



Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,323
Loc: Altered States of Europe
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Re: When the going gets tough. Looking for advice. [Re: Goodvibe]
#21984030 - 07/23/15 10:40 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
I stopped feeling like a human for a while and it and gave me a sick feeling in my stomach and intense fear. I was just very uncomfortable in my own skin at the time. I felt the need to throw up but I couldn’t make it happen. I later got stuck in a negative thought loop in which I was certain that I was either dying or losing my mind.
I think you're basically right, you were trying to hang on to reality....your ego...anything......and were left in a state of panic. It's classic "bad trip" from the sheer intensity, with some lingering anxiety since then from the stress of the experience (this should diminish gradually over time).
Quote:
If anyone has gone through this experience before, I would like to know how you handled it.
I think this kind of intensity is familiar to anyone who's took a bit too much and had a much stronger trip than they were expecting. I think your experience was awkward because you were stuck at a dose that was too strong to be experienced comfortably sober, but not quite strong enough to force you further into the trip.
The only way out of this is to let yourself "go", even if it feels like giving in to the 'insanity and death' option. Surrendering to the trip (even if it's from sheer hopelessness) can cause a very sudden change in mood where you go from fear to release to euphoria almost instantly. The trip can get very weird at this point, but you get this general sense that you've finally "woken up" and understood that the trip is not something to fear. See also this post for a more detailed response to someone having a similar kind of trip.
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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Goodvibe
explorer



Registered: 08/31/14
Posts: 16
Last seen: 8 years, 2 days
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Re: When the going gets tough. Looking for advice. [Re: Aldebaran]
#21986677 - 07/23/15 06:52 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thanks heaps for the responses. I'm learning a hell of a lot and it's making me feel better.
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