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Anonymous #1
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Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf.
#21975798 - 07/21/15 02:11 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I went out the other nightand got talking to one of the regualrs at a club who I've known about for years and vice versa. We've never spoke before and instant connection came about.
We seemed like the same person and I've never had a connection that instant with anybody in my life and it was obvious to him too.
I am in a long term relationship of around 2 and a half years. My current (on the rocks) boyfriend has promised me we'd get a car and move out and has promised to plan to cement things with me from about a year in. This man helped me and showed me a peaceful way of life to which we have both reversed from. We have had nothing like holidays or many bonding things and I am constantly having a go at him and we seem dead to each other.
Obv he has commitement issues, but he made plans to me and now I am very frustrated with the whole thing. We seemed to like the same things - walking, playing pool, nature - Nothing happens anymore. I love him to bits and I am on the verge of finishing it, but I don't want him to drown, cos he will die inside and out.
This is the third relationship I've ever had and I want to start growing up. Now I say I am in love with him - do I still stick around and try and fix it or is that just a myth of love?
If you feel there are more worth while things out there, is it fair to pursue them? I am killing myself waiting for him.
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Oeric McKenna
LIFE CAPS


Registered: 06/15/12
Posts: 5,318
Loc: Babylon
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#21975820 - 07/21/15 02:19 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Talk to your current man instead of pursuing shady avenues. Thats my advice
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Oeric McKenna]
#21975847 - 07/21/15 02:28 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thank you I wouldn't want to cheat on him.
We have been in talks, but he says it is my descision ultimately. I mean, I am not going to instantly pursue the other person - he might not be interested fully that way and it's just not fair in the grand scheme of things.
What's tipped it is my current fella was angry that I went out (he knows music is very important to me and dancing is hearing it is a release for me). He gets angry that I go out and I hardly ever do, but I encourage freedom.
We don't live together, but spend a lot of time at his shared house and I'm looking for my own flat now so everything is stressful.
He just keeps saying it's my descision. I'm so confused. He promised a future together.
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EDM
Stranger


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 856
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#21976034 - 07/21/15 03:12 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Relationships are two way streets. You have only mentioned him letting you down, have you let him down such as unfulfilled promises on your part?
Maybe your relationship is going downhill towards an ending but IDK, just saying.
I absolutely would not jump onto this new guy right away because there is very little info you have given on him and you guys only hung out once.
However like the other poster said, you need to talk to your current BF if you want anything of a future with him. Quote:
I am on the verge of finishing it
... If you want something to work or care about him enough, you will talk to your BF, if not, move on.
-------------------- Yahweh is lying to you... I will show you the way. Trust me.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21976615 - 07/21/15 05:25 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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You said you knew the guy for a year before which is probably why you felt comfortable and connected to him. As others have said too, the grass isn't always greener on the other side and if you jump the fence without talking to your current BF you could ruin your life.
If you cheated, he'd hate you and you'd probably be stricken with guilt too, not something you want to live with. It's not easy but the best thing to do in any relationship is to be honest, if you do not want to continue the relationship with you current partner for any reason you should sit them down and tell them.
Talk to yourself too, write down your feelings and seriously think it through for what you want and why you want to do it.
In the end the best advice anyone can have in any relationship they have is to be completely honest.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#21979161 - 07/22/15 06:51 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I have had many many partners and can say, without a doubt, I never wanted a real relationship from a girl I met at a club/bar. Some of my friends have and they all regretted it.
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Anonymous #4
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #3]
#21984909 - 07/23/15 01:43 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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You known the answer is right inside yourserlf and asking help from people who do know know you and even worse, without your partner's version of the facts. Ask yourself: is time to let your man go? Are you done with him? You know the answer...
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Rewindicus
Silly Goose



Registered: 06/05/11
Posts: 5,491
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #4]
#22002921 - 07/27/15 05:24 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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It sounds like this relationship is over you've been waiting for him to get his shit together for almost 3 years???? Come on! It's time to move on.
He says the decision is yours? I'd take him up on that an break it off.
And if you do break it off definitely take some time off from seriously dating and have some personal time to let the previous relationship wounds heal. Don't bring old relationship drama into a new one.
-------------------- “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss "Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West "If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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empty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#22003608 - 07/27/15 09:43 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: You said you knew the guy for a year before which is probably why you felt comfortable and connected to him. As others have said too, the grass isn't always greener on the other side and if you jump the fence without talking to your current BF you could ruin your life
I'd say this is pretty on point. It's not worth leaving someone you love for someone you like. I've done that a few times and it always resulted with the new relationship falling apart pretty quickly and then me feeling shitty about myself for a while. If you leave your BF, do it because you are trying to rediscover yourself and get your life moving again.
With all of that being said, your relationship sounds like it's going downhill and if I were in your shoes, I definitely would be thinking about leaving. He gets jealous when you go to the club without him? Nuh-uh girl, ain't nobody got time for that. A new start gives you the opportunity to refocus your energy on yourself and make some progress in your life. Just be cautious about jumping into a new relationship too quickly if you do decide to go separate ways. You'll need some time to recharge yourself and if new guy is something real, he'll still be around when you are ready.
 
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Anonymous #5
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22004105 - 07/27/15 11:43 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Let's think about this, if he's going to buy a car unless he's well paid he's going to have to save up some money for a down payment or to outright buy the car. Same with moving expenses. How's that saving going? Your current bf sounds way too comfortable with things. He hasn't followed through with what he promised (car, moving, etc.) because ultimately he doesn't think there's any consequence to not doing it. He needs outside forces to make his situation untenable enough to change it, so he's unwilling to change for himself or you without being forced. He's comfortable and thinks you'll be by his side while he does nothing to contribute to a future together. So he doesn't respect you. It also sounds like he doesn't respect himself if he's willing to stay stagnant in life while a girl he (thinks he) cares about and that cares about him is hanging on by a thread because of his inaction. So, you're with a guy who's too comfortable with things and doesn't really respect himself, you, or the relationship. That's not any kind of good. I'd abandon ship if I were you.
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lillFish
Daydreamer



Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Recliner
Last seen: 10 days, 8 hours
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #5]
#22091640 - 08/14/15 03:09 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Why not be up front with him about this guy you're interested in. I know that's probably a really hard thing to consider. I don't know how close you and your man actually are, but it's obvious that your needs aren't being met. Telling your current bf may light a fire under his butt and if he really wants to keep you he will start getting things together. Don't be afraid, follow your heart. Be honest!
-------------------- My Wish & Trade list
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: lillFish]
#22091897 - 08/14/15 04:17 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Anon 1 your relationship with Mr.Today is dead. There is only one arc in relationships like you describe. It isn't up. I have never seen it happen
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Anonymous #6
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22092670 - 08/14/15 08:39 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Obv he has commitement issues,
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Anonymous #7
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #6]
#22100927 - 08/16/15 11:03 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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He probably gets jealous/angry when you go out to the club without him because he's afraid you're going to pull this exact scene on him. Sure, you've gone about it in a seemingly decent manner, but at the end of the day, his own fears were fulfilled. Now is it because you've always been capable of this, or he's always felt that you and you've never eased his mind otherwise, or is it because he's stagnant with no direction and you've become bored? Is it both? Do you have a naturally flirty personality that he struggles to deal with? Give him a shove? Help him, give it a go. A proper shove in the right direction. Or if you believe you've wasted too much time, cut yourself loose before you're dragged down with the ship.
"It's your choice"//"Fuck you, you've lost my respect and you'll probably never gain it again" I dont know, just another perspective.
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
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Re: Connected amazingly with another man, but I have a long term bf. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#22100966 - 08/16/15 11:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago) |
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dont shop for new cars at the junk yard (bars, clubs, AA, etc)
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