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OfflinePerceptive
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what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help?
    #21972307 - 07/20/15 06:52 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

EXTREMELY scary trip 8-9 months ago.
Ive been a different person since then.

Resulting in HPPD. But I realize that its probly PTSD.


How can i get over this? its scary.


My goal is to beat this shit as soon as possible. not on meds or anything.
Meditation, yoga.


Any advice?

I would probably write more but I want to go meditate. And beat this shit.


Edited by Perceptive (07/22/15 11:28 AM)


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OfflineWeiliithinker
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Re: PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. [Re: Perceptive]
    #21972368 - 07/20/15 07:04 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

meditation and yoga will do wonders

I read through your posts
I'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences
it seems as though your intuition was telling you things regarding life but you didn't have a clear understanding of how those ideas (for instance dimensions and unity conciousness) can logically tie into our life on Earth

you're not crazy, you were just shooken up because you took a dose of nbome (then mush) that was too large for your mind to enjoy comfortably at that time
many people try to push through or correct a bad trip by tripping even harder next next time, that is a mistake. The bad feeling is your body and mind telling you it's not comfortable, and that's okay.

you thought you were crazy because you thought you were a shaman, but a shaman is much more than someone that takes drugs. They are very much dedicated to the connection with the spirit world. however, that does not mean you can't become one or even more reasonable, learn to work with balancing chi (life force) in the human body  :smile: So you did have the right idea, just not the full understanding

but back to the present, you are okay. not schizophrenic or delusional, as I'm sure you realized

I highly recommend you explore the ideas and principals of Buddhism
and even more so, get a copy of Be Here Now by Ram Dass.  I got it for $5 online and I promise you it will help tremendously with your spiritual journey and your overall life (: and it's one of the easiest reads out there


Edited by Weiliithinker (07/20/15 07:42 PM)


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OfflineWhoManBeing
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Re: PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. [Re: Weiliithinker]
    #21972510 - 07/20/15 07:43 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

OP, got to get moving forward with the things happening in the now, ya' know?  That incident happened in the past.  Am sure many of other past negative experiences that you could dwell upon,  but why do so?  Spend your time doing things that make you happy and well.  Think happy thoughts and you fly.

PeaceLove


--------------------
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Eye was thinking the other day...  ahh, thinking never done me no good.



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InvisibleBayerPhi
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Re: PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. [Re: WhoManBeing]
    #21972551 - 07/20/15 07:51 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Meditation, will work. Repentance alone in the dark will also work.
You have to let the tears flow for both.


--------------------
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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. [Re: Weiliithinker]
    #21972842 - 07/20/15 08:51 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

its just so overwhelming right now. Especially since my sister is torturing me (google narcissistic abuse if you want). but thats a different issue ...


I am scared because my sister keeps ripping away at my self esteem(yeah its that serious). Anyways you cant really help me with that ..


FUCK  its getting to the point where Im considering trying psychedelics or MDMA to help!!!! but I know thats probly not wise....


ok im gonna keep meditating every second of my life ..

I think that Im just rushing things. I have to accept that this will probly take a while to resolve all these issues.

Plus I have a torn knee.


The best option might be to move out of my parent's ...cuz my sister yeah its that serious ... Narcissistic abuse is the worst thing ever its pretty interesting TBH

EDIT:
OK enough bitching time to be positive.


EDIT:
I think I realize something: its good to be anxious cuz that means that the anxietys are surfacing, so just deal with the anxiety head on.


Edited by Perceptive (07/20/15 09:52 PM)


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. [Re: BayerPhi]
    #21973211 - 07/20/15 10:00 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

thanks dude !!!

Its just hard for me to access the emotions/fears cuz im so dissociated from them.

Im going to the Florida beach for like 6 hours tomorrow to meditate to the waves :laugh:

Gonna get some Green Tea(decaf), and bring my klonopin just incase I have a panick attack from scary shit.


I was using weed to help with the PTSD and it worked wonders. meditated at a Cali beach on OG kush. That helped SO MUCH in processing trauma.

The big problem was that my HPPD was INSANE. I was seeing in frames. The waves were in frames, disturbing as fuck .


And the dark shit I was at that time, I wont say it for legal purposes. But I had a torn knee, couldnt walk, and was meditating on a cliff for hours. I overheard some guy talking about shrooms and talked to him lol.


Question: is the spirit world real? was I "meant" to make this post? lmfao! sounds so dumb with so much room for negative critisizm.


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OfflineWhoManBeing
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Re: PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. [Re: Perceptive]
    #21976298 - 07/21/15 04:15 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Have fun my friend.

Do a favor, link original trip report to this thread.


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Eye was thinking the other day...  ahh, thinking never done me no good.



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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21985357 - 07/23/15 03:03 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Not sure if you ever fully get over it.  It's been almost a decade since my trauma and I'm still shaken to the core :sorry:  You can work around it tho and it makes you more sensitive which can be beneficial in ways so it's not all doom and gloom.


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Hobozen]
    #21985783 - 07/23/15 03:44 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

have u tried doing shrooms or MDMA again?



u were traumatized by a bad trip too?

is it a sort of PTSD?


Edited by Perceptive (07/23/15 03:45 PM)


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OfflinePed
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21985809 - 07/23/15 03:50 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Dude, you stole my avatar. :wink:

Difficult and revelatory psychedelic experiences alike require time to digest.  Rushing away from it is the same as being preoccupied with it, because while you are thinking "I have to get over this soon," you are necessarily thinking "I am not over this now."  That kind of thought pattern is like an adhesive.  Go ahead and practice the yoga and meditation--those are really helpful practices--but if you do those things with the explicit intent of getting past a difficult experience, it will prolong your entanglement with that experience.

These things take time, and there's no short cut to the future.  With or without your intervention, you will process it.  It's much easier if you refrain from intervening.  Breathe normally, sit upright, walk deliberately.


--------------------


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Ped]
    #21985896 - 07/23/15 04:10 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

thanks dude for the efficient tip .


its been 8 months and I feel like I am a lot stronger, i am a whole new person, im vegan, meditation and yoga everyday.... im 19. Sadly, the days fly by. my ability to focus is hindered


im probably going to do MDMA to heal this, i guess, extremely deep rooted trauma from the bad trip.

Im grateful. I am able to smile and stuff lol. It just sucks, anxiety literally corrodes your brain. (ok happy thoughts lol)


i just hope MDMA doesnt screw me up more , but i doubt that it will.


It resolves "untreatable" PTSD.


The trauma that I presume about is so deep-rooted that I cant even access it. And most people with this theorized condition think they have brain damage, but I theorize that its PTSD from a bad trip which fucked up the subconscious somehow: defiled.


but yeah this is a gnarley avatar hahaha.
its what Depersonalization feels like: "is this even real"

I had Depersonalization when I was in like Kindergarden... im sensitive.
I thought that this was just a game and everyone else is like a cyborg lol. also i have ADHD so my thoughts race and i was thinking all deep while everyone seemed like an automaton without social anxiety and shit



Edited by Perceptive (07/23/15 04:16 PM)


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OfflinePed
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21986034 - 07/23/15 04:36 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Well, MDMA has been explored as a treatment for PTSD under tight clinical controls and with professional supervision. I'm not sure it can be relied upon to erase your anxieties in the manner you seem to anticipate.  Owing to its pharmacology, in susceptible individuals MDMA can worsen the symptoms of depression & anxiety that come with disorders like PTSD.  Current MDMA-PTSD studies apply strict screening to minimize that potential.

What's more is that PTSD is somewhat of an invented diagnosis in this context.  It seems clear that you are preoccupied with a past difficult experience, and that it continues to cause you distress, but this doesn't necessarily meet the criteria of a bonafide psychological disorder like PTSD.  Applying this label might only be complicating things even further, causing you to pin expectations of relief on somewhat radical measures like MDMA psychotherapy.

Depersonalization/derealization in early youth is not entirely uncommon, and probably has a lot to do with brain development. I'm not sure those experiences have any bearing here.  In any case, if you do choose to pursue an MDMA experience for your stated ends, there's no need for an exorbitant dose.  MDMA comes with inherent physiological and psychological risks, such that it's probably wise to use it carefully where existing schisms are present.  In my view, patience is a more potent elixir than any drug.


--------------------


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Ped]
    #21986054 - 07/23/15 04:42 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

ok.


Someone with i think this same condition cured the cognitive symptoms with shrooms. (he had Depersonalization for 10 years)

so im assuming that MDMA would do the trick too, but safer.


gotta think about set and setting


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21986507 - 07/23/15 06:11 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Perceptive said:
have u tried doing shrooms or MDMA again?



u were traumatized by a bad trip too?

is it a sort of PTSD?




it was a breakthrough LSD + Cannabis trip, i completely lost my memory. it was absolutely terrifying.  then i experienced what felt like eternity for 6 hours, which was also shocking.  I've eaten LSD and smoked lots of weed since, but i had to quit for some years initially after the experience.


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Hobozen]
    #21986576 - 07/23/15 06:29 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

did the LSD help?


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21986706 - 07/23/15 06:59 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Im depressed.


My dad knows something is wrong with me.

Im Depersonalized. When I look him in the eye, he can tell I look confused. :frown:
Its extremely sad, and Im not gonna dissociate from that.


I dont want to be a living vegatable the rest of my life :frown:

Its been 9 months since my bad shroom trip.


I might trip tonight because I want to be back to normal... hopefully resolve this trauma .....


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21986775 - 07/23/15 07:15 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

it can have a temporary grounding affect but it's no magic cure.  what helps most is training your behavior by going out and engaging with the world rather than over-reflecting on the self and becoming alienated and scattered even further.  eventually it will feel like you're building up more filters, and you'll start feeling like your old self again, which is empowering.

it'll always be there, but you get used to it, and it goes more into the background, rather than constantly screaming in your face.


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21986821 - 07/23/15 07:22 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Perceptive said:
Im depressed.


My dad knows something is wrong with me.

Im Depersonalized. When I look him in the eye, he can tell I look confused. :frown:
Its extremely sad, and Im not gonna dissociate from that.


I dont want to be a living vegatable the rest of my life :frown:

Its been 9 months since my bad shroom trip.


I might trip tonight because I want to be back to normal... hopefully resolve this trauma .....




i know exactly what you mean :sad:

but trust me man, it's not all doom and gloom. 

personally, i would never go back to the person i was before.

this experience will bring you wisdom, and perspective. 

you'll feel better eventually, and the happiness will come back if you work hard at staying centered.


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Hobozen]
    #21987714 - 07/23/15 11:01 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

dude, it just seems intuitive that this is possible to go away somehow.

Do  u meditate and stuff?


thanks


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21988047 - 07/24/15 12:40 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

i don't know how intense the trauma you experienced was, so maybe it will go away for you.  some of the symptoms will definitely go away at least.


Edited by Hobozen (07/24/15 12:46 AM)


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Hobozen]
    #21989326 - 07/24/15 10:28 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

the shrooms (3.5 of dank ass shrooms)kicked in after just 15 minutes, and my looked at my arm and it looked alienic to me while i was taking  a shit, surprised that it kicked in so fast.

I thought, "this doesnt seem like a normal shroom high", and was worried.

I was already in a horrible mind set before the trp..


Basically I couldnt think straight the whole time, paced back and forth for 5 hours straight, I had never been that sore in my life due to walking.


I could barely hold a glass of water. I couldnt sit still(mind i have ADHD)
When i tried to lay down, I freaked out

I even thought about calling the ambulance, but decided not to.

then the trip started coming down, my mom came home, and when i saw her face, i was snapped back in reality.

I was already in a HORRIBLE mind set before the trip (in my apartment alone) with irrational beliefs. Nothing cool came out of it .. except the afterglow.
During the trip, I "knew" that I would never be the same.


So what happened? a mental breakdown?


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21990517 - 07/24/15 02:30 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Sounds like you were on the verge of ego loss... totally normal


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Hobozen]
    #21991066 - 07/24/15 04:13 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

how was ur experience?


Do u have HPPD and DP?


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21991189 - 07/24/15 04:41 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

long story. the hppd became normal after a while. if anything it's entertaining.  the depersonalization isn't nearly as bad as it was, but certain situations will trigger it into coming back.  sometimes i'll get this deep sense of terror or impending doom, triggered by a bad situation or encounter with someone.  before the trauma i had way more filters that blocked this stuff out.  but i was also a little cunt, so i like to think it worked out for the best.


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Hobozen]
    #21991256 - 07/24/15 04:55 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

okay. Thanks for telling me. I am sorry.


well MDMA is the magic bullet for "untreatable" PTSD. Just saying.


good vibes


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InvisibleHobozen
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Perceptive]
    #21991314 - 07/24/15 05:05 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

it's all good man.

MDMA is no magic bullet IME, but it helps.  i don't think there could ever be a cure, because the experience is such a big part of me you know.  it changed the fabric of "ME", at the deepest levels of my conditioning.  it's like trying to erase childhood... not gonna happen.  it can fade into the background tho, and maybe one day it'll become so normal that i don't recognize it.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: Hobozen]
    #21999397 - 07/26/15 11:01 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

This exact same thing happened to me, people who tell you that you wont get better are wrong, you need to believe you will and as stated before stay centered, socialize, dont do hard drugs, think and use your mind A LOT!  Im 'recovered' but as stated before you never really forget the experience so it stays with you


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OfflinePerceptive
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Re: what I theorize to be PTSD from horrifying trip - HPPD. Help? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #21999671 - 07/26/15 11:58 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

thanks bro, thats what i figured.


A dab yesterday helped me a LOT. i literally felt myself come back into reality. imagine that. and then the second dab was too much lol.


Yeah thanks, I meditate and shit which is the best :laugh:

Excersize is like the best , my knee is torn but i shoot baskets and work out.

I am mostly recovered now :laugh: still got a lot to do. Its so great to feel myself in reality.

And im vegan now and green tea helps.


Its getting better everday, some weed helps a lot. moderation. Its really amazing how much better ive gotten in the fast few days, like since posting this.


And when it gets bad, i have klonopin. i just take .5 and i use them like 1-2 times a week.


Im straight, :laugh:


How long did ur mental illness go on for? Do u still do entheogens?(spiritual drugs).


Yeah In my opinion, recovered just means healthy.

I am in the process of integrating the whole experience as positive, so its actually a good thing that it stays with me.

It made me into a greater person.



What about u?


Edited by Perceptive (07/26/15 11:59 AM)


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