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Offlinetopdog82
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Adoption?
    #21970461 - 07/20/15 12:04 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Has anyone here been adopted? And if you have, do you ever feel "disconnected" from your parents?

I was thinking/discussing with my buddy the other day; we have a lot of children that have no parents, and we have couples popping out new kids daily. Is this really a good idea? 7 billion on planet earth is enough, and I feel we outta take the idea of adoption a little more seriously


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InvisibleSirShroomsAlott
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Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States Flag
Re: Adoption? [Re: topdog82]
    #21970492 - 07/20/15 12:11 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I respect you and your reasons for wanting to adopt, but sadly you won't change the world, the amount of kids needing to be adopted will be forever growing, and you shouldn't let it make you feel guilty for having a kid of your own instead of adopting if that thought bugs you.

Adopting is noble IMO, but if you'd rather wait and have your own kid, there's nothing wrong with that at all. How long have you been thinking of adopting? I'd give it some major time and thought whether you want to have a kid of you own before up and adopting one, or at least think about adopting for a long time before actually going through with it.


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Invisiblepirate-blues
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Registered: 10/15/12
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Re: Adoption? [Re: SirShroomsAlott]
    #21970543 - 07/20/15 12:29 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Not to mention it's a very tedious process that costs a lot of money, and if you do get approved, there's a big chance you will be waiting for a while, easily 5 years at times.

I really really, don't think I want to have a child by birth. Adoption would be perfect for me, but there's also the option of fostering, you're helping out kids in need, essentially trying out adoption without the more permanent implications/cost, and just because you're not adopting doesn't mean that a child won't find a family and a place to call home beyond the age of 18 if you're heart is in it for the right reasons and you meet a child who you connect with. And if you want, you can adopt them, and I'm willing to bet that the process is much easier if you do it that way.


edit:

I have a couple of friends who were adopted. One from China, the other from an American family. The latter girl reached out to her bio mom and her siblings(of which there were a lot and all of them displaced by foster care and adoption). Let's just say, she was adopted for a reason, and I think that she had a deep need to feel connected and accepted by people(especially being a racial minority adopted by white parents in a very white area). When she found her mom on facebook, she wanted so badly for her to be the person she romanticized in her head. Her bio-mom told her that she had willingly given her up for adoption knowing she would lead a better life, and I think her adoptive mom was trying to do the women who in the end was the reason for her child, the favor of letting my friend believe that. At least, up until her bio-family wanted to meet her. She did go out of state and visit them and they tried their damndest to get her to move closer to them, but they were really toxic people and her adoptive mother finally told her that she was forcefully taken away by CPS because of neglect(and not just her, like 6-7 kids with different fathers..of which none of them know).

Friend was mad at first thinking her adoptive mom was just trying to keep her away from them, but she quickly saw the truth. Now she actually lives in that same state, but she cut off all contact with them and does not see or talk to them at all.


Edited by pirate-blues (07/20/15 12:35 PM)


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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: Adoption? [Re: pirate-blues]
    #21970758 - 07/20/15 01:33 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

SirShroomsAlott said:
I respect you and your reasons for wanting to adopt, but sadly you won't change the world, the amount of kids needing to be adopted will be forever growing, and you shouldn't let it make you feel guilty for having a kid of your own instead of adopting if that thought bugs you.

Adopting is noble IMO, but if you'd rather wait and have your own kid, there's nothing wrong with that at all. How long have you been thinking of adopting? I'd give it some major time and thought whether you want to have a kid of you own before up and adopting one, or at least think about adopting for a long time before actually going through with it.



Quote:

pirate-blues said:
Not to mention it's a very tedious process that costs a lot of money, and if you do get approved, there's a big chance you will be waiting for a while, easily 5 years at times.

I really really, don't think I want to have a child by birth. Adoption would be perfect for me, but there's also the option of fostering, you're helping out kids in need, essentially trying out adoption without the more permanent implications/cost, and just because you're not adopting doesn't mean that a child won't find a family and a place to call home beyond the age of 18 if you're heart is in it for the right reasons and you meet a child who you connect with. And if you want, you can adopt them, and I'm willing to bet that the process is much easier if you do it that way.


edit:

I have a couple of friends who were adopted. One from China, the other from an American family. The latter girl reached out to her bio mom and her siblings(of which there were a lot and all of them displaced by foster care and adoption). Let's just say, she was adopted for a reason, and I think that she had a deep need to feel connected and accepted by people(especially being a racial minority adopted by white parents in a very white area). When she found her mom on facebook, she wanted so badly for her to be the person she romanticized in her head. Her bio-mom told her that she had willingly given her up for adoption knowing she would lead a better life, and I think her adoptive mom was trying to do the women who in the end was the reason for her child, the favor of letting my friend believe that. At least, up until her bio-family wanted to meet her. She did go out of state and visit them and they tried their damndest to get her to move closer to them, but they were really toxic people and her adoptive mother finally told her that she was forcefully taken away by CPS because of neglect(and not just her, like 6-7 kids with different fathers..of which none of them know).

Friend was mad at first thinking her adoptive mom was just trying to keep her away from them, but she quickly saw the truth. Now she actually lives in that same state, but she cut off all contact with them and does not see or talk to them at all.



Well by that I really mean anything. Adoption, foster children. Any of these would solve the same issue

While there are an inumerable amount of children without biological/caring parents, and adopting one doesnt solve the issue, foster/adoption in my opinion seems to help someone

I was told by a college buddy of mine who was a foster child that foster children are often beaten andmistreated. Some are locked in thier rooms and feed nothing but beans and sausage

If I could change just one life by adopting, wouldn't that be great? That is another sentient being, just like me, who essentially is saved a lifetime of mistreatment and malnutrition

Also, I am not thinking of adopting at this moment, I am thinking about this 10 even 15 years in future. I am in college at the moment. But when I get married, I could adopt/foster care for a child. Also, having a child beyond the age of 30 is generally something we should avoid. In first world countries, many settle down so late that they wasted thier best child bearing years. This increases chances of autism, down syndrome and I think a few others. On the flipside, I could adopt a kid whose parents could have been as young as 16 and who is prepped for a miserable life

Instead of bringing another kid into this sick, twisted world, why not try my best to share oppurtunity with someone who doesn't have that oppurtunity?

Also; I missed the idea in your post. She cut off her adopted parents or her biological ones? Thats quite unfortunate


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Invisibleextreme
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Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 9,340
Re: Adoption? [Re: topdog82]
    #21970791 - 07/20/15 01:40 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

topdog82 said:
Has anyone here been adopted? And if you have, do you ever feel "disconnected" from your parents?

I was thinking/discussing with my buddy the other day; we have a lot of children that have no parents, and we have couples popping out new kids daily. Is this really a good idea? 7 billion on planet earth is enough, and I feel we outta take the idea of adoption a little more seriously




Yes, and yes, sometimes.  I think adoption is a good idea but you can't force it.  The adoptive parents definitely need to put their full will into it.  It's not just an oops baby you come to like once it's born, rather it's a very careful decision.

You can PM me if you have any more questions :smile:


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OfflineGoldenEye
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Re: Adoption? [Re: extreme]
    #21970815 - 07/20/15 01:48 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I have a lot of friends that are adopted kids and none of them are really happy. I mean, they hugely respect the sacrifice their adoption parents made but... There is just this nagging identity question that keeps bugging them. They never seem to know who the really are... Now, I am not adopted and I have the same problem but still :grin: Something to think about.


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InvisibleShiithead
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Re: Adoption? [Re: GoldenEye]
    #21970838 - 07/20/15 01:56 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

GoldenEye said:They never seem to know who the really are... Now, I am not adopted and I have the same problem but still; Something to think about.




--------------------

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Psalm 12:6
The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.
Hebrews 11:3
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
Revelation 3:11
Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.


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Invisiblepirate-blues
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Registered: 10/15/12
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Re: Adoption? [Re: topdog82]
    #21970865 - 07/20/15 02:02 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

topdog82 said:
Quote:

SirShroomsAlott said:
I respect you and your reasons for wanting to adopt, but sadly you won't change the world, the amount of kids needing to be adopted will be forever growing, and you shouldn't let it make you feel guilty for having a kid of your own instead of adopting if that thought bugs you.

Adopting is noble IMO, but if you'd rather wait and have your own kid, there's nothing wrong with that at all. How long have you been thinking of adopting? I'd give it some major time and thought whether you want to have a kid of you own before up and adopting one, or at least think about adopting for a long time before actually going through with it.



Quote:

pirate-blues said:
Not to mention it's a very tedious process that costs a lot of money, and if you do get approved, there's a big chance you will be waiting for a while, easily 5 years at times.

I really really, don't think I want to have a child by birth. Adoption would be perfect for me, but there's also the option of fostering, you're helping out kids in need, essentially trying out adoption without the more permanent implications/cost, and just because you're not adopting doesn't mean that a child won't find a family and a place to call home beyond the age of 18 if you're heart is in it for the right reasons and you meet a child who you connect with. And if you want, you can adopt them, and I'm willing to bet that the process is much easier if you do it that way.


edit:

I have a couple of friends who were adopted. One from China, the other from an American family. The latter girl reached out to her bio mom and her siblings(of which there were a lot and all of them displaced by foster care and adoption). Let's just say, she was adopted for a reason, and I think that she had a deep need to feel connected and accepted by people(especially being a racial minority adopted by white parents in a very white area). When she found her mom on facebook, she wanted so badly for her to be the person she romanticized in her head. Her bio-mom told her that she had willingly given her up for adoption knowing she would lead a better life, and I think her adoptive mom was trying to do the women who in the end was the reason for her child, the favor of letting my friend believe that. At least, up until her bio-family wanted to meet her. She did go out of state and visit them and they tried their damndest to get her to move closer to them, but they were really toxic people and her adoptive mother finally told her that she was forcefully taken away by CPS because of neglect(and not just her, like 6-7 kids with different fathers..of which none of them know).

Friend was mad at first thinking her adoptive mom was just trying to keep her away from them, but she quickly saw the truth. Now she actually lives in that same state, but she cut off all contact with them and does not see or talk to them at all.



Well by that I really mean anything. Adoption, foster children. Any of these would solve the same issue

While there are an inumerable amount of children without biological/caring parents, and adopting one doesnt solve the issue, foster/adoption in my opinion seems to help someone

I was told by a college buddy of mine who was a foster child that foster children are often beaten andmistreated. Some are locked in thier rooms and feed nothing but beans and sausage

If I could change just one life by adopting, wouldn't that be great? That is another sentient being, just like me, who essentially is saved a lifetime of mistreatment and malnutrition

Also, I am not thinking of adopting at this moment, I am thinking about this 10 even 15 years in future. I am in college at the moment. But when I get married, I could adopt/foster care for a child. Also, having a child beyond the age of 30 is generally something we should avoid. In first world countries, many settle down so late that they wasted thier best child bearing years. This increases chances of autism, down syndrome and I think a few others. On the flipside, I could adopt a kid whose parents could have been as young as 16 and who is prepped for a miserable life

Instead of bringing another kid into this sick, twisted world, why not try my best to share oppurtunity with someone who doesn't have that oppurtunity?

Also; I missed the idea in your post. She cut off her adopted parents or her biological ones? Thats quite unfortunate





Her biological family was the one she cut off, but she still keeps in touch with some of her half-siblings. I can safely say it was for the best.


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Invisibleextreme
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Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 9,340
Re: Adoption? [Re: Shiithead]
    #21971305 - 07/20/15 03:38 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Shiithead said:
Quote:

GoldenEye said:They never seem to know who the really are... Now, I am not adopted and I have the same problem but still; Something to think about.







Yea I can't really disagree with that, lol.  But like you said that's a challenge for everyone :shrug:

Maybe there is just "more" info to dig through and process on the way to "finding ourselves."  In a way there's kind of like another life we often think about, so it kinda doubles the workload.  Something along those lines.


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OfflineDeadmaker
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Re: Adoption? [Re: pirate-blues] * 3
    #24178876 - 03/20/17 08:53 PM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

pirate-blues said:
Not to mention it's a very tedious process that costs a lot of money, and if you do get approved, there's a big chance you will be waiting for a while, easily 5 years at times.

I really really, don't think I want to have a child by birth. Adoption would be perfect for me, but there's also the option of fostering, you're helping out kids in need, essentially trying out adoption without the more permanent implications/cost, and just because you're not adopting doesn't mean that a child won't find a family and a place to call home beyond the age of 18 if you're heart is in it for the right reasons and you meet a child who you connect with. And if you want, you can adopt them, and I'm willing to bet that the process is much easier if you do it that way.







My wife and I have adopted 4 children. 3 of them through the foster care system and 1 through a private adoption. While there is little cost through the foster care system, there are risks and unknowns based on what the foster child has previously experienced and any special needs he/she might have. Also, there is always the risk that the foster child could go back to their birth family. This can be a very bad situation depending on their age, how long they have been with you, and the bond that has been formed. I don't wish to go into details, but we have experienced extremes in those areas. It's definitely not an easier way to go and has pushed us to our limits many times, but as difficult as it can be, it can be just as rewarding.  I just wouldn't call it easier.


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Offlinemy3rdeye
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Re: Adoption? [Re: Deadmaker]
    #24179411 - 03/21/17 03:06 AM (6 years, 10 months ago)

I think adoption should be abolished. I think birth parents should have the right to get back into kid's life at any stage, and I mean right. I think there should be temporary custody or something but no permanent adoptions. It's a system that has been used to take away poor people's children and give them to rich people. It's pretty much human trafficking. Someone who decides at 16 to give up their kid should be able to change their mind ten years down the road.
Anyway there is a waiting list, you are probably only going to be able to get a retarded one. The healthy white ones are hard to get. Babies are almost impossible. You want a kid with serious problems you could probably get one.


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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
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Re: Adoption? [Re: my3rdeye]
    #24179426 - 03/21/17 03:35 AM (6 years, 10 months ago)

my friends sister has kids and she's a fucktard
she litterally gets paid by the gov't to be a fucktard
and then her bf cums in her so she has kids
after the 2nd one he left
I can't blame him really other then that her family shouldnt have let her have sex with people if all she does is sit on her ass and collect money
I'm upset they made decisions about the stray cats too, they domesticated this thing and then fucktard just lets it pump out babies 90% of the are dead or with other people


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Offlineflickedbic
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Re: Adoption? [Re: Konyap] * 1
    #24180052 - 03/21/17 10:48 AM (6 years, 10 months ago)

I was adopted at birth and am super grateful.  My bio parents were young and in school, my adoptive family had college degrees.

I've never felt the need to contact my biological parents, although I've always had the opportunity.  My adoptive mother was also adopted.

Adoption is fantastic.  Adopting older foster children, even more so IMO.  Big props to killme and his wife for their bettering of lives.


--------------------
Favorite entheogen experiences in descending order:
1)Combo of oral DMT + smoked Bufotenine
2)Amanita (urine drank twice)
3)Mushrooms > Achuma 16"+cid(still need higher dose Achuma)> Cid (still need high dose)
4)Morning Glory-HBWR (+cumin, cinnamon aldehyde adducts) > Methyl chavicol (need more activators)
5)Salvia (need to try quid)


All readable matter in the above post is ficticious... any similarities to real life are purely coincidental.

Blessing.


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Invisibleextreme
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Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 9,340
Re: Adoption? [Re: my3rdeye]
    #24187488 - 03/23/17 10:41 PM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

my3rdeye said:
I think adoption should be abolished. I think birth parents should have the right to get back into kid's life at any stage, and I mean right. I think there should be temporary custody or something but no permanent adoptions. It's a system that has been used to take away poor people's children and give them to rich people. It's pretty much human trafficking. Someone who decides at 16 to give up their kid should be able to change their mind ten years down the road.
Anyway there is a waiting list, you are probably only going to be able to get a retarded one. The healthy white ones are hard to get. Babies are almost impossible. You want a kid with serious problems you could probably get one.






The idea that the birth parents should be able to see their kids whenever they like is an interesting idea, but I'm pretty sure it already exists as an open adoption...  I myself had a "regular" adoption and met my birth parents when I turned 18, but my best friend has an adopted brother that I believe had an open adoption.  His adopted brother is the youngest, and my friend is the 2nd youngest, with 4 older siblings, including a brother that's a year older.  One time I went over to his house a few years ago and greeted him (his adopted younger bro) like he was his (year older) bro... everyone sorta giggled and I looked closer and I was like "damn you look so much like 1-year-older-bro."  Anyway...

I don't really understand how you can say adoption is like human trafficking.  I suppose maybe illegal adoptions are, if they're even called that, or throwing your baby in a dumpster, but I'm perceiving your post like you're trying to say that poor people are "forced" to give up their children or something.  I worked with a guy once who was adopted because his mother was "legally retarded" or something, but aside from a situation like that, I've never really heard of people being forced into giving their babies away.  I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself and my twin sister who came with me, and I know there are some other adopted people out there too that share our point of view, but adoption can be a very good thing.  Not everyone is fit to be a parent, and that's not a knock on them nor is it to say they'll "never" be a fit parent, but there are certain circumstances that make it really damn hard to take care of kids, and allowing your kids to have a life with people who ARE ready to be parents kind of works out for everyone.  In my situation, my biological mom and dad weren't in a relationship, and my bio mom already had a 5 year old daughter (my half-sister).  Sometime around when I was born, my bio mom's mom passed away from cancer.  She didn't think she could raise 3 kids on her own, and if you gave me 3 kids right now I'd say "nuh-uh" and try to find someone who could do better for them than I could.  Not to be forgotten are the adoptive parents, many of whom can't have kids of their own, and they have everything else tied down and all they want is to start a family.  Even being the dumbass I've been from time to time, and the bitch my sister can be time to time, my parents are infinitely grateful to have had the opportunity to raise us.  It even shocks me to this day sometimes how much my extended family seems to care about my sister and I.  I probably said it sometime on the Shroomery before in my post history (hell, maybe earlier in this thread, lol) but adoption taught me from an extremely young age that you don't have to share the same blood to be able to love one another.  Being conditioned that way from such an early age, maybe that's why I'm so strange, because I suppose most people don't see things that way from the beginning.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share my two cents because while I can kind of see where you're coming from, I'm not sure you see the whole picture.  To be honest, it's complicated, to sum it up... :shrug:


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InvisiblePatrickKn
I'm a teapot

Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,563
Re: Adoption? [Re: my3rdeye] * 2
    #24187499 - 03/23/17 10:45 PM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

my3rdeye said:
I think adoption should be abolished. I think birth parents should have the right to get back into kid's life at any stage, and I mean right. I think there should be temporary custody or something but no permanent adoptions. It's a system that has been used to take away poor people's children and give them to rich people. It's pretty much human trafficking. Someone who decides at 16 to give up their kid should be able to change their mind ten years down the road.
Anyway there is a waiting list, you are probably only going to be able to get a retarded one. The healthy white ones are hard to get. Babies are almost impossible. You want a kid with serious problems you could probably get one.



You think that someone who has raised a child for 10 years, when the biological parents were there for maybe a couple weeks of that person's life, should be required to go to their biological parents custody because they (the bio parents) just felt they were ready enough to finish out the other 8 years?

That's fucking absurd. Beyond absurd.


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InvisibleMagicMush123
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Re: Adoption? [Re: my3rdeye] * 2
    #24187534 - 03/23/17 11:01 PM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

my3rdeye said:
I think adoption should be abolished. I think birth parents should have the right to get back into kid's life at any stage, and I mean right. I think there should be temporary custody or something but no permanent adoptions. It's a system that has been used to take away poor people's children and give them to rich people. It's pretty much human trafficking. Someone who decides at 16 to give up their kid should be able to change their mind ten years down the road.
Anyway there is a waiting list, you are probably only going to be able to get a retarded one. The healthy white ones are hard to get. Babies are almost impossible. You want a kid with serious problems you could probably get one.




So it's better to grow up an orphan than to go to a potential loving family? What if the parents are junkies and the child is better off being with rich decent folks? I think it would be pretty fucked up if a child grows up with a normal loving family and 10 years down the road his junkie parents decide to take him back. I do agree there could be some form of short term custody if the parents need a year to get their shit together... But come on man that's pretty fucked. I'd rather be adapted by two gays who would love me, than grow an orphan.


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