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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
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Is it worth it?
    #21968362 - 07/20/15 12:32 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Is it worth it to try to mend a toxic relationship if you are in your early to mid 20s? Why or why not?


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OfflineAldous
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Re: Is it worth it? [Re: empty space]
    #21969819 - 07/20/15 08:59 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

If a relatiohship is truly toxic, it is very unlikely it's even possible to fix it, and at whatever age, you should do the healthy thing which is run away from it and wonder what it is that made you indulge in it in the first place. Fix yourself, not a relationship that cannot be fixed.


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Is it worth it? [Re: Aldous]
    #21969888 - 07/20/15 09:23 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Stay away from toxic stuff. No matter how old you are


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Anonymous #1

Re: Is it worth it? [Re: Patlal]
    #21970064 - 07/20/15 10:08 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

its not that black and white for a yes or no answer

what about the relationship was toxic?
specific things can be worked on

maybe one person was bipolar and now they're finally on meds
maybe one of them beat an addiction

if the person is still living a toxic life themselves, don't do it.
if the person has made changes, id explore it again

people can change
so can relationships


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Offlineempty space
the void


Registered: 12/19/12
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Re: Is it worth it? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #21970191 - 07/20/15 10:52 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Alduous said:
If a relatiohship is truly toxic, it is very unlikely it's even possible to fix it, and at whatever age, you should do the healthy thing which is run away from it and wonder what it is that made you indulge in it in the first place. Fix yourself, not a relationship that cannot be fixed.



This is how I generally feel. There seems to be a culture here in the US (perhaps its worldwide, I havent traveled much) where people feel obligated to stay with their partner even beyond a point of extreme toxicity... perhaps out of some misplaced sense of honor or pride.. or perhaps insecurity? I have lots of friends who are in toxic relationships and it makes me really sad to see them in the same place in life that they were at years ago. I myself just freed myself of the bonds of a 3 year toxic relationship. Ive never been happier and now my life is rocketing upward at an incredible rate.. makes me wonder where I might be now if we had ended our relationship a long time ago. But theres no time for regrets and I very much appreciate all of the things we've taught each other.

Quote:

Patlal said:
Stay away from toxic stuff. No matter how old you are



But then couldnt you end up running away from a lot of people that may have been there for you in a certain point in your life where you may have been the toxic one? What if further down the line, said toxic individual has straightened him/herself out and you have become the toxic one and need their help?

Quote:

Anonymous said:
its not that black and white for a yes or no answer

what about the relationship was toxic?
specific things can be worked on

maybe one person was bipolar and now they're finally on meds
maybe one of them beat an addiction

if the person is still living a toxic life themselves, don't do it.
if the person has made changes, id explore it again

people can change
so can relationships



This is all also true. There are exceptions to many situations. All good points. Although in my experience, bad relationships typically chance into worse relationships. I have read people on this site talk about how they are in their 20s and they are going to couples counseling and I think to myself: Why not spend that time and money on something more useful like building up your career so you dont flounder later in life?

Another question.. at what point is it OK to try to help a friend out with their toxic relationship? What boundaries exist when protecting people that you love and how do you avoid overstepping them?


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OfflineAldous
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Re: Is it worth it? [Re: empty space]
    #21971663 - 07/20/15 04:57 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
But then couldnt you end up running away from a lot of people that may have been there for you in a certain point in your life where you may have been the toxic one? What if further down the line, said toxic individual has straightened him/herself out and you have become the toxic one and need their help?


If you're the toxic one, no-one will be able to help you but yourself. Toxic people aren't prone to outside help, that's partly why they're toxic. They can (rarely) change because they end up evolving, or their life changes, but not because someone asks them or shows them the light.
Quote:

Another question.. at what point is it OK to try to help a friend out with their toxic relationship? What boundaries exist when protecting people that you love and how do you avoid overstepping them?


I don't know if this exactly answers your question, but the only way you can help them, is by making them understand the nature of the relationship they're in, and making them realize they're in it by their own choice. Once again, they can fix themselves, but probably not their relationship, and that's what they need to realize.


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Is it worth it? [Re: empty space]
    #21971765 - 07/20/15 05:19 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

empty space said:
Quote:

Patlal said:
Stay away from toxic stuff. No matter how old you are



But then couldnt you end up running away from a lot of people that may have been there for you in a certain point in your life where you may have been the toxic one? What if further down the line, said toxic individual has straightened him/herself out and you have become the toxic one and need their help?




Stay away from toxic people...


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