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fuzzysig
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taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no?
#21961906 - 07/18/15 07:07 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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im pretty good at the "taste of your own medicine" approach to deal with difficult people. it works great for pretty much every person that I had issue with. except my wife. I strongly suspect she is a narcissist and the "medicine" worked for a short time.
she hates when I do same things to her that she does to me but it fades away. but I haven't really got my big guns out to deal with it. just small annoyances here and there but she is starting to use out kid in her battles. and I pretty much want to end this right now as a last attempt to save this relationship because nothing else worked.
looking for some feedback. opinions. for and against.
being reasonable being nice being supportive following the "nice guy" rules about narcissist didn't have any effect. I just want her to realize what shes doing and break through that wall. because I did it for myself and it was a tough wall to break but it was well worth it. I would hate to see her realize what she did when shes old and too late to fix things I still hope for the best.
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Mr.GuessWork
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: fuzzysig]
#21964808 - 07/19/15 12:48 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Being a dick to her will not make her more reasonable. I don't really have a better suggestion if she won't hear you out or take your concerns seriously, but the taste-of-your-own medicine stuff will probably just escalate your difficulties, though they may get worse on their own anyway.
Did you try sitting her down and telling her you're seriously thinking about ending the relationship because you feel like she doesn't give a shit about what you have to say, and that she's being uncool in other ways, and you don't have any way to address deal with that since she won't take you seriously? That's a more sincere way to directly confront the issue in a way that can't easily be ignored.
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fuzzysig
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21966227 - 07/19/15 05:03 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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we have a one way conversation every week about same sht. she is a good person when shes not stubborn. ( or Im being extremely optimistic) but any kind of attempt in the past to talk to her. be reasonable. see a marriage councelor etc. has failed.
I talk to the wall. she has issues I can see it. she completely shut down and runs on autopilot most of her life. for whatever reason either a childhood trauma or whatever else...
and im trying to break her out of that autopilot setting because she is quietly depressed... I mean she is oblivious to whats happening around her almost all the time. her senses are shut down emotionally shes almost dead... and pretty much belives that money is the answer to all her problems. when she gets this certain amount of money and crap she will be happy. but her mom is same way and its never enough. the happiness is not attainable for her but she doesn't want to admit it.
I broke myself out of a loooong ass depression and was doing great but she dragged me back once we started living together... but im not depressed now more like out of balance
the taste your own medicine approach is so far the most effective with everyone I tried. it only takes one good time for a perfectly planned counter attack and the person seems to get the point and stops doing shit that annoys others. but shes a tough case. probably toughest because I have feelings for her and cant just cold heartedly give her a lesson like some random people get.
I mean I could go for a fn psychology degree after reading all this shit trying to deal with my own problems and hers as well lol. not that I would want to spend my whole life babysitting someone whos oblivious to my time wasted. but having a kid is worth a try for his well being.
Edited by fuzzysig (07/19/15 05:05 PM)
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fuzzysig
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: fuzzysig]
#21966238 - 07/19/15 05:07 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I guess a good start would beto find a way to make her see out of the box. to admit that she has problems kinda like an alcoholic or a drug user.
how do you open someones eyes to their problem and have them really admit it to themselves.
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Mr.GuessWork
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: fuzzysig]
#21969522 - 07/20/15 07:11 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
fuzzysig said: I guess a good start would beto find a way to make her see out of the box. to admit that she has problems kinda like an alcoholic or a drug user.
how do you open someones eyes to their problem and have them really admit it to themselves.
This is exactly the right problem to be thinking about, and you're going to have to do some trial and error. If you give her a taste of her own medicine, she's probably going to feel attacked, and that will make her defensive, and she won't open up. Same thing with the other idea I posted. Don't do that either. You probably can't shock her out of this, and she's probably got a bunch of habits setup around those weekly conversations that make her shut you out. It might help to do something new with her to try to get her away from the circumstances where those habits are nested. You definitely don't want to talk about this stuff when frustration or anger are expected or when they're the general mood. Maybe even something like opening the conversation with a joke could help. It would mix up the emotional content of those talks a bit. You could even set her up for normal talk and then instead talk about something unusual that would be of interest to both of you. If you can't have a normal talk, then you definitely won't be able to talk about the hard stuff.
I don't know if any of that ^ stuff will help much, but just like with addicts, the major problems aren't easy to talk about and you can't force them to figure it out. You definitely need to consider the emotional impact of your arguments and ideas. The right emotional setup makes it easier for people to talk about emotional shit like this. A therapist would probably be able to help with that. Maybe you could take the lead and say you want to go to one for your own needs, and then have her tag along at a later date. Having a 3rd person to mediate the discussions would probably help. That's why she's dragging the kids into this. She's desperate too.
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fuzzysig
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21971454 - 07/20/15 04:11 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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well how do narcissist survive through bootcamp in military? they have to go to complete breakdown in the first 48 hours once they get there.. I pretty much was thinking to wear her out with that so she might consider thinking about why all this is happening when shes in that state. the bootcamp was great experience for me I learned how it works firsthand and its very effective at changing someone. it worked on me and I always thought that I was pretty emotionally insensitive because of the family I grew up in.
the more I read about narcissists the more I see how futile my attempts are lol almost every video and book and article says same thing. they are tough motherfookers to deal with.
the whole reason we lasted that long is because I was being nice to her hoping that maybe this next thing I do will make her see that I care about her. now I ran out of patience and at my last attempt to just bring a tank break the fucking wall and if it doesn't break just walk away...
trying to see the couples councelling failed. she said she has no problems and that Im the cause of everything and I should see a psychologist... im going to see one for myself in a month or two maybe she will tag along like you said. who knows
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Mr.GuessWork
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: fuzzysig]
#21971482 - 07/20/15 04:17 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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It'll be funny when the psychologist asks you to bring her. I can almost guarantee it will happen. Sending your wife to boot camp is not the answer though. go watch full metal jack if you haven't seen it, and if you have, then watch it again.
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fuzzysig
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21973664 - 07/20/15 11:34 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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no im not planning to send her to bootcamp im saying I was in bootcamp and it seems to be very effective at breaking down peoples walls. with very little sideffects.
I mean if anyone, military have spent a lot of money on psych research and how to train people
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Srirachi
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: fuzzysig] 1
#21973865 - 07/21/15 12:38 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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If she's a narcissist, then she suffers from a mental illness.
You're looking for ways to mind fuck a mentally ill person because her illness annoys you.
At any point, did getting your wife treatment for her mental illness occur to you, or was your only inclination to find some way to manipulate her into something you like better?
Stay classy.
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MoxyOx
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: Srirachi]
#21977551 - 07/21/15 08:52 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Everyone suffers from the mental illness called Life. She is in no way more obligated to have feelings than he is, get out of here with that shit.
He's already suggested of ways to help her and she constantly puts them down. The only time she reacts is IF he escalates a situation.
Women are like that... at least some are.
You have to learn to play them like a fiddle, not a drum.
-------------------- No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way.
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Srirachi
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: MoxyOx]
#21977631 - 07/21/15 09:09 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Excellent points. I live with a crazy woman myself, and personal accountability does come into play at some point even with mental illness.
I still think though, the best route is to figure out how to get her happy again instead of finding a way to cope with her.
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SteveRogers
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: fuzzysig]
#21977835 - 07/21/15 09:58 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Srirachi said: You're looking for ways to mind fuck a mentally ill person because her illness annoys you.
In other words you are trying to mind fuck a woman. OP don't mess with your wife. Love her for who she is or find someone who you don't have to play little girls passive aggressive mind games with.
-------------------- "General, I am loyal to nothing......except The Dream"
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Anonymous #1
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: SteveRogers]
#21978639 - 07/22/15 01:37 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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its called spite and its pure evil dont do it OP!
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MoxyOx
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21980899 - 07/22/15 04:28 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Have you guys considered maybe that is what she enjoys? Drama is a crucial cornerstone to a fulfilling life.
-------------------- No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way.
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tripN
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: MoxyOx]
#21981103 - 07/22/15 05:10 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Why did you get married?
I hope you have a prenuptial agreement, where I live the men ALWAYS get fucked by the judge and ex wife.
Send her on a big shroom trip, with her cooperation, never slip something on somebody without there knowledge. I was a little narcissistic with ego, my first trip blew that away and now I give a shit about other people, I don't know why but I do.
That's my idea. It's win win, good trip, she's cool for at least a little while. bad trip, you got back at her for the bad trip she gives you.
-------------------- Keep calm and trip on
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fuzzysig
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: tripN]
#21987735 - 07/23/15 11:05 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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because she was not like that until recently. the mask is off and now I know who she really is.
like true narcissist she was cool when she got everything her way. once
and the people that say. I need to be this and that. what I really want to say. you re dumb but what I will say is. why am I should be responsible for all the sick retarded disabled leeches narcissists etc. this is what America is about. if you re normal everyone is jealous and thinks that when you are rich or well off or you are mentally stable that you are obligated to take care of every motherfucker that comes along and wants to leech off you. or be tolerant of everyone who is less fortunate than you. no im not obligated to do shit. but I still try because I don't give up as easy as she does. I try until I know I have no other options left. then I leave. she is ready to break up with every inconvenience that she goes through.
I understand her condition perfectly. because I went through that. and I got a hard lesson where people were not so nice to me. but it got through and I realized that many problems were not others but myself. and I started working on them. slowly but successfully until she came along. she keeps kicking me off track with her shit. and I did not realize why until I started researching and watching out for signs and she fits every descriprion of a narcissist available online with very high percentage...
I tried giving her a small ish dose. but she is like a backpack filled with issues she had a shitty trip. and now thinks that mushrooms are fucked up. she spiraled into a hole and started having stomach pain and all kinds of negative shit... she is very resistant to change of any kind... like theres a force guiding her around any attempt to change... its crazy
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Srirachi
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: fuzzysig]
#21989029 - 07/24/15 09:14 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Man, I completely understand where you're coming from with the "she's a bitch how come that's my problem?" stuff but here's the thing -
The only person you can control is you.
You can change what you say or do in response to her, and maybe fix the problems and be happy. Or you can spend that energy thinking how unfair it is to you, and you can both stay miserable.
I'm sorry to be harsh but you need to man the fuck up, stop whining that you're not being treated fairly, and get her some help. You're as bad as her right now. I realize that's because you're at your wit's end with her shit, but that isn't going to help you get happy again.
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fuzzysig
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: Srirachi]
#21989957 - 07/24/15 11:58 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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people changed me. so I don't belive in that bs about changing myself to accommodate everyone elses desires because you re a nice guy... sometimes you just don't see whats goin on around you and need a good kick in ze butt to get up and start moving in right direction.
im doing my best to fix it. and actually it might be working. I started doing what a typical narcissist does.( pretty much same things that she does) and she doesn't like it. but suddenly she is happy and has no problem... it worked on everyone. when I don't like something and I tell that person few times and they keep doing it. that means they know I don't like it and purposely do it.
so I start doing same thing and usually they get irritated right away lol. but then magic happends and they stop doing it for good.
I just didn't know what a narcissist was until I started reading about it. I was doing it wrong lol.
because the nature doesn't tolerate human weakness. this means everyone can change. when you re afraid of heights but a dog is chasing you. I bet you will climb that tree like a fuckin monkey. and your fear if heights will be gone in a second
when I thought I was very special but didn't get paid shit on any job I changed. and made myself irreplaceable at work. and get paid more...
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Anonymous #1
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: fuzzysig]
#21991365 - 07/24/15 05:18 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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u no like who she become so you become her? then now how can you like you?
this isnt pot calling kettle black this is pot turning into kettle congrats now ur both black
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thelanzii

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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#21991590 - 07/24/15 06:06 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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narcissist don't know they are narcissists
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fuzzysig
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Re: taste of your own medicine for a narcissist yes or no? [Re: thelanzii]
#22007703 - 07/28/15 01:01 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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well she is definitely feeling the medicine. when she feels rejected she is trying same old routine on me again. Ive been doing exactly same things she does. and act same way. and suddenly she is the best wife you can find anywhere.
she went from telling me to get out of the house to being allover me like a damn high school girl.
its scary how accurate the descriptions are in the books. she is acing just as described in every book when a narcissist feels shes not in control. she will do anything. then when she feels shes got you its back to normal. like it was many times before I knew what was going on.
she made me question myself too I was wondering maybe I could be a narcissist... but it didn't make sense because Im not holding her. and my actions didn't match any descriptions.
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