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(2003-12-21) -- Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright suggested today that the Bush administration influenced the timing of the release of the blockbuster movie 'The Return of the King' to boost the economy before the 2004 elections.
"In the first five days that movie has raked in $125 million," said Ms. Albright. "And that doesn't include popcorn, beverages and Sno-Caps. This is a major shot in the arm for the economy, and I find the timing suspicious. All three of these movies have been released during the Bush administration, and this one may create the economic tsunami that carries Bush to his second term."
In related news, Democrat presidential candidate Dick Gephardt, who is boycotting 'The Return of the King,' said the film was a 'miserable failure' which sent high-paying American jobs to New Zealand.
Senator John F. Kerry, also rumored to be considering a White House bid, said, "This is a great day for America. Of course, I was one of the early supporters of adventure movies. And while George Bush can get the vicarious rush of watching a filmed battle sequence, I actually left some blood on the battlefield."
Rival Wesley Clark said, "I support this movie, and recommend that people go to see it, but they should leave the theater as quickly as possible."
Candidate Dennis Kucinich said, "I told you Bush was false. I told you he was tricksy."
Despite the boost the latest Lord of the Rings movie might give to Bush's re-election hopes, the Democratic National Committee has already prepared an ingenious counter strategy --
DNC to Capitalize on 'Good-News Fatigue' in 2004
(2003-12-22) -- The capture of Saddam Hussein, Libya's offer to destroy its WMD and increasing signs of economic recovery at home all leave George Bush "incredibly vulnerable" at the polls in 2004, according to Democrat National Committee (DNC) chairman Terry McAuliffe.
"People can only take so much positive news before it begins to drain them," said Mr. McAuliffe. "The incessant drip, drip, drip of good news is exhausting. Democrat candidates in 2004 will have a clear, focused message: 'Eliminate Good-News Fatigue. Vote Democrat'."
The other factor portending a Democrat presidency is the natural human tendency to expect the worst when things are going well. For that reason, the DNC considered using a more proactive slogan: 'Democrats Don't Wait for Bad News, We Make it Happen'.
Mr. McAuliffe noted that most people are more "realistic" than President Bush, so the Democrat message of a failing economy and a foreign policy quagmire hold more credibility.
"No one really believes these surging economic indicators," he said. "For that matter, most in my party don't believe that we caught Saddam...at least not recently."
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