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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? * 7
    #21949310 - 07/15/15 08:48 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Hi lovely Shroomery family! I hope everyone here is well and safe...........

That's enough. I can only be touchy-feely for like 3 seconds, then its out of my face----- unless you have weed.

Getting down to the crust of the post (because im old now and don't feel like adding fluff and junk).

I met a guy, been dating on and off for a year. This guy treats me like walking platinum and I love it! Things have been going very well. Last weekend we went shopping and ended up at the jewelry store. I never liked wearing jewelry because it gets in my way. I don't like earrings flopping against my face or rings on my fingers. A necklace or bangle maybe, but only to wear with an outfit, then its outta here.

He told me to wait in the car. He had to get his mother a necklace. I was cool and played iPhone games and farted up the car and let the farts get into the recycled A/C air distribution. he runs back to the car all grinny and I pay him no mind. His face twitched up when he smelled the packages of farts that I left hanging in the air.

So we drive on to our next shopping destination. We go to Macys and I get a MAC face makeover. I'm looking spiffy nice and am about to get up to strut my stuff with my professionally made up face.. This fool hands me a ring box and asks me to marry him. Initially I told him to STFU and move so I could get up and look in the full length mirror.. The make up lady was like... hes serious....

I looked down and he really was on his knee.. OMG spectators overreact when a proposal is in process. Gasps, cheers, all kinds of junk I didn't feel like hearing today. The look in his eyes, he was really happy to ask me for my hand in marriage- all I could say was--- yes sir... and told him to get up. Of course he split his pants kneeling.. right up the butt crack.. He is 6ft 8 345 pounds.

So I'm all made up with new clothes.. We leave the mall and get in the car.. Phone rings and his car catches the call and puts it on speaker.. Its his family all excited telling him to come over. Guess they were in on all this... FML

I get over there and they took me in. The women grabbed me, the men grabbed him and the interrogations began.. jesus Christ, it was a mess.
The ladies told me what I needed to do as a wife and started training me on how to manipulate my man after marriage. I really didn't want to listen and wanted everyone to stop and leave me alone..... So,, I cut a huuuuge silent fart and sat there like I was innocent. I managed to clear out 3 of the ladies. The last 2 were stoned so I simply asked for weed and I got it fast!

I realized that I had too many farts in the que and knew it was time to implement unloading activities. I held on to the farts as best I could but started to feel bloated. I had to take a stanley steamer!

So the day winded down and we went back home... where I took a marathon dump while looking at my new ring.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


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InvisibleAmanita86
OTD Keymaster
 User Gallery

Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21949349 - 07/15/15 09:00 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Maybe it's your diet, I don't really know..


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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OfflineHippocampus
 User Gallery


Registered: 04/01/15
Posts: 753
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21949353 - 07/15/15 09:01 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Let'n 'em all slide out!  Sounds like you're ready for marriage


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OfflineKronk
Kronk
Male User Gallery


Registered: 12/29/14
Posts: 73
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard] * 1
    #21949372 - 07/15/15 09:07 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Your hubbies family is cray. Should make for some interesting reunions.

Manipulative bitches gonna be manipulative bitches. I'm sure you are above that.


--------------------
Feel the power...
...Oh, I can feel it


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Offlinesanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/06/11
Posts: 15,623
Loc: Bucketheadland
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Hippocampus]
    #21949376 - 07/15/15 09:08 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

:somefunnyshit:


--------------------
I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you...
But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey
You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard] * 1
    #21949548 - 07/15/15 09:54 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:

He told me to wait in the car. He had to get his mother a necklace. I was cool and played iPhone games and farted up the car and let the farts get into the recycled A/C air distribution. he runs back to the car all grinny and I pay him no mind. His face twitched up when he smelled the packages of farts that I left hanging in the air.




Quote:

This fool hands me a ring box and asks me to marry him. Initially I told him to STFU and move so I could get up and look in the full length mirror.. The make up lady was like... hes serious….




Quote:

Of course he split his pants kneeling.. right up the butt crack.. He is 6ft 8 345 pounds.




Quote:

I really didn't want to listen and wanted everyone to stop and leave me alone..... So,, I cut a huuuuge silent fart and sat there like I was innocent. I managed to clear out 3 of the ladies. The last 2 were stoned so I simply asked for weed and I got it fast!




Quote:

I realized that I had too many farts in the que and knew it was time to implement unloading activities. I held on to the farts as best I could but started to feel bloated. I had to take a stanley steamer!




Quote:

So the day winded down and we went back home... where I took a marathon dump while looking at my new ring.




I laughed sooooo fucking hard reading your posts, this was the best thread I've read in a long time!!!! :lol:


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Offlinelovesquare
Love²

Registered: 06/04/15
Posts: 556
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21949580 - 07/15/15 10:00 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

train your man :lol: what a fucking cunt, consider yourself a lesbian.


--------------------
If you go down round the bend in the river,
You're gonna find a few changes been going down there.

If you go down to the gas-powered flatland,
Where most of the people just think that they're free,
Remember the peace that you had on the mountain,
Come back to the love that you had here with me...


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OfflineDetached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
Posts: 2,942
Last seen: 10 months, 15 days
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: lovesquare]
    #21949582 - 07/15/15 10:02 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

There is alot of fluff in that post OP :cuteshit:


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OfflinemndfreezeMDiscordReddit
Shroomery Secret Service
Other User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 20,529
Loc: PuppetMasterFlash
Last seen: 1 day, 28 minutes
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21950306 - 07/16/15 02:17 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Man, I sure missed the moe stories over the years.  Its good to see they're back.


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]


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InvisibleCapers
Man About Town
Male

Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 16,199
Loc: United States Flag
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: mndfreeze]
    #21950719 - 07/16/15 07:13 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Does your fiancé know that you're transgender?


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Offlinesanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/06/11
Posts: 15,623
Loc: Bucketheadland
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Crystal G]
    #21950767 - 07/16/15 07:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Quote:

Macey Howard said:

He told me to wait in the car. He had to get his mother a necklace. I was cool and played iPhone games and farted up the car and let the farts get into the recycled A/C air distribution. he runs back to the car all grinny and I pay him no mind. His face twitched up when he smelled the packages of farts that I left hanging in the air.




Quote:

This fool hands me a ring box and asks me to marry him. Initially I told him to STFU and move so I could get up and look in the full length mirror.. The make up lady was like... hes serious….




Quote:

Of course he split his pants kneeling.. right up the butt crack.. He is 6ft 8 345 pounds.




Quote:

I really didn't want to listen and wanted everyone to stop and leave me alone..... So,, I cut a huuuuge silent fart and sat there like I was innocent. I managed to clear out 3 of the ladies. The last 2 were stoned so I simply asked for weed and I got it fast!




Quote:

I realized that I had too many farts in the que and knew it was time to implement unloading activities. I held on to the farts as best I could but started to feel bloated. I had to take a stanley steamer!




Quote:

So the day winded down and we went back home... where I took a marathon dump while looking at my new ring.




I laughed sooooo fucking hard reading your posts, this was the best thread I've read in a long time!!!! :lol:



same


--------------------
I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you...
But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey
You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!


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OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21953491 - 07/16/15 07:42 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Lol I love you guys.. Thanks! Well, I'm sort of nervous because my dipshit fiancé didn't tell his family I was trans. Ugh I don't want to tell people I'm trans anyway after Caitlyn Jenner accepted an award for courage, bravery or whatever just because she came out as trans and changed gender? And she didn't accept the award, but turn around and reject it... and give it to the disabled athlete who could walk again?

That's what I would have done.. SMH.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


Edited by Macey Howard (07/16/15 07:43 PM)


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OfflineDetached
You know where...


Registered: 02/27/15
Posts: 2,942
Last seen: 10 months, 15 days
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard] * 1
    #21953498 - 07/16/15 07:44 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

The disabled cis-gendered athletes are the real champions.


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InvisibleAdden
I'm a teapot
Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 39,201
Loc: Flag
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Detached] * 2
    #21954117 - 07/16/15 10:32 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Cisgender, LOL


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InvisibleConfucian
...
 User Gallery

Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA Flag
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Macey Howard]
    #21954132 - 07/16/15 10:35 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Macey Howard said:
Getting down to the crust of the post




Were you hungry/high when you wrote this part?

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/crux+of+the+matter


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Invisiblejesuisravi
The Old Noob
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/24/15
Posts: 260
Loc: Midwest USA Flag
Re: about to get married. met the family. inlaw females training me how to train my husband? [Re: Confucian]
    #21954217 - 07/16/15 10:59 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

This farting stuff--really...I mean...it's not exactly ladylike.I mean, hell, it's disgusting. Next time you're tempted to fart in public like that, ask yourself, "What would Angelina do?"


--------------------
Most of my beliefs I acquired from my father and from John Wayne, and anything that wasn't ultra tough and ultra cool was to me ultra embarrassing. In fact, I lived in a state of near continuous embarrassment, never measuring up to the ridiculous standards I had accepted without question, applied to a framework of expectations neither I nor anyone else could meet.--J C Amberchele

almost nothing important that ever happens to you happens because you engineer it. Destiny has no beeper; destiny always leans trenchcoated out of an alley with some sort of 'psst' that you usually can't even hear because you're in such a rush to or from something important you've tried to engineer. ”
― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest


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