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for one reason or another, i don't seem to grab the attention of many girls. last night i got back into town from school and went to a pretty hoppin' party. anyway to make a long story short i tried something new last night...i forced myself to be more confident in myself; to be more outgoing, talk and smile more with girls. one in particular (i'll call her B) _seemed_ interested, but i'm not sure.
for one thing, B was drunk. how drunk, i'm not sure. i get the feeling she was just looking for some ass, because she definitely was trying to get on me for quite a while. she sat on my lap, put her arms around me, asked me to kiss her, etc. however, she said something to one of her friends-which i overheard clear as day, because it was only the 3 of us in the room-that she wanted to get with some other guy because "he's hot." but then she started talking to me again, and was making advances on me. a bit later when it was just the 2 of us another one of her friends opened the door, acted surprised, and said something like, "remember about XYZ?" referring to the other guy. however, the B kinda muttered something and indicated that she wanted her friend to bugger off. i ended up kissing her a few times but she kept bullshitting around (we'd be liplocked-with tongue and everything-but then she'd start talking about some random shit) and i had to go (at this point it was almost 3 am) so i said sorry, i have to go so i'll talk to you later and i rolled outta there with my friend.
so today i was reflecting on what went down and some very ambivalent feelings have emerged. i thought she was pretty cute and she was fun to talk to. she's also a very good student. however, some of her friends seem kind of shady-one of her best friends had (has?) a prolonged battle with coke addiction. B was worried about me doing coke because a lot of people were doing a lot of coke at the party (i had a small amount but it didn't really appeal to me that much-i'll stick with smokin' bud, thank you very much). she told me she'd tried coke once or twice but didn't like it and moreover had seen the damage it can cause and seemed genuinely concerned for me that i stay away from it. she said a few other things that seemed very sincere-perhaps too sincere for someone who's just trying to hook up. i saw a lot of good qualities in her but there were a few bad things i can't take my mind off of. i get the feeling she might like to randomly up with guys, which is not how i am at all (although i have NOT confirmed this either way yet). i'm more in the hunt for a solid relationship at the time. also, one of my best friends who graduated with her (a year after i graduated) told me that i "don't want any of that" but was not specific as to why not.
god dammit, i wish this were easier. after not having gotten much attention from girls and then having someone who caught my eye earlier in the night making moves on me i almost want to automatically say YES and disregard anything else. on the other hand, there are some possible areas for concern; maybe more than i thought. once i get specifics as to why i "don't want any of that" from my friend i guess i'll know more. i'm also going to talk with my buddy who was at the party with me and see what he knows about her.
umm yeah, so sorry for the rant...does anyone have any comments, suggestions, etc? any input would be appreciated. i just need to talk to someone-anyone-about this.
It sounds like you did the right thing by not hooking up with her. I mean come on have some dignity. If she's talking about some hot guy that she wants to fuck right in front of you then that should tell you something right there. She sounds like a regular loose lucy that's not worth fretting about. I know how it is though. Your body is telling you one thing while your mind tells you another thing. But from everything you have written, it sounds like this girl isn't worth your time. Sure maybe you missed the chance at an easy lay but really would that have made you happier in the end? You said it yourself-- you're looking for someone that you can have a relationship with. You have to be patient and wait for the right girl to come along. I know it's hard. I'm in that waiting phase too. At least you have the right mind set. You're trying to be more outgoing and friendly with the girls you encounter. Keep it up until you know you found the right girl. Casual sex is overrated. I feel like we have a lot in common. Check out my thread on approaching girls if you haven't already. Maybe you won't feel so alone once you read that thread. There are many in the same boat as you.
-------------------- Goin' where the water tastes like wine.
On the one hand I think maybe she was just drunk and looking for some attention (which is OK) and u know - it is possible to be attracted to more than one person - maybe she didn't mean for you to overhear what she said. But on the othe hand I see kosmic's point of view. She may also be interested in a relationship. Though I reckon if you are going to follow it through I'd be pretty cautious - give it some time and let her do most of the work to see if she is really serious before going into a relationship with her.
Edit: I think it is a good idea to find out what that guy meant about her.
-------------------- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium
"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.