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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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OfflineGelapMata
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Registered: 12/25/11
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Introversion and coping with others projections of your self/personality
    #21936259 - 07/13/15 07:45 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I'm really struggling with this at the moment.
Being an introverted person, I spent a lot of time in my world, constructing my safe little bubble.
Not all the time though, I have a large social group and i'm able to get out whenever I feel like it and i'm very lucky in that regard.
But, i'm finding it really hard to hang with people when I feel like they don't know the real me and I have to deal with and almost surrender to their projections and pre-conceptions of who I am as a human being.
Sometimes I feel like I should drop all my masks and expose every hidden aspect of myself just to prove who I am so people no longer get the wrong idea.
But . . it seems like such a waste of energy.
Does anyone else have similar experiences?


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Offlinesecondorder
Amanda Hug'n'kiss
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Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 532
Loc: Queensland, Australia
Last seen: 9 months, 6 days
Re: Introversion and coping with others projections of your self/personality [Re: GelapMata]
    #21936603 - 07/13/15 09:53 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I share most of what you are expressing and live a very similar life. Instead of feeling like I should expose my true nature, however, I fear it more than ever. I fear that exposing my true self will lead to disapproval, rejection, ridicule etc.


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Invisiblebirdeatingspider
Stranger in Paradise
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Re: Introversion and coping with others projections of your self/personality [Re: secondorder]
    #21963931 - 07/19/15 09:18 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I can relate, many of us can.  My salvation came in acceptance.  After all, who is society to define what is wrong or right?  For me, once I was free of institutions i.e the educational system, my parent's house, it became easier to appreciate who I am.

Unless you're an army ant, there really is no benefit to being a part of the pack.  Branch off from the tree and bear some fruit, I suggest the enlightening bookthe power of introverts



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From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
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Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: Introversion and coping with others projections of your self/personality [Re: birdeatingspider]
    #21964312 - 07/19/15 10:49 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I will have to check that book out, I am so quiet people think I am an asshole, but I am a really nice guy.  I just don't see the benefit in the constant babble that many carry on, I know that sounds judgmental, but it's how I feel.  I don't view anyone as less than for worrying about what Kim Kardashian said last night, or all the stuff people chat about these days.

I have noticed something though, the less I talk the more people listen.  When I talk people get quiet and take note of what I say, I take this as they are curious what the quiet guy is saying, so I make sure to say something with some oomph. :lol:


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Invisiblebirdeatingspider
Stranger in Paradise
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Re: Introversion and coping with others projections of your self/personality [Re: Lucis]
    #21964406 - 07/19/15 10:58 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Agreed, we have two ears and one mouth for good reason.

Here is a Ted talk that Susan Cain did:
http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts


--------------------

From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.


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OfflinePed
Interested In Your Brain
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Re: Introversion and coping with others projections of your self/personality [Re: GelapMata]
    #21970041 - 07/20/15 09:58 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

This was a big problem for me when I was younger, and still is to some extent.  While younger, I was pretty big into Buddhism, and I found some of its practices really helpful in this regard. Specifically, a practice called equalizing self & other went a long way toward narrowing the gap I felt between myself and other people. Equalizing self & other is a big practice encompassing many different contemplations, and so I won't bore you with it's many details, but I will offer one of its key insights:

Everybody wants to be happy, and to be free from suffering.

Moment to moment, virtually everything that people do is directed toward being or becoming happy, and becoming free from suffering and its causes.  It may feel like people don't know the real you, but this basic wish is at the core of every human heart, and there is a common intuition about it that everybody shares in.  Whether it's realized or not, people know that about you, and you know it about them.

People interact with that basic wish in a myriad different ways, and that gives rise to all kinds of different personalities and traits that may seem remote or alienating, but all of these rooted in that common wish to be happy and not to suffer.  If you spend more time contemplating that root and less time contemplating the many different shapes of its branches, the perceived barriers between yourself and others will begin to soften, and the anxieties which come with those barriers will also begin to dissipate.

There's no deliberate way to drop one's masks and pretences.  Trying to control such things is like trying to control your sweat glands.  If you set out into the world with an intent to do this, you'll discover that no matter how hard you try, you are still putting on a show for others to some extent.  It's because we all have the same basic fear of rejection, and because this is something which runs beneath our conscious thought processes.  Some people feel it strongly, others not so much, but it's a common thread that runs through our very nature.  It's through recognizing and relating to these common threads that it becomes easier to accept others for what they are, and when it's easier to accept others for what they are, it undermines the basis for fearing their rejection.

When in social situations, try spending time contemplating what you have in common with others.  The details can be very small, like "we both have five fingers on each hand," or "we both wear shoes to protect our feet," or "we both feel hungry in the morning," -- things like that.  It may seem like such commonalities are trivial, but time spent contemplating sameness is time spent not contemplating differences. You might be surprised how powerful that can be in your day to to day life.


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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order


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