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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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I Got Caught Doing Dope Again
#21926916 - 07/11/15 01:35 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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So y'all know I've been out of rehab since March… I managed to stay clean for almost 3 months.
Like 4 weeks ago, I had a huge fight with my parents, they kicked me out with no warning, I was like FUCK MY LIFE and ended up getting drunk ad then thought it was a good idea to go cop dope that day from a guy that I met outside 7-11 a few months earlier. Don't ask me about details about the fight, it's not important.
After that one time, I managed to stay clean for a couple of weeks… then I started contacting the same guy, and one of my old rehab friends (who recently relapsed and is dating a drug dealer), and in the past 2 weeks I've copped dope exactly 4 times after that. Well 3 times it was dope, and 1 time I managed to get powder China.
Anyway, I fucking got caught, the whole thing blew up in my face. It all started when I did a shot of dope so fat, that I immediately nodded off and dropped my sack of dope and couldn't find it for the life of me. I spent fucking 3 days looking for that shit, I thought I lost it for good. Well, it turned up somewhere, my fucking mom found it, and demanded to know what it was, and I lied and said that it was hash.
My boyfriend and my parents noticed that I had been acting and sounding out of it, and they started going through my purse and found syringes, and started investigating my phone activity and even fucking called the phone numbers that I had been dialing. I knew I was busted when they called the numbers and found my works, and had to confess that I started using dope sporadically again.
I have no idea why I relapsed and started using again. Luckily I managed to get things under control this time before things spiraled out of hand this time again.
Question time. Why can't I stop using? Will I always be like this for the rest of my life?
Sometimes I think life is too hard, and it's just so much easier to end it all. I fucking wish I had the balls to take a shot fat enough to overdose and kill myself I really do. Why don't I have the fucking balls man, WHYYYYYY??!?!?
Edited by Crystal G (07/11/15 01:45 AM)
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21926929 - 07/11/15 01:37 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Wait is this the same junkie in philly you met on the street and decided to marry after he brought you to an orgy? Or is this another boyfriend?
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Quote:
I_was_the_walrus said: Wait is this the same junkie in philly you met on the street and decided to marry after he brought you to an orgy? Or is this another boyfriend?
Same guy lol
Edited by Crystal G (07/11/15 02:59 AM)
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 1
#21926936 - 07/11/15 01:39 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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It took me leaving my home Alaska. Ita been 2 years now but i have used a couple times. I just became an alcoholic
Your an addict as am i. I wish i had the answer to that question but i dont really know myself.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 2
#21926942 - 07/11/15 01:39 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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life is sooooooooooo much better sober anyway
u know this
i know this
we all know dis..
get well soon holmes
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 2
#21926944 - 07/11/15 01:40 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Also! My 2 cents
I say live and let live. I couldnt give less fucks about somebodys lifestyle. BUT! If you feel guilty about your own lifestyle, that typically means youre not happy and want to change. You cant defend your lifestyle and hate it at the same time. Its a battle you will not win.
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 2
#21926954 - 07/11/15 01:42 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: Question time. Why can't I stop using? Will I always be like this for the rest of my life?
Sometimes I think life is too hard, and it's just so much easier to end it all.
and that sunshine is why you use it... because it's easy
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Atreyu
Never Ending


Registered: 03/18/14
Posts: 4,083
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つ ◕_◕ ༽つ N = R* • fp • ne • fl • fi • fc • L
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 3 hours, 12 minutes
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 1
#21926973 - 07/11/15 01:46 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: Question time. Why can't I stop using?
Welcome to being an addict. We all ask ourselves this.
Quote:
Crystal G said: Will I always be like this for the rest of my life?
Depends on if you figure out the first question. I have no moral high ground, I'm an addict too, but I can sit here and point out the fact you simply lack the will to quit, that you use stress as an excuse to dive back into old habits, but it won't mean anything until you discover it on your own. Even then it's a toss up. For some that's enough to walk away, for others it's not. I've already answered the question and I still haven't quit. I do know however, there is no hope for staying sober as long as that first question remains unanswered.
But yes, in a general sense this will always be you. You're never going to not want it at least at some point in your life. You have to have the will power to rise above it and refuse it. Nothing is going to stop the wanting indefinitely or 100% of the time. You have to have the will power to say no. Easy enough in the good times of your life, much harder when you feel everything crumbling around you.
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
Edited by Shroomslip (07/11/15 01:47 AM)
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Atreyu
Never Ending


Registered: 03/18/14
Posts: 4,083
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Atreyu]
#21926977 - 07/11/15 01:47 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I love you C.
Hope you pull through but that shit is more real than I know.
You're better than that, Fuck dope.
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つ ◕_◕ ༽つ N = R* • fp • ne • fl • fi • fc • L
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twelvelookslikeu
Stranger



Registered: 06/27/06
Posts: 738
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Atreyu] 1
#21927030 - 07/11/15 01:59 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I have seen some people get off that shit who I thought there was no hope for anymore. And it was them who made the decision. Try to gravitate towards the positives in life because its much easier to find confidence in yourself when your feeling positive.
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HuskyHonkey
Novice



Registered: 02/26/15
Posts: 64
Loc: Sol III
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Atreyu]
#21927037 - 07/11/15 02:01 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Have you tried DXM? I've heard that it helps curb cravings for opiates.
-------------------- "Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream, it is not dying." _______Tomorrow Never Knows, The Beatles_______ ____| |:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:| |:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:| |____ |-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-|
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Ya in the end it was my decision but what really did it was moving to a new state. Exploring new things and meeting new people. Breaking the cycle of doing the same shit every day.
I have used a couple times since but its hard to even enjoy it and i just feel guilty. So i just dont bother anymore.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Enjoywho]
#21927100 - 07/11/15 02:16 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Enjoywho said: Ya in the end it was my decision but what really did it was moving to a new state. Exploring new things and meeting new people. Breaking the cycle of doing the same shit every day.
I have used a couple times since but its hard to even enjoy it and i just feel guilty. So i just dont bother anymore.
IDK man, my last relapse was right after I had moved to Philly, remember? Then again Philadelphia is THE dope hot-spot in northeast America, so that might have been a bad location for somebody with a dope habit to move to. 
I need to stop shooting my opiates, that's what I need to do. Cause frankly, opiates aren't even good unless you shoot them. They fucking suck, actually. I remember snorting powder heroin and eating one of those original OC80's, and I was like, "Man…. this drug SUCKS!"
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 2
#21927158 - 07/11/15 02:32 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Just a heads up. There a RIP thread in the veterans lounge thats on about page 75. All dead shroomerites mainly due to opiates. Please please please dont let this be your fate.
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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that thread should be stickied on every sub forum on the shroomery
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21927167 - 07/11/15 02:35 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said:
Quote:
Enjoywho said: Ya in the end it was my decision but what really did it was moving to a new state. Exploring new things and meeting new people. Breaking the cycle of doing the same shit every day.
I have used a couple times since but its hard to even enjoy it and i just feel guilty. So i just dont bother anymore.
IDK man, my last relapse was right after I had moved to Philly, remember? Then again Philadelphia is THE dope hot-spot in northeast America, so that might have been a bad location for somebody with a dope habit to move to. 
I need to stop shooting my opiates, that's what I need to do. Cause frankly, opiates aren't even good unless you shoot them. They fucking suck, actually. I remember snorting powder heroin and eating one of those original OC80's, and I was like, "Man…. this drug SUCKS!" 
Ya i live in a depressing drug town but i just dont feel like seeking it out. Lots of meth and heroin use. It's just sad.
I know all about the needle i won't do it any other way. I did some meth on the 4th with a buddy and he grabbed one of his room mates diabetes needles. I was like no man you dont understand its just wasting my time doing it any other way.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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MilkdudTitties
My Nipples Look Like Milk Duds



Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 3,796
Loc: USA
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21927209 - 07/11/15 02:50 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Enjoywho is right. Moving to a new area and creating new habits is the best way to stop. When you can't even cop, you have to stop anyways
Find a reason as to why you should stop. I bet you don't even enjoy it all that much anymore, its just like what you do now. What is the point in trying to constantly get a drug that just leaves you feeling shitty a few hours after.
When I was down deep, H only made me feel normal. And once it starting wearing off, paranoia, dread and anxiety about how to get my next dose would set in. My only emotions were anger and apathy.
Weed really helped me be able to see outside of the blanketing, warm hellish prison that I had retreated to inside my mind while using dope.
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 3 hours, 12 minutes
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I could be wrong, but didn't she pick up and move to a whole new part of the country not too long ago? Doesn't seem to of done much good.
--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Quote:
I_was_the_walrus said: Just a heads up. There a RIP thread in the veterans lounge thats on about page 75. All dead shroomerites mainly due to opiates. Please please please dont let this be your fate.
Yeah I've seen that thread. All of them dead from either opiates or benzo's. Sucks. Even Hanky one of my favorite members died… Every time I see this face I always think of him.
Whatever happened to Merkin, Hanky's friend too? Did he die too? I haven't followed the RIP Thread in a while…
Also whatever happened to Teragon? That guy was a genius chemist. Last I talked to him he was making oxymorphone with a home lab he built together himself. I'm guessing he either got busted or he died.
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Astral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
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It's just so easy to settle the argument you have in your head about not using by getting high. It will always find a way to make sense to use, and instantly solving that battle in your mind. I know the feeling well.
-------------------- "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out" -Bill Hicks-
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Astral Pain]
#21927249 - 07/11/15 03:06 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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HOLY SHIT I just looked at the RIP thread that contains the list of all the dead shroomerites. I had no idea UncleLuke, Space Cowboy, and RandalFlagg died?!!?!? I've noticed I haven't seen a lot of the veteran members around as much lately.
One of his last posts on here:
Quote:
RandalFlagg said: You search for epiphanies. Me too. There is nothing more exhilarating than feeling that boost of endorphins from meeting that new person, being exposed to that new thing, or seeing that new place. It really is awesome. But, these things are rare and unpredictable. They are also not something to base long-term plans upon because usually the inspiration and novelty from them fade. I chased them for years, and while there were achingly beautiful moments of clarity and experience they did not fix the problems in my psyche.
Life and the goals associated with it take discipline and sacrifice. Every day is not going to be fun and sexy. When you don't get positive reinforcement it is easy to fall back into bad habits and self-pity (I, of all people, know this). When people aren't noticing and loving you it is very easy to get down. My vice used to be internet addiction and now my new vice is excessive alcohol abuse. Don't fall into a hole like that. Reality-escaping devices make things easier, but they do not make things better.
I want to be handed an awesome life, but I have come to the conclusion that this does not just happen. You either have the natural ability to reach out and grasp such things or you have to force yourself to do these things. It seems as if, that like me, you are going to have to force things. It is hard, but you can do it. Use something as your motivation; whether it is wanting a better life or wanting to avoid being a lonely and old weird dude. Whatever you do, you need to keep moving. Because when you stop moving you die (physically and emotionally).
Good luck and blessings of happiness and fortune.
Edited by Crystal G (07/11/15 03:23 AM)
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21927273 - 07/11/15 03:16 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: HOLY SHIT I just looked at the RIP thread that contains the list of all the dead shroomerites. I had no idea UncleLuke, Space Cowboy, and RandalFlagg died?!!?!? I've noticed I haven't seen a lot of the veteran members around as much lately.
One of his last posts on here:
Quote:
RandalFlagg said: You search for epiphanies. Me too. There is nothing more exhilarating than feeling that boost of endorphins from meeting that new person, being exposed to that new thing, or seeing that new place. It really is awesome. But, these things are rare and unpredictable. They are also not something to base long-term plans upon because usually the inspiration and novelty from them fade. I chased them for years, and while there were achingly beautiful moments of clarity and experience they did not fix the problems in my psyche.
Life and the goals associated with it take discipline and sacrifice. Every day is not going to be fun and sexy. When you don't get positive reinforcement it is easy to fall back into bad habits and self-pity (I, of all people, know this). When people aren't noticing and loving you it is very easy to get down. My vice used to be internet addiction and now my new vice is excessive alcohol abuse. Don't fall into a hole like that. Reality-escaping devices make things easier, but they do not make things better.
I want to be handed an awesome life, but I have come to the conclusion that this does not just happen. You either have the natural ability to reach out and grasp such things or you have to force yourself to do these things. It seems as if, that like me, you are going to have to force things. It is hard, but you can do it. Use something as your motivation; whether it is wanting a better life or wanting to avoid being a lonely and old weird dude. Whatever you do, you need to keep moving. Because when you stop moving you die (physically and emotionally).
Good luck and blessings of happiness and fortune.
This quote nearly brought me to tears . And thus is the shroomery.
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Astral Pain
Strange

Registered: 11/10/14
Posts: 2,923
Loc: Chicago
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 1
#21927277 - 07/11/15 03:17 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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His last post was spot on.
-------------------- "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out" -Bill Hicks-
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Quote:
MilkdudTitties said: Enjoywho is right. Moving to a new area and creating new habits is the best way to stop. When you can't even cop, you have to stop anyways
Find a reason as to why you should stop. I bet you don't even enjoy it all that much anymore, its just like what you do now. What is the point in trying to constantly get a drug that just leaves you feeling shitty a few hours after.
When I was down deep, H only made me feel normal. And once it starting wearing off, paranoia, dread and anxiety about how to get my next dose would set in. My only emotions were anger and apathy.
Weed really helped me be able to see outside of the blanketing, warm hellish prison that I had retreated to inside my mind while using dope.
It was the fact i didnt really know anybody. I still dont know where to get it. The couple times ive done it it was completely random and i never asked for a number as i know i would be calling. The next day.
I just started drinking can buy 2$ steel reserves at any corner store. Which in Alaska beer is only sold at liqour stores.
That being said alcohol wds are 100x worse than heroin imo.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: HuskyHonkey]
#21927353 - 07/11/15 03:57 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
HuskyHonkey said: Have you tried DXM? I've heard that it helps curb cravings for opiates.
This could work, but it's definitely a bad idea. Could possibly start a new addiction and it's really bad for you in the first place.
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
Loc: Down the rabbit hole
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent] 1
#21927365 - 07/11/15 04:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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There is an insatiable thirst in all of us. Learn to calm your mind and observe yourself without reaction. Eventually the inner workings of your psyche will begin to reveal themselves.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21927377 - 07/11/15 04:10 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Get on methadone. It sucks, but not nearly as much as a real dope habit. I'm finally able to function and be responsible. If you're serious about it and make drastic lifestyle changes, it can not only save your life, but give you a comfortable life that's worth living. Maybe give sobriety another shot once you build your life into something that's worth living for. Maybe not, who really cares. It's not about being clean and sober right now, it's about staying alive. We have a disease that increases our mortality 50 to 100 times that of the normal population. Opiates can be attributed to 4 out of 5 drug related deaths. Keep going for treatment has at best a 10 percent success rate, or join me on mmt that's associated with success rates from 60 to 90 percent and increase your quality of life.
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21927394 - 07/11/15 04:18 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I can't believe I read all of that... Anyway OP, shit sounds like you're living with your parents and what not.. I think it's a good idea for you to take some DXM and smoke weed everyday instead. Dying young is retarded but you do you.
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp] 1
#21927407 - 07/11/15 04:25 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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That's one of the worst ideas i've ever heard man... DXM is not good, it may feel like your safe when you're on it, but it really isn't.
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp]
#21927408 - 07/11/15 04:27 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hayoxp said: Dying young is retarded but you do you. 
Quote:
Hayoxp said: I think it's a good idea for you to take some DXM and smoke weed everyday instead.
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21927411 - 07/11/15 04:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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If I was back in the Northeast, I would just get off subs and smoke PCP every day until the pain went away like I did before.
Edited by Crystal G (07/11/15 04:48 AM)
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21927422 - 07/11/15 04:38 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Okay then she should just vape weed. Those drugs sound so bum, like come on. If you're gonna be addicted to something then be addicted to pure cocaine. I'm talking about that beautiful soft pyramid of greatness. A quick sniff and you're fucked up, wondering why coke just gave you a visual of a unicorn dancing on the rainbow. Yeah.. ANYWAY, OP, stop doing drugs and be a good kid.
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
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Atreyu
Never Ending


Registered: 03/18/14
Posts: 4,083
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp]
#21927443 - 07/11/15 04:54 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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つ ◕_◕ ༽つ N = R* • fp • ne • fl • fi • fc • L
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp] 2
#21927481 - 07/11/15 05:20 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Get on methadone. It sucks, but not nearly as much as a real dope habit. I'm finally able to function and be responsible. If you're serious about it and make drastic lifestyle changes, it can not only save your life, but give you a comfortable life that's worth living. Maybe give sobriety another shot once you build your life into something that's worth living for. Maybe not, who really cares. It's not about being clean and sober right now, it's about staying alive. We have a disease that increases our mortality 50 to 100 times that of the normal population. Opiates can be attributed to 4 out of 5 drug related deaths. Keep going for treatment has at best a 10 percent success rate, or join me on mmt that's associated with success rates from 60 to 90 percent and increase your quality of life.Quote:
Hayoxp said: Okay then she should just vape weed. Those drugs sound so bum, like come on. If you're gonna be addicted to something then be addicted to pure cocaine. I'm talking about that beautiful soft pyramid of greatness. A quick sniff and you're fucked up, wondering why coke just gave you a visual of a unicorn dancing on the rainbow. Yeah.. ANYWAY, OP, stop doing drugs and be a good kid.

You're rather dense aren't you?
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp]
#21927486 - 07/11/15 05:24 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Do you take nbome's often? lol
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21927488 - 07/11/15 05:25 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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No, never heard of anything like that before.. Nbome??
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp]
#21927491 - 07/11/15 05:27 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Wonder why my phone made me double post like that. Way too lazy to edit.
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp] 1
#21927494 - 07/11/15 05:29 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Why's it so hard for you just to have an intellectual conversation
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21927496 - 07/11/15 05:30 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Now he changes his title...?
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Rustifer] 1
#21927502 - 07/11/15 05:33 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Dense?? No clue what you mean by that bic boi 
Me dense? Not at all, maybe a little, maybe titanium dense. 
I'm a nice person, that's all I have to say.
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
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Rustifer
prestige worldwide



Registered: 04/10/05
Posts: 7,071
Loc: Central Texas
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21927503 - 07/11/15 05:33 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Lol. Poor guy must have a very hard time navigating the real world.
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21927505 - 07/11/15 05:35 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Lmao, I'm not a fan of N-bomb but it's alright once in a while
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp]
#21927509 - 07/11/15 05:38 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21927513 - 07/11/15 05:40 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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The visuals are different than LSD for me, it should just be sold as N-bomb and not LSD. Fuckin retarded people say it's LSD..
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
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Burke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 2
#21927517 - 07/11/15 05:46 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Did your mom call your dope dealer? That's gotta be embarrassing. 
Anyway, good luck G. Addiction is fucking tough. Been losing people to opes left and right these days. I'd be pretty butthurt if you died for them too. Please be careful.
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Is dope anything like sleep paralysis?
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Burke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Konyap]
#21927536 - 07/11/15 05:57 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Overall, no. But I have experienced strange sleep states while trying to rest after using heroin. Hypnagogic jerks seem to be greatly increased.
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Kronk
Kronk



Registered: 12/29/14
Posts: 73
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21927538 - 07/11/15 05:58 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I think it's pretty obvious you have depression. I'm the same way. If I get in a bad mood than all of my concerns about what's good for me go out the window and I binge on whatever I can get my hands on until the emotions pass.
In rehab did they ever investigate or probe into the reason you started using drugs in the firs place? I feel that for many people drug use is a symptom of some other issues. Got to work through those issues before you can tackle your drug issue.
-------------------- Feel the power... ...Oh, I can feel it
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Kronk] 3
#21927575 - 07/11/15 06:15 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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You've got to learn to hate that cheap and easy euphoria that comes with the high. It's a reward that's not attached to anything, so you start to learn that doing nothing feels great, and that's a great way to fuck up your world. Your reward system isn't there to make you feel good when your bummed. It's there to make you feel good when you make shit better.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21927578 - 07/11/15 06:16 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Agreed. Great post.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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fapjack
Title



Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 16,574
Loc: Central New Jersey
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 1
#21927765 - 07/11/15 07:46 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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It gets a lot easier with time. I don't even really seriously think about using opioids anymore. It's been 6 years 4 months since I got off dope and for me it was really only hard for the first year. You just need to get better at dealing with your problems and stop trying to get back at yourself for fucking up by fucking up even more. It might be easier to just stop using everything entirely.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Hayoxp]
#21927770 - 07/11/15 07:47 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hayoxp said: Lmao, I'm not a fan of N-bomb but it's alright once in a while 
I took it once. My brain felt like it was being fried like an egg. Holy shit the back of my skull was on fire. Never again fuck that garbage.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: fapjack]
#21927779 - 07/11/15 07:49 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
fapjack said: It gets a lot easier with time. I don't even really seriously think about using opioids anymore. It's been 6 years 4 months since I got off dope and for me it was really only hard for the first year. You just need to get better at dealing with your problems and stop trying to get back at yourself for fucking up by fucking up even more. It might be easier to just stop using everything entirely.
Ya i rarely do as well. Im mostly 2 years clean. But dont let the few times i used detract from the overwhelming positive ive came out of. Now i could care less. I cant remember the last time I've even thought i should find some dope. Those were all just random and its hard to turn down free drugs.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,360
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 24 minutes, 51 seconds
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21927816 - 07/11/15 08:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Being an addict is for life. nothing can replace the high that u seek.
Its very hard to quit H, from what ive heard. Very addicting.
Not sure what to say but move to a different state where your living situation would be more healthy for you
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Quote:
Burke Dennings said: Did your mom call your dope dealer? That's gotta be embarrassing. 
Anyway, good luck G. Addiction is fucking tough. Been losing people to opes left and right these days. I'd be pretty butthurt if you died for them too. Please be careful.
Man, she surpassed the embarrassing window a long time ago. It's flat out humiliation of the 9th degree.
I'm going to meet you and your fiancee pretty soon btw. Let's try and steer clear of the opiates LOL
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Konyap]
#21927843 - 07/11/15 08:16 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Illyabo said: Is dope anything like sleep paralysis?
If I do a FAT shot, like a shot so fat I basically pass out instantaneously on the come-up, I do get sleep paralysis and sleep apnea. So many times I stopped breathing in my sleep for so long, I thought I was going to die dude. FML
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21927848 - 07/11/15 08:20 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said:
Quote:
Burke Dennings said: Did your mom call your dope dealer? That's gotta be embarrassing. 
Anyway, good luck G. Addiction is fucking tough. Been losing people to opes left and right these days. I'd be pretty butthurt if you died for them too. Please be careful.
Man, she surpassed the embarrassing window a long time ago. It's flat out humiliation of the 9th degree.
I'm going to meet you and your fiancee pretty soon btw. Let's try and steer clear of the opiates LOL
I like your mom's chutzpah. Clearly she's not a lady to be fucked with. to her.
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21927866 - 07/11/15 08:25 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I read 1 in 1000 people have tried dope now
street drugs are so shitty
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Konyap]
#21927873 - 07/11/15 08:27 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Im basically the same way with weed tho
It's my crutch to waste time during the day
I'll most likely end up swearing it off as my soul floats into the next life
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Konyap]
#21927879 - 07/11/15 08:29 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Well they took away the oc80s which at the least you knew what you were getting. Everyone just switched to heroin. And people are dieing left and right. People are going to use at least a pills a pill. Consistent.
I od'd doing my normal amount. Half a point. Woke up in an ambulance with ivs in my arms. Thats gonna cost me 6 grand but they'll never see a cent of that.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Konyap]
#21927908 - 07/11/15 08:39 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Illyabo said: Im basically the same way with weed tho
It's my crutch to waste time during the day
I'll most likely end up swearing it off as my soul floats into the next life
You can do that with video games or TV too. Opiates are way more dangerous though because they have a strong effect on the reward system in the brain. That other stuff mostly just staves off boredom for a while.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Enjoywho]
#21927926 - 07/11/15 08:43 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hey this is off topic here, but I had a thought the other day when I heard someone mention UncleLuke in OTD and looked him up. This thread just triggered that thought again...
How do you guys find out these people died? I get the, if someone has a friend that's also a Shroomerite word would get back, but surely not everyone whose died had a friend who was also a member. Nobody I've ever met even knows what the Shroomery is..
Not to be doom and gloom here but is the reality here that if all the "lone wolf RIP's" were accounted for that vet lounge thread would bump up to about 150 pages, in theory?
--------------------
Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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daz01
Learning


Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 8 hours, 44 minutes
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Amanita86]
#21927948 - 07/11/15 08:50 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I thought you were stable on Suboxone Crystal? What made you relapse?
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zZZz] 1
#21928039 - 07/11/15 09:14 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
zZZz said: life is sooooooooooo much better sober anyway
Yes it is. There are times I get really depressed, in the past I would have done a fat shot and felt great again, but that was just my feeble attempt at masking the issues in my life, which in turn just made them worse.
I have been able to work out so many things over the last couple of years of sobriety, it astounds me. I know I would not be able to do such things though without having fell in love with staying healthy. Stay fit gives me a purpose I guess you could say, where before heroin was that purpose, going to get the next fix, being down in the ghetto buying dope was a rush, I was addicted to the lifestyle just as much as the dope.
Don't give in CrystalG, you say you like to work out, so be the best goddamned fit chick this world has ever seen , fuck that garbage which is only going to pollute you and turn your relationships toxic. You're worth it.
Anyway, I wont tell anyone to change their lifestyle because I know J's will only do so when they really want to. I just hope nobody dies along the way, or gets severely hurt. I wish the best for ya Mrs. G.
Keep moving forward.
Love & Light
-------------------- ©️
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 9 hours, 40 minutes
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Lucis] 1
#21928252 - 07/11/15 10:24 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Crystal, you need some serious help. Like, more than serious. Every thread I read from you is either a borderline impossible story that started off with a bad or impulsive decision and it always seems to be fueled with unhealthy amounts of hard drugs.
If all the stories you wrote down throughout the years are true, you have cheated death too many times to keep up the lifestyle you chose. One day you just won't wake up and it'll be over. Another lost soul eaten anyway by drugs.
So what is it? Do you hate yourself? Do you have esteem issues? Unresolved issues from your childhood?
At some point rehab only helps so much, you need to find the cause of your self destructive behavior and come to terms with it. Therapy, psychiatrists, psychologist, find what works for you.
Maybe this lifestyle of yours is 100% voluntary; if so, you have the full right to live like this, but are you happy?
Kudos on working out so much though, I don't know how you can muster the motivation to do that, but that's a healthy habit (if no steroids are included of course). Use that as an anchor and build on it.
Get well soon
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21928255 - 07/11/15 10:26 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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crystal how come u keep calling ur husband ur bf? did u guys get a divorce but stay together non-maritally
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Patlal] 1
#21928292 - 07/11/15 10:42 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Some of us are just self destructive by nature. I'm the same way. I always find a way to turn a good situation into something bad. I grew up with chaos so its hard to do anything else.
Any time something is going too well i have to fuck it up. I have a lot of regrets over it and I would be a lot better off if i hadn't. But i did it anyway and some bridges cannot be unburned. And all i feel 5 minutes later is regret. Why the fuck did i do that. Some people are just like that.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
Edited by Enjoywho (07/11/15 10:43 AM)
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21928319 - 07/11/15 10:50 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Caught by who? Also, you are a dumbass. There are a lot of people who can be weekend warriors. You are not one of them. Accept it.
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daz01
Learning


Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 8 hours, 44 minutes
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21928335 - 07/11/15 10:55 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
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HuskyHonkey
Novice



Registered: 02/26/15
Posts: 64
Loc: Sol III
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21928361 - 07/11/15 11:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Krazent said:
Quote:
HuskyHonkey said: Have you tried DXM? I've heard that it helps curb cravings for opiates.
This could work, but it's definitely a bad idea. Could possibly start a new addiction and it's really bad for you in the first place.
It is pretty hard on your liver, but if you only take first or (more preferably) second plateau doses infrequently you should be fine. Now, I may know little about opiate addiction, but DXM is the reason I quit smoking (both cigarettes and weed). It is true that it could start a new addiction, but IME the cravings have never been worse than that of smoking a cig and usually are nonexistent. I don't speak from experience, but I imagine cravings for heroin are a lot more intense than those for a cig.
Please give these a look: Hindawi - DXM Erowid - DXM Bluelight - DXM
@OP: All that being said, the best thing you can do is stay sober. Find a hobby that makes you feel good. Maybe try and help others in need. The long term effects of helping others outweigh the short term effects of any drug, IMO. Stay safe.
-------------------- "Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream, it is not dying." _______Tomorrow Never Knows, The Beatles_______ ____| |:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:| |:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:| |____ |-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-|
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Hayoxp
Enlil sucks cock


Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 812
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: HuskyHonkey]
#21928438 - 07/11/15 11:25 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Yeah, DXM somehow destroyed my craving for cigarettes completely and reduced my interest in drugs in general. You can't really be addicted to DXM because the trips build a lot of tolerance. The 2nd plateau (300-400mg) with cannabis is like the reset button I'd say.
If you do happen to use DXM with cannabis at those doses then it is always best to do it at night in the dark and just lay there and listen to music. I was blown away by my first 450 mg+ cannabis, like I couldn't tell if I was in my body anymore. I was on another planet flying through stuff while having psychedelic headspace.
DXM has a soft spot in my heart but I can't do it anymore, it had its use.
-------------------- Enlil is trash, needs to end himself.
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21928831 - 07/11/15 01:07 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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rackem



Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21929080 - 07/11/15 02:22 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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crystal, its quite nice not going balls to the wall all the time. it can be quite relaxing.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE



Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21929091 - 07/11/15 02:25 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: Also whatever happened to Teragon? That guy was a genius chemist. Last I talked to him he was making oxymorphone with a home lab he built together himself. I'm guessing he either got busted or he died.
That guy sounds badass
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 1
#21929117 - 07/11/15 02:33 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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You relapsed because of the stress of your parents fighting with you and kicking you out. It's easy to stay sober when everything is going good. The hard part is staying sober when everything is going bad. That's the real trick, learning to not use even when everything in life seems to be going to shit and you feel that you have no reason not to.
I say this because in your first post, you were like "I relapsed for no reason." This isn't the case. You clearly relapsed due to stress involving the fight with your parents and getting kicked out. If you can understand that you relapse when you're under stress/your life is going to shit, then you can start to work on that.
Good luck, and remember: it's also important what you do after a relapse. Get back on that sober train. You're not a bad person, you just have an addiction.
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: nooneman]
#21929142 - 07/11/15 02:40 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
nooneman said: You're not a bad person, you just have an addiction.

I wish more addicts realized this.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Acaterpillar]
#21929150 - 07/11/15 02:44 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Acaterpillar said:
Quote:
nooneman said: You're not a bad person, you just have an addiction.

I wish more addicts realized this.
try to get away from that stuff
if its your *devil* then I wouldn't go near it
My devil is *benzos* I will not have more than 10mg in pill form ever again of any benzo If I do, ill turn into a benzo devil
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        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 1
#21929153 - 07/11/15 02:44 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said:
Quote:
Burke Dennings said: Did your mom call your dope dealer? That's gotta be embarrassing. 
Anyway, good luck G. Addiction is fucking tough. Been losing people to opes left and right these days. I'd be pretty butthurt if you died for them too. Please be careful.
Man, she surpassed the embarrassing window a long time ago. It's flat out humiliation of the 9th degree.
clearly she hasnt done enough to humiliate you, you keep going back to the shit that has her worried so much, the shit that will possibly land you on the list of departed shroomerites
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: SunnyD]
#21929158 - 07/11/15 02:45 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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No more than 10mg's of any benzo? Certain benzo's will have you blacked out at 5 mg's....
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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Sham87
mashAllah


Registered: 05/16/11
Posts: 9,818
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21929177 - 07/11/15 02:49 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Know how that feels bro Always chasing something you can't reach.
Show your loved ones this your original post, they might be able to understand even though I highly doubt it.
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Acaterpillar]
#21929179 - 07/11/15 02:49 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Acaterpillar said: No more than 10mg's of any benzo? Certain benzo's will have you blacked out at 5 mg's....
I understand that, I think there useful if used corrrectly
but whenever I had only a little I never binged, Its when I had a lot, is when I turned into something else
but I will not be having any for a long while, they are truly devilish to me, and completely change me
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        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: SunnyD]
#21929188 - 07/11/15 02:52 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Me too, I flushed all my benzos down D toilet.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Amanita86]
#21929193 - 07/11/15 02:54 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Amanita86 said: Me too, I flushed all my benzos down D toilet.
They truly are D devilish drugs D devil 

seriously though
how they take you away in that state of mind... its like the saddest thing ive seen when it comes to drug abuse, where your just a malfunctioning biological machine
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        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
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Loc: 'straya
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: HuskyHonkey]
#21930475 - 07/11/15 07:33 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
HuskyHonkey said:
Quote:
Krazent said:
Quote:
HuskyHonkey said: Have you tried DXM? I've heard that it helps curb cravings for opiates.
This could work, but it's definitely a bad idea. Could possibly start a new addiction and it's really bad for you in the first place.
It is pretty hard on your liver, but if you only take first or (more preferably) second plateau doses infrequently you should be fine. Now, I may know little about opiate addiction, but DXM is the reason I quit smoking (both cigarettes and weed). It is true that it could start a new addiction, but IME the cravings have never been worse than that of smoking a cig and usually are nonexistent. I don't speak from experience, but I imagine cravings for heroin are a lot more intense than those for a cig.
Please give these a look: Hindawi - DXM Erowid - DXM Bluelight - DXM
@OP: All that being said, the best thing you can do is stay sober. Find a hobby that makes you feel good. Maybe try and help others in need. The long term effects of helping others outweigh the short term effects of any drug, IMO. Stay safe. 
This is true, but for some people raising your blood pressure that high really isn't good. I will still take DXM now and then, i love it! But it's hard to say it's good for you It definitely has it's benefits. As long as your careful and don't have any heart problems, taking it infrequently like you said shouldn't be too bad
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21930484 - 07/11/15 07:35 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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OP do you play any instruments? Guitar? Always helps me when I need to, to just plug my guitar into my amp, fiddle around with the effects, and jam the fuck along to music... Really gets your mind off things
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21930490 - 07/11/15 07:36 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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She is an extremely accomplished pianist. I've seen video.
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21930504 - 07/11/15 07:39 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Piano is great fun to play too Hope you keep that up OP, really.
I'm quite curious, is that video around anywhere?
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21930539 - 07/11/15 07:48 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I believe she did post it here once. I originally saw it on her facebook page. I'll see if I can find it.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21930545 - 07/11/15 07:50 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21930549 - 07/11/15 07:51 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thanks
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21930566 - 07/11/15 07:54 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Play it. She's really good.
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21930574 - 07/11/15 07:56 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Wow... Far, far, far better than i ever was. She's got some serious skills
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21930585 - 07/11/15 07:59 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Yes she does. That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up. She has so much going for her. She could do anything and she chooses death.
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21930601 - 07/11/15 08:04 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I'm sure she knows why she's doing this to herself, wether it's because it's just the easy way out, it's still her lifestyle and the choice is entirely up to her and no one could change that but herself. I hope she figures something out before it's too late though, even just having that amount of musical talent really is something to live for, seriously.
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HuskyHonkey
Novice



Registered: 02/26/15
Posts: 64
Loc: Sol III
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21930603 - 07/11/15 08:04 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
zappaisgod said: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/19720492#19720492
FTL fingers! O_O That must have taken a lot of practice.
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: HuskyHonkey]
#21930607 - 07/11/15 08:05 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Probably A LOT of years
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Krazent]
#21930632 - 07/11/15 08:09 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Krazent said: I'm sure she knows why she's doing this to herself, wether it's because it's just the easy way out, it's still her lifestyle and the choice is entirely up to her and no one could change that but herself. I hope she figures something out before it's too late though, even just having that amount of musical talent really is something to live for, seriously.
She and I are friends. It isn't just the music. She is smart as fuck. Funny and fun. There is a hole somewhere that she thinks she needs to fill with heroin. It saddens me a great deal that she fucked up Philly. It was a pretty good gig.
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod] 2
#21930658 - 07/11/15 08:13 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
zappaisgod said: Yes she does. That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up. She has so much going for her. She could do anything and she chooses death.
I like crystal G
And honestly wasted potential is a very sad thing
Crystal you gotta get out of that habit
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        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21930665 - 07/11/15 08:14 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Yes definitely, I see what you mean.. Everyone has a reason to live wether they think it or not. It's just the thinking part that can be quite tricky. Thinking you don't will only bring you down further vise-versa goes for thinking you do have something to live for will only bring you up.
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
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Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod] 1
#21930681 - 07/11/15 08:18 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
zappaisgod said: Yes she does. That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up. She has so much going for her. She could do anything and she chooses death.
she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit
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Krazent
Mystic



Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
Loc: 'straya
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Prisoner#1]
#21930696 - 07/11/15 08:23 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Boredom is a fucking hell of an emotion
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Prisoner#1]
#21930724 - 07/11/15 08:30 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:
zappaisgod said: Yes she does. That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up. She has so much going for her. She could do anything and she chooses death.
she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit
Do you think she gets bored because she is so smart? I can definitely see that happening to some people.
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod] 1
#21931969 - 07/12/15 02:57 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Update: My boyfriend and I talked things over. We had a long talk, actually.
He said that he would always love me and support me unconditionally and be there for me regardless of whether I can stop using or not. I had never experienced this type of reaction to my drug use. Usually with all my loved ones, I've always only encountered the typical AA/NA "tough love" adage of "sober up or get the hell out," which really only ended up fueling and deepening my drug addiction even worse than ever before.
He even said that if things are really bad with my parents, I am free to move in with him back in Philadelphia. He said that he accepts me moving back, even if I cannot stay sober and continue to stay strung out on dope, because he loves me and does not want to abandon me.
I cried hearing this, quite a lot in fact, but they were happy tears. Because hearing that kind of response made me feel something I've never felt before. I've just never had anybody react that way to my addiction with such acceptance before. And for the first time, hearing that gave me true determination and motivation to turn my life around.
Johann Hari was right when he wrote this in his "cause of addiction" article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html
Quote:
Loving an addict is really hard. When I looked at the addicts I love, it was always tempting to follow the tough love advice doled out by reality shows like Intervention -- tell the addict to shape up, or cut them off. Their message is that an addict who won't stop should be shunned. It's the logic of the drug war, imported into our private lives. But in fact, I learned, that will only deepen their addiction -- and you may lose them altogether. I came home determined to tie the addicts in my life closer to me than ever -- to let them know I love them unconditionally, whether they stop, or whether they can't.
When I returned from my long journey, I looked at my ex-boyfriend, in withdrawal, trembling on my spare bed, and I thought about him differently. For a century now, we have been singing war songs about addicts. It occurred to me as I wiped his brow, we should have been singing love songs to them all along.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html
So…. I've decided I'm going to take some steps to get better. I told him that the truth is, I am not ready to delete any of my dealer's contacts right now. Because even though I don't intend to score drugs, the simple fact that I have these contacts at my disposal makes me feel better. It's sort of a comfort blanket for me, knowing that if everything DOES fall apart and everybody I know leaves me in my life, I will always have drugs to fall back on. It gives me comfort knowing that I will always have those numbers at my disposal.
BUT, I intend on taking different steps to clean my act up together. And to do that, I have decided to start by setting up a new bank account in my name and transferring all my savings over there. I'm going to let my parents set up the password so that I can't withdraw any money out. This way, whenever I have any cravings, I will not be able to make any "impulse buys" like I always do that manages to screw everything up. This way, I can actually save money over the course of the next 6 months, and then we'll decide whether I should move back to Philly or my boyfriend's going to move to Cali.
Edited by Crystal G (07/12/15 03:06 AM)
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
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Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] 1
#21932007 - 07/12/15 03:33 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I'm happy to hear you found someone who supports you in your darkest times. No matter how you met him, that sounds like a truly genuine relationship. Hoping the best for you regardless of what path you choose.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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highasfuk


Registered: 06/01/15
Posts: 349
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Acaterpillar]
#21932029 - 07/12/15 03:51 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I hope the best for you, if you truly want to beat your addiction you can. But even the smallest thought of self doubt or lie can and will take away everything that you work for. I am going through the same thing as you right now, I just don't want it bad enough. I always seem to be content with cutting down my use to the point where I can still have a life and not be a useless junkie. Now I'm just a junkie with a job and my own place to live and a pretty decent life. Maybe someday I'll quit all the way
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Atreyu
Never Ending


Registered: 03/18/14
Posts: 4,083
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21932127 - 07/12/15 04:50 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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There was a story recently about a FBI agent who got in trouble for using his privileges to feed his addiction to heroin. Of course he got off light, I then go to read a story about a Veteran who is facing Life in jail for growing cannabis to treat his PTSD..
Fuck - my point is a lot of people are high functioning addicts, but you're still walking a fine line brinking on disaster.
I followed your posts for awhile now, you are celebrity around here, I hope you pull through and find it in you to grow past the dope.
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つ ◕_◕ ༽つ N = R* • fp • ne • fl • fi • fc • L
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21932367 - 07/12/15 07:24 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said:
Quote:
Mr.GuessWork said:
I like your mom's chutzpah. Clearly she's not a lady to be fucked with. to her.
No she is definitely not a woman to be fucked with. She ain't afraid of anything, which is where I get part of my personality from.
But man I could tell you so many fucked up stories. She has even called my dealers before and threatened to call the cops on them. I was like "don't do that ma, they're gunna hunt u down and kill u!"
She was like "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. LET THE COME HERE AND KILL ME." 
She has threatened to kill me so many times in a murder - suicide rampage too, and the ONLY reason I truly believe she hasn't gone through with it was because I have other siblings.
She's called the cops on me dozens of times too, and no joke she has sounds just like this on the phone 
Haha, It's all there. It's a domineering, raging, guilt trip with real fear of bodily harm. If I ever met your mom I would have to make sure that she thought I was the pinnacle of responsibility and respect, because the only other option would be running away and hiding. You should buy her some chocolates or something to butter her up a bit. Maybe even thank her for trying to watch your back (It'll hurt, but it might lessen the anger from her... maaayyybe.). And I doubt any dealer would have the balls to fuck with your mom. They'd need huge coconut balls to even consider it.
EDIT: I'm glad to hear about your update. I always liked posting with you, and I'd be pissed at the world if you wasted away into something that I'd have to hate. It put a deep smile on my face to see that you're finding ways to get a good foothold in this fight. I know it's still flighty, but I'm glad you're winning. Give it hell for me too.
Edited by Mr.GuessWork (07/12/15 07:32 AM)
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21932389 - 07/12/15 07:41 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Confucian
...


Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Prisoner#1]
#21932414 - 07/12/15 07:54 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:
zappaisgod said: Yes she does. That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up. She has so much going for her. She could do anything and she chooses death.
she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit
Ambitious when it comes to scoring dope or exercising. I don't think she is ambitious when it comes to her education or employment, but correct me if I am wrong.
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Confucian
...


Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
#21932448 - 07/12/15 08:11 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I think you have mental problems. I agree you are pretty ambitious in certain areas, like working out (although it is fueled by drugs), and scoring dope.
It's almost like you are proud of ¨how crazy you are¨, and you want the world to know. Like you would rather live a shitty life (¨but I was crazy, I was a legend¨) instead of a decent high chance of success but sober life.
There is something wrong with a lot of your tell all threads. Most girls would be deeply ashamed to post about how they are gonna go to an orgy, but they're gonna have to load up on drugs first, because when they get a train ran on them they don't want to be in pain from all the vaginal penetration.
You are a high functioning drug addict (with mental problems) approaching your 30s, when life starts to get a lot harder and more depressing if you don't have your shit together.
If I were you I'd see a therapist so they can diagnose you properly, either tell him or her some of your insane stories, or just print out a couple of your ¨legendary¨ threads.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
#21932575 - 07/12/15 09:03 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Confucian said:
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Prisoner#1 said:
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zappaisgod said: Yes she does. That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up. She has so much going for her. She could do anything and she chooses death.
she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit
Ambitious when it comes to scoring dope or exercising. I don't think she is ambitious when it comes to her education or employment, but correct me if I am wrong.
You're only focusing on the stuff about her that's been sensationalized. She has opinions on other issues besides the ones you mentioned, and she often makes strong, organised, well-informed arguments about those issues (I don't say this lightly). She's not stupid or uneducated. I can honestly say I've learned stuff from her posts that I never would have picked up anywhere else. If anything, she has an inflated drive to be successful (an influence from tiger-mom style parenting, I suspect), but she does seem to have gotten value out of that drive.
The stupid choices she's made do not reflect her general intelligence or education. People from all walks of life make bad decisions without realizing it, and it can take some pretty specialized knowledge and understanding to avoid/escape some of the trickier traps in life when your living circumstances don't automatically protect you from those traps. Some people are privileged that way, and some aren't. It's not an innate thing. Don't let your biases cloud your judgement. We could all get stuck in the same situation under the right history and circumstances. It's better and vastly more useful to try to really understand how this shit happens than it is to create some bogus mythology about how it only happens to idiots who deserve it. An explanation should help solve or prevent the problem. The bogus mythology simply makes us more comfortable with the problem's existence by letting us pretend we understand it. Real intelligence can acknowledge it's own ignorance.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21932636 - 07/12/15 09:30 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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She had a pretty nice gig in Philly. Real work, solid pay. She fucked it up because of the dope and talking too much.
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Confucian
...


Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21932640 - 07/12/15 09:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Mr.GuessWork said:
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Confucian said:
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Prisoner#1 said:
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zappaisgod said: Yes she does. That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up. She has so much going for her. She could do anything and she chooses death.
she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit
Ambitious when it comes to scoring dope or exercising. I don't think she is ambitious when it comes to her education or employment, but correct me if I am wrong.
You're only focusing on the stuff about her that's been sensationalized. She has opinions on other issues besides the ones you mentioned, and she often makes strong, organised, well-informed arguments about those issues (I don't say this lightly). She's not stupid or uneducated.
I agree that she is intelligent, can organize her thoughts well, and she is a fine writer, with a lot of potential.
But ambition doesn't have to do with any of those things.
Ambition is when you have a burning desire to succeed, you go above and beyond, nothing will stop you, you are totally determined and failure will not be an option.
She doesn't have that - not a lot of people do.
She is, however, extremely ambitious when it comes to physical fitness and scoring dope.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
#21932660 - 07/12/15 09:42 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Also music. She was practicing for a serious recital. I don't know about the scoring dope ambition. Apparently it was pretty easy and didn't take much effort.
I'll say it again, she had a pretty good job there. She blew it by getting high but also by opening her mouth too much.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
#21932663 - 07/12/15 09:43 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Confucian said:
... too many nested quotes ...
I agree that she is intelligent, can organize her thoughts well, and she is a fine writer, with a lot of potential.
But ambition doesn't have to do with any of those things.
Ambition is when you have a burning desire to succeed, you go above and beyond, nothing will stop you, you are totally determined and failure will not be an option.
She doesn't have that - not a lot of people do.
She is, however, extremely ambitious when it comes to physical fitness and scoring dope.
Haha, Ya. I see where you're coming from at least. Ambition is a fleeting thing at the best of times for all of us though. I overshoot and undershoot with it all the time. I try to leave it in my bag of tricks until the show starts, but I often find myself trying to stuff it back into the bag to avoid shooting myself in the foot. Hell, lots of CrystalG's problems probably stem from being overambitious.
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
#21932690 - 07/12/15 09:55 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I've had plenty of good gigs. Part of the reason I don't see any problem in fucking up is because I know I have a good resume, even if I fuck up I'll be able to find another job within a month easily. I found my current job within a week of actively searching. I'm done working corporate office jobs for a while though man.
there's only one thing that I wish to do, and that is to open my own sober living house one day. I feel most comfortable around other addicts, and I would love to live in a house full of them. No joke.
It would be cool as shit cause I could offer workout therapy and cooking therapy as part of my programs.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21932706 - 07/12/15 10:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: there's only one thing that I wish to do, and that is to open my own sober living house one day. I feel most comfortable around other addicts, and I would love to live in a house full of them. No joke.
Me too, if you are ever serious about doing that let me know, I would love to help addicts for a living, maybe we could work something out IDK.
Seriously.
-------------------- ©️
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21932813 - 07/12/15 10:36 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
zappaisgod said: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/19720492#19720492
Well she just put me to shame... by far..
That's on par with the last vid you posted Crystal, and that's saying something
--------------------
Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21932821 - 07/12/15 10:37 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: I've had plenty of good gigs. Part of the reason I don't see any problem in fucking up is because I know I have a good resume, even if I fuck up I'll be able to find another job within a month easily. I found my current job within a week of actively searching. I'm done working corporate office jobs for a while though man.
there's only one thing that I wish to do, and that is to open my own sober living house one day. I feel most comfortable around other addicts, and I would love to live in a house full of them. No joke.
It would be cool as shit cause I could offer workout therapy and cooking therapy as part of my programs. 
Ya, a soul crushing corporate job would probably be a particularly bad choice for you right now. Just thinking about working one of those jobs makes me fantasize about burning down significant portions of the east coast. The sober living house is a kinda cool idea, but you should probably get a better handle on your own addiction first. I like the ambition .
EDIT: I messed up the quote tags.
Edited by Mr.GuessWork (07/12/15 10:50 AM)
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Amanita86]
#21932861 - 07/12/15 10:48 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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The girl can definitely play
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Confucian
...


Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
#21933326 - 07/12/15 12:31 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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There is a big market for Asian pornstars on chaturbate.com
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daz01
Learning


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Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 8 hours, 44 minutes
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
#21933346 - 07/12/15 12:36 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Confucian said: There is a big market for Asian pornstars on chaturbate.com 
I would not be surprised if CG was a whore. How the hell does she afford her lavish, crazy-ass drug fueled lifestyle!?
-------------------- Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.
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SunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe



Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: daz01]
#21933414 - 07/12/15 12:51 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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By having drive and ambition By living
But like every single thing i ever encountered in this *life* she isnt perfect
she has been sucked into addiction over n over
I think alot of good people have But i have hope she can still pull through and shine 
I got ky own set of problems atm Albeit the drugs i abuse are just weed mxe n kratom its stilldependance
Mainly i feel its from my lack of social life atm I have 0 people in my life atm that i can have a heart to heart physically When you are filled with love and crave soical aspects that most people dont get down with (as in it takes that pure speacial truthful person) i know a few but they aint in my immediate physical life atm
Alas it is all my fault in the end Al th ought im still improving and im not going down hill
I still have weaknesses so does CG so does zappa burke etc etc
everyone and everything has a weakness Some people need a hug a word a smile a face a embrace etc etc etc
some People cant help themselves and some can
But OP has alot of potential and i hope she gets out of that endless sad n confused cycle 
 excuse my sad emotion filled rant im going through alittle rough patch soically atm this and a few people on this site that i talk to daily is all i have in that department
I wanna do nothing but improve myself and the world around me I hope my words hav positively impacted anyone of you 
please be safe
--------------------
        And to everyone who thinks life is just a game, Do you like the part you are playing? This is the time in life I am living! And I face each day with a smile My music Library of Synthesizer goodness
Edited by SunnyD (07/12/15 01:00 PM)
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Eggtimer
HotSauce Lover

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Posts: 3,097
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21933810 - 07/12/15 02:51 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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There are no people only I's. Realize what life is and that you are life and dope will seem less appealing.
-------------------- It's all for the s
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DiscoBiscuitsTrip


Registered: 06/05/10
Posts: 1,422
Loc: FL
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Eggtimer]
#21933835 - 07/12/15 02:56 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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This is why you don't do heroin, your guna be a junkie forever even if your clean its always something your guna have to fight.
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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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heroin is addikted to heroin
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Trichome_Delta9


Registered: 12/30/14
Posts: 1,969
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Konyap]
#21934233 - 07/12/15 04:36 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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when you become addicted to something it is for the rest of your life but that does not mean you have to use the rest of your life.
you can stay clean for the rest of your life and in your mind there will be something that wants you to be high on said substance.
it will get easier with time but it will be something that is a part of you.
I hope things work out and you stay clean.
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
Loc: Down the rabbit hole
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Quote:
Trichome_Delta9 said: when you become addicted to something it is for the rest of your life but that does not mean you have to use the rest of your life.
I know you have good sentiments, but this is bullshit. Sure, for some people they will always have serious cravings for most of their life; but that is the exception. It took me two years two stop craving heroin, but now I could be around it and have no genuine desire to use it again. Addiction hard wires your brain to want something, but you can just as easily rewire your brain to not want it.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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Trichome_Delta9


Registered: 12/30/14
Posts: 1,969
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Acaterpillar]
#21934303 - 07/12/15 04:52 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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i think even if someone can consciously do that the fight will always be there subconsciously though.
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
Loc: Down the rabbit hole
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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I tried it for the first time in a while not that long ago and it was disgusting to me. The effects felt alright, but it had totally lost it's appeal. Tastes gross as hell, and afterwards I felt like total shit.
Maybe I'm the exception? 
Seems like I see the same thing happen with cigarettes for a lot of people. I know several people who used to smoke a pack a day that can't even tolerate the smell of second hand smoke now.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian] 2
#21934579 - 07/12/15 06:18 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Confucian said:
Quote:
Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:
zappaisgod said: Yes she does. That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up. She has so much going for her. She could do anything and she chooses death.
she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit
Ambitious when it comes to scoring dope or exercising. I don't think she is ambitious when it comes to her education or employment, but correct me if I am wrong.
consider yourself corrected
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Prisoner#1] 1
#21934593 - 07/12/15 06:25 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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yup, as far as i can tell, she's a bright individual
ur def way above the dope crytalG
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Trichome_Delta9


Registered: 12/30/14
Posts: 1,969
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Acaterpillar]
#21934618 - 07/12/15 06:33 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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trying a drug once and having a drug addiction are different things.
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Ahab McBathsalts
OTD Windmill Administrator




Registered: 11/25/02
Posts: 35,109
Loc: Wind Turbine, AB
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-------------------- "Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's going to die."
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MoxyOx
Grazin'

Registered: 10/08/10
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Loc:
Last seen: 1 month, 20 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zZZz]
#21935017 - 07/12/15 08:44 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
zZZz said: yup, as far as i can tell, she's a bright individual
ur def way above the dope crytalG
That doesn't cut it.
I had a lot of bright and intelligent friends that just threw it away because they were lazy.
Intelligence without hard work and diligence as useless.
-------------------- No one behind, no one ahead. The path the ancients cleared has closed. And the other path, everyone's path, easy and wide, goes nowhere. I am alone and find my way.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21935020 - 07/12/15 08:44 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: Update: My boyfriend and I talked things over. We had a long talk, actually.
He said that he would always love me and support me unconditionally and be there for me regardless of whether I can stop using or not. I had never experienced this type of reaction to my drug use. Usually with all my loved ones, I've always only encountered the typical AA/NA "tough love" adage of "sober up or get the hell out," which really only ended up fueling and deepening my drug addiction even worse than ever before.
He even said that if things are really bad with my parents, I am free to move in with him back in Philadelphia. He said that he accepts me moving back, even if I cannot stay sober and continue to stay strung out on dope, because he loves me and does not want to abandon me.
I cried hearing this, quite a lot in fact, but they were happy tears. Because hearing that kind of response made me feel something I've never felt before. I've just never had anybody react that way to my addiction with such acceptance before. And for the first time, hearing that gave me true determination and motivation to turn my life around.
Johann Hari was right when he wrote this in his "cause of addiction" article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html
Quote:
Loving an addict is really hard. When I looked at the addicts I love, it was always tempting to follow the tough love advice doled out by reality shows like Intervention -- tell the addict to shape up, or cut them off. Their message is that an addict who won't stop should be shunned. It's the logic of the drug war, imported into our private lives. But in fact, I learned, that will only deepen their addiction -- and you may lose them altogether. I came home determined to tie the addicts in my life closer to me than ever -- to let them know I love them unconditionally, whether they stop, or whether they can't.
When I returned from my long journey, I looked at my ex-boyfriend, in withdrawal, trembling on my spare bed, and I thought about him differently. For a century now, we have been singing war songs about addicts. It occurred to me as I wiped his brow, we should have been singing love songs to them all along.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html
So…. I've decided I'm going to take some steps to get better. I told him that the truth is, I am not ready to delete any of my dealer's contacts right now. Because even though I don't intend to score drugs, the simple fact that I have these contacts at my disposal makes me feel better. It's sort of a comfort blanket for me, knowing that if everything DOES fall apart and everybody I know leaves me in my life, I will always have drugs to fall back on. It gives me comfort knowing that I will always have those numbers at my disposal.
BUT, I intend on taking different steps to clean my act up together. And to do that, I have decided to start by setting up a new bank account in my name and transferring all my savings over there. I'm going to let my parents set up the password so that I can't withdraw any money out. This way, whenever I have any cravings, I will not be able to make any "impulse buys" like I always do that manages to screw everything up. This way, I can actually save money over the course of the next 6 months, and then we'll decide whether I should move back to Philly or my boyfriend's going to move to Cali.
Haha i told you it was a good article.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Enjoywho]
#21935028 - 07/12/15 08:47 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I read it months ago, like before I even went to rehab.
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21935091 - 07/12/15 09:04 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Oh 
Ya my sister randomly shared it with me bout a week ago. Lots of good thoughts in there. Hit the nail on the head.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Enjoywho]
#21935109 - 07/12/15 09:08 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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I was watching his TED talk today actually. Been following all his posts on Facebook for a while now
http://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong
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Enjoywho
Rags to Bitches



Registered: 07/06/09
Posts: 20,880
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21935113 - 07/12/15 09:08 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hmm ill check it out in a few.
-------------------- "I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "In the days of kings and queens I was a jester." "And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies "Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"
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Nova

Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 1,365
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21935348 - 07/12/15 10:13 PM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Why not just accept that opiates will always be apart of your life? Then from there just find the most stable route that will allow you to keep goin so you can live a full life. I think the answer is to get (or stay on) subs and just stay away from needles and full opiates.
Yeah sub doesnt have that bang that real opiates do BUT if you are an established opiate addict you will probably find that it will at least make you feel 'normal' where as sobriety just doesnt seem to work for many who spent years on dope.
Just accept like a diabetic has to accept that his body needs insulin that you need an opiate in you to feel normal and be stable in life.
Too many people come with that 'you gotta stay 100% clean (even if it means offing yourself)', well fuck that bullshit. If its not something like sub daily, it would potentially be anti-depressants+anti-psychotics+anti-anxiety cocktail every day. If opiates work why not go with an easy to get legal stabilizing (not too agonist-y aka addicting) and just have that be your insulin for the rest of your days.
Its not so bad but almost everybody will judge you because they dont understand or accept the whole thing but I think its just ignorant. They see maintenance as dope addict getting free dope so they can stay strung out- so they tell you not to do it.
Lilke I keep mentioning, you wouldnt go to a diabetic and tell them to just watch their diet and 'tough out' the glycemic spikes would you? No that would be a horrible/deadly way to live if there is a remedy. Same with dopers. Just stick with maintenance if you know its that or ending up dead or strung out on the streets.
You just gotta stay far far away from needles and full agonist opiates tho. It will be hard at first but after a while you will forget the high and only know the sub feeling. Then you wont feel tormented that you could have something better. You just accept the sub as your coffee or vitamins or somethin that keeps you going day to day.
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Srirachi
Mold Hand



Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 11,411
Loc: Fare Thee Well.
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Nova]
#21935995 - 07/13/15 03:17 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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You gotta love yourself first CG. Then you can get clean. Slow down, you go through life like you're running from yourself.
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Gorlax



Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 6,695
Last seen: 16 days, 21 hours
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
#21936002 - 07/13/15 03:25 AM (8 years, 6 months ago) |
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Your problem is that you always start off by saying you can manage everything you do in life and refuse to get help from people. That has always been a common trend in your threads. I honestly like you as a poster but I've watched you spiral from saying you barely use dope and can control it, to have unprotected orgies, then marrying some random guy you just met. I think you should listen to the person who birthed you.
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