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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod] * 1
    #21930681 - 07/11/15 08:18 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yes she does.  That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up.  She has so much going for her.  She could do anything and she chooses death.




she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit


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OfflineKrazent
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Registered: 07/16/14
Posts: 591
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Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #21930696 - 07/11/15 08:23 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Boredom is a fucking hell of an emotion


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #21930724 - 07/11/15 08:30 PM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yes she does.  That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up.  She has so much going for her.  She could do anything and she chooses death.




she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit





Do you think she gets bored because she is so smart?  I can definitely see that happening to some people.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod] * 1
    #21931969 - 07/12/15 02:57 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Update: My boyfriend and I talked things over. We had a long talk, actually.

He said that he would always love me and support me unconditionally and be there for me regardless of whether I can stop using or not. I had never experienced this type of reaction to my drug use. Usually with all my loved ones, I've always only encountered the typical AA/NA "tough love" adage of "sober up or get the hell out," which really only ended up fueling and deepening my drug addiction even worse than ever before.

He even said that if things are really bad with my parents, I am free to move in with him back in Philadelphia. He said that he accepts me moving back, even if I cannot stay sober and continue to stay strung out on dope, because he loves me and does not want to abandon me.

I cried hearing this, quite a lot in fact, but they were happy tears. Because hearing that kind of response made me feel something I've never felt before. I've just never had anybody react that way to my addiction with such acceptance before. And for the first time, hearing that gave me true determination and motivation to turn my life around.

Johann Hari was right when he wrote this in his "cause of addiction" article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html

Quote:

Loving an addict is really hard. When I looked at the addicts I love, it was always tempting to follow the tough love advice doled out by reality shows like Intervention -- tell the addict to shape up, or cut them off. Their message is that an addict who won't stop should be shunned. It's the logic of the drug war, imported into our private lives. But in fact, I learned, that will only deepen their addiction -- and you may lose them altogether. I came home determined to tie the addicts in my life closer to me than ever -- to let them know I love them unconditionally, whether they stop, or whether they can't.

When I returned from my long journey, I looked at my ex-boyfriend, in withdrawal, trembling on my spare bed, and I thought about him differently. For a century now, we have been singing war songs about addicts. It occurred to me as I wiped his brow, we should have been singing love songs to them all along.




http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html

So…. I've decided I'm going to take some steps to get better. I told him that the truth is, I am not ready to delete any of my dealer's contacts right now. Because even though I don't intend to score drugs, the simple fact that I have these contacts at my disposal makes me feel better. It's sort of a comfort blanket for me, knowing that if everything DOES fall apart and everybody I know leaves me in my life, I will always have drugs to fall back on. It gives me comfort knowing that I will always have those numbers at my disposal.

BUT, I intend on taking different steps to clean my act up together. And to do that, I have decided to start by setting up a new bank account in my name and transferring all my savings over there. I'm going to let my parents set up the password so that I can't withdraw any money out. This way, whenever I have any cravings, I will not be able to make any "impulse buys" like I always do that manages to screw everything up. This way, I can actually save money over the course of the next 6 months, and then we'll decide whether I should move back to Philly or my boyfriend's going to move to Cali.


Edited by Crystal G (07/12/15 03:06 AM)


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OfflineAcaterpillar
A little mad...
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Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #21932007 - 07/12/15 03:33 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I'm happy to hear you found someone who supports you in your darkest times.
No matter how you met him, that sounds like a truly genuine relationship.
Hoping the best for you regardless of what path you choose.
:hug:


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Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu..
*Cough* *Cough*
Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu...

At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.


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Invisiblehighasfuk
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Registered: 06/01/15
Posts: 349
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Acaterpillar]
    #21932029 - 07/12/15 03:51 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I hope the best for you, if you truly want to beat your addiction you can. But even the smallest thought of self doubt or lie can and will take away everything that you work for.
I am going through the same thing as you right now, I just don't want it bad enough. I always seem to be content with cutting down my use to the point where I can still have a life and not be a useless junkie. Now I'm just a junkie with a job and my own place to live and a pretty decent life. Maybe someday I'll quit all the way :confused:


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InvisibleAtreyu
Never Ending
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Registered: 03/18/14
Posts: 4,083
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
    #21932127 - 07/12/15 04:50 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

There was a story recently about a FBI agent who got in trouble for using his privileges to feed his addiction to heroin. Of course he got off light, I then go to read a story about a Veteran who is facing Life in jail for growing cannabis to treat his PTSD..


Fuck - my point is a lot of people are high functioning addicts, but you're still walking a fine line brinking on disaster.

I followed your posts for awhile now, you are celebrity around here, I hope you pull through and find it in you to grow past the dope.


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つ ◕_◕ ༽つ N = R* • fp • ne • fl • fi • fc • L 


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
Stranger
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Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
    #21932367 - 07/12/15 07:24 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Quote:

Mr.GuessWork said:

I like your mom's chutzpah. Clearly she's not a lady to be fucked with. :thumbup: to her.




No she is definitely not a woman to be fucked with. She ain't afraid of anything, which is where I get part of my personality from.

But man I could tell you so many fucked up stories. She has even called my dealers before and threatened to call the cops on them. I was like "don't do that ma, they're gunna hunt u down and kill u!"

She was like "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. LET THE COME HERE AND KILL ME."  :evildog: :evil:

She has threatened to kill me so many times in a murder - suicide rampage too, and the ONLY reason I truly believe she hasn't gone through with it was because I have other siblings.

She's called the cops on me dozens of times too, and no joke she has sounds just like this on the phone :lolsy:






Haha, It's all there. It's a domineering, raging, guilt trip with real fear of bodily harm. If I ever met your mom I would have to make sure that she thought I was the pinnacle of responsibility and respect, because the only other option would be running away and hiding. You should buy her some chocolates or something to butter her up a bit. Maybe even thank her for trying to watch your back (It'll hurt, but it might lessen the anger from her... maaayyybe.). And I doubt any dealer would have the balls to fuck with your mom. They'd need huge coconut balls to even consider it.


EDIT: I'm glad to hear about your update.  I always liked posting with you, and I'd be pissed at the world if you wasted away into something that I'd have to hate. It put a deep smile on my face to see that you're finding ways to get a good foothold in this fight. I know it's still flighty, but I'm glad you're winning. Give it hell for me too.:thumbup:


Edited by Mr.GuessWork (07/12/15 07:32 AM)


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
    #21932389 - 07/12/15 07:41 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)



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InvisibleConfucian
...
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Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA Flag
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #21932414 - 07/12/15 07:54 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yes she does.  That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up.  She has so much going for her.  She could do anything and she chooses death.




she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit




Ambitious when it comes to scoring dope or exercising. I don't think she is ambitious when it comes to her education or employment, but correct me if I am wrong.


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InvisibleConfucian
...
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Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA Flag
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
    #21932448 - 07/12/15 08:11 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I think you have mental problems. I agree you are pretty ambitious in certain areas, like working out (although it is fueled by drugs), and scoring dope.

It's almost like you are proud of ¨how crazy you are¨, and you want the world to know. Like you would rather live a shitty life (¨but I was crazy, I was a legend¨) instead of a decent high chance of success but sober life.

There is something wrong with a lot of your tell all threads. Most girls would be deeply ashamed to post about how they are gonna go to an orgy, but they're gonna have to load up on drugs first, because when they get a train ran on them they don't want to be in pain from all the vaginal penetration.

You are a high functioning drug addict (with mental problems) approaching your 30s, when life starts to get a lot harder and more depressing if you don't have your shit together.

If I were you I'd see a therapist so they can diagnose you properly, either tell him or her some of your insane stories, or just print out a couple of your ¨legendary¨ threads.


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
    #21932575 - 07/12/15 09:03 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Confucian said:
Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yes she does.  That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up.  She has so much going for her.  She could do anything and she chooses death.




she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit




Ambitious when it comes to scoring dope or exercising. I don't think she is ambitious when it comes to her education or employment, but correct me if I am wrong.




You're only focusing on the stuff about her that's been sensationalized. She has opinions on other issues besides the ones you mentioned, and she often makes strong, organised, well-informed arguments about those issues (I don't say this lightly). She's not stupid or uneducated. I can honestly say I've learned stuff from her posts that I never would have picked up anywhere else. If anything, she has an inflated drive to be successful (an influence from tiger-mom style parenting, I suspect), but she does seem to have gotten value out of that drive.

The stupid choices she's made do not reflect her general intelligence or education. People from all walks of life make bad decisions without realizing it, and it can take some pretty specialized knowledge and understanding to avoid/escape some of the trickier traps in life when your living circumstances don't automatically protect you from those traps. Some people are privileged that way, and some aren't. It's not an innate thing. Don't let your biases cloud your judgement. We could all get stuck in the same situation under the right history and circumstances. It's better and vastly more useful to try to really understand how this shit happens than it is to create some bogus mythology about how it only happens to idiots who deserve it. An explanation should help solve or prevent the problem. The bogus mythology simply makes us more comfortable with the problem's existence by letting us pretend we understand it. Real intelligence can acknowledge it's own ignorance.


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #21932636 - 07/12/15 09:30 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

She had a pretty nice gig in Philly.  Real work, solid pay.  She fucked it up because of the dope and talking too much.


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InvisibleConfucian
...
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Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 1,741
Loc: USA Flag
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #21932640 - 07/12/15 09:31 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Mr.GuessWork said:
Quote:

Confucian said:
Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
Quote:

zappaisgod said:
Yes she does.  That is just one of the reasons why I hate to hear about her fucking up.  She has so much going for her.  She could do anything and she chooses death.




she's such a bright girl, ambitious as hell but she's bored too easily which is what leads to this shit




Ambitious when it comes to scoring dope or exercising. I don't think she is ambitious when it comes to her education or employment, but correct me if I am wrong.




You're only focusing on the stuff about her that's been sensationalized. She has opinions on other issues besides the ones you mentioned, and she often makes strong, organised, well-informed arguments about those issues (I don't say this lightly). She's not stupid or uneducated.




I agree that she is intelligent, can organize her thoughts well, and she is a fine writer, with a lot of potential.

But ambition doesn't have to do with any of those things.

Ambition is when you have a burning desire to succeed, you go above and beyond, nothing will stop you, you are totally determined and failure will not be an option.

She doesn't have that - not a lot of people do.

She is, however, extremely ambitious when it comes to physical fitness and scoring dope.


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Offlinezappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
    #21932660 - 07/12/15 09:42 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Also music.  She was practicing for a serious recital.  I don't know about the scoring dope ambition.  Apparently it was pretty easy and didn't take much effort.

I'll say it again, she had a pretty good job there.  She blew it by getting high but also by opening her mouth too much.


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Confucian]
    #21932663 - 07/12/15 09:43 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Confucian said:

...
too many nested quotes
...



I agree that she is intelligent, can organize her thoughts well, and she is a fine writer, with a lot of potential.

But ambition doesn't have to do with any of those things.

Ambition is when you have a burning desire to succeed, you go above and beyond, nothing will stop you, you are totally determined and failure will not be an option.

She doesn't have that - not a lot of people do.

She is, however, extremely ambitious when it comes to physical fitness and scoring dope.




Haha, Ya. I see where you're coming from at least. Ambition is a fleeting thing at the best of times for all of us though. I overshoot and undershoot with it all the time. I try to leave it in my bag of tricks until the show starts, but I often find myself trying to stuff it back into the bag to avoid shooting myself in the foot. Hell, lots of CrystalG's problems probably stem from being overambitious.


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #21932690 - 07/12/15 09:55 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I've had plenty of good gigs. Part of the reason I don't see any problem in fucking up is because I know I have a good resume, even if I fuck up I'll be able to find another job within a month easily. I found my current job within a week of actively searching. I'm done working corporate office jobs for a while though man.

there's only one thing that I wish to do, and that is to open my own sober living house one day. I feel most comfortable around other addicts, and I would love to live in a house full of them. No joke.

It would be cool as shit cause I could offer workout therapy and cooking therapy as part of my programs. :awesome:


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
    #21932706 - 07/12/15 10:04 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
there's only one thing that I wish to do, and that is to open my own sober living house one day. I feel most comfortable around other addicts, and I would love to live in a house full of them. No joke.






Me too, if you are ever serious about doing that let me know, I would love to help addicts for a living, maybe we could work something out IDK.

Seriously.


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©️


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InvisibleAmanita86
OTD Keymaster
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: zappaisgod]
    #21932813 - 07/12/15 10:36 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

zappaisgod said:
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/19720492#19720492



Well she just put me to shame... by far..

That's on par with the last vid you posted Crystal, and that's saying something :wink:


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:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
    #21932821 - 07/12/15 10:37 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
I've had plenty of good gigs. Part of the reason I don't see any problem in fucking up is because I know I have a good resume, even if I fuck up I'll be able to find another job within a month easily. I found my current job within a week of actively searching. I'm done working corporate office jobs for a while though man.

there's only one thing that I wish to do, and that is to open my own sober living house one day. I feel most comfortable around other addicts, and I would love to live in a house full of them. No joke.

It would be cool as shit cause I could offer workout therapy and cooking therapy as part of my programs. :awesome:




Ya, a soul crushing corporate job would probably be a particularly bad choice for you right now. Just thinking about working one of those jobs makes me fantasize about burning down significant portions of the east coast. The sober living house is a kinda cool idea, but you should probably get a better handle on your own addiction first. I like the ambition :laugh:.

EDIT: I messed up the quote tags.


Edited by Mr.GuessWork (07/12/15 10:50 AM)


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