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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
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Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
I Got Caught Doing Dope Again
    #21926916 - 07/11/15 01:35 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

So y'all know I've been out of rehab since March… I managed to stay clean for almost 3 months.

Like 4 weeks ago, I had a huge fight with my parents, they kicked me out with no warning, I was like FUCK MY LIFE and ended up getting drunk ad then thought it was a good idea to go cop dope that day from a guy that I met outside 7-11 a few months earlier. Don't ask me about details about the fight, it's not important.

After that one time, I managed to stay clean for a couple of weeks… then I started contacting the same guy, and one of my old rehab friends (who recently relapsed and is dating a drug dealer), and in the past 2 weeks I've copped dope exactly 4 times after that. Well 3 times it was dope, and 1 time I managed to get powder China.

Anyway, I fucking got caught, the whole thing blew up in my face. It all started when I did a shot of dope so fat, that I immediately nodded off and dropped my sack of dope and couldn't find it for the life of me. I spent fucking 3 days looking for that shit, I thought I lost it for good. Well, it turned up somewhere, my fucking mom found it, and demanded to know what it was, and I lied and said that it was hash.

My boyfriend and my parents noticed that I had been acting and sounding out of it, and they started going through my purse and found syringes, and started investigating my phone activity and even fucking called the phone numbers that I had been dialing. I knew I was busted when they called the numbers and found my works, and had to confess that I started using dope sporadically again.

I have no idea why I relapsed and started using again. Luckily I managed to get things under control this time before things spiraled out of hand this time again.

Question time. Why can't I stop using? Will I always be like this for the rest of my life?

Sometimes I think life is too hard, and it's just so much easier to end it all. I fucking wish I had the balls to take a shot fat enough to overdose and kill myself I really do. Why don't I have the fucking balls man, WHYYYYYY??!?!? :bored:


Edited by Crystal G (07/11/15 01:45 AM)


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InvisibleI_was_the_walrus
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
    #21926929 - 07/11/15 01:37 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Wait is this the same junkie in philly you met on the street and decided to marry after he brought you to an orgy? Or is this another boyfriend?


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
    #21926932 - 07/11/15 01:38 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I_was_the_walrus said:
Wait is this the same junkie in philly you met on the street and decided to marry after he brought you to an orgy? Or is this another boyfriend?




Same guy lol


Edited by Crystal G (07/11/15 02:59 AM)


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #21926936 - 07/11/15 01:39 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

It took me leaving my home Alaska. Ita been 2 years now but i have used a couple times. I just became an alcoholic :shrug:

Your an addict as am i. I wish i had the answer to that question but i dont really know myself.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
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Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] * 2
    #21926942 - 07/11/15 01:39 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

life is sooooooooooo much better sober anyway

u know this

i know this

we all know dis..

get well soon holmes


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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InvisibleI_was_the_walrus
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] * 2
    #21926944 - 07/11/15 01:40 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Also! My 2 cents

I say live and let live. I couldnt give less fucks about somebodys lifestyle. BUT! If you feel guilty about your own lifestyle, that typically means youre not happy and want to change. You cant defend your lifestyle and hate it at the same time. Its a battle you will not win.


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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] * 2
    #21926954 - 07/11/15 01:42 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Question time. Why can't I stop using? Will I always be like this for the rest of my life?

Sometimes I think life is too hard, and it's just so much easier to end it all.





and that sunshine is why you use it... because it's easy


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InvisibleAtreyu
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Registered: 03/18/14
Posts: 4,083
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
    #21926960 - 07/11/15 01:43 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)



--------------------


つ ◕_◕ ༽つ N = R* • fp • ne • fl • fi • fc • L 


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OnlineShroomslip
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] * 1
    #21926973 - 07/11/15 01:46 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Question time. Why can't I stop using?



Welcome to being an addict. We all ask ourselves this.
Quote:

Crystal G said:
Will I always be like this for the rest of my life?



Depends on if you figure out the first question. I have no moral high ground, I'm an addict too, but I can sit here and point out the fact you simply lack the will to quit, that you use stress as an excuse to dive back into old habits, but it won't mean anything until you discover it on your own. Even then it's a toss up. For some that's enough to walk away, for others it's not. I've already answered the question and I still haven't quit. I do know however, there is no hope for staying sober as long as that first question remains unanswered.

But yes, in a general sense this will always be you. You're never going to not want it at least at some point in your life. You have to have the will power to rise above it and refuse it. Nothing is going to stop the wanting indefinitely or 100% of the time. You have to have the will power to say no. Easy enough in the good times of your life, much harder when you feel everything crumbling around you.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


Edited by Shroomslip (07/11/15 01:47 AM)


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InvisibleAtreyu
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Registered: 03/18/14
Posts: 4,083
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Atreyu]
    #21926977 - 07/11/15 01:47 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I love you C.

Hope you pull through but that shit is more real than I know.

You're better than that, Fuck dope.


--------------------


つ ◕_◕ ༽つ N = R* • fp • ne • fl • fi • fc • L 


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Offlinetwelvelookslikeu
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Registered: 06/27/06
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Atreyu] * 1
    #21927030 - 07/11/15 01:59 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I have seen some people get off that shit who I thought there was no hope for anymore. And it was them who made the decision. Try to gravitate towards the positives in life because its much easier to find confidence in yourself when your feeling positive.


--------------------


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InvisibleHuskyHonkey
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Registered: 02/26/15
Posts: 64
Loc: Sol III
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Atreyu]
    #21927037 - 07/11/15 02:01 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Have you tried DXM? I've heard that it helps curb cravings for opiates.


--------------------
"Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream, it is not dying."
_______Tomorrow Never Knows, The Beatles_______
____|:yinyang:|:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:|:brainondrugs:|:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:|:yinyang:|____
|-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-|


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Registered: 07/06/09
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: twelvelookslikeu]
    #21927043 - 07/11/15 02:02 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Ya in the end it was my decision but what really did it was moving to a new state. Exploring new things and meeting new people. Breaking the cycle of doing the same shit every day.

I have used a couple times since but its hard to even enjoy it and i just feel guilty. So i just dont bother anymore.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Enjoywho]
    #21927100 - 07/11/15 02:16 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Enjoywho said:
Ya in the end it was my decision but what really did it was moving to a new state. Exploring new things and meeting new people. Breaking the cycle of doing the same shit every day.

I have used a couple times since but its hard to even enjoy it and i just feel guilty. So i just dont bother anymore.




IDK man, my last relapse was right after I had moved to Philly, remember? Then again Philadelphia is THE dope hot-spot in northeast America, so that might have been a bad location for somebody with a dope habit to move to. :lol:

I need to stop shooting my opiates, that's what I need to do. Cause frankly, opiates aren't even good unless you shoot them. They fucking suck, actually. I remember snorting powder heroin and eating one of those original OC80's, and I was like, "Man…. this drug SUCKS!" :lolsy:


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InvisibleI_was_the_walrus
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G] * 2
    #21927158 - 07/11/15 02:32 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Just a heads up. There a RIP thread in the veterans lounge thats on about page 75. All dead shroomerites mainly due to opiates. Please please please dont let this be your fate.


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
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Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: I_was_the_walrus] * 1
    #21927166 - 07/11/15 02:34 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

that thread should be stickied on every sub forum on the shroomery


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
    #21927167 - 07/11/15 02:35 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Quote:

Enjoywho said:
Ya in the end it was my decision but what really did it was moving to a new state. Exploring new things and meeting new people. Breaking the cycle of doing the same shit every day.

I have used a couple times since but its hard to even enjoy it and i just feel guilty. So i just dont bother anymore.




IDK man, my last relapse was right after I had moved to Philly, remember? Then again Philadelphia is THE dope hot-spot in northeast America, so that might have been a bad location for somebody with a dope habit to move to. :lol:

I need to stop shooting my opiates, that's what I need to do. Cause frankly, opiates aren't even good unless you shoot them. They fucking suck, actually. I remember snorting powder heroin and eating one of those original OC80's, and I was like, "Man…. this drug SUCKS!" :lolsy:




Ya i live in a depressing drug town but i just dont feel like seeking it out. Lots of meth and heroin use. It's just sad.

I know all about the needle i won't do it any other way. I did some meth on the 4th with a buddy and he grabbed one of his room mates diabetes needles. I was like no man you dont understand its just wasting my time doing it any other way.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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OfflineMilkdudTitties
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Registered: 03/22/09
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: Crystal G]
    #21927209 - 07/11/15 02:50 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Enjoywho is right. Moving to a new area and creating new habits is the best way to stop. When you can't even cop, you have to stop anyways

Find a reason as to why you should stop. I bet you don't even enjoy it all that much anymore, its just like what you do now. What is the point in trying to constantly get a drug that just leaves you feeling shitty a few hours after.


When I was down deep, H only made me feel normal. And once it starting wearing off, paranoia, dread and anxiety about how to get my next dose would set in. My only emotions were anger and apathy.

Weed really helped me be able to see outside of the blanketing, warm hellish prison that I had retreated to inside my mind while using dope.


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OnlineShroomslip
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Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: MilkdudTitties]
    #21927212 - 07/11/15 02:52 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

I could be wrong, but didn't she pick up and move to a whole new part of the country not too long ago? Doesn't seem to of done much good.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: I Got Caught Doing Dope Again [Re: I_was_the_walrus]
    #21927224 - 07/11/15 02:56 AM (8 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I_was_the_walrus said:
Just a heads up. There a RIP thread in the veterans lounge thats on about page 75. All dead shroomerites mainly due to opiates. Please please please dont let this be your fate.




Yeah I've seen that thread. All of them dead from either opiates or benzo's. Sucks. Even Hanky one of my favorite members died… Every time I see this face :crankey: I always think of him.

Whatever happened to Merkin, Hanky's friend too? Did he die too? I haven't followed the RIP Thread in a while…

Also whatever happened to Teragon? That guy was a genius chemist. Last I talked to him he was making oxymorphone with a home lab he built together himself. I'm guessing he either got busted or he died.


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